Meili's envy

Outside the screen of light, everyone who saw this was momentarily speechless.

They had only just heard Natsuki Subaru admit that he had died many times.

Yet the Natsuki Subaru on the screen had already turned death into calculation, every painful experience into an opportunity to gather intelligence, and more than four hundred loops into an execution of the Sin Archbishop of Sloth.

And his reason for doing all of this was still the same.

Emilia.

Emilia's fingers slowly tightened.

She wanted to say no.

To say she did not need anything like this, to tell him to stop.

But the person on the screen could not hear her.

Nor would he stop.

Because long ago, that Natsuki Subaru had already stopped factoring "whether I will suffer" into his choices.

Anastasia's words slowly appeared.

[Anastasia: If the credit for defeating the Sin Archbishop of Sloth were reported to the royal capital, it would be enough to earn any camp tremendous prestige.]

She did not continue.

Because everyone understood what she meant.

That Natsuki Subaru could have become a hero.

For this, he had every right to stand before everyone and receive praise, gratitude, and awe.

But he had not.

The scene on the screen continued.

Under the cover of night, Meili stepped out of the shadows, her steps as light as if she had just finished an ordinary game.

"Big brother, I worked really hard this time, you know."

She tilted her head slightly, her usual smile on her face.

"Those 'Fingers' were such a nuisance, running all over the place. Every last one of them was as creepy as a bug."

Natsuki Subaru stood a short distance away, dust still clinging to his clothes.

He looked terrible, with distinct dark circles beneath his eyes, yet he still forced the corners of his mouth upward, as if he had to maintain that flippant appearance as long as someone was watching.

"Thanks for all your hard work, Meili."

He clapped his hands, his tone far too cheerful.

"You were the star of the show this time. Without you, I probably would've had a lot of trouble."

Outside the screen, Betty's expression changed.

He had said it far too naturally.

Everyone understood what "a lot of trouble" meant.

Dying a few more times.

As if he were talking about taking a few extra detours, spending a few more gold coins, or wasting a little more time.

But that was death.

Meili stared at him for a while, then suddenly asked:

"Big brother."

"Hmm?"

"Why didn't you go to the knights in the royal capital?"

Natsuki Subaru did not answer immediately.

Meili rocked her toes, as if she really were only asking casually.

"You knew where those people were, and you knew how they'd escape. If you told the knights, wouldn't they be able to deal with it really quickly?"

She narrowed her eyes.

"Besides, defeating the Sin Archbishop of Sloth should make you a really amazing hero, shouldn't it, big brother?"

Outside the screen, no words appeared from the royal selection candidates for a long time.

This was not a child's nonsense.

Even from the most practical perspective, there was nothing wrong with Meili's question.

Natsuki Subaru possessed intelligence that could turn the tide of battle.

As long as he was willing to hand it over, the knights of the royal capital, the various camps, and even the Council of Wise Men could not possibly ignore that contribution.

Yet the Natsuki Subaru in the scene merely fell silent for a while.

Then he smiled.

"That sort of thing..."

He raised a hand and held up one finger with an air of feigned mystery.

"Is something you can only understand once you've entered the world of men."

Meili blinked.

Natsuki Subaru looked at her with complete seriousness.

"You're still too green."

"Huh?"

The smile on Meili's face instantly turned dangerous.

"Are you calling me a child, big brother?"

"No, no, of course not! Miss Meili is a mature, reliable professional, and you were a super huge help this time."

Natsuki Subaru immediately changed his tune, speaking so quickly that he seemed long accustomed to this sort of situation.

"If Miss Meili hadn't stepped in, I'd definitely still be tearing my hair out. Every one of those guys hid deeper than a cockroach. An ordinary person could never find them."

Meili huffed.

"So?"

"So, to thank Miss Meili for her great contribution-"

Natsuki Subaru fumbled around inside his clothes and finally produced a packet of mayonnaise-flavored snacks he had prepared somewhere or other, offering it to her as if presenting a treasure.

"A special reward."

Meili looked at the packet of snacks, the corner of her mouth twitching.

"These are obviously what you like eating."

"Big brother, do you think this is enough to win me over?"

"Isn't it?"

"...Well, it is."

She reached out and took the snacks, muttering under her breath.

"But you were definitely brushing me off just now."

Natsuki Subaru smiled without denying it.

Yet no one outside the screen could laugh.

Because they knew and felt more clearly that this Natsuki Subaru had not lost his emotions or become an unfeeling machine.

On the contrary, he remembered Meili's feelings, prepared little snacks, and used exaggerated words to cheer her up.

He was still like Natsuki Subaru.

He clumsily tried to please others, steered the mood toward something lighter, and hid his pain behind jokes.

And that was precisely what made it even harder to speak.

If he had simply issued cold orders, it would have been easier to understand.

But instead, he still smiled as he said all this, still using that flippant, clumsy tone to make something bloody sound like a troublesome errand.

Outside the screen, Meili watched that packet of snacks, the smile on her face fading little by little.

She had wanted to say, "That me really is easy to win over," just as she usually would.

But the words reached her lips, and she could not get them out.

Because she understood.

The version of her on the screen really had been won over.

Her displeasure and sulking were real.

And so was being appeased by a packet of snacks.

What irritated Meili even more was that this Natsuki Subaru had not simply grabbed something at random to brush her off.

He had known she might be unhappy.

So he had prepared it in advance.

[Meili: How sneaky.]

That line suddenly appeared in the message area.

Meili's expression immediately soured.

"Hey, don't put everything up there."

She complained, but her tone was not as light as usual.

The Natsuki Subaru on the screen was indeed using Meili.

Using her ability.

Using her experience.

Using her means of dealing with those "Fingers" in the shadows.

Yet he had not treated Meili entirely as a tool.

He praised her.

Coaxed her.

Remembered what she liked.

Had a packet of snacks ready to bring out when she was unhappy.

That was what Meili hated most.

If the Natsuki Subaru on the screen had merely issued cold orders, she could have felt a little more at ease.

She could have hated him.

Could have smiled and said, "Big brother, you're so bad."

Could have treated this as a boring matter of using and being used.

But instead, he still cared.

Even after dying so many times, he still thought about how to cheer up a little girl he was using.

Betty's words slowly appeared.

[Betty: He's still smiling.]

Emilia raised her head to look at the screen.

[Betty: Even though he's already died so many times, even though he's suffering terribly, he's still standing there smiling.]

[Betty: Still having to coax Meili, still having to pretend nothing happened.]

[Betty: Subaru, you idiot.]

After those lines appeared, Emilia's eyes grew even redder.

Because she had seen it too.

The Natsuki Subaru in the scene had not treated Meili as a mere tool.

He praised her, prepared snacks, and found ways to cheer her up when she sulked.

He understood other people's feelings, and he knew what he was doing.

But he pressed all his suffering down, then told himself-as long as Emilia could move forward in the end, none of this mattered.

[Emilia: I don't want it.]

She looked at her own name on the screen, her eyes terribly red.

[Emilia: I don't want anything like this.]

Her fingertips trembled slightly.

[Emilia: If this so-called credit was bought with Subaru dying over and over, then I don't want it.]

[Emilia: That isn't my wish.]

Before another screen of light, Crusch silently watched those lines.

Even with gaps in her memory, she could judge the weight of this achievement.

Defeating the Sin Archbishop of Sloth.

Eliminating the Witch Cult's "Fingers."

Results like these were enough to change the course of the royal selection.

Yet the Natsuki Subaru in the scene had not stepped forward.

He could clearly have let everyone know that he had found the enemy, that he had obtained the intelligence, that his repeated deaths had bought this victory.

But he had not.

[Crusch: He understands what he could gain.]

Anastasia sighed softly.

[Anastasia: He knows how much this credit is worth, and he knows who needs it most.]

[Anastasia: So he never intended to keep it for himself in the first place.]

Julius's words appeared next.

[Julius: Hiding himself away and passing the credit to someone else.]

[Julius: It sounds as though he is helping that person achieve their wishes.]

[Julius: But what if that person doesn't want it at all? Wouldn't this approach place pressure on them too?]

After those words appeared, Emilia's face grew even paler.

Yes.

The Natsuki Subaru in the scene had never asked whether she was willing.

He had never asked whether she wanted the credit.

He had never asked whether she could bear someone dying more than four hundred times for her.

He had simply decided on his own.

Suffered on his own.

Delivered every result to her without asking.

Then smiled and told everyone that this was enough.

Outside the screen, Meili suddenly gave a soft laugh.

[Meili: How strange.]

She looked at herself on the screen, then at Natsuki Subaru holding out the snacks, and felt inexplicably irritated.

[Meili: I'm the one being used.]

[Meili: But that big brother looks like the most pitiful one instead.]

Natsuki Subaru was still smiling on the screen.

Meili held the snacks, complaining that he was brushing her off, but her body had already honestly accepted them and put them away.

At that moment, Meili outside the screen suddenly found it even more disagreeable.

It was not that she hated that bag of snacks.

Nor did she hate those words of praise.

She was envious.

Envious of herself on the screen.

For the her over there, Elsa was still around.

The her over there still had somewhere to return to.

Someone would call her name.

Someone would need her.

Someone would say, "Thanks for the hard work," after she finished a task.

There was even a big brother who, despite clearly using her, still remembered to prepare snacks.

But what about her now?

Elsa was already gone.

She stood in this tower, watching another version of herself being needed, coaxed, and having her preferences remembered.

Even though her other self was being used too.

Even though that big brother over there was dangerous too.

Meili still could not help feeling-

Her other self did not seem to have it all that bad.

The moment that thought surfaced, Meili felt even more irritated.

[Meili: I hate this.]

Words appeared once again.

Meili gritted her teeth.

"I told you, don't show everything."

[Meili: I told you, don't show everything.]

This time, no one laughed at the little girl anymore.

Betty looked at that line of text and fell silent for a while.

[Betty: Meili, is it Subaru you hate, or yourself on the screen?]

Meili did not answer, staring fixedly at the screen.

Her on-screen self had already put the snacks away. She was still complaining, but there was a noticeable spring in her step.

Watching it made Meili even more uncomfortable.

Because she knew.

She would have been won over too.

As long as Elsa was still around.

As long as someone needed her.

As long as someone remembered that she was not a tool to be casually discarded.

She, too, would put that bag of snacks away, just like her on-screen self.

Then pretend she had only stopped being angry because the snacks tasted good.

"The me over there..."

Meili spoke quietly.

[Meili: The me over there doesn't seem to have it all that bad.]

After saying that, she was the first to give a little laugh.

But that smile was nothing like her usual one.

Emilia watched the screen, her fingers slowly clenching.

Just moments ago, she had been saddened by how Natsuki Subaru of the Pride route had pushed all the credit onto her.

But now, she suddenly realized.

It was not just her.

The Natsuki Subaru on the screen had bound everyone around him to him in a way that was foolish, cunning, and cruel.

He would use others.

But he would remember them too.

He would treat others as cards in his hand.

Then clumsily offer a small bag of snacks when those cards cried and fussed.

Betty's words appeared once again.

[Betty: Subaru, you really are an idiot.]

This time, no one disagreed.

Night still lingered on the screen.

Meili put the snacks away, seemingly no longer pursuing that question at last.

And Natsuki Subaru offered no further explanation.

He simply raised his head and looked into the distance.

There was no applause there.

No knights.

No glory befitting a hero.

Only the path he had cleared, step by step.

And, at the end of that path, the name he had pushed toward the throne without asking.

Emilia.