Earth199999 Prime Universe.
On the top floor of Avengers Tower, holographic projections filled the entire floor-to-ceiling windows.
Thirty-seven tasks were suspended in mid-air, with orange-red cursors stacked one on top of the other, densely packed together.
The energy module optimization plan for the Mark-97 nanosuit, the stress test report of the Vibranium skeleton of the anti- Celestials armor, the dimensional rift monitoring logs from Kamar-Taj, and four unopened United Nations emails.
Tony Stark sat on the sofa, propping his head up with one hand and popping a blueberry into his mouth with the other.
I chewed it a couple of times, but it had no taste.
He pushed the blueberry box aside, scratched his hair, which was already a mess from his rubbing.
"Sir," JARVIS's notification tone sounded at just the right moment.
"Explain."
"The Office of the United Nations Secretary-General formally sent a letter to the Avengers at 9:00 a. m. today regarding a draft bill on the global control of Metahuman, numbered UN-SRA-2016."
The bill explicitly requires the Avengers to accept joint oversight from the United Nations World Security Council, all Metahuman to register under their real names, and to obtain a certificate before undertaking international missions.
"Stop."
Tony jumped up from the sofa.
JARVIS.
"Gentlemen?"
How many times have I told you?
Tony poked at the document in the holographic projection with his index finger, his fingertip almost piercing through it.
"Don't report this brainless idiot to me!"
"Sir, this is a legally binding document—"
I don't care if it has any legal effect!
Tony grabbed a sofa cushion and threw it at the projector. The cushion passed through the holographic image, slammed against the French windows, and bounced back.
"Are those politicians' heads covered in shit?!"
He started pacing in circles in the living room, his pace quickening.
"Control, control! All these sons of bitches know is how to control! Damn it!"
"Do they even know how busy I am right now? I have to build armor, keep an eye on those troublesome wizards, and deal with these sons of bitches—"
"And I still have to wipe the Underoos!"
"Where would I find the time to argue with them?!"
JARVIS wisely waited until the barrage of roars was over before speaking.
"Sir, General Ross is calling."
"It's over."
"Hang-up has been disconnected."
Three seconds later.
"Sir, General Ross is calling."
"It's over."
Five seconds later.
"Gentlemen--"
"It's dead!"
This time, only two seconds passed.
"Sir, this is General Ross's fourth call."
Tony stood there, his temples throbbing, his jaw grinding, and finally he squeezed out a single word through his teeth.
"Catch."
A holographic communication screen popped up, showing General Ross's fleshy face taking up half the wall.
His military uniform was impeccably tailored, his epaulets gleaming, and his chin was so taut it could crack a walnut.
" Stark, you hung up on me?"
" Thaddeus Ross, get to the point, I'm busy."
Tony crossed his arms, chin slightly raised, his entire posture screaming, "You'd better finish in thirty seconds."
Thaddeus Ross ignored his attitude and got straight to the point.
"Did you receive the UN-SRA Act?"
"I didn't see it."
"I suggest you take a look." Thaddeus Ross used the word "suggest," but his tone was clearly an order. "The five permanent members of the World Security Council have reached a preliminary consensus. The control of Metahuman is a global issue, Stark, it's not something you can decide alone."
Tony's right eyelid twitched.
"And—" Thaddeus Ross leaned forward, "As the largest Metahuman organization on Earth, the Avengers should take the lead in cooperating with oversight. You need to submit a complete list of members, ability profiles, and operational authorization procedures to the United Nations."
Tony stared at Thaddeus Ross for three seconds.
"Are you done talking?"
I haven't --
"Motherfucker!"
Thaddeus Ross's face instantly darkened.
Tony took a step forward, getting less than half a meter away from the holographic image.
"Can you guys please stop bothering me all the time? I'm very busy, you know?"
"Regulation, regulation, all you fucking know is regulation."
Tony raised one index finger and drew a circle in the air.
"Let me ask you a question, Thaddeus Ross. If another Celestials comes along, can you handle it? Hmm? You think the Celestials will just leave after you hold a meeting at the United Nations and vote on it?"
Thaddeus Ross's jaw muscles tensed.
"Protecting the Earth is your responsibility, Avengers."
The moment those words were spoken, Tony fell completely silent.
There was silence for about a second and a half.
Then it exploded.
"OMG, Falk! Thaddeus Ross, are you out of your mind?!"
Tony's finger jabbed straight at Thaddeus Ross's forehead in the holographic image.
"You want all the benefits! You expect us to solve every crisis, but you make us take the blame, right? The Battle of New York destroyed a few buildings, and you want us to pay the compensation! The Celestials almost wiped out half the planet, and you, General Ross, hid in your bunker and didn't dare utter a sound—now that they're gone, you come out and say you want to monitor us?!"
Thaddeus Ross's lips moved, but he didn't make a sound.
"Listen up, Thaddeus Ross."
Tony lowered his voice, making it so low that each word sounded metallic.
"I, Tony Stark, will not agree to your fucking management plan."
If you keep bothering me like this every day--
He extended his right hand, put his index and middle fingers together, and made a "shh" gesture towards the holographic screen.
"I'm taking everyone and leaving Earth. You'll have to deal with any future crises yourselves."
The communication screen disappeared.
The last image of Thaddeus Ross's ashen face was one where his mouth was half-open, before he could utter a word.
Tony turned around, rubbed his temples, and rubbed his brow bone twice with his fingertips.
Building battle armor takes energy, monitoring dimensional rifts takes energy, dealing with these parasitic politicians takes even more energy, and he only has one brain.
Even with the improved Super Soldier Serum, he still only has one brain.
JARVIS.
"Yes, sir."
What's the Old Popsicle doing?
" Captain Rogers is currently having afternoon tea with Ms. Peggy Ms. Carter from Frost City at a cafe in Brooklyn."
Tony's left eye twitched.
"... Damn Old Popsicle. Where's Natasha? Where's Clint?"
"The families of Agent Romanoff and Agent Barton departed this morning for a joint vacation at Orlando Disney Park. According to social media, Agent Barton's daughter, Lylla, is very much looking forward to the Frozen ' themed area."
Tony opened his mouth, then closed it again.
Where's Banner? Where's Thor?
" Dr. Banner currently in Virginia, accompanying his girlfriend Betty Thaddeus Ross. Thor returned to Asgard via the Bifrost a day ago; their purpose is unknown."
Before Tony could ask any more questions, JARVIS had already given the rest of the list.
" Black Panther King T'Challa is dealing with a shipment of Vibranium that was smuggled to Busan, South Korea, and has already identified the middlemen in the smuggling network with the War Dogs."
Dr. Stephen Doctor Strange is performing his fifth neurosurgery of the day at Metropolis Hospital, just two blocks away, and it is expected to be completed in three hours. Spider-Man Peter Parker— "
JARVIS paused for a moment.
Tony immediately perked up his ears.
"What's wrong?"
"Sir, Mr. Parker truly lives up to his reputation as the successor you have chosen."
"Stop flattering me, get to the point."
"He's just like you were in your youth... a womanizer."
Tony tilted his head back two degrees.
"Currently, Mr. Parker maintains close relationships with his classmate Mary Jane Watson, his childhood neighbor Gwen Stacy Daisy, his senior schoolmate Felicia Hardy, and a female classmate with ALS, Jessica Drew. Analysis of communication records and social dynamics—"
That's enough.
Tony raised his right hand.
"Why--"
His voice rose from low to high, each word clear and distinct.
"Are all these guys so free?"
"So you're making me do all the work, huh?!"
The only sound in the living room was the hum of the air conditioner.
" JARVIS, call that Peter kid over here."
Tony grabbed the box of blueberries back, shoved a handful into his mouth, and crunched them loudly.
"I won't allow anyone to have an easier life or be more idle than me!"
"Yes, sir, Mr. Parker has been notified."
"In addition--"
"Sir, Ant-Man Scott Lang is calling."
Tony's blueberry-chewing slowed a beat. What was up with that chatterbox like Scott Underoos calling so suddenly?
"Catch."
As soon as the call connected, Scott's voice boomed out, with a huge amount of background noise, sounding like he was running and shouting somewhere.
" Stark! Something terrible has happened, Stark! Vision — Vision has been kidnapped!"
Tony stopped the box of blueberries in his hand near his mouth.
Who did it?
"It's that one—that one—" Scott gasped, spitting out the words in broken sentences, "The one from the futuristic movies! The one in the purple-green armor! Kang the Conqueror!"
Tony's hand fell to his side, the box of blueberries landed on the sofa, and two blueberries rolled out.
" Hank Pym rescued his wife from the Quantum Realm, and incidentally—he brought this guy out with him too!"
An eerie silence fell over the entire living room.
Tony Stark stood there, neither roaring nor cursing, his expression so complex that JARVIS's facial recognition system couldn't categorize it for a moment.
Three seconds later, he spoke, very calmly.
" Scott, bring all relevant personnel to Avengers Tower. Now. Immediately."
"Okay, okay, I'll do it right away--"
JARVIS.
"Gentlemen."
"Emergency mobilization order. Everyone, no one is allowed to be absent."
"Sent, sir. Captain Rogers, Agent Romanoff, Agent Barton-- "
"Everyone," Tony repeated.
Then he switched to the communications channel, his calm demeanor shattering completely at that moment.
Scott.
"Yes, yes, yes!"
Where is Hank Pym?
There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line, then Scott weakly managed to squeeze out a sentence.
"... right next to me."
Tony closed his eyes.
When he opened his eyes again, every word was uttered through his teeth.
" Hank Pym."
A rustling sound came through the communication, followed by Hank Pym's stubborn, old voice.
" Stark, let me explain—"
"You son of a bitch!!!"
Tony slammed his fist on the coffee table, and the glass surface shattered in the middle, cracking open.
"I'm already busy enough every day—and you have to pull this on me?!"
"Are you trying to kill me already?!"
There was complete silence on the other end of the communication.
On the holographic projection, a red emergency mobilization order is being simultaneously pushed to the terminals of every Avengers member around the world.
Tony looked down at the crack on the coffee table—the broken surface of the glass shard reflected a purplish-green light under the lamp.
He looked up and threw out his final command to JARVIS.
"Retrieve all information about Kang, Quantum Realm scan data—all of it."
"Sir, do we need to activate the Sunset Protocol at the same time?"
Tony looked at the wall full of holographic data. The thirty-seven to-do items were still in their original places, but the orange-red cursors had increased by eleven more.
"No. Start the other one first."
His finger slid across the control panel, bringing up an encrypted file with a filename consisting of only three letters.
KNG.
JARVIS did not press further.
The moment the file popped open, a holographic model of a purple-green armor appeared on the holographic projection, and beneath the armor's visor was a face smiling with extreme composure.
Tony stared at that face, tapping his index finger on the edge of the control panel.
JARVIS, tell Old Popsicle —afternoon tea's finished, time to get to work.