Chapter 43

For a moment, Meng Zhou did not know whether to save his trousers, which were about to leave him, or cover his belly. He curled up like a kitten in a corner of the spacious dragon throne, looking tiny, while his man stood tall and broad before him, blocking the lantern and casting a vast shadow.

Chu Huaiyin pushed his luck, scooping Meng Zhou up and settling him sideways on his lap.

Meng Zhou's lashes fluttered. After a fierce internal struggle, he traced a small circle with his finger and ordered fiercely, "You can only touch here!"

Touch my belly above that, and I'll chop your hand off!

Without Chu Huaiyin, he would have had to take care of himself when he went back tonight anyway. He might as well take advantage of this.

Chu Huaiyin chuckled. The circle Meng Zhou had drawn was smaller than his palm, hardly generous, but that was all right. Someday, he would get to touch everywhere he wanted.

For now, it was best not to rile the kitten up.

His back pressed against Chu Huaiyin's astonishingly hot chest. Though the night was cool as water, Meng Zhou was already covered in sweat. Moisture glimmered at his temples, and the corners of his eyes were flushed crimson, like a peach blossom tree drenched in heavy dew.

"Do you mean this part will be under my jurisdiction from now on, my dear subject?"

Chu Huaiyin kept his mouth busy too, trying to coax Meng Zhou into speaking instead of biting his lip.

"No... mm..." The moment Meng Zhou spoke, he realized Chu Huaiyin's sinister intentions. He indignantly clamped his mouth shut and refused to speak again, no matter how Chu Huaiyin teased him.

This was the imperial study!

Something only a fatuous ruler and his bewitching consort would do.

Chu Huaiyin performed to the utmost within his limited range. Meng Zhou felt a little regretful. He had drawn the boundary too wide.

He sprang to the floor as though his bottom had been scalded, hastily pulled up his trousers, and wiped the dragon's head on the armrest with Chu Huaiyin's dragon robe.

It happened to be right at the corner of its mouth.

Very bad. It readily brought all sorts of terrible associations to mind.

Chu Huaiyin glanced at the stains on his dragon robe and made a heartfelt plea. "I've been so obedient. Shouldn't you show some appreciation, my dear subject?"

He had not even touched that little belly he had coveted for so long.

Meng Zhou's panicked gaze swept over that part of Chu Huaiyin. He felt he ought to offer a suitable reward to show his appreciation for His Majesty's adherence to the rules.

So he reached out and rubbed it a few casual times. It did nothing to provide relief; instead, he set a raging fire before withdrawing his hand.

"That should do." Meng Zhou nodded and slipped out before Chu Huaiyin could react. "Xiao Jiu!"

Meng Zhou issued a false imperial command in Chu Huaiyin's voice.

Xiao Jiu promptly answered and opened the door. "What are Your Majesty's orders?"

Chu Huaiyin's face was livid. "Did I call you?"

Meng Zhou draped an arm around Xiao Jiu's shoulders. "No, no, His Majesty didn't call you. Let's go outside."

Xiao Jiu was utterly confused. Had he been called or not?

The imperial study's mahogany doors closed with a creak, leaving Chu Huaiyin all alone.

Chu Huaiyin pressed his forehead, then resignedly reached down.

He had never imagined such a situation. Was he, the mighty Son of Heaven, going to have to establish a secret signal with his attending eunuchs to stop Meng Zhou from impersonating him and summoning someone at any moment?!

Once bitten, twice shy. If he did not gag Meng Zhou next time, he would abdicate in favor of someone more capable!

The almost-full moon hung high in the sky, bathing the long, level palace path in watery silver light. Meng Zhou glanced back at the brightly lit imperial study, his lips curving.

What a perilous night.

Perhaps it also held a touch of hazy spring beauty, as though a pair of swallows had skimmed the water in slanting flight, their wings laden with warm moisture.

The next day was a day off. Perhaps Chu Huaiyin had been driven senseless with anger; he did not come to trouble Meng Zhou either.

Shen Baiqing sent an invitation to the Guan Residence. Meng Zhou found him rather interesting and brought Afu along to visit the Ji Residence.

Afu kept looking Meng Zhou up and down along the way, like a tailor taking his measurements.

Meng Zhou abruptly turned around. Afu hastily stopped, terrified that his own large belly would bump into Meng Zhou's little one.

Meng Zhou stared at him.

Afu lowered his eyes, looking extremely guilty.

"Afu, where did you go this morning? Why didn't I see you at breakfast?"

"I, I..."

Meng Zhou narrowed his eyes. "His Majesty summoned you, didn't he?" When he had gotten up to relieve himself last night, he had seen Afu whispering with a hidden guard and guessed that Chu Huaiyin wanted to see him.

Since the hidden guards generally had to remain outside, whereas Afu could follow him in and out, Chu Huaiyin wanted to buy Afu off and have him keep constant watch on whatever mischief Meng Zhou was making.

Afu flushed scarlet. Under His Majesty's intimidating presence, he had nearly been scared half to death.

Meng Zhou declared with lofty spirit, "Afu, a revolutionary soldier must never be tempted by money. Whatever he paid you, I'll pay double!"

"One thousand taels." Afu had never seen so much money. Keeping his composure and not letting Meng Zhou's pregnancy slip in front of His Majesty had been no easy feat.

"Ahem." The penniless Meng Zhou withdrew that statement. Spotting a business opportunity, his eyes gleamed with greed. "I permit you to sell His Majesty some inconsequential information. However..."

Meng Zhou gathered his sleeves and held up four fingers.

"Forty percent for you, sixty for me?" Afu asked in surprise.

"Forty for you." Meng Zhou patted his shoulder. "You're selling me out, you know. Shouldn't I get the larger share?"

Meng Zhou lowered his voice. "I can even teach you what information will fetch more money from His Majesty."

Seeing how composed Meng Zhou was, Afu suddenly attained an understanding that his master reigned supreme over heaven and earth.

The little profiteer and the little spy reached an amicable partnership.

Shen Baiqing was delighted to see Meng Zhou. In his mind, he had classified Meng Zhou as "a poor little thing suffering from malnutrition because he couldn't reveal his pregnancy." What use was holding high office when he could not even get a bite to eat?

He ushered Meng Zhou into the room, shut the door, and excitedly brought out a basin of pure pigeon soup with no medicinal herbs added.

It really was a basin.

"Quick, help me drink this." Shen Baiqing covered his nose and retreated several feet.

After drinking it every day, Shen Baiqing wanted to vomit at the mere smell.

Hanlin Academician Ji was away, so in theory no one could force him. But the Ji Residence had a cunning steward who immediately wrote to Hanlin Academician Ji whenever Shen Baiqing ate less of anything at a meal.

His lengthy reports left out nothing, from Young Master Shen's expression of disgust toward his food to his deliberately dropping a one-inch strip of radish on the floor. The steward might have written storybooks in the past.

At first, Shen Baiqing had let himself go, being picky about everything. Hanlin Academician Ji sent three letters home in succession, appealing to his feelings and reasoning with him, hinting that if he did not eat properly, he might become distracted while investigating the case.

The Shu Region was dangerous. Shen Baiqing immediately fell into line.

Meng Zhou frowned. "Isn't that a bit improper?"

It felt strange, like snatching food from a pregnant man's mouth.

Shen Baiqing intimidated him. "When I was as far along as you, my belly was already this big!" He rounded his arms, indicating that if Meng Zhou did not nourish himself, he would surely give birth to a scrawny monkey.

Then, with tears and pleas, he said he really could not bear to drink it anymore, that the steward wrote letters every day, and that Meng Zhou should help him out for just one day. It would benefit them both.

Meng Zhou was actually fairly normal. He had not deliberately sought extra nourishment, but by chance he had eaten plenty of Snow Spot. However, after hearing that the Snow Spot were nearly all gone, guilt at eating a species into extinction had overwhelmed him. Meng Zhou imagined later historical records stating, "Such-and-such species has been extinct for thousands of years, having been eaten into extinction by such-and-such minister," and already felt the sting of accusing fingers at his back. After that, no matter what Chu Huaiyin said, he refused to eat any more.

Looking at Shen Baiqing's pitiful act, Meng Zhou wavered. "Half each?"

"Good! It's settled!" Shen Baiqing produced one large bowl and one small one, giving a powerful demonstration of unfair distribution.

They chatted some more. Meng Zhou analyzed the situation in the Shu Region for him and reassured him not to worry. From what he had heard His Majesty say, the case had made considerable progress, and Hanlin Academician Ji should be back soon.

"I'm not that worried." Shen Baiqing pursed his lips. After sitting a while, he carried the empty basin out to find the steward. "I've finished it. I'm writing today's letter myself."

Hearing his exuberant voice, Meng Zhou could not help laughing. Having learned about the Ji Residence's everyday troubles, Meng Zhou thought he had misunderstood Chu Huaiyin back then.

Meng Zhou had come today simply to chat with someone like himself and relax. When he left, Shen Baiqing clung reluctantly to the doorframe.

My friend, were you really not staying for lunch? There was another huge basin of pork liver and spinach soup.

After leaving, Meng Zhou smacked his lips, finding the pigeon soup quite tasty. He told Afu, "I think the food at the Ji Residence is excellent. It's all things I like."

Would this spy kindly be sure to relay that to Chu Huaiyin.

Meng Zhou wandered around before returning to the Guan Residence, which was unexpectedly lively today despite its usual quiet.

A circle of heavily made-up matchmakers sat in the main hall. The smell of cheap powder hit him full in the face, and Meng Zhou sneezed three times before even entering.

A stack of portraits sat on the table, featuring beauties both plump and slender, enough to rival Chu Huaiyin's eighteen dancing girls.

His Majesty had hinted that Guan Jiasheng could become prime minister, stirring the interest of countless powerful families in the capital. What man observed mourning for his wife? After the seating arrangements at last night's banquet became known, matchmakers had practically worn through the Guan Residence's threshold today.

Suddenly, none of them minded Guan Jiasheng's impotence. In any case, he was young and could remain prime minister for decades. The benefits he would bring his in-laws mattered far more than one daughter's happiness.

Besides, Guan Jiasheng was handsome, devoted, and faithful. Who could say marrying him would necessarily be a loss?

Mother Guan had no intention of interfering with Meng Zhou's marriage, but they had come seeking Guan Jiasheng. A few of the young women had good prospects, so she could hardly reject them too firmly. If Guan Jiasheng woke up, another marriage would still have to be arranged.

Meng Zhou had the same concern. Living under someone else's roof, he could not throw all the matchmakers out as he pleased, so he could only let Mother Guan fend them off with evasions.

Whatever else the old duke lacked, he had plenty of concubines and granddaughters. The most overbearing matchmaker was there to propose a match on behalf of the duke's household.

She disparaged Guan Jiasheng both openly and indirectly, implying that the young lady would be marrying beneath her station and that the duke's household would produce a phoenix someday. What use was high office? Ties to the imperial family were the surest foundation and could even shelter one's descendants.

With a slip of the tongue, the matchmaker brought up descendants, and Mother Guan's face instantly darkened.

Meanwhile, in the palace, Chu Huaiyin had spent the entire morning talking with the Feng Kingdom's envoys. No sooner had he found a moment's leisure than he heard that seventeen or eighteen matchmakers had come to the Guan Residence, and Meng Zhou showed no intention of refusing them!

Author's note:

Meng Zhou: Time to mooch food and drink off someone else.