Thinking about it, it's only been forty-odd days since I started posting Phantasm. A little over a month.
I really never expected at the start that I'd end up on a roller coaster with this many ups and downs...
Writing an ensemble cast is at least three times as hard (I calculated this by repeatedly pouring green liquid in a lab while wearing a white coat), and the audience is three times smaller (same as above, very scientific). I'd actually prepared myself for all that.
Or rather, I thought I'd prepared myself.
When I first started posting, I still carried the illusions and momentum left over from Apocalypse. Looking out, it felt as though I could still see the ghosts of flowers in full bloom.
(I know Apocalypse wasn't all that popular either. It was just much more mainstream by comparison.)
Aside from when I first started posting and everyone came to support me, when things really did bloom for a brief spell, once the story unfolded, I started facing the stark reality: huh? I knew you were niche, but I didn't think you were this niche!
It felt like all my readers had come from Apocalypse, and I kept losing them along the way. Even the reserves I was living off were dwindling. Who wouldn't panic? Watching the numbers on my dashboard sink lower and lower, I really did go through a lot of anxiety.
See, however firm your resolve was at the start, once you slam headfirst into reality, you still know it hurts. Hit it hard enough, and you'll need a cast.
With my head wrapped in a cast, I watched (never mind how I watched, I saw it, okay?) my new book grow more deserted by the day, slowly slogging through the writing. I was writing Chai Si at the time, a character who wasn't even well liked in a niche story. As I slogged on, my state of mind suddenly grew much calmer.
How do I put it? I suddenly had this feeling of, oh, this is how things ought to be for me.
When I started this book, I'd intended to write it as though I'd never written Apocalypse, as though this were the first book of my life. So when things around me weren't bustling, when colorful flags weren't flying, wasn't that just right?
The more niche and obscure a story is, the more it should be written in a quiet, niche environment, so other things are less likely to dazzle your eyes. "Environment" counts whether it's your state of mind or your external surroundings.
So when I said I was aiming for twenty first-chapter subscriptions, I was joking, but thinking about it afterward, even if there really were only twenty, that wouldn't be unacceptable. Going back where you came from doesn't mean the journey was wasted. It's more like... seeing mountains as mountains again, and water as water again.
Having chosen a little path no one travels, naturally I have to keep walking it step by step in silence, watching the mountains shift amid smoky-white clouds and mist, which occasionally lift their veil to reveal the hidden scenery I seek.
After all that, thank you for being willing to follow me down this road to the bitter end. You should know I didn't bring a flashlight (.
PS: Oh, right! My editor told me to mention Wild Deer Convenience Store more often when I get the chance, worried some people still don't know I'm keeping a short-story mistress on the side (not really). My editor has really gone to bat for me, stopping just short of going out masked and kidnapping people off the street to read my work, so I have to shout a few more times: Wild Deer Convenience Store, Wild Deer Convenience Store!
A short story to enjoy with your meal, with a sweet aftertaste to savor!
After reading Wild Deer Convenience Store, children's exam scores improved, and elderly people's legs stopped hurting, said local resident Ms. Liu.
"Wild Deer Convenience Store is a store where I'd happily shop often."-Excerpt from a Wall Street Journal review, raking in cash with a guilty conscience.
(End of chapter)
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