Before Klein could respond, Azik, gazing into the depths of the mausoleum, continued speaking to himself:
"I still remember the first time I died and came back to life. I was lying among a sea of pale corpses, and I stood up unsteadily. I was terrified. I didn't know what had happened, and I didn't know where I was."
"Before the church personnel collected the body for Purification, I stumbled away from there, wandering like a lost soul between the wilderness, the countryside and the city, unable to remember who I was or where I came from."
"During that time, wherever I went, I could hear a lot of crying and see pastors presiding over numerous funeral ceremonies. I felt that sadness permeated every corner."
"Later, I accidentally rescued a noblewoman and entered her family's manor. She was a sunny and cheerful girl, while I was like a wild beast from the forest, sensitive, suspicious, insecure, and fearful, and often showed a cold, indifferent, cruel, and immoral side."
"She was very curious about me. No matter how I avoided her or did anything wrong, she would come closer to me, infect me with her smile, and influence me with interesting things. Without realizing it, I got used to her teasing and her presence."
"We quietly got together. She was worried, afraid that her father would not approve of her marrying a former vagrant who was now a servant."
Seeing her sorrowful smile, I felt my blood boil for the first time, and impulsively told her that I was leaving, but would return with the title and a wreath for the bride.
"I joined the army, I became a knight, I charged into the enemy with a three-meter-long lance, and in the chaos of the remaining Northern Continent at the end of the Fourth Age, I became Baron and had my own fief."
"Keeping my promise, I married my bride, bearing the king's decree, the family crest, the knight's sash, and a wreath I had woven myself."
At this point, Azik's expression softened, as if he were reminiscing about something, and even the corners of his mouth unconsciously turned up.
Klein felt a jolt in his heart as he heard this, as if he were seeing the familiar Mr. Azik again.
"And then?" he asked cautiously, trying to guide the conversation.
Azik looked ahead and said:
"Later... later, we built a castle in our own fiefdom and had a child, a boy, who grew very fast. It was foreseeable that he would grow to be very tall and strong."
He loved fighting and was always running around with a broadsword, saying he wanted to become a knight.
"I thought it was just a child's hobby and that it would be hard for him to stick with it. But even when he broke his leg and hit his head, he still didn't give up practicing. He thought that I wouldn't see him hiding in his room with a Distortion expression and covering his wounds. Haha, he underestimated his father. The spirits of the entire territory were secretly working for me."
"Year after year passed, and I regained more and more memories. My wife always complained that the castle was too dark and wanted to go to a sunny and warm place. I fulfilled her request, but it wasn't until much later that I realized that she didn't hate living in the castle, but was afraid of the changes that were happening to me little by little, afraid of me becoming more and more cold and unfamiliar."
She never told me any of these things and continued to treat me the same way as before. We had a wonderful life by the sea in the south and even wanted to have another child, but unfortunately we couldn't.
"It wasn't until I sensed my next death was near that we returned to our fiefdom, back to the castle."
"My eldest son, that boy, told me that he wants to go to Backlund to become a squire of Viscount and earls and begin his own knightly journey."
"I asked him why he made such a choice at the age of ten or so. He replied that it was because I was his idol and role model, and he wanted to become a knight or a nobleman by relying on himself rather than his father and mother, just like me."
"At that time, I had regained most of my memories, and I always felt a little awkward, unfamiliar, and uncomfortable in front of this child. But when I heard his answer, I still felt an indescribable joy, satisfaction, and pride. This is my child, a child completely different from the bloodlines I left behind in the Balam Empire."
Klein knew that Mr. Azik was referring to his identity as "the first Baron Lamud," and that the child who had brought him so much pride and satisfaction had been poisoned and murdered in his later years or middle age, nailed to a coffin, and even his skull had been taken by Ince Zangwill.
Azik's eyes glazed over for a moment before he said:
"I died again, woke up in a daze, and instinctively left my fiefdom. As preordained, I wandered to other places. In each life, in the beginning, I had a different life. Sometimes I encountered sweet love, sometimes I had a daughter who was loved by others. That kind of heartfelt love, helplessness, and satisfaction made me, who was gradually regaining my memories, bewildered, confused, and conflicted."
"Once, I was a dutiful son who brought my parents pride, a wonderful life, and lovely grandchildren. But when I 'woke up' and found myself again, I remembered that in the end of my previous life, I ignored the fact that their real son had died on the battlefield and took over this identity. On the one hand, I felt pain and guilt, but on the other hand, I thought it was nothing, just a small thing. It seemed that my heart was split into two people."
"Back then, I had a mask that allowed me to transform into anyone, but I lost it after waking up once. Perhaps I lost it intentionally..."
Klein remembered the daughter Mr. Azik had mentioned who liked to ask him for candy, and after a moment's thought, he said:
"I think you're not experiencing an inner conflict, but rather a struggle with a mad mind."
"After losing your past memories, you have started new lives time and time again. You are kind, passionate, and full of emotions. This should be more evident the closer you get to your current life."
"This may be the real you, your true self. The you during your time as the ' Death Consul ' was influenced by the uncontrollable tendencies inherent in your Beyonder Characteristic, and by the influence passed down from that Death from a high position. I heard that He went mad after the ' War of the Four Emperors '."
Klein's words were not really based on much evidence, because all he knew of Azik's life consisted of a few phases: Baron Lamud, a father who made a swing for his daughter, a dutiful child, and a gentle and kind history teacher.
His aim was to offer a conjecture, a possibility, to help Mr. Azik fight against the " Death Consul personality" that returned with his memories, to allow him to confront his past selves, and thus achieve some kind of reconciliation with himself, becoming less cold-hearted.
But as he was talking, a new idea suddenly came to him. Before Azik could fully process what he had just said, he quickly asked again:
"Mr. Azik, do you know what an anchor is? The anchor that holds the gods and Angel in place, preventing them from being dragged Depravity by their Beyonder Characteristic ' tendency to go out of control and their mad nature?"
"I understand." Azik looked away and nodded.
Klein wasn't entirely sure, but he said it with considerable certainty:
Perhaps, the new lives you begin after each instance of amnesia are the anchor that helps you fight against madness and loss of control!
Don't discard them, don't forget them, this is who you are! After saying that, Klein silently added to himself.
"Anchor..." Azik repeated the word, his expression a mixture of thought and confusion.
After an unknown amount of time, he suddenly sighed and said:
"This may be an explanation, at least it makes the inner conflict and division in my mind less intense."
"However, now that I've come this far, I still have to go deep into the mausoleum to see what's hidden there, why it's calling me, and what caused me to die and be resurrected time and time again, to lose my memory and then gradually regain it..."
"This has troubled me for over a thousand years, it has plagued my life time and time again, and I think I should finally get an answer today."
His gaze gradually cleared, and his tone, though seemingly gentle, held an indescribable firmness.
Klein wanted to stop him, but after opening his mouth, he pursed it again.
Azik adjusted his half-high silk hat, without turning his head, and smiled gently:
"Remember to close your eyes."
After saying that, he walked forward, up the steps, into the depths of the dark mausoleum.
The black mist that had been billowing there stopped breathing and slowly dispersed in all directions, gradually revealing the illusory things that had been lurking at the bottom.
It was a Feathered Serpent so enormous it seemed capable of occupying an entire island!
It has huge, dark green scales, from which feathers stained with pale yellow oil grow. From each feather, there are ethereal black tubes extending out.
This exaggerated Feathered Serpent is both illusory and real; its more specific shape is difficult to describe, and it seems to have components that are beyond human comprehension.
Pale flames burned in its eye sockets, and its face was human!
The face had a bronze complexion, soft features, and a small black mole below the right ear—it was practically another Azik Eggers!
P. S.: This is an update before revisions. Also, the new version of the chapter comments seems to have a significant delay.