"That was an accident."
"It was." Gu Moran nodded. "But the accident already happened. Do you think pretending it never happened will make it so?"
Su Yao fell silent.
The lamplight flickered, and her shadow swayed on the wall.
Gu Moran stood, walked around the writing desk, and stopped in front of her.
Su Yao looked up at him without getting up or retreating.
"I only want to know what you came here for tonight."
"My purpose is simple."
He bent down, bracing his hands on the armrests on either side of Su Yao and enclosing her in the chair.
Their faces were less than a foot apart.
"You were drunk that night at the chancellor's residence. You don't remember anything."
Su Yao's breathing grew shallow, but she did not look away.
"I want you to remember it while you're sober, just once."
A tiny flame was reflected in Su Yao's pupils. She stared at him for a long time, until the wick crackled.
"Get out."
Gu Moran straightened.
"All right."
He turned and walked toward the door.
On his third step, he heard chair legs scraping against the floor tiles behind him.
"Wait."
He stopped without turning around.
"Come back."
Su Yao's voice was so low that he could barely make out the words.
Gu Moran turned back, walked straight over, and slipped an arm around Su Yao's waist.
Su Yao stood beside the writing desk, one hand resting on its edge and the other clutching her own sleeve.
There was no blush on her face, no shyness.
Only the certainty of someone who had made a decision after long deliberation.
Gu Moran tightened his arm and drew Su Yao into his embrace.
Su Yao's hand was still clutching her sleeve, her knuckles pressed against his chest. Through two thin layers of clothing, she could feel its warmth seeping inch by inch into the spaces between her bones.
Gu Moran lowered his head, the tip of his nose brushing her temple. His breath fell on the wisps of hair by her temple, stirring them gently.
The roots of Su Yao's ears grew hot, so hot that even she found it absurd.
Gu Moran's hand moved up from her waist, his fingertips gliding slowly along her spine until they came to rest on the knot tying her collar at the back of her neck.
Su Yao's whole body went taut as a fully drawn bow.
"What are you doing?"
"Helping you loosen up. You're too tense."
"Where am I tense?"
"Here."
Gu Moran pressed his thumb against the tendon at the back of her neck and rubbed it, neither too hard nor too lightly.
Su Yao's shoulders trembled. The hand clutching her sleeve let go, then hurriedly grabbed it again.
"Gu Moran, don't give yourself an inch and take a mile."
"But the way you're clutching your sleeve looks like you're waiting for me to undo it for you."
That was too much.
Su Yao raised her other hand to push against Gu Moran's chest, but the moment her palm touched him, he caught it.
Gu Moran's fingers closed around her wrist, his thumb pressing against the fine pulse on the inside of her wrist bone, feeling it beat fast and hard.
"Your heart is racing. Are you afraid of me or yourself?"
Su Yao pressed her lips together and did not answer.
Gu Moran studied her face for a moment, then suddenly smiled.
It was a small smile, only a slight curve of his lips, but something stirred in the depths of his eyes.
"Su Yao, do you know what you look like right now?"
"What do I look like?"
"You say you don't want it, but your eyes have been fixed on my face."
Su Yao finally looked away, toward the oil lamp on the writing desk.
The wick had burned down, and the flame shrank, dimming the light.
In that very instant, as the light dimmed, Gu Moran lowered his head and kissed her.
The moment their lips touched, Su Yao's body stiffened. Her fingers hooked into the front of his robe, clutching the fabric tight.
Gu Moran did not rush.
His lips simply rested against hers, pressing neither too deeply nor too lightly, as though waiting for her to decide what came next.
Su Yao closed her eyes.
Her eyelashes brushed his face, tickling him a little.
Then she released his robe and instead hooked her hand around the back of his neck.
That movement was the signal.
Gu Moran cradled the back of her head with one hand and deepened the kiss.
Su Yao's lower back struck the edge of the writing desk, knocking the teacup askew. Tea spread across the surface, soaking into the cover of Strategies for Governing the State.
She drew a breath and turned her head.
"The book, your book..."
"It's not important."
"That's the only copy."
"You're worth more than the only copy."
Su Yao was momentarily at a loss for words. Before she could retort, he turned her face back and silenced her with a kiss.
The way Gu Moran kissed her was entirely different from that night at the chancellor's residence.
That night had been wine fumes and confusion, drunken recklessness.
Tonight, Gu Moran was perfectly aware of every move he made. As their lips and tongues entwined, he was as intent as if he meant to carve her into his bones.
Su Yao's fingers slipped into his hair and tightened unconsciously, tugging loose the jade crown holding it up.
The jade hairpin fell onto the floor tiles with a crisp clatter.
Gu Moran's long hair spilled down, brushing against Su Yao's cheek and neck, cool and smooth.
Su Yao's face finally turned red, the heat spreading from the roots of her ears all the way down her neck, staining her skin a faint crimson in the dim light.
Gu Moran's gaze followed that blush downward, stopping at her collarbone.
At some point, he had loosened the knot at her collar. Her robe had fallen slightly open, revealing a small stretch of fair skin at her neck.
"Where are you looking?"
"At you."
"Don't look."
"Do you want me to close my eyes?"
Su Yao reached up to pull her collar closed, but he intercepted her hand.
Su Yao's fingers tangled with his over the front of her robe, neither letting go.
"Su Yao, answer me one question."
"What?"
"After that night at the chancellor's residence, did you ever think about me?"