I Have a Fine Remedy

Snatches of conversation drifted from the outer courtyard into the bathroom.

Lin Wanyi leaned back in the bath barrel, the Zhenglun Sword in her left hand. Her lashes stirred, then she opened her eyes wearily, her gaze full of confusion.

How did I fall asleep?

Did purging the poison take too much out of me...?

In that dream just now, Xie Jinhuan seemed to be standing in the room. I was talking all sorts of nonsense, as though possessed, and somehow even let Xie Jinhuan cop a feel...

Why would I have a dream like that?

Could it be that what occupies my thoughts by day enters my dreams at night...?

Full of bewilderment, Lin Wanyi took a moment to recover before her mind gradually cleared.

The voices that had startled her awake also grew clearer:

"Which room is Aunt in? I'll go in and take a look..."

"Mm..."

*?!*

When did Xie Jinhuan come back?

Why was Zisu here too?!

Lin Wanyi looked down and discovered that she was soaking stark naked in the barrel. She instantly panicked, feeling as though she had masturbated herself unconscious, only to wake up surrounded by every aunt and great-aunt in the family...

Realizing something was wrong, Lin Wanyi hurriedly called out a reply and scrambled into her dress, her face flushing bloodred.

Partway through, she also heard her girl chatting outside:

"Wow! Coal Ball~ Come here, come here!"

"Coo~"

"So pretty! Must weigh six or seven pounds, right? One pot probably wouldn't hold you..."

"Coo-cheep?!"

Lin Wanyi was utterly dazed. Only once she had dressed did she force herself to settle down, assume her usual intellectual composure, and grit her teeth as she opened the door.

Creak~

In the outer courtyard, Lin Zisu was holding Coal Ball and chatting with Xie Jinhuan. At the sound, she turned and found her aunt's fair skin glowing pink, who knew how thoroughly nourished. Her gaze inevitably turned odd.

"Aunt, finished bathing?"

"Yes. Xie Jinhuan went out on official business earlier. I was recuperating here and took a bath while I was at it."

Lin Wanyi had no idea how she had fallen asleep. Mortified, she swiftly changed the subject:

"Zisu, how confident are you about refining Dragon Blood Pills now?"

Hearing about alchemy-and a big job at that-Lin Zisu immediately perked up and approached, holding Coal Ball.

"Dragon Blood Pills are too middle-of-the-road. Besides, it takes a month of taking them and soaking in them to see results. Too much time wasted. I'm working on a 'Dragon and Tiger Vitality Pill.' One pill gets results, with more than ten times the potency of a Dragon Blood Pill..."

"What?!"

Xie Jinhuan had been about to fetch two stools from the sitting room for the older woman and the younger girl. Those words sent a jolt through his sturdy frame, and he turned back.

"Really?!"

"Don't listen to her nonsense."

Lin Wanyi hurriedly restrained the troublesome girl and said earnestly:

"Every medicine is three parts poison. Generations of alchemists improved the Dragon Blood Pill before it became the miraculous Body Tempering formula it is today. Even a fraction more medicine could damage someone's foundation. Ten times the potency right out of the gate, with one pill taking effect-she might dare refine it, but would you dare swallow it?"

Why wouldn't I?

Xie Jinhuan was already the target of a citywide manhunt and was wondering how to escape this calamity.

If it offered ten times the potency and worked with one pill, his Dao progress might soar skyward. Then he could retreat to seal the tomb or advance to elope with A Piao. Wouldn't that get him through this crisis?

Still, ten times the potency with immediate effects really could turn it into a "Kick Your Legs Out and Stare Your Eyes Dead Pill"...

Standing at the entrance, Jia Zheng saw his young mistress beginning her antics again and interjected:

"Our young mistress's talent for alchemy is unmatched in Jingzhao Prefecture, but her skills aren't yet mature. Last time, she made something called a 'Dao Progress Surge Pill,' claiming it would double one's power on the spot, and even asked Elder Li Jing to test it.

"After Elder Li took it, he unleashed One Sword's Cold Light Across Thirty-Two Provinces, and even faintly touched the threshold of Transcendent Grade!"

Xie Jinhuan had heard of Li Jing, the vice principal of Danyang Academy and a genuine First Grade swordsman. Surprise showed on his face.

"That powerful?"

Jia Zheng sighed.

"Powerful, yes, but its drawback is that it scrambles the mind, leaving you unable to tell friend from foe. Elder Li went mad, laughing wildly and roaring, 'Old Mu, meet your death!' as he chased Master Mu all over the academy trying to kill him. If Master Mu hadn't possessed such profound Dao progress and knocked him unconscious with a slap, he might have demolished Danyang Academy..."

Hearing her glorious exploits recounted, Lin Zisu explained seriously:

"I reckon Old Li just wanted to hack Master Mu down. The pill was only the trigger."

"Then what about Lord Tie Fengzhang?"

Lin Wanyi pressed Zisu into a chair and scolded her:

"Lord Tie is busy with official duties and has a fiery temper, so his liver qi was somewhat stagnant. The academy asked you to prescribe something to regulate it, but you prescribed 'Ever-Smiling Powder.' You left a dignified military commander of the Prince's Manor grinning foolishly for three days. Even his nickname changed from 'Iron-Faced Yama' to 'Big Fool Zhang'..."

Lin Zisu rubbed Coal Ball, entirely confident she was in the right.

"Lord Tie wears a long face all year round. How could his liver qi not stagnate? Just tell me whether it worked."

Neither of them disputed that.

If her medicines merely had shocking side effects without exceptional results, Lin Zisu's nickname would have been "Lethal Poison Healer," not "Poison-Hand Medicine Maiden."

In any case, Zisu's approach to refining medicine was that swallowing it would definitely resolve the underlying problem. Whether the patient was still around afterward depended entirely on how tough their fate was.

Xie Jinhuan was in the position of drinking poisoned wine to quench his thirst. Even knowing this little medicine maiden was unreliable, he sat beside her to ask:

"What side effects does the Dragon and Tiger Vitality Pill have?"

Lin Zisu shifted her little stool closer and said enthusiastically:

"Whether Dragon Blood Pills, Meridian-Stabilizing Pills, or even 'Demon Transformation Pills,' their effects are essentially much the same. They're all meant to strengthen the body. The only differences are the ingredients and quantities.

"The Dragon Blood Pill's formula is conservative and leaves a wide margin for error, so naturally nothing ever goes wrong. But its medicinal potential isn't fully realized either.

"And people on the Demon Path usually stand half a realm above other schools in strength. Do you know why, young master?"

Xie Jinhuan said thoughtfully, "The Demon Path uses stronger doses?"

"Not just medicines. Their cultivation methods, techniques, and everything else push every conceivable limit."

Like a little teacher, Lin Zisu continued explaining:

"Whether immortals, Buddhists, or those on the Demon Path, they all started out born of a father and mother. The natural treasures they use all come from the same world. There's no fundamental difference.

"Daoists, martial artists, and monks, whether practicing their arts or using natural treasures to boost their cultivation, must first ensure they don't damage their minds, alter their bodily structure, or leave permanent hidden injuries. They also have to consider how much a person can withstand.

"But the Demon Path doesn't care about all that. The purpose of a 'Demon Transformation Pill' is to strengthen the body, and they dare use anything. They'd squeeze twelve parts of potency out of a single ingredient if they could. Success gives you a physique comparable to a demon beast; failure turns you into a monster neither human nor ghost. How could a physique forged that way be weaker than those of other schools?"

By this point, Xie Jinhuan understood what she meant.

"So your 'Dragon and Tiger Vitality Pill' is actually a Demon Transformation Pill, Miss Zisu?"

Lin Zisu quickly shook her head. "How could it be?"

"That's a relief..."

"The formula I'm researching pushes the limits even further than a Demon Transformation Pill! If it works, it can give you muscles like a true dragon or living tiger, and bones and blood like a vermilion phoenix or qilin!"

*?*

So anything but human, then?

Wasn't that just an enhanced Demon Transformation Pill?

Xie Jinhuan drew a soft breath. Thinking of his current predicament, he still asked solemnly:

"Then what's the price?"

Lin Wanyi, also an alchemist, sat beside him combing her soaking-wet hair.

"The price is that if anything goes wrong, at best your body explodes without so much as a bone left behind. At worst, your physique mutates and you turn into a demon. With your abilities, I'd estimate a First or Second Grade greater demon."

Jia Zheng nodded too. "Judging by our young mistress's track record, something goes wrong ten times out of ten. She's never succeeded once."

Lin Zisu looked rather indignant. "That was because I didn't have suitable ingredients and the potency wasn't enough. How could anything not go wrong?"

"That's not what you said beforehand. Every time, you thumped your chest and guaranteed it. When did nothing go wrong?"

"I was trying to get ingredients! The academy only has so many rare plants. If I didn't thump my chest and guarantee it, why would the teachers give them to me?"

At this point, Lin Zisu began coaxing Xie Jinhuan:

"Young Master Xie, if you can just secretly dig up one of the Jiazi Lotuses Purple Emblem Mountain has been cultivating for over six hundred years and bring it to me, I can refine the pill for you. Guaranteed ten times the potency, results with a single pill!"

"..."

Xie Jinhuan did indeed need miraculous medicine to boost his cultivation and break out of his predicament.

But even drinking poisoned wine to quench his thirst had to first "quench his thirst." How could he dare try a game he was certain to lose?

If he took the pill and turned green-skinned, then grew a pair of huge tusks, he feared he would have no choice but to marry a monster girl for the rest of his life.

Still, the "Dao Progress Surge Pill" sounded somewhat useful. Slaughtering indiscriminately without distinguishing friend from foe could be useful when the whole world was his enemy.

And if he were exposed, he would clearly end up in precisely that situation...

At that thought, Xie Jinhuan asked:

"Miss Zisu, how much silver does one of these Dao Progress Surge Pills cost?"

Lin Zisu blinked. "Aunt won't let me sell them. She says she's afraid they'll bring catastrophe upon the martial world. But if you want one..."

Feeling that Xie Jinhuan was about to be thoroughly hoodwinked, Lin Wanyi pulled Zisu to her feet.

"Don't trust the things she makes. What if something happens after you take them? It's getting late, and I still have to go back and prepare your Dragon Blood Pills. We'll take our leave."

Seeing this, Lin Zisu could only rise in disappointment. Before leaving, however, she secretly held up one finger behind her back...