The Impala's engine roared in the Ohio morning light as it pulled out of Black Pine Town. Dean took out a map and marked "Harvest Town, Iowa," his handling of the wheel growing a little lighter. "Eleven hundred kilometers? Just right for letting my baby stretch her legs and trying some authentic Midwestern food along the way-better than that abomination you call century egg congee."
Bai Haorui leafed through his "Expelling Evil" notes in the back seat without looking up. "With those all-American white-boy taste buds of yours, you couldn't tell salty from bland even if someone served you a Manchu-Han imperial feast. At most, you could tell whether the processed meat in a burger had enough salt." He pulled a bag of Buckeye candies from his backpack and tossed it to Sam in the passenger seat. "Here. Ohio's signature candy. Peanut butter centers covered in chocolate. Way better than Dean's taste."
Sam unwrapped a candy, its sweet fragrance melting on his tongue. "Not bad. Better than those expired energy bars Dean bought last time."
"Hey!" Dean got worked up and floored the gas, overtaking a truck. "When we get to Cincinnati, I'll show you what real food is-Skyline Chili, a 5-way with cheese and beans. Guaranteed to make you forget those lousy sweets."
At noon, the Impala stopped outside a Skyline Chili in Cincinnati, its red-and-white sign particularly eye-catching. When they walked in, a waitress in a red apron was smiling as she took customers' orders, her blonde hair falling to her shoulders and dimples showing at the corners of her mouth. Dean immediately straightened his leather jacket and nudged Bai Haorui, waggling his eyebrows. "Watch this."
Bai Haorui beat him to the counter and winked at the waitress. "Three 5-ways, please. And a glass of 'courage juice' for this gentleman in the leather jacket-he's probably about to tell you some worn-out line like 'Your smile is hotter than chili.' I bet five dollars he can't come up with anything more original."
The waitress doubled over laughing. Dean's face flushed bright red as he walked over, his neck stiff. "No, I wasn't! I was going to say..." He stalled, then spotted the chocolate chili recipe on the menu and thought fast. "I was going to say, did you know? This place puts chocolate in its chili. Just like you-sweet and addictive."
"Pfft-" Bai Haorui nearly spat out the water he had just drunk. "Hahahaha! Dean, that line was stiff as fuck."
Sam had been looking down at his laptop, but couldn't resist twisting the knife. "At least it's better than when he told that female cop, 'My handcuffs would fit you perfectly.'"
The waitress smiled as she brought over their chili and winked at the three of them. "Three handsome guys, huh? I'm Claire, and I get off at five." She slipped Bai Haorui five dollars. "You win. He really isn't original, but he's pretty funny. And handsome, too."
Dean ground his teeth in anger, but broke into a grin when he tasted the chili covered in cheese and beans. "Damn, this stuff's good. A hundred times better than burgers." Bai Haorui tried a bite, finding the sweet and spicy flavors unexpectedly harmonious. "I'll give you that. You've got some taste."
Leaving Cincinnati, the Impala entered Indiana, where the tower at Indianapolis Motor Speedway was faintly visible in the distance. Dean's eyes lit up. "We have to go in and try it! I'll show you what a professional driver can do."
At the speedway, a tall female mechanic in a racing suit was inspecting a car, her gaze sharp. Dean immediately went over and struck a dashing pose. "Need a hand, gorgeous? I'm an experienced driver. I've drifted a '67 Impala to dodge a deer."
Bai Haorui followed him and said quietly to the mechanic, "Don't believe him. Last time, he backed into a gas pump at a station and claimed the pump started it."
The mechanic laughed and invited Dean to test-drive one of the cars. Dean stepped on the gas, and the car instantly shot forward, frightening him into gripping the steering wheel for dear life. He didn't dare accelerate the whole way, and returned looking dejected. Bai Haorui patted his shoulder. "Well, well. Why was our 'professional driver' afraid to hit the gas? Worried you couldn't beat the female mechanic?"
Camera in hand, Sam captured Dean's profile, tense throughout the drive. "I think this could be our new wallpaper. We can call it 'Dean's Fast and Fearful.'"
That evening, they ate pork tenderloin sandwiches at a small-town restaurant, the enormous fried pork cutlets almost covering the entire buns. Dean gnawed on his cutlet, still refusing to back down. "I was being cautious. Racing isn't nearly as dangerous as hunting monsters." Bai Haorui picked up a piece of pork. "Sure, sure. You're the most cautious guy around. You were really cautious that time a Shapeshifter tied you to an iron post and you screamed for help, too."
As they traveled through Illinois, the magnificent scenery of the Mississippi River came into view. They reached Chicago just in time for dinner, and Dean insisted on having authentic Chicago hot dogs. At a street stand, he pointed at the menu and told the woman running it, "Three authentic ones. Extra yellow mustard."
The vendor smiled and nodded. When she turned around to prepare them, Dean secretly pulled some ketchup from his bag. "A little of this will give it more flavor."
"Stop!" Bai Haorui snatched the ketchup away. "The rule is no ketchup on Chicago hot dogs! You're desecrating food. This is worse than a Shapeshifter pretending to be you."
Sam agreed. "It's true. The sources say ketchup ruins the flavor of a Chicago hot dog."
Dean reluctantly put down the ketchup, but muttered under his breath as he accepted his hot dog, "Rules are made to be broken." When the other two weren't paying attention, he secretly smeared some ketchup on it, only for Bai Haorui to catch him red-handed.
"Dean! You culinary traitor!" Bai Haorui pretended to snatch his hot dog, and the two tussled. The vendor laughed at the sight and gave them three extra Cozy Dogs. "First time I've seen anyone argue over ketchup. These corn dogs are on me-a gift for making me laugh."
Dean bit into his corn dog and said indistinctly, "Fine, I'll listen to you this time. But next time, I'm definitely adding ketchup. Bai, don't think you can boss me around." Sam shook his head helplessly. "You and Bai have had more arguments than we've encountered monsters."
Once they entered Iowa, the wooden covered bridges of Madison County stretched across streams, bringing the romantic atmosphere of The Bridges of Madison County rushing over them. A young woman in a floral dress was taking pictures on a bridge. Dean immediately fixed his hair and walked over. "Need help taking a group photo? I'm a professional cameraman."
Bai Haorui followed and quietly told the young woman, "Careful. His photos either turn people into memes or make the background clearer than the people."
The young woman laughed and agreed. Dean raised the phone and directed, "Move closer. Smile. Imagine you're waiting for your Robert." Beside him, Bai Haorui imitated Dean's tone. "Imagine you're waiting for a big idiot who only knows cheesy pickup lines."
The two pushed Sam next to the young woman for a photo, and he stayed as stiff as a board the whole time. In the resulting picture, the young woman smiled naturally, Sam looked solemn, Dean waggled his eyebrows, and Bai Haorui made a face behind them.
"Perfect!" Bai Haorui sent the picture to the young woman. "The theme of this photo is 'The Romance-Killing Trio.'"
As they left the covered bridge, Dean was still complaining. "This is all your fault. You ruined the romantic atmosphere I was creating." Bai Haorui took out some Blue Bunny ice cream. "Here. Have some ice cream and cool down. It's a specialty from the 'Ice Cream Capital of the World,' Mr. Pickup Artist."
Night was deepening when they reached a small town on the Iowa border. The three walked into a restaurant specializing in Maid-Rite sandwiches, the loose ground beef paired with yellow mustard giving off an enticing aroma. Dean ate two in one go and patted his stomach. "Now this is food. Way better than the oatmeal Sam makes."
Sam was looking through information on Harvest Town and didn't look up. "At least my oatmeal doesn't give people diarrhea."