The Love Expert Mitsuri Kanroji

Despair.

True despair wasn't being surrounded by darkness. It was being surrounded by women, yet not one of them could teach you how to make a woman happy again.

Kiyohiko drifted out of the storage room like a wandering spirit, feeling as though his life had entered its final countdown. That bad woman's silent treatment had reached "absolute zero." If this kept up, he was afraid he wouldn't even get dinner.

"Shinobu-chan! I came to see you!"

A bright voice rang out through the Butterfly Mansion. Kiyohiko looked toward the sound, and a splash of color so vivid it seemed almost unreal entered his field of vision.

That distinctive hair, fading from pink to green like sakuramochi, gleamed in the sunlight. She hummed a cheerful tune as she crossed the courtyard with light steps.

It was the Love Hashira, Mitsuri Kanroji!

My savior is here!

A shout erupted in Kiyohiko's heart. He felt like a drowning man clutching at the last straw.

The Love Hashira! Listen to that title: the Hashira of love! She's definitely the only love expert in the Demon Slayer Corps, an oasis in the desert of romance, a beacon for a lost lamb! She has to be more reliable than everyone I just asked.

And she had a good impression of me at the Hashira Meeting. She's the only one whose Bond Value with me is positive, so she'll definitely be willing to help.

Kiyohiko immediately composed his expression, sprinted at full speed, and intercepted Mitsuri Kanroji directly in her path.

"Miss Kanroji! It's been a while! Your hair is still as charming as spring sakuramochi today!"

For once, Kiyohiko's emotional intelligence was actually working.

"Oh! Isn't that Kiyohiko-kun?"

Mitsuri Kanroji stopped and cupped her slightly flushed cheeks in both hands, her big eyes sparkling with delight.

"Really? Like sakuramochi? I'm so happy! I heard you've been recovering well, too. The way you held back from drinking blood in front of everyone that day was really super cool!"

She squirmed with excitement, as though a pink special-effects background had appeared around her.

[Detected an increase in Mitsuri Kanroji's Bond Value. Current Bond Value: 35]

Kiyohiko let out a long sigh of relief. He wasn't too concerned about the increase in Bond Value right now; he had something more important to deal with.

He looked around to make sure no one was nearby, particularly that purple butterfly, then stealthily stepped closer and lowered his voice.

"Well... Miss Kanroji, there's actually a matter of life and death I wanted to ask you about, as the 'supreme authority on romance.'"

"The... supreme authority on romance?!"

Steam instantly rose from Mitsuri Kanroji's head, and she looked ready to float away.

"Oh, stop it! Though I do read romantic novels all the time, and I often give everyone advice... hee hee... what is it? Tell me, tell me!" Her passion for gossip flared up in an instant, and her eyes shone like two big light bulbs.

"Well, you see, I have a friend..."

Kiyohiko once again resorted to that all-purpose opening.

"He made a female friend angry. She's usually very... um, very imposing, and she likes to bully people, but she's actually very gentle at heart. This time, my friend neglected his own health to save someone, and now she's completely ignoring him. How should he break the deadlock?"

Mitsuri Kanroji listened, enthralled, clasping her hands over her heart with a blissful expression.

"Wow... he put himself at risk to save someone, and the girl got angry because she was worried about him... what a heavenly plot! It's just like something out of volume three of Lord Earl's Runaway Sweetheart!"

Lord... Earl... Runaway... Sweetheart?

Did Japan in the Taisho era really have such Mary Sue novels? Why does this feel a little unreliable?

"Uh... what did the Earl do afterward?"

A hint of uncertainty crept into Kiyohiko's voice.

Mitsuri Kanroji took a deep breath, her expression suddenly turning solemn and reverent. She raised a finger and offered her advice in earnest.

"At a time like this, you absolutely can't be timid! When a girl is angry, deep down she's waiting for you to conquer her insecurities!"

"You need to show her your manliness! Don't just apologize. Use your actions to show her that she's the only one in your eyes!"

"For example... when you're alone together, suddenly grab her hand and corner her against the wall... yes... that's the legendary 'kabedon'! Then gaze into her eyes and whisper in her ear, 'Don't be angry. It hurts my heart.'"

"If you can add a bouquet of flowers or a little handmade gift, it'll be even more perfect! Ahh! Just imagining it makes my heart want to leap out of my chest!"

As Mitsuri Kanroji spoke, she lost herself in her own fantasy. Steam rose from her head like a boiling kettle, and her body twisted like a pretzel.

Kiyohiko listened in a daze.

Ka... kabedon Shinobu Kocho?

I see. That strong-arm approach might actually work on a difficult woman like Shinobu Kocho. Maybe a drastic measure really could break the cold-war atmosphere between us.

As expected of the Love Hashira. Her advice really does make some sen-like hell it does!

Kiyohiko held his forehead. The plot of such a greasy, Mary Sue domineering CEO story was enough to make him want to jump off a cliff just thinking about it, let alone act it out on Shinobu Kocho.

If I really did that to Shinobu Kocho, what would she do to me...

Forget it. If I keep thinking about it, this won't get past the censors.

"Miss Kanroji, you... truly are the god of romance! Um... please make absolutely sure you keep this a secret. Don't tell anyone, especially... uh, especially anyone at the Butterfly Mansion!"

I need to placate her first. If anyone else finds out, especially Shinobu Kocho, it won't be a question of whether we're having a cold war. It'll be a question of whether I can survive tomorrow.

"Don't worry! For the sake of budding love, I'll guard this secret with my life!"

Mitsuri Kanroji clenched her little fists and made a zipping motion over her lips, her gaze as resolute as if she were taking an oath.

Seeing Mitsuri like that, Kiyohiko realized she had definitely misunderstood something, but he wasn't in the mood to correct her. As long as she didn't tell anyone what had just happened, that was enough.

"Then I'll go get ready!"

Kiyohiko played along with Mitsuri, then turned and ran. He needed to find a suitable place to soothe his wounded heart, and he also had to think carefully about how to apologize to Shinobu Kocho.

In his own way.

Mitsuri Kanroji watched Kiyohiko's retreating figure, still standing there with her hands on her cheeks and a silly smile on her face.

"Oh my, it's so nice to be young... Kiyohiko-kun's friend must be so happy... hee hee hee..."

In high spirits, she turned around, humming as she prepared to find Shinobu for a chat.

Just as she rounded a corner of the corridor, a familiar, petite figure in a butterfly haori stood there silently.

"Oh! Shinobu-chan!"

Mitsuri Kanroji jumped in surprise, then happily rushed over to her.

"I was just going to see you!"

Shinobu Kocho stood in the shadows, wearing that trademark, inscrutable smile. She tilted her head slightly, a certain dangerous light flickering in her purple eyes.

"My, Mitsuri, you seem to be in a good mood. Just now... I think I saw that foolish demon come to see you. You looked like you were having a nice chat?"

"What did he tell you? I'm very curious."

"Huh?!"

Mitsuri Kanroji froze, and cold sweat instantly poured down her face.

I promised to keep it secret! I absolutely can't tell her!

But... Shinobu-chan's eyes are so scary! It's like she can see right through everything!

"N-n-nothing! Really, nothing! It definitely wasn't about some 'friend' making a girl angry and then wanting to kabedon her to apologize! Definitely not!"

Mitsuri Kanroji waved her hands frantically and spilled everything, whether she should have said it or not, at lightning speed.

Shinobu Kocho's smile instantly deepened.

"Oh... kabedon? Apologize?"

She softly repeated the words, her fingers gently rubbing the hilt of the Nichirin Blade at her waist.

"I see... so that idiot is planning a trick like that..."

"I'm looking forward to it..."