Ch. 1Twenty years since transmigrating, three years since graduation

Douglas Holmes left the Surrey orphanage and prepared for an interview for Hogwarts’ Defense Against the Dark Arts post, hoping the job might activate his dormant system. He reached Hogwarts on July 5 and followed Minerva McGonagall toward Albus Dumbledore’s office.

  • Douglas said goodbye to Director George and Apparated from Surrey to his protected home.
  • Douglas remembered his parents’ deaths, his years in the orphanage, and how Petunia Evans had blamed him for bringing misfortune on her family.
  • Douglas read McGonagall’s letter inviting him to interview for the Defense Against the Dark Arts position and decided to attend before considering how to deal with Gilderoy Lockhart.
  • Douglas used the Floo Network to reach McGonagall’s office, cleaned soot from himself with a wandless spell, and offered her homemade desserts.
  • McGonagall led Douglas to Dumbledore’s office, where the stone statue opened after she gave the password, “Iced lemonade.”

Ch. 2Shocking! Snape Rejected Me over a Meal of Tripe

Douglas Holmes met with Dumbledore about a possible Hogwarts job, where Dumbledore recognized his Muggle-world fantasy novels and revealed how he had found them. Their conversation left Douglas surprised that Dumbledore had read the books and connected them to their shared past.

  • Douglas entered Dumbledore's office and hid his shock at seeing a book that should not have existed in the wizarding world.
  • McGonagall reminded Douglas and Dumbledore not to cook hot pot in the office, recalling that Snape had refused Douglas entry to his N.E.W.T. Potions class after catching him cooking tripe there.
  • Douglas offered Dumbledore homemade wife cakes, then recognized the fruit from the orchard he had planted at Hogwarts, which Dumbledore said the school still maintained as Holmes Orchard.
  • Dumbledore identified Douglas as the author of The Banana-Loving Honey Badger and praised the magical systems and ideas in his Muggle-world books.
  • Douglas questioned how Dumbledore had obtained the Muggle editions, and Dumbledore explained that a first-year student had brought him one and asked whether he was a Grand Magus.

Ch. 3Merlin's tattered underpants! Headmaster, evil and I are sworn enemies

Douglas faced Dumbledore’s suspicions during an interview for the Defence Against the Dark Arts post, then learned that his former friend Quirinus Quirrell had taught the subject and been possessed by Voldemort. After hearing Dumbledore’s account, Douglas began to identify possible flaws in its logic and prepared to share his deductions cautiously.

  • Dumbledore praised Douglas’s magical theories and questioned why he wanted to teach Defence Against the Dark Arts instead of Charms.
  • Douglas said he wanted Hogwarts’s calm environment and access to research materials to overcome a writing block and resume his novel.
  • Dumbledore asked about Douglas’s past closeness to Quirinus Quirrell and revealed that Quirrell had been the previous year’s Defence Against the Dark Arts professor.
  • Douglas explained that he had lost contact with Quirrell more than two years earlier, then asked what had happened to him and whether the post was cursed.
  • Dumbledore recounted how Voldemort possessed Quirrell and how Quirrell tried to steal the Philosopher’s Stone.
  • Douglas considered possible gaps in Dumbledore’s account, warned that his deductions did not indicate personal support for Quirrell, and began voicing his doubts.

Ch. 4Dumbledore's workplace manipulation

Douglas analyzed the suspicious circumstances surrounding Quirinus Quirrell’s attack on Harry Potter, then accepted a temporary Hogwarts Defense Against the Dark Arts teaching post. Signing the appointment letter activated his Top Student Development System, and Dumbledore warned him not to feed Fawkes strange food again.

  • Douglas argued that Quirrell’s garlic-filled scarf and crude attack on the Quidditch Pitch might have been attempts to send a warning, and Dumbledore considered the possibility.
  • Dumbledore offered Douglas a temporary Defense Against the Dark Arts position and explained that it could become permanent after a successful school year.
  • Dumbledore suggested inviting another author to teach alongside Douglas, but Douglas insisted he could teach the subject alone and signed the appointment letter.
  • The Top Student Development System activated as soon as Douglas signed, ending the countdown that had followed him for two years.
  • Dumbledore told Douglas that Fawkes wanted a present and asked him not to feed the phoenix any more strange food.

Ch. 5Too few classes-there had to be more!

Douglas accepted a temporary teaching position at Hogwarts and discovered that his Defense Against the Dark Arts timetable was packed, though he insisted it needed even more classes. Back home, he learned that a curse would take effect in a year unless he earned 10,000 points through the Top Student Development System.

  • Dumbledore told Douglas that Professor McGonagall was ready to welcome him, and McGonagall offered him the vacant teaching position.
  • McGonagall showed Douglas his dense Defense Against the Dark Arts timetable, and he argued that Hogwarts should add morning and evening classes.
  • McGonagall recalled Douglas's past lateness and the brawl he started after Ravenclaw students damaged his orchard.
  • Douglas returned home through the Floo Network and checked the Top Student Development System in his basement.
  • The system warned Douglas that an unknown curse would take effect in a year and would cost 10,000 points to remove, while his estimated teaching rewards fell far short of that total.

Ch. 6The deadline owl and the forgotten crisis

Douglas remembered that Ginny Weasley would become involved with the Chamber of Secrets and realized the crisis he had nearly forgotten was approaching. After completing his manuscript, he returned to Diagon Alley, where he left his reunion with the wizarding world poised to continue.

  • Douglas received an urgent manuscript deadline from Mr. Slane and reviewed his exam summaries and lesson plans.
  • Douglas spotted the Weasley brothers and Harry Potter flying past his home in Arthur Weasley's enchanted Ford.
  • Douglas recalled Ginny, the diary, and the basilisk, along with his younger self's failed search for the Chamber of Secrets.
  • Douglas went to the Leaky Cauldron with his completed manuscript and spoke briefly with Tom.
  • Douglas opened the passage to Diagon Alley and stepped into the wizarding world after a long absence.

Ch. 7I'm the Author-Pay Up!

Douglas went to Diagon Alley to withdraw money and ran into his old friend Slane, who was alarmed by Gilderoy Lockhart’s publicity and delighted to receive Douglas’s newest manuscript. After collecting ten thousand Galleons from Gringotts, Douglas remembered the junk shop where he had once found useful magical books and headed there.

  • Douglas was swept to Obscurus Books, where Slane confronted him for visiting Diagon Alley without stopping by.
  • Slane warned Douglas that Lockhart had publicly displayed an invitation signed by Dumbledore to become Hogwarts’s Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor.
  • Douglas gave Slane the latest volume of Master of All Trades, and Slane hurried off to review it and plan its release.
  • Douglas visited Gringotts, found over four hundred thousand Galleons in his vault, and withdrew ten thousand.
  • Douglas remembered the junk shop where he had found annotated textbooks as a student and decided to go there.

Ch. 8The legendary upperclassman, Douglas!

Douglas reunited with Hagrid, Harry, Hermione, and the Weasleys in Diagon Alley, where he revealed his old ties to the family and learned Harry had accidentally ended up in Knockturn Alley. As Hagrid hurried away, Hermione questioned whether Douglas would be allowed into Hogwarts.

  • Douglas greeted Hagrid and met Harry and Hermione, while Hagrid introduced him as a former Hogwarts student who had created several popular recipes and planted an orchard.
  • Arthur Weasley recognized Douglas and excitedly asked about his travels, then Fred and George teased him about an old incident.
  • Douglas revealed he had seen the Weasley boys flying Arthur's enchanted Ford Anglia and began discussing improvements to its invisibility booster with Arthur.
  • Molly arrived, cleaned the soot from Harry, and learned from Hagrid that he had gone to Knockturn Alley; Douglas reassured her that Harry had taken the wrong fireplace and Hagrid had rescued him.
  • Ron remembered Douglas as the source of the family’s giblet soup, while Percy explained Douglas was close to the Weasleys and had suggested modifying the car.
  • Hagrid said he had to leave and asked Douglas to meet him near the Forbidden Forest, then Hermione asked how Douglas could enter Hogwarts as an outside wizard.

Ch. 9Percy: Boss, long time no see

Douglas reunited with Percy and the Weasleys while shopping in Diagon Alley, where he was revealed as Hogwarts’ new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. He gave Percy a book and offered Ginny her schoolbooks, then arranged to meet the family at Flourish and Blotts.

  • Hagrid announced that Douglas would teach Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts, and Mrs. Weasley congratulated him.
  • Douglas explored a secondhand bookshop and found readers’ handwritten comments in several of his own books.
  • Mrs. Weasley introduced Percy and Ginny to Douglas, and Percy apologized for not greeting his former boss earlier.
  • Douglas gave Percy a copy of How Prefects Gain Power and promised Ginny a new set of Hogwarts textbooks as a school-starting gift.
  • Douglas and Mrs. Weasley arranged to meet outside Flourish and Blotts in an hour and have dinner together that evening.

Ch. 10Don't Strut Like Lockhart

Douglas went with Percy to Flourish and Blotts, where he encountered Slane at Gilderoy Lockhart’s signing and kept his own writing career secret. He gave Ginny a set of textbooks and met Hermione Granger’s parents, reassuring them as Hogwarts’ new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor and a fellow Muggle-born.

  • Douglas and Percy found Slane watching Lockhart’s signing, and Slane nearly revealed that Douglas was a successful author.
  • Douglas promised Percy a set of his books and asked him to keep Douglas’s identity secret.
  • Douglas bought Ginny a set of first-year textbooks and advised Percy to present them as a guilt-free gift.
  • Mrs. Weasley left Ginny with Douglas and Percy to join Lockhart’s signing queue, while Arthur arrived with Mr. and Mrs. Granger.
  • Arthur introduced Douglas as Hogwarts’ new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, and Douglas reassured the nervous Grangers that he was Muggle-born too.

Ch. 11I'll fly the flag for Dumbledore

Douglas Holmes invited the Weasley family, Harry, Hermione, and the Grangers to his home after meeting them in Diagon Alley, while Lucius Malfoy watched with the diary in his possession. Douglas was relieved to see Ginny had no old notebook among her books and resolved to stay close to Dumbledore as events unfolded.

  • Mr. Granger apologized to Douglas after learning his parents had died, and Douglas reassured him while praising Hermione's ability.
  • Mrs. Weasley proudly showed everyone Gilderoy Lockhart's signed book as Douglas spotted Lucius Malfoy and noticed Ginny's cauldron.
  • Douglas invited the group to his home, and the Weasleys, Harry, Hermione, and the Grangers followed him through the Leaky Cauldron.
  • Lucius and Draco Malfoy watched the group leave, with Lucius clutching a hardback notebook and condemning their company.
  • Douglas checked Ginny's cauldron and saw no battered notebook, then decided to keep close to Dumbledore and rely on his own contingency plans.

Ch. 12Harry: My aunt forbade me from going near this street

Douglas brought Harry, the Weasleys, and the Grangers to his home on Rose Road, where Harry discovered it was near the house where he had grown up. The families shared a chaotic visit and dinner before returning home, while Harry was left with an invitation to visit Douglas.

  • Douglas arranged taxis for the families and gave Hermione the address of his house at 18 Rose Road.
  • Harry realized Douglas lived near 4 Privet Drive and recalled that Aunt Petunia had forbidden him and Dudley from going near Rose Road.
  • Douglas invited Harry and Hermione to visit, but told the Weasleys their home was too far away for them to come often.
  • The families explored Douglas's ordinary Muggle home, where the children investigated appliances and played a video game.
  • Douglas hosted a three-hour dinner, discussed Muggle life with Mr. Weasley and the Grangers, and promised Mrs. Weasley he would discipline the twins at school.
  • The Weasley and Granger families returned to London after the gathering ended.

Ch. 13That man was back! The king of the kitchen!

Douglas returned to Hogwarts as the new Dark Magic Defense professor, prepared his office and classroom, and reunited with the house-elves in the kitchens. He left off being welcomed by the elves and tasting the Chinese treats he had taught them to make.

  • Douglas arrived at Hogwarts, and McGonagall showed him his office and explained the student lists and staff lunch plans.
  • Douglas shrank the old furniture and furnished his office in a Chinese style, then added a large blackboard to the classroom.
  • Douglas visited the Hogwarts kitchens and stopped Kian from hurting himself when the house-elf became overwhelmed at seeing him.
  • Kian led Douglas into the kitchen, where the house-elves welcomed him with tea and osmanthus cake.

Ch. 14Dumbledore: Don't panic, I already knew about the flying car!

Douglas returned to Hogwarts as a professor, reunited with his former teachers, and attended the start-of-term feast. When Percy reported that Harry and Ron were missing, Dumbledore said Snape had gone to find them, while Douglas reassured Percy and Hermione.

  • McGonagall teased Sprout that Douglas had gone to the kitchens, and Sprout admitted she had expected him to visit her first.
  • Douglas arrived at the staffroom, hugged Sprout, and gave her a book about Mendel’s plant hybridisation experiments before presenting gifts to the other professors.
  • At the feast, Douglas noticed that Harry Potter and Ron Weasley were absent from the Gryffindor table.
  • Percy rushed to Douglas and reported that Harry and Ron were missing, while Hermione followed him.
  • Dumbledore told Percy that Harry and Ron would appear soon and that Snape had gone to find them, then showed the professors a Daily Prophet report about Muggle sightings of a flying car.
  • Douglas reassured Percy and urged him to trust Dumbledore, while Hermione asked whether Harry and Ron would be expelled.

Ch. 15The Sorting Hat's Not-Quite-Proper Rap

Douglas watched the Sorting Ceremony, where the Sorting Hat performed the irreverent rap he had taught it, before welcoming the students as Hogwarts’ new Defense Against Dark Magic teacher. Harry and Ron were caught by Snape after missing the school train, and the chapter left them facing an uncertain fate as Douglas settled in at the feast.

  • Douglas declined Hermione’s question about Harry and Ron, saying only Professor McGonagall could answer it, while Snape went to look for the missing boys.
  • The Sorting Hat performed a lively rap naming the virtues of the four Houses, a style Douglas had taught it during his school days.
  • Harry and Ron reached Hogwarts after crashing near the Whomping Willow, but Snape caught them outside the Great Hall and ordered them to follow him.
  • Snape returned to the High Table and spoke privately with Dumbledore before the feast began.
  • Dumbledore introduced Douglas as the new Defense Against Dark Magic teacher, and students across the Houses applauded him.
  • The feast began, and Professor Sprout told Douglas that Hogwarts still served dishes he had suggested as a student.

Ch. 16Prefects? In my class, the class representative has the final say

Douglas began teaching fifth-year Ravenclaws and appointed Windsor Shirley as their Defense Against the Dark Arts class representative, giving the new role authority over prefects in his subject. He planned to appoint representatives across every house and year, and promised them a share of the special fruit allocated to house leadership.

  • Douglas meditated and exercised before eating breakfast in the Hogwarts kitchen.
  • Douglas began his first Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson for fifth-year Ravenclaws and asked them to identify their greatest challenge.
  • Windsor Shirley answered that the O.W.L.s were the students’ greatest challenge, and Douglas asked her to introduce herself.
  • Douglas appointed Windsor Shirley as class representative and outlined her duties, including tracking progress, overseeing homework, and helping classmates.
  • Douglas told Marjory Vina and Lizzie Quentin that class representatives’ instructions took precedence over prefects in Defense Against the Dark Arts.
  • Douglas announced that he would appoint representatives across every house and year and give them a share of the special fruit allocated to house leadership.

Ch. 17Welcome to the real Defence Against the Dark Arts class

Douglas Holmes challenged the Prefects’ claim to orchard privileges and revealed that their fruit had originally been compensation for students who worked in detention. He then began his Defence Against the Dark Arts course with a baseline theory exam, leaving the fifth-years stunned by its questions.

  • Quinton Avery objected to Douglas sharing orchard fruit with class representatives, and Vina supported his protest.
  • Douglas told the class that the orchard was named after him and that the Prefects’ fruit had been meant for students serving detention.
  • Vincent Dina asked about the Four Houses battle seven years earlier, and Douglas promised to tell her more if she earned an O on her Defence Against the Dark Arts O.W.L.s.
  • Douglas explained the importance of the O.W.L.s and said the class needed to catch up on defensive spells from the previous year.
  • Douglas handed out a theory test covering their Defence Against the Dark Arts knowledge and ordered the students to work in silence for the rest of the lesson.

Ch. 18Ron: Professor Holmes is a good man

Douglas collected Ravenclaw’s exam papers and summoned Windsor Shirley to his office, then began teaching second-year Gryffindors. After calling on Ron Weasley and Harry Potter, he let Hermione Granger explain how to deal with a Boggart.

  • Douglas ended the exam by magically collecting the papers and announced that students would face monthly assessments.
  • Douglas asked Windsor Shirley to visit his office after seven that evening, while Ravenclaw students discussed the difficult exam and her special privileges.
  • Douglas checked the system’s lesson ratings before entering a crowded second-year Gryffindor class.
  • Douglas called on Ron Weasley and then Harry Potter to answer what students should do when they encountered a Boggart, but neither knew.
  • Douglas praised Hermione Granger after she explained Boggarts, the Riddikulus spell, and how laughter could make a Boggart disappear.

Ch. 19The first lesson began with punishment for everyone

Douglas made his first Defense Against Dark Magic lesson demanding, assigning the class essays and appointing Hermione Granger to oversee recitations. The students left with a strict deadline to master the Banshee material before the next lesson, while Hermione was tasked with reporting to Douglas daily.

  • Douglas praised Hermione for her question, then reprimanded Harry and Ron for arriving unprepared and assigned the class an essay about escaping a sealed entrance to the magical world.
  • Douglas offered practical spell combat lessons to students who completed the required theory, but explained that the whole class had to master the material first.
  • Douglas appointed Hermione class representative and instructed the Gryffindors to recite each topic to her as they learned it.
  • The class failed to recite the full Banshee material before the lesson ended, and Douglas assigned them to master it and write a fifteen-inch essay before Friday.
  • Douglas told Hermione to bring him a daily list of completed recitations at his office, and she accepted eagerly.

Ch. 20Seven classes in one day-so exhausting

Douglas tested different teaching methods across Hogwarts classes, using memorization and motivational speeches with younger students and a diagnostic test with fourth-year Gryffindors. He ended the day teaching sixth- and seventh-years about Inferi in a conventional lesson that left them wondering why he was behaving so normally.

  • Douglas checked the system’s scores after his Gryffindor lesson and concluded that reciting aloud boosted participation while Hermione raised the class’s progress average.
  • Douglas encouraged third-year Hufflepuffs with motivational sayings before having them memorize their textbook, and he was pleased with the system’s final score.
  • Rumors about Douglas’s tests, memorization, and heavy homework spread through the dining hall, while he ate lunch in his office to avoid the tense students.
  • Douglas gave fourth-year Gryffindors a diagnostic test, appointed the Weasley Twins as class representatives, and watched them work.
  • Douglas had third-year Ravenclaws and first-year Hufflepuffs memorize their textbooks, then taught sixth- and seventh-years about Inferi and recounted encounters with them.
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