(P.S. This isn't mindless wish fulfillment! The full disclaimer is at the end, so I won't spoil your reading experience with a huge block at the start!)
[Dimensional Ruins Market Listing System activated! Good luck, host. Try to stay alive a few more days!] [Host ID: 0527!] [Hosts killed: 526!] [Currently anchored world: Marvel (Earth-628)] [System functions: please look them up yourself when you have time.]
Lu Wen stared blankly at the virtual data panel before him for a moment, until a fierce gust swept across his scalp~
"So, I've transmigrated too?"
"Hiss~ couldn't you have given me a slightly more dignified way to transmigrate?"
Lu Wen sat on the toilet, propping his chin on one hand and holding his phone in the other, utterly speechless as he stared at the flames filling the sky before him.
"Also, give me back my toilet paper, you damned red-skinned avocado freak!"
Lu Wen glared angrily at Deadpool beside him, who was wrapping his toilet roll around his neck like a scarf.
"What's wrong, baby? Feeling shy? It's fine. Nobody's going to notice whether you wiped your ass while these alien bugs are beating the shit out of everyone~"
Deadpool, who had appeared out of nowhere, kept up his filthy chatter while continuing to torment the toilet roll.
"How the fuck are those remotely the same thing?! Give it here, you bastard!"
Inside the restroom of an office building whose roof had been torn off, Lu Wen pushed aside a battered stall partition and snatched his poor toilet roll back from Deadpool.
"I swear! I just went to the restroom while I was out shopping, and somehow shat my way into the Battle of New York! This cliché transmigration plot actually happened to me! Absolutely ridiculous."
Having straightened himself up and risen from the toilet, Lu Wen looked through the damaged wall at the Chitauri Army flying wildly across the sky outside, the occasional red-and-gold tin can flying past, and a bellowing, lightning-shooting brute. He felt as though a hundred thousand alpacas were thundering over his head.
"Hmm~ you've got a point! But isn't your classic piss-and-shit opening even more clichéd? People are sick of that stuff by now, okay? Couldn't you pick a different entrance?"
Beside him, Deadpool leaned flamboyantly against the only undamaged restroom door. He had rolled up his red mask, revealing a lower face like avocado skin, and was puffing away on a cigarette he had produced from who knew where.
"Shut up! You think I wanted this? Did I get a choice?" Lu Wen turned and rolled his eyes at Deadpool.
Between this inexplicable transmigration, his undignified entrance, and that rather suspicious system, he felt that things might not be looking too good.
What the fuck did "hosts killed: 526" mean? And what was that about trying to stay alive a few more days? Was that right?
Huh? Wait!
Deadpool?
Coming back to his senses, Lu Wen slowly shifted his gaze from the Chitauri Army filling the sky to Deadpool, who was puffing smoke beside him.
Come to think of it~ when I watched the Battle of New York back then, this red-skinned avocado freak didn't seem to be there, did he?
"What? Want one? Let some nicotine soothe that little heart of yours, thumping away like a startled fawn after your transmigration."
"No, I don't smoke! And is that how you're supposed to fucking use that expression?!"
Lu Wen politely declined the cigarette Deadpool offered. Aside from not smoking, he was also afraid it might contain some special American seasoning.
His suspicions weren't groundless. After all, nothing this foul-mouthed guy did would surprise him.
"Uh, why are you here, anyway? I don't remember you being in the Battle of New York. Also, how did you manage to show up right beside me so precisely?"
Faced with three questions in a row, Deadpool calmly flicked away his cigarette butt and pulled his mask back into place.
"Me? Just wandering around, revisiting this very meaningful scene while I'm at it! As for you, kid~ I just suddenly sensed a fluctuation in spacetime and came to check it out. Didn't expect to run into another transmigrator."
"Another?"
"Yes, another! My life's been a lot more exciting than you imagine. So, lucky guy cosplaying the toilet god of war, are you sure you want to keep chatting here with Uncle Deadpool instead of figuring out how to survive this purple sweet potato freak's army first?"
"Hmm, good point."
Lu Wen nodded seriously, agreeing with Deadpool's suggestion.
Although he didn't know exactly which Deadpool this was, one thing was certain: this was some seasoned veteran Deadpool with extensive experience traveling through spacetime, who had met plenty of transmigrators!
Still, Deadpool was right. His top priority now was to see what this suspicious system would give him to keep him alive.
Lu Wen took two steps back, positioning Deadpool protectively in front of him and shielding himself completely behind his body.
This guy didn't look like he was leaving anytime soon, so he could serve as a meat shield for a while. It wasn't as though he could die anyway.
It would be bad if a stray rock, bullet, alien laser, or big green brute came flying over and hit him while he checked the system!
With a slight shift of his thoughts, a translucent, shimmering data window appeared in his field of vision.
[Dimensional Ruins Market Listing System] [Host ID: 0527] [Hosts killed: 526] [Currently anchored world: Marvel (Earth-628)] [First activation by host detected-beginner gift pack issued. Please claim it.]
A translucent gift-pack icon popped up before Lu Wen. At a thought, the package opened automatically.
[Obtained: Universal Language Pack (permanent)] [Obtained: Infinite System Space (permanent)] [Obtained: Attribute Conversion Shop (permanently unlocked)] [Obtained: First-Generation Compound V (Soldier Boy II Version) ×1]
"Compound V?" Lu Wen froze for a moment. "Isn't that stuff from The Boys?"
Before he could think it through, a bright white electrical arc suddenly swept overhead and struck the stall door. Deadpool nimbly rolled sideways to dodge, pulling Lu Wen up from beside the toilet as he did.
"Yo, baby, has that secondhand Android of yours finally finished booting? Could you read the room before browsing Taobao?" Deadpool shook out his hands and drew the twin swords from his back. "That lightning-shooting Thor boy up there isn't being very friendly."
Lu Wen steadied himself and quickly scanned the other system notifications. Compound V's description contained only a single line!
[First-Generation Compound V (Soldier Boy II Version): permanently improves physical attributes upon injection, granting super strength, stamina, defense, and radioactive energy blasts (retains and enhances only offensive properties; removes radiation and the side effect of erasing Compound V). Side effects: none! (Optimized version) Use immediately?]
"Use immediately."
He selected confirm without hesitation.
Who cared about side effects? In this situation, he was about to lose his life. Why overthink it?
A syringe filled with viscous, pale-blue liquid materialized in his hand. The instant it landed in his grip, Lu Wen plunged it into his arm and injected it.
The slightly cool liquid entered his veins and swiftly spread throughout his body.
There was no violent reaction. The drug felt like a slow expansion, energy seeping outward from his bone marrow and surging through every part of his body.
He could feel his muscles growing denser, his bones thickening, and the rhythm of his blood flow becoming more powerful.
"Oh? What did you just shoot yourself up with? Steroids?" Deadpool asked without turning around, blocking a charging Chitauri soldier with his twin swords.
Lu Wen didn't answer.
He lowered his head and clenched his fists.
Strength surged through him-a tangible feeling of having "grown stronger" in the physical sense.
"Not bad." He rolled his neck, producing a faint series of cracks.
Deadpool stepped aside, clearing the doorway. "All right, since you think you've got what it takes now! Lead the way, baby."
"Lead the way where?"
"Out of here! You don't seriously think you can beat that alien army outside, do you?"
Deadpool drove a sword through another Chitauri soldier charging inside, lunging forward with the momentum.
"I just finished a whole sword routine, and my hands are sore. Your turn. I mean, you clear the way, and I'll bring up the rear."
Lu Wen rolled his eyes but stepped outside anyway.
The ruined corridor was littered with broken glass and concrete dust. Half the ceiling overhead had collapsed, leaving a direct view of the smoke-filled sky outside.
He bent down, picked up a broken steel pipe, and tested its weight.
A little light.
One more. One in each hand felt just right.
"Which way?" he asked without looking back.
"Right. That takes us farther from Stark Tower. It's too dangerous directly beneath the wormhole."
Deadpool followed, stepping over broken glass.
"I'm telling you, you're pretty lucky. The last transmigrator I met got slapped into a two-dimensional piece of graffiti by Hulk the moment he landed. Now that was art."
"Shut up and watch where you're going."
[First, the protagonist won't be taking the completely system-dependent route. He'll combine the system with personal growth, stacking stats through both paths!
The first five worlds in the story constitute the beginner phase, so the first three worlds offer fewer points. They're mainly for "stockpiling items" and "stacking stats" in preparation for leaving the beginner village! And in the actual writing, I've more or less skipped two of them!
The fifth order in the beginner village marks the period when substantial points start coming in. I won't keep giving the protagonist peanuts just to suppress his growth. I don't want to write about shooting mosquitoes with cannons, nor do I want to write about mosquitoes gnawing on elephants.
Lastly, about points: why are attributes so expensive? Because if I don't make them expensive, earning points in places packed with point-yielding units would be far too easy!
(For example, Resident Evil has zombies everywhere. Even at the minimum rate of 10 points each, killing a billion zombies would yield 10 billion points! And that's before elite units, which I certainly can't award too few points for. So I made attributes a bit more expensive to allow the plot to keep developing!)
Otherwise, logically speaking, the system shop could be emptied before I'd even written a hundred chapters.
I really don't want to pile on absurdly high stats right at the start and turn this into the numerical equivalent of using Pangu's power to beat up street thugs, only to end with stats spiraling out of control, halted updates, and an unfinished mess! I genuinely want to finish this story.]
Before you continue