Dreams (Part Two)

Seeing the man throw down his club and walk straight away, everyone in the Xie Clan was left rather bewildered.

Xie Daoyun reacted first. She immediately frowned and challenged her elder brother. "Third Brother, I know the Liu Clan of Pengcheng has declined since the Wang Dun Rebellion, and these people are plainly newly arrived refugees with no family standing to speak of... but they did just subdue a tiger for us. That amounts to saving our lives. If you won't say even a word to them, aren't you afraid the other great houses will laugh at you when word gets out?"

This time, Xie Quan looked solemn. "You don't understand, Sister. If I actually spoke to them, the other great houses would certainly ridicule me."

At last, Xie Daoyun was struck speechless.

"That isn't what she means." The youngest, Xie Ae, jumped up from the ground to rescue his elder sister. "Brother, they subdued that tiger so quickly with nothing but clubs and chopping knives. Clearly, they're strong and brave-at the very least, far more formidable than that tiger. Yet out here on Flower Mountain, we brothers and sisters could only scatter and run at the sight of a single tiger. What if we anger these lowborn fellows, and in their fury they simply beat us to death? A gentleman does not stand beneath a crumbling wall. Didn't you teach me that, Brother?"

Xie Quan and Xie Awei gaped, then grew frightened again.

Fortunately, after returning to his companions, the man merely stopped off to one side and watched from a distance. The others were still cheering as they carried the tiger over. Evidently, they had swallowed their anger.

This time, for the sake of "a gentleman does not stand beneath a crumbling wall," Xie Quan dared not neglect them. He waved Steward Qian aside and prepared to handle matters himself, so these bottom-rung gentry could witness the bearing of a great house. Perhaps it might even become a charming anecdote that spread far and wide.

But the men carrying the great tiger were still several dozen paces away when a gust of wind brought its bloody stench sweeping toward them. Xie Awei opened his mouth and took it straight into his stomach. Then he caught sight of the tiger's head, swollen beyond recognition yet still bleeding from all seven orifices. Nausea surged back up, and he turned aside and vomited onto the ground, unable even to rise.

Utterly speechless at this third brother of hers, Xie Daoyun disregarded the distinction between men and women and strode forward with her head held high.

Liu Huzi had already been nervous. Seeing a noble girl of twelve or thirteen approach only made him tongue-tied. He turned to look at Liu Acheng beside him, but the latter stood utterly motionless, like a block of wood.

With no other choice, Liu Huzi steeled himself and spoke. "Liu Hu... Liu Jian of Pengcheng g-greets you, my lady. The Grand Commander's northern campaign... my, my family crossed south from Pengcheng... we're in Langya Commandery behind us now. I came up with the people from our camp to chop... chop firewood... I..."

Before he was halfway through, sweat covered his head and his words had become hopelessly tangled. He had even forgotten to introduce his father's and grandfather's achievements. But he was no fool. By this point, he had realized that Liu Acheng intended to use his stammering and nervousness to make him appear "sincere."

A son of a ruined gentry family, at the very bottom of the hierarchy, who had fled south-surely this was exactly how nervous he ought to be when faced with a fairy-like young lady of twelve or thirteen from the Chen Commandery Xie Clan?

Thus, he managed to follow his instructions: he identified himself, said only that they had come to cut firewood and happened upon the scene, then asked the other party to bestow the tiger on them.

Sure enough, the richly dressed girl of twelve or thirteen listened carefully, then smiled. "Thank you all for taking the trouble to kill the tiger for my brothers, sisters, and me. You hunted it yourselves, so how could it be mine to bestow? If you and your father see our uncle tomorrow, please give him my regards."

Liu Huzi could only nod, his face crimson, while his lingering fear deepened-this Xie Family from Black Robe Alley was actually related by marriage to the Grand Commander's household.

Liu Acheng seized the moment to cup his hands. "I would not presume to ask your name, my lady. I am Liu Cheng of Pengcheng, and I have one further immodest request."

Xie Daoyun had already known there were three sons of bottom-rung gentry families among these men. Now she immediately confirmed her impressions: the first must be called Liu Lang, tall and hunchbacked, bitter toward the world, yet possessed of considerable backbone; the second, Liu Jian, was short, sturdy, dark, shy, and innocent, but rather endearing; this third, Liu Cheng, had the most pleasing appearance, yet was also so composed... Finding him interesting, she actually smiled and answered of her own accord. "I rank third among the girls in my family. I cannot give you my personal name, but before the new year, an elder gave me the courtesy name Daoyun. Whatever you wish to say, please speak freely. If it lies within my power, I will certainly agree."

Like everyone beside him, Liu Cheng froze for a moment. He glanced at the girl before speaking. "To be frank, my lady, our thousand-odd households have wandered a thousand li from Pengcheng to reach this place. We're destitute and have no one to rely on. We don't even know how we'll get through the winter... I see your household has quite a few curtains and canopies, but this great tiger and the rest of us have made them terribly dirty. Please bestow them on us, so we can wash them and make winter clothes for the women and children in our camp."

This time, it was Xie Daoyun's turn to pause. She could not help feeling that she had thought too highly of this youth. So he was a miser who fretted over such odds and ends!

Consider Tao Kan, a famous general of their dynasty. Because he fussed over every little thing-these wood shavings could prevent slipping, so they must be saved; those scraps of cloth could wipe floors, so they must be kept-he could never shake his reputation for stinginess despite his tremendous achievements, and men of learning held him in contempt... So young, and so well-spoken, yet he chose to learn the bad rather than the good?

Such were the thoughts of the Xie Family's eldest sister, though her expression did not change. Only her voice unconsciously grew flat as she nodded casually. "That's nothing. As you said, since they're dirty, take whatever you like... There are quite a few soiled pots, bowls, stoves, and chopsticks in the tents too. Take those as well."

Unlike when Xie Daoyun had announced her courtesy name and shocked the entire household, this time no one showed the slightest unusual reaction. Plainly, they would never want these things again. Indeed, the petty stinginess of these lowest-rung gentry, who did not even deserve to be called lesser houses, seemed only fitting to them. No wonder everyone said not to associate with lowborn fellows.

Liu Cheng had no idea that his actions had been judged miserly and calculating by this famous talented lady. Even if he had known, he probably would not have cared. Instead, he felt that this gifted woman whose name would endure through the ages truly deserved her reputation. At such a young age, she could handle matters so appropriately, stepping forward to take charge when her brothers lost their composure, and acting with such generosity and decisiveness. He merely thanked her sincerely several times, picked up the club from the ground, and withdrew.

And so, carrying the tiger, the group took the opportunity to strip away the curtains, canopies, and a great many other camping implements. Then, under Liu Acheng's direction, they dared not return the way they had come, but went down the broad road on the western side of Flower Mountain, shouting and cheering.

This time, their joyful cheers were genuine. No tiger could make them nearly as happy as those dirty fabrics and utensils.

As they rounded a bend near the foot of the mountain, Liu Acheng gave Liu Huzi his instructions. "Brother Hu, take everyone back quickly. You still need to skin the tiger and so on... Brother Jili and I will quietly circle around the foot of the mountain and watch over the equipment. Once you arrive, send some men quietly up the original mountain ravine to meet us."

In truth, Liu Cheng had been giving the orders all day. Besides, Liu Huzi had always been straightforward, and had long since decided that Acheng was careful, bold, and dependable. Naturally, he had no objections and led the others away.

For a time, only Liu Cheng and Liu Jili remained, returning empty-handed.

Carefully circling the foot of the mountain took them quite a while. When they reached the stream again, not only was the equipment they had abandoned still there, but the distant spot where the curtains and canopies had stood was empty too... In fact, while moving things earlier, they had deliberately concealed their movements and kept watch. The Chen Commandery Xie Clan had already begun withdrawing then. The two of them had only been so cautious to guard against the unexpected.

Once they were certain there was no danger of exposure, both finally relaxed. Yet they could not be bothered to do anything else. They did not go admire the river view to the north or appreciate any chrysanthemums. After collecting Liu Huzi's Leather Two-Panel Armor, they simply lay down beside the military equipment on Flower Mountain's southern slope.

The autumn afternoon sunlight was bright and lovely, warming the earth beneath their backs. With the autumn breeze and the flowing stream, they might not enjoy the refined pleasures of the Chen Commandery Xie Clan-climbing high, gazing into the distance, and viewing the river like a ribbon-but it was enough to ease the fatigue of several hard days.

After they had lain there a while, Liu Jili saw that Liu Cheng beside him was already drifting toward sleep and finally could not hold back. "Today was my fault. Failure to endure a little can ruin a great plan... Not that it was any great plan, but it was a chance to turn our fortunes around, and I nearly ruined it."

Will this ever end?!

Does he have to do this every time I'm about to fall asleep?

Liu Cheng was utterly speechless, but still roused himself to answer. "What are you saying, Brother Jili? I'd have been angry too. They were looking down on us outright... Besides, although we made mistakes today, from their side, didn't we subdue a tiger for them? Why were they still acting like that? To borrow a line from Great General Huan: 'If I did not do this, how could the likes of you sit there talking?'"

"I've heard that saying of Great General Huan's too." Liu Jili nodded, plainly still dispirited. "But this isn't the time to dwell on them. Those people have always behaved that way. I mean us..."

"Us?"

"Yes. I couldn't bear it, yet you did. You were even willing to sully and abase yourself to get winter cloth for the women and children in the camp..."

"So what? We're so poor we don't know in the morning whether we'll survive until evening. If that sort of sullying and abasement can get us so much good cloth, I'd gladly do it a few more times." Liu Cheng was utterly speechless. Only now did he realize that asking for those things apparently counted as sullying and abasing himself. "Brother Jili, people have to stay alive before they can talk about anything else... Besides, in my view, saving lives is the finest, most elegant deed in the world. Those children of the Chen Commandery Xie Clan may not understand that, but you ought to... You should have been through more than I have these past few years."

"That is precisely what puzzles me most." Liu Jili sighed. "I often think about it. Our experiences are so similar, yet I arrived a few years before you. Even after two or three years of being worn down, I still can't let go of those things. I still can't help getting angry and taking offense. You're only fifteen or sixteen, and you've only just come south. How can you endure it? And without even leaving a trace?"

Liu Cheng truly had no answer to that, yet he could not leave it unanswered. "I simply force myself to see our present circumstances clearly."

Lying there, Liu Jili could neither nod nor shake his head. He merely glanced at the youth beside him, with what meaning Liu Cheng could not tell. But at last, the subject ended.

After a while, apparently hoping to lighten the mood, Camel Jili suddenly asked another question. "Acheng, you're fifteen or sixteen this year, just the age when those gentry sons discuss marriage. After seeing so many girls from the Chen Commandery Xie Clan today, did you ever think that one day you might marry a daughter of the Xie Family?"

"At Xie Daoyun's age, they've probably already begun discussing her marriage, and surely it'll be to a top-ranking house like the Langya Wang Clan?" Liu Acheng shook his head, struggling to rouse himself, but found the notion absurd. "She'll be married off in two or three years, perhaps even one or two. I don't even know whether I'll have food and clothing secured in two or three years! Or are the customs south of the Yangtze different, and women can't marry until twenty-three or twenty-four?"

"That's why I said a daughter of the Xie Family, not Xie Daoyun," Liu Jili said with a smile.

Liu Acheng thought seriously for a moment, then shook his head. "Even if that day really came, and I had the standing to marry a daughter of the Xie Family and was still unmarried, I wouldn't marry one."

"Then whom would you marry? A daughter of the Wang Family? Or a princess?" Liu Jili was genuinely curious now.

"If that day really came, I'd marry a Shen Family Daughter," Liu Cheng answered earnestly.

"The Shen Family... the Shen Clan of Wuxing?"

"Yes."

"Then I don't understand. We're already speaking hypothetically... If you could even marry a daughter of the Xie Family, why would you go marry a she-raccoon from the Shen Family instead?"

"They have money!" Liu Cheng answered without the slightest embarrassment. He casually took a Shenlang Coin from his robe and blew on it. "I've only been in Jingkou a month, but even I know that among all the clans of Jiangdong, the Shen Family is the richest! If I could marry a Shen daughter... er, if I could marry a Shen daughter, I could draw on their wealth and resources, then rally our Northern Chu refugees in Jingkou. In one stroke, I could raise twenty or thirty battalions of the finest Northern Command Army troops of our age. Then couldn't we launch a northern campaign?"

He had added the latter half on the spot. What he was really thinking was that the Shen Family could casually give Master Du Ming such a fine, wealthy fortified manor. If he actually became their son-in-law, wouldn't his dream of a fortified manor come true immediately? He would never have to struggle again for the rest of his life!

"But if you could marry a daughter of the Xie Family or a Wang daughter, wouldn't it be better to use their influence to become Grand Commander outright, then raise the Imperial Army for a northern campaign?" Liu Lang plainly still did not understand.

"Brother Jili, first, don't think the Wang and Xie families are fools who would casually hand military power to a son-in-law. Just look at the offices their family heads hold. They know they must keep a tight grip on military power. Second, if we really did launch a northern campaign and command the Imperial Army, with our backgrounds, only troops recruited in Jingkou would be trustworthy. Third, failure in a northern campaign would be one thing, but if we actually achieved anything and gained a foothold, believe me, the Wang and Xie families would turn around and hold us back. By contrast, a second-tier southern magnate clan like the Shen Clan of Wuxing would be willing to keep supporting us for the sake of its political future." Liu Acheng spoke with absolute conviction. "Still, as you said, if we ever reached the point where we could marry a Xie daughter, marriage might no longer be a matter of our personal wishes."

Liu Jili fell silent again.

A moment later, Liu Cheng, who had been sleepy before, became thoroughly alert and began pestering him in return. "What about you, Brother Jili? If one day you could marry a daughter of the Xie Family, would you?"

"No." Camel Jili promptly shook his head.

"Why?" Now Liu Acheng was curious.

"If I ever reached that point, I'd want to marry a princess," Liu Jili answered just as openly. "That would restore the reputation of our Liu Clan of Pengcheng."

Liu Acheng nodded in agreement... They were just indulging in fantasies, after all.

Liu Jili himself also realized he had gone rather too far, and laughed awkwardly. "No, this is simply dreaming. Princesses, Xie Clan Daughters, Shen Clan Daughters—we don't even know whether we can meet the Grand Commander tomorrow, or whether our camp can make it through the winter! We merely happened to meet one Xie girl, and here we are letting our thoughts wander, dreaming in broad daylight! We truly shame our fathers and grandfathers!"

"It is dreaming." Liu Cheng narrowed his eyes at the sun, which had already shifted westward, but plainly had a different view. "But as long as people are alive, they have to dream, and they ought to dream... Without dreams, in a world like this, nine out of ten common people would die of misery. Take our camp-who isn't living on dreams? Especially after what happened on the Huai River.

"And those great gentry houses climbing Flower Mountain to admire the flowers-they're already so wealthy and exalted, yet they still discuss mysteries and the Way every day, and take Five-Stone Powder. Isn't that dreaming too? The Way of the Celestial Masters and Buddhism practically compete to weave dreams for everyone! Even for us, it isn't only sitting here imagining wives that counts as dreaming. Those grand ambitions we spoke of earlier, launching a northern campaign and restoring our families-weren't those dreams too?

"So I say, why shouldn't people be allowed to dream?"

"But dreams are still only dreams..." Liu Jili could not help interjecting.

"Exactly. Dreams are still dreams, so we can't lose ourselves in them. We have to dream while staying awake!" Liu Cheng offered his own view, which was also an honest summation of his experiences and conduct over the past month. "When I said earlier that we must see our present circumstances clearly, I meant it... Having lived to find ourselves in this situation, we should suffer when it's time to suffer and burn with passion when it's time for passion. Neither gets in the other's way. Only then can we keep ourselves going, and have even the smallest chance of seeing a beautiful dream come true... At any rate, that's what I tell myself."

"Liu Acheng, Liu Acheng..." Liu Jili sighed repeatedly, once again at a loss for words.

But a moment later, he still managed to ask with difficulty, "I know you don't want to answer. If you don't, you needn't. But I still have to ask: who exactly are your father and grandfather? Our Liu Clan of Pengcheng may be a large family, but it isn't boundless. I know its branches well enough."

In the past, faced with such questioning, Liu Acheng would certainly have summoned every ounce of vigilance to bluff his way through. Yet for some reason, here and now, he felt completely at ease, inside and out. He simply closed his eyes and gave no answer.

After the long warmth of the sunlight and the rustling autumn breeze, his whole body soon went soft. Weariness washed over him, and at last he fell asleep.

Lang had long harbored great ambitions, yet since crossing south, he had met adversity day after day and could not rise. One day, driven out once more by his clansmen, he passed alone over Flower Mountain. The bright moon hung overhead, and the great river stretched like a ribbon. Gazing upon it, he sighed: "Good fortune, good fortune-if seven calamities and eight sufferings must be endured before good fortune comes, what joy is there in living? If the river pities me, let it send me good fortune." That very month, he encountered Emperor Taizu beside a stream.

-A Sequel to In Search of the Supernatural, expanded by Tao Qian of Qi