Was he waking up?
Song Yutang's heart clenched.
This was hardly a good thing.
A conscious husband meant she could no longer do whatever she pleased as she did now.
She even instinctively scanned her surroundings:
Is Jiang Muyan about to wake up? Should I find something handy and give him a whack on the head?
Based on Song Yutang's experience from living two lives-
Men only behave when they're hanging on the wall.
Young Master Jiang is safer lying in bed.
Jiang Muyan shuddered in fright and tried even harder to open his eyes.
He had to wake up as soon as possible.
This woman was too dangerous.
Not only was she plotting to get his genes and money, but she could also strike at his entire family at any moment.
Yet no matter how hard he tried, Jiang Muyan's eyelids remained utterly motionless, as though glued shut.
Song Yutang held her breath and watched him for a long while. Seeing that even his eyelids did not twitch, she finally breathed a sigh of relief. It was probably the machines. I misheard. Men really are more reassuring when they're as good as dead.
Jiang Muyan: ...Who had he ever offended?
With her mind completely at ease, Song Yutang concentrated again, attempting to resume her unfinished grand undertaking of making a baby.
But for some reason, that slight response from earlier had vanished again.
She tried several times, even following the techniques described in the booklet, but there was still no improvement.
"Useless trash." Song Yutang slapped him in frustration.
"..." What an exquisitely agonizing sensation.
But Jiang Muyan no longer felt even a ripple inside. Trash it is. Better than falling into your schemes.
Song Yutang was worn out from all her efforts, too. Panting, she rolled over to lie beside him and stared blankly at the ceiling. Could I be the problem?
Jiang Muyan really wanted to answer her: Of course you're the problem! What normal woman spends all her time thinking about having a baby with a man in a vegetative state?
After pondering for a while, Song Yutang finally remembered that phones existed.
In this era, a phone could solve most problems.
She entered the passcode to unlock it, then clumsily tapped out a line on the keyboard with her index finger-
How do you get a man in a vegetative state to father a child?
The page loaded, and a glittering golden advertisement instantly popped up:
"A thousand-year-old formula restores a vegetative man's virility overnight! Add xxxxxx on WeChat. An ancestral secret remedy guaranteed to give you a son..."
She narrowed her eyes suspiciously.
Medicine was advanced in this era. Perhaps such medical techniques really existed?
After a moment's hesitation, Song Yutang added the WeChat account anyway.
Jiang Muyan choked.
How had this shrewd woman suddenly turned so foolish?
Her request was accepted instantly. A white-bearded old man calling himself Perfected Zhang, healer of the world, sent a greeting: "Devout believer, are you seeking a child on behalf of a patient?"
Song Yutang replied yes.
The other party immediately boasted that his ancestral secret formula specialized in restoring flagging virility. Even a man in a vegetative state would see results within three days of taking his secret Rejuvenation Pills and have a child within a month.
A special promotion was running now: just 2,999 for one course of treatment.
Song Yutang understood-
Definitely a scammer.
But since she was already here...
Her eyes shifted, and she pressed the voice-message button, deliberately putting on a thick accent. "Perfected One... My son ran afoul of an evil spirit when he went to the privy at midnight. That's why he's unconscious. Your medicine has ginseng and ambergris and all that. Are those things of utmost yang?"
Perfected Zhang: "Precisely. Sacred ingredients for expelling evil."
Song Yutang sounded even more anxious. "The village immortal said we had to invite an expert over to drive out the evil. If you can come, I'll sell our house and land to scrape together the money for your medicine."
The other party hardly dared show his face. "This humble Daoist is occupied with cultivation and cannot travel."
"Then... could you mail us a magical treasure to settle our nerves?"
"A treasure gourd is 88,888. A bagua mirror is 99,999."
"We only have twenty or thirty thousand at home. We really can't afford such precious magical treasures. How about giving us a copper coin? Even a little of your immortal aura would help."
"A consecrated copper coin is 999."
Song Yutang had a flash of inspiration. "Perfected One... Our village immortal said even the underworld has internet now. With powers as profound as yours, any red packet you send must carry your immortal aura. It'd work better than any copper coin. I'll buy a month's medicine first, which is four courses. Send me a 999 red packet first to settle my nerves, then I'll pay it back along with the medicine money... The medicine and copper coin come to 13,000 altogether. I'll give you an extra red packet of 66 for good luck. Please, have mercy and help us through this emergency first. My son... My son really can't wait anymore..."
The chat fell silent for a moment.
Just as Jiang Muyan thought the scammer would surely grow suspicious-
Perfected Zhang: "Your sincerity is clear, devout believer. This humble Daoist will make an exception to help you and send a red packet at once to meet your urgent need."
The next second, a red-packet icon popped up in the chat.
Song Yutang claimed the money instantly, then blocked and deleted him in one smooth motion. With brains like that, he thought he could scam me? I'm the one who scams other people.
Jiang Muyan, lying in bed: "..."
So Song Yutang had not been foolish. She had been devious.
Deliberately calling him her son had not been about taking advantage of him, either.
It had been to present herself as a foolish, superstitious village woman so the other party would lower his guard.
This bride of his really was interesting.
In Song Yutang's eyes, of course, Jiang Muyan had not reacted at all.
She kept at it, closing the scam advertisement and changing her search to tutorials on consummating a marriage.
That bastard crown prince had never consummated their marriage. Her pitiful scraps of knowledge had all come from erotic illustrations.
It seemed she really had made some mistakes with her earlier attempts.
If medicine would not do, she would make up for it with technique.
The links that popped up this time were even more bizarre:
"An x-wife, lonely late at night. Click to watch..."
"A hunk teaches you online. Guaranteed mastery in three days..."
She randomly clicked one, and the page instantly exploded with colorful pop-up ads, accompanied by shrill electronic music: "If you're my brother, come slash me! 999 damage in one strike! If you're my brother, come slash me! 999 damage in one strike! If you're my brother, come slash me! 999 damage in one strike!..."
What was all this rubbish?
Song Yutang frantically clicked them away. After finally clearing the page, she found a video website that looked a little more respectable.
She clicked play.
Two blurry figures appeared on the screen, interspersed with inexplicable ad breaks:
"What can you do about infertility? XX Hospital fulfills your dream of parenthood."
"Men, don't worry about kidney deficiency. XX Shenbao Tablets..."
Song Yutang instinctively looked at the man beside her.
Should I send him to the hospital or buy Shenbao Tablets?
Jiang Muyan is already in a vegetative state. Even if I send him to the hospital, they can only do IVF, and I'll still be the one getting hurt. Better buy Shenbao Tablets, grind them into powder, and pour them straight down his throat...
She was familiar with the business of forcing medicine down a man's throat.
In her previous life, her crown prince husband had been sent to his grave by tonics.
A chill struck Jiang Muyan's heart. ...I'm already in this state, and you still want to force Shenbao Tablets down my throat?
Song Yutang actually acted on it, opening a delivery app right there and searching for XX Shenbao Tablets.
Just as she was about to place an order, she caught sight of the product details-
Several bottles made up one course of treatment, and prolonged use was required.
She instantly lost interest. Oh, it's a slow-acting medicine for conditioning the body? Forget it, then.
Jiang Muyan: "..."
Why did he feel like a stud horse?
Wait. Song Yutang thought Shenbao Tablets were too slow, so...
Was she going to feed him some dubious little pills next?