Of all the things to do this late at night, you had to steal cat poop to eat

He jolted awake!

The little motion-sensor light beside the bed came on. Without even putting on his slippers, Li Yi silently walked barefoot into the room next door and brought back a bag of something. Then he picked up the long umbrella from the stand beside the door and held it as a weapon.

"Is it open yet? Hurry up. Stop dawdling."

"There are too many keys. Almost, almost. This is the one. There, it's open!"

Click!

The door opened.

Snap!

Li Yi pressed the button on the automatic umbrella, and it snapped open.

"Ah! What is that?" The moment Lu Junjia opened the door, the umbrella tip jabbed him in the face, startling him into stumbling backward.

"Ah!!!" Right behind him, Lu Xingluo screamed and pressed hard on the insecticide can in her hand, spraying wildly ahead.

"Third Sister, you're spraying it all over my head! Stop! You're going to poison me!" Lu Junjia dodged frantically.

"You suddenly backed up and scared me..."

Before she finished, a bag of foul-smelling, urine-reeking stuff came down over their heads. Some of it was in chunks, some in granules, and some was wet and sticky.

Lu Xingluo felt a finger-length lump in her hair and sniffed it. The stench shot straight to the top of her skull, instantly making her retch involuntarily.

"Urgh... What is this? Why does it stink so much?"

"Third Sister, what's this wet, sticky stuff on my head? It reeks of pee. So disgusting." Lu Junjia frantically slapped at the stuff in his hair, spitting over and over.

The room light came on, revealing half of Li Yi's face behind the umbrella. His gaze was dark as he stared fixedly at the two of them in the darkness. Suddenly, he grinned. "You two aren't sleeping this late at night because you came to my room to steal cat poop to eat?

"Didn't get enough cat poop coffee this morning, so you wanted some freshly laid by Sheriff?"

"This is cat poop?" Lu Xingluo looked down by the bedroom light, then hurled the thing in her hand at Li Yi, only for the umbrella to block it.

Unwilling to give up, she raised the insecticide can again and sprayed furiously ahead.

Hiding behind the umbrella, Li Yi charged forward like a boar, jabbing Lu Xingluo with the umbrella tip and forcing her back again and again. She screamed, "Lu Junjia, what are you standing there for?

"Get in there and kill that little beast!"

"In your dreams!" Li Yi slid his grip forward along the umbrella, closing the distance between himself and Lu Xingluo, then half crouched and swept his leg out.

Bang!

It was the sound of a body hitting the floor.

Lu Xingluo's shrill, furious stream of colorful Chinese curses rang through the dark hallway.

Lu Junjia shuddered in fright and rushed into the room, looking everywhere for Sheriff.

Tuxedo Cat was always excitable around company. Not the least bit afraid of the stranger entering the room, he darted out from under the bed, suddenly stretched out a paw, raked Lu Junjia's calf, and ran off.

Lu Junjia only managed to catch sight of an unidentified black-and-white lump flashing past his feet.

Just as he was about to chase after it for a look, the lump shot back like lightning and left another scratch on his calf.

"Meow~" Tuxedo Cat crouched on top of the cabinet, his big eyes gazing down at the frantic two-legged beast below as he leisurely raised a paw and licked it.

"Damn it!" Furious, Lu Junjia looked down at his calves. Each now bore several claw marks, and blood was already beginning to well up.

"Meow~" Tuxedo Cat jumped from the cabinet onto the desk, then onto the bed, where he crouched and stared adorably at Lu Junjia.

It was as if he were saying, You little loser, why aren't you chasing me yet? I've jumped right in front of you.

Lu Junjia looked around and spotted the umbrellas in the umbrella stand. Just as he was about to grab one, someone behind him kicked him in the backside, sending him pitching forward.

When he hit the floor, his lip struck his teeth, and he cried out in pain.

Li Yi planted a foot on his back and pointed the insecticide at the back of his head. One press sent a spray chilling the back of Lu Junjia's neck. Trembling, he said, "Li Yi, that's insecticide. It's poisonous!"

"Oh?" Li Yi brought the can over for a look. "Strongest Insecticide, double the toxicity. Three sprays in a row send rats to their graves; two sprays in a row leave cockroaches and insects without descendants.

"So it really is poisonous. You were spraying it so enthusiastically just now, I thought it was perfume."

"I was wrong, Li Yi. Please let me go. I only came because Third Sister told me to." Insecticide dripped down Lu Junjia's neck. Scared out of his wits, he wanted nothing more than to hurry back and shower.

"You know, this really does smell awful." Ignoring him, Li Yi aimed at Lu Junjia's head and sprayed several more times, soaking his hair.

"Li Yi, this insecticide is really toxic. Stop spraying. I was wrong. I'll never come into your room again. Please spare me this once." Lu Junjia pressed his palms together and begged for mercy, his voice almost tearful with fright.

"Li Yi, what are you doing?" Lu Xingluo got up from the floor and leaned against the doorway to look inside.

She saw Li Yi spraying Lu Junjia with the insecticide, its pungent smell filling the air. She screamed, "Are you trying to kill him? How can you be so vicious!"

Li Yi said nothing. He flung the insecticide can backward, striking Lu Xingluo squarely in the forehead. She lost her balance and landed bottom-first on the pile of stuff from earlier.

There were soft bits and hard bits, and it was damp, too.

The places where she had braced her hands were filthy as well, covered in tiny bits of cat litter. Every grain seemed evenly coated in stench. Lu Xingluo felt as though she reeked from head to toe.

She could no longer stand it and ran screaming back to her room.

The noise had already disturbed some of the servants, and several figures appeared by the stairs.

The door to the sunniest room on the second floor opened, and Lu Hongshen and Qiao Xinyue came out in their pajamas.

"So noisy! What are you doing in the middle of the night?" Qiao Xinyue grumbled as she tidied her sleep-tousled hair.

"Mom, save me!" Lu Junjia shouted from inside the room. Then, as though someone had covered his mouth, he could only make muffled whimpers.

"Junjia, what's wrong?" Qiao Xinyue hurried toward the voice.

As she approached, she saw a somewhat crazed smile on Li Yi's face. He held Lu Junjia with one hand while forcefully stuffing something into his mouth with the other, shouting, "Of all the things to do this late at night, you had to steal cat poop to eat.

"That cat poop coffee this morning tasted good, didn't it? No wonder you and Lu Xingluo were craving it so badly. Even in the middle of the night, you remembered to sneak over, unlock my door, and steal cat poop to eat.

"Eat! Have some more!

"Is that enough?

"How about a little more?"

He was as enthusiastic as Auntie Moon, who had once gone viral all over the internet, relentlessly stuffing food into a child's mouth for fear the child would not get enough.

"Mmph, mmph..." Lu Junjia's mouth was crammed full of cat litter. Tears streamed from his eyes as he looked pleadingly at Qiao Xinyue, who was rushing over.

"Junjia!" Qiao Xinyue screamed and lunged at him. As though he had eyes in the back of his head, Li Yi dodged aside, and she nearly fell flat on her face.

Lu Junjia threw his arms around Qiao Xinyue and wailed, spraying the cat litter in his mouth all over her face.