Having a man bring up something as intimate as life advice late at night was hardly a pleasant experience.
Even though Roland knew Kirei Kotomine had no unusual proclivities, his scalp still prickled, and he involuntarily shifted his feet.
"What do you mean by that, Mr. Kotomine?"
"I want to know the answer."
Faced with Roland's evasiveness, Kirei Kotomine remained as blunt as ever.
"After observing you these past few days, I'm certain, Roland. You are the person I've been looking for."
Though he had been uncertain at first, everything Roland had shown him over the past few days had been exactly to Kirei Kotomine's taste.
Extreme self-discipline. Despite possessing abilities far beyond those of ordinary people, he happily lived a peaceful life, as though he wanted nothing more. He was clearly the same kind of person as Kirei, an aberration whom ordinary human happiness could never satisfy. So why could he look so happy, so at ease?
"I want to know what true nature you're pursuing, and what answer you've found."
The priest in black vestments spoke solemnly, bowing deeply to Roland.
"I'm willing to give anything for that answer. Please, guide me."
Oh, crap. I've become Gilgamesh.
Roland silently assessed the situation before him. He did not know whether his so-called great fortune was at work, but strictly speaking, Yoshikage Kira and Kirei Kotomine did share many fundamental similarities. One had already accepted his desires, while the other would become twisted through prolonged repression and veer toward the opposite extreme.
"All right. It's not really something I can't talk about. But as you said, Mr. Kotomine, all I can offer is guidance. Only you know what your true nature is."
Kirei Kotomine raised his head in confusion. He wanted a more definite answer, not vague platitudes like these.
"But no matter how I discipline myself, fill every spare moment with studies and work, or pray devoutly each day, the emptiness inside me never eases."
"That's because you're heading in the wrong direction. Self-discipline is meaningful, of course. It not only shapes our character, but also serves as the shackles with which we control our desires. Ultimately, however, self-discipline is a means, not an end. It's a painful process of suppressing our nature."
Roland spoke with certainty. Things had already gone considerably off the rails anyway, so there was no harm in letting Kirei Kotomine find his answer ahead of time.
"And since those processes are painful, the nature we pursue must bring us the opposite feeling. What do you think that feeling is?"
"Pleasure...?"
Kirei Kotomine gave his answer with considerable hesitation, yet it carried a hint of forbidden anticipation, like a schoolchild hoping for praise from his teacher.
"Exactly. Pleasure. Anything that makes us happy is something our nature will pursue. Whatever means we use, however sinful the thing we seek may be, humans will keep sinking into the abyss for its sake."
Roland unconsciously flexed his fingers. As he assimilated the contract spirit, the contract spirit was changing him as well. Though he still could not accept the hand fetish, he knew that some of his inner beliefs had long since been quietly altered-or perhaps, rather, set free.
"That is forbidden. You cannot attain salvation that way."
Having the most deeply concealed things in his heart laid bare by Roland made Kirei Kotomine immediately voice his rejection. Yet his gaze remained fixed on Roland, as inexorably as an attracted magnet.
"Of course you can't attain salvation. But to be saved, you first have to be a whole person."
Roland's voice was as sweet as a poppy, lingering around Kirei Kotomine's ears like a demon's whisper.
"If you do nothing but suppress your nature and use suffering to deny pleasure, that means you aren't even capable of loving a whole person, much less loving someone else. Tell me, what right does such an incomplete being have to salvation?"
"Even if that pleasure is malicious?"
As though seeking affirmation, Kirei Kotomine raised his voice considerably, but Roland's tone remained calm.
"Even if that pleasure is malicious. I told you, didn't I? Before you learn to love others, learn to love yourself."
"Once you become your complete self, even someone born evil has the right to salvation and happiness. I'm the best proof of that."
"Ah..."
Kirei Kotomine accepted Roland's words and nodded gently. Sorrow and joy seeped into his heart at the same time, a feeling he had never experienced in more than thirty years of life.
He had been right about him. This man could surely give him the guidance he needed.
He should have concealed it. He should have refused. Yet Kirei Kotomine unreservedly extended the hand bearing his Command Spells, betraying his teacher's and father's teachings as he sought Roland's affirmation and support.
"If I still feel confused, may I come to you again?"
"Of course." Smiling, Roland extended his own hand and shook Kirei Kotomine's, completing the ritual that sealed their friendship.
"After all, we're friends."
"Friends..." Kirei Kotomine savored the word, so unfamiliar to him, and nodded solemnly.
"Yes. Until we meet again, then, my friend, Roland."
Only after Kirei Kotomine had departed once more did Roland furrow his brow and ponder an important matter.
"It seems like everyone who latches onto me for no reason is scum. Could it be that I'm not such a good person either?"
Roland looked stunned. Even with the help of great fortune, adapting so easily to Yoshikage Kira's contract spirit and becoming Kirei Kotomine's life coach seemed to silently disprove any claim he had to integrity.
After more than ten days in Fuyuki City, Roland had finally gained a measure of self-awareness.
"Still," Roland said as he stepped out from behind the counter and looked into the night beyond the window, "even if this outcome was inevitable, it's happened quite a bit ahead of schedule. At this rate, Tokiomi Tohsaka's bloody misfortune is right around the corner."
Though it was already late at night, the Tohsaka Family's underground workshop remained brightly lit.
"Kirei, have you completed the summoning?"
"Yes, teacher. I've checked, and there are currently no familiars or devices keeping watch near the Tohsaka Family residence."
Clad in black vestments, Kirei Kotomine respectfully reported to the middle-aged man in an expensive red suit, who exuded aristocratic elegance.
"After all, no one would expect Assassin to be the first summoned. Then, while we have this opportunity, I'll leave gathering information on the other Masters to you."
"Yes, teacher."
Kirei Kotomine remained thoroughly respectful, then issued an order in an utterly impassive voice to the empty space beside him.
"Then I'll leave this to you, Assassin."
"As you command, Master."
A low, sinister male voice emerged from the empty air, but Kirei Kotomine was not satisfied.
"There's no need to conceal yourself in front of my teacher. He isn't someone you need to guard against."
Without offering any explanation, Assassin revealed his full form before Tokiomi Tohsaka amid a surge of spirit particles.
He looked exceedingly tall. Even hunched over, he stood taller than Kirei Kotomine, likely measuring at least two meters. He wore Hassan's signature skull mask, his entire body wrapped in black robes. Most striking was his right arm, likewise bound in black bandages and looking immensely thick.
Tokiomi Tohsaka regarded his disciple with satisfaction. Not only had he summoned the weakest class, Assassin, but he had also exposed his Heroic Spirit's true appearance without hesitation, surrendering an assassin's greatest advantage. Though Tokiomi Tohsaka knew he must not grow conceited, his heart still swelled with pride.
With such a perfect disciple supporting him, how could the Holy Grail fail to fall into his hands?
Yet in his excitement, Tokiomi Tohsaka failed to notice that, for the first time, something resembling longing had stirred in Kirei Kotomine's gaze as he watched him.
If that evil nature he should never pursue was truly his instinct, then could a betrayal held in reserve and unleashed at the critical moment satisfy his ravenous heart?