What Scissors?

Weapons that couldn't be turned into Cursed Tools were worth a little less to Shinji.

It was like having two equally sharp swords: one could only cut people, while the other could cut people and also breathe fire and shoot lightning.

Which would you prefer?

(Hidan: "Well said! I'll take the one that only cuts people.")

Shinji had barely stepped outside with his freshly finished Bloody Triple-Bladed Scythe when a dark figure suddenly sprang out of the bushes beside him.

"Fuck! What the hell is that?!"

Startled into a reflexive response, Shinji raised his weapon and swung without thinking.

"Hey, you..."

Squelch!

Thunk!

The dark figure had barely gotten two words out before he was pinned to a nearby tree.

Only then did Shinji get a good look at him, and his eyes immediately widened.

"Hidan?!"

"Shinji, you bas-"

"Blargh!"

Hidan was just about to unleash a torrent of abuse when blood surged into his throat, and he opened his mouth and started vomiting it up.

Talk about rotten luck!

He had searched the base for ages without finding Shinji. In the end, Cult Leader Takihata had told him Shinji was here.

So he had sneaked over to see what that bastard Shinji was secretly doing out here, hiding away without showing his face for days.

Who could have imagined he would receive such an enthusiastic welcome the moment he jumped out?!

"Uh, a misunderstanding. This was all a misunderstanding. Why would you ignore a perfectly good road and hide in the bushes to scare people? Playing hide-and-seek with me or something?"

Looking at Hidan, whom he had pinned to a tree, Shinji felt pretty awkward too. To hide that awkwardness, he chose to blame the victim first.

Of course, he didn't forget to take Hidan down.

Then...

Squelch!!

Blood immediately began spurting from the wounds!

That strike had punched three huge bloody holes diagonally across Hidan's upper body. A little more force, and it might well have sliced him in half.

His entire body hurt like hell, and before he could even catch his breath, he had been saddled with all the blame.

Hidan felt like he was going to die of rage!

"Stay the fuck away from me!" Hidan glared at him.

"Why are you getting so worked up? If you hadn't suddenly jumped out of the bushes and scared me, I wouldn't have attacked you."

"Don't touch me. I never want to see you again!"

"Okay, okay, I won't touch you. Just remember to stuff your intestines back in yourself later. There are lots of stray dogs around here, so don't come blaming me if you're missing a length or two..."

"A! KA! GI! SHIN! JI! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!"

Getting worked up made Hidan start spurting blood again...

The sight was rather pitiful.

Shinji couldn't help feeling a pang of "compassion," so he sighed helplessly, crouched down, and picked up Hidan's... leg.

Then he dragged him away backward.

"No need to thank me. We've worked together, after all. It's only right."

At that moment, Shinji felt as though he was radiating light.

And wasn't he just? Hidan's furious gaze was practically burning a thousand holes through his back!

But something even worse lay ahead.

Cultist A teased, "Oh, isn't this little Hidan? Haven't seen you in a few days. How'd you get this pathetic?"

Shinji smiled. "Come on! You say that like this guy's ever held up well."

Helpful Cultist B said, "Really, Shinji, why do you always go overboard? Be more careful next time. Look what you've done to our Hidan. Even his intestines are hanging out!"

Shinji smiled. "Of course, of course. I'll definitely be more careful next time."

Loudmouthed Cultist C said, "Who was it?! Have you got no consideration for others? You get blood all over the floor and don't even wipe it up?!"

Shinji smiled. "Sorry about that,

my fault..." Loudmouthed Cultist C said, "I knew it was you, Hidan!"

"Huh?"

Shinji and Hidan were both dumbfounded.

"What do you mean, huh? Isn't this your blood all over the floor?"

"No, I..."

"What do you mean, no?! All these people are watching, and you're still trying to argue?! Just tell me which drop of blood on this floor didn't come out of those holes in your body!"

"You motherf-"

"All right, I'll let it slide this time. Don't do it again."

Hidan was so furious that his eyes rolled back. The blood vessels that had just begun healing burst open again with a hiss, spraying blood.

Cultist C, who had only taken a few steps away, saw this and scowled again.

Shinji hurriedly said, "Calm down, calm down. The kid didn't mean it. He's hotheaded and full of blood. Once enough spurts out, there won't be any left."

Well, damn. Once enough spurts out, there won't be any left.

Wasn't that the truth? A true master of stating the obvious in the shinobi world!

After finally getting rid of Cultist C, who seemed to be on cleaning duty that day, Shinji chatted with five more people about the weather, asked six people what was for dinner, and praised Lord Jashin with seven people...

Finally, after enthusiastically greeting eighteen more people-with hand gestures, the kind Black hip-hop artists used-he at last dragged Hidan, who was barely clinging to life, into the infirmary.

Heaven and earth could bear witness: the moment Hidan saw the doctor, he nearly burst into tears.

I swear, one day, I, Hidan, will repay this bastard a thousand times over for all this humiliation!

If I don't kill him, I don't deserve to call myself a man!

And all those people who mocked me-not one will be spared. I'll kill them all!

"AAAAAAAAH!"

The doctor frowned at the sight and said disapprovingly, "Just how hard did you hit him? You've even beaten him to tears."

Shinji looked ashamed. "My fault, my fault. I had no idea he couldn't take a beating. Doctor, could you see if he can still be saved?"

The doctor shook his head. "With injuries this severe, there's no saving him. Just wait for him to die... uh, wait for him to heal on his own."

"But we can't just leave him like this."

"That's true. Wait here. I'll go get the Tailor."

"..."

"Oh, right. Help him stuff his intestines and everything back in first. Make sure you don't leave any parts outside, or it'll be hard to sew him up."

"...Got it."

The doctor left, leaving Shinji and Hidan staring at each other.

Before long, the intestines had been stuffed back in, and the Tailor had arrived.

Don't ask why the Jashin Cult had a Tailor. The answer was that every poor bastard in the dungeon had all sorts of talents.

And this Tailor was exceptionally skilled. Though he was frightened and his hands shook at first, once he had talked himself into it, his stitches became beautifully neat and delicate!

He just treated it like practicing on pigskin in the old days!

"All right, almost done."

"Nice work." Shinji took a look and gave him a thumbs-up.

The Tailor chuckled sheepishly. "Could you pass me the scissors, please? I'll cut the thread."

"What scissors?"

"The scissors for cutting things."

"I don't see them. Did any of you take his scissors?"

"..."

The people in the room exchanged looks, and suddenly everything went quiet.

Then every gaze turned in unison toward Hidan's freshly stitched belly...

At some point, the Tailor had gone deathly pale and stood there trembling.

And Hidan's gaze was turning murderous!