I Got Isekaied to Teyvat by a Dayun Truck

(This story came about after I went crazy one night playing with all restrictions on, then opened Genshin Impact, looked at the Abyss I couldn't beat no matter how hard I tried, and distorted. If anything doesn't make sense, please leave a comment. The author is alive and checks the backend every day.)

(Add the book to your library so you don't lose it. Please interact-I don't want to play solo anymore.)

(Godfathers, the book has entered its evaluation period, so please send update requests and comments. If you like it, leave me a review. The latest chapter is an April Fools' special extra. Thanks for the support, brothers. I kowtow to you.)

"The gears of fate are always so wondrous. Here, on the soil of an alien world, they have prepared a chance for my final encore performance. Can you feel it? The resonance contained in those lights, the trembling of those lost souls..."

He gently pressed his pale cheek against the cold metal blade of his scythe and murmured softly, yet chillingly:

"Let us play that movement once more, we who could never understand one another all our lives, we who are lonely and alone..."

"This time, no one can stop us."

"Wait for me... Angelica..."

Chew, chew.

The judge stopped chewing.

His raised chin slowly lowered, and the corner of his eye began to twitch.

"I removed most of the intestinal stench,"

I said earnestly, looking at him, "but I kept some of it."

The judge's Adam's apple bobbed as he forced down the foreign substance in his mouth, but he began breathing through his open mouth noticeably faster.

"I think you need to keep some of the intestine's flavor so you know you're eating large intestine," I added.

The judge stared at me and asked through clenched teeth, "Did you leave it in on purpose?"

I straightened up and looked him in the eye. "I left some of it in during the cleaning process."

Beads of sweat appeared on his forehead, and his voice came out almost as though squeezed between his teeth:

"Was it deliberate... or an accident?"

I smiled slightly, refusing to back down. "It was a deliberate accident."

As soon as I finished speaking, the judge's features twisted together completely.

Looking at him, furious yet helpless, I finally felt my pent-up resentment vented.

That was right. This was the "shit" I had carefully prepared for him.

As a New Oriental chef, I usually enjoyed inventing dark cuisine.

On this food variety show, this judge had repeatedly come at me aggressively, so I decided to serve him this.

Watching his retreating figure as he dry-heaved, I felt utterly refreshed.

But as for why I, having already transmigrated to Teyvat, was now recalling this memory so full of "flavor"... I'd have to start with how I got here.

My surname was Wei, and my given name was Zhenzu. My friends usually liked to call me Liangzi.

I didn't have any particularly highbrow hobbies. I just liked cooking, eating menzi, and playing games obsessively.

More specifically, I was a hardcore addict of both Limbus Bus and Genshin Impact.

Besides gaming, I also cosplayed occasionally. A few days earlier, the organizers had invited me to an anime convention.

That day, I had cosplayed as the clock-headed Dante from Limbus Bus.

Although the enormous clock headpiece completely covered my handsome face, and it was so stuffy inside that it made me sweat,

I still drew plenty of praise and requests for photos from fellow fans at the convention just by standing there, thanks to my handsome, upright figure.

The atmosphere at the convention was great, and a large crowd of fellow fans had gathered there.

The speakers started playing that execution theme etched into our DNA at just the right moment, and a group of us formed a circle and began swaying wildly to the music.

"I ↑ must↓ be → the↑ reasons↓why ↑"

"You ↑have ↑given → up↑ all your ↓smiles↑"

Everyone twisted their bodies and sang along together.

Next to me, a guy cosplaying Heathcliff and a girl cosplaying "that woman" were acting their hearts out, both of them in tears.

Heathcliff beat his chest and stamped his feet. "It's all my fault!"

□□□ covered her face and wept. "No, it's all my fault!"

Wearing my clock head, I quietly leaned over and put in a word. "It's all Ishmael's fault."

Captain "Ahab," who happened to be passing by, immediately gave me a thumbs-up. "Smart man."

"Ishmael," who was drinking water nearby, whipped her head around and spat out a mouthful: Σ_(꒪ཀ꒪"∠)_?

After the convention ended, I dragged my tired but happy body along the road home.

It was at that familiar intersection that a deafening roar of an engine and extremely loud music approached at the same time.

"Life, can't you let me off just this once~~~"

I turned and saw a heavy-duty Dayun truck barreling toward me at an unbelievable speed.

And in the driver's seat, the person with bloodshot eyes, a crazed expression, and clenched teeth... was actually the judge I'd fed that "shit" to!

He was so deranged that he'd personally driven a truck over to get revenge!

Bang-!

A violent impact shot through my body, sending me flying into the air.

In the fraction of a second before my death, several bold, red thoughts flashed uncontrollably through my brain:

Oh, crap! I haven't done this week's hard Mirror Dungeon yet!

Oh, crap! I haven't claimed my Genshin Impact monthly pass reward or used up my resin!

I still have tens of thousands of Primogems I haven't pulled with!

Wait... I haven't deleted my browser search history! Will my family see it?

My consciousness sank into darkness.

Just as Wei Zhenzu thought he was about to die for good, the cold around him suddenly receded, and he felt a strange summons.

A beam of light shone down from the void, climbing steadily along his nerves.

"It hurts, doesn't it?" a woman's voice rang out deep in his mind.

"Come, release it. Admit your weakness, vent your anger. Let this flame burn more fiercely, until it burns this unjust stage to ashes, until you yourself become part of the flame..."

The voice was powerfully compelling. Wei Zhenzu felt his heart racing, and even his breathing grew heavy.

But he suddenly jolted, his eyes flying wide open in his dark consciousness.

That line, that tone... That's Carmen.

It's the whisper of the Seed of Light!

A storm instantly rose in Wei Zhenzu's heart:

666, the cyber ghost lady chased me all the way to another world! What is this? A divine-grade awakening right at the start? I'm just a wok-swinging chef. Can I really have a max-level cheat like this?

In the deepest part of his dark sea of consciousness, he saw a gigantic steel creation radiating a dark red glow.

It was... the outline of a bus, with an enormous gear embedded in its front and rugged metal armor covering its body, accompanied by the faint rumble of an engine.

That was the Mephistopheles, the Limbus Bus.

As soon as Wei Zhenzu's consciousness touched the bus's exterior, the doors slid open to either side with a hiss, and a powerful suction pulled him straight inside.

He landed on his backside in the manager's seat behind the driver's compartment.

Immediately afterward, the lights inside the bus suddenly came on.

The windshield in front of him instantly became a huge virtual screen. Garbled text flickered across it before turning into clear Chinese characters.

[Beep-compatible subject's mental frequency detected.]

[Teyvat Abnormality Bus System activating.]

[Repelling external mental contamination (cyber ghost lady blocked)...]

[Checking host status... Loading initial permissions.]

[Core module unlocked: Identity Extraction (Identity).]

A line of detailed text appeared in the center of the screen:

[Ability description: The host can spend "Lunacy" dropped by suppressed Abnormalities to draw "City Identities" from the system's gacha pool.]

[Extracted Identities can be equipped as armaments, directly overlaying the host or companions with whom the host has a certain bond. Once equipped, the user gains the combat experience, skill mechanics, and stats corresponding to that Identity.]

He reached out a finger and tried to tap the glowing "single pull" button in the center of the screen, only to find that no matter how hard he pressed, the button remained gray and unclickable.

Puzzled, he glanced at the upper right corner. Lunacy balance: 0.

"Fuck you!" Wei Zhenzu slapped his thigh, the corners of his mouth twitching wildly. "You won't even give me a beginner's free ten-pull? Where's the guide? Help me out here!"

For all his complaining, his eyes remained glued to the screen, and his heart was already bursting with joy.

This meant that as long as he could get enough "Lunacy," he could pull every one of those "City Identities" with their off-the-charts combat power!

If he couldn't equip them himself, he could give them to others.

Just as he was about to figure out where to find Abnormalities to farm "Lunacy," the inside of the bus suddenly jolted violently, and the virtual screen dissolved into countless points of light.

Immediately afterward, a tremendous force ejected Wei Zhenzu's consciousness from the bus.

"Uh... Hah..." A faint, hoarse sound came from his throat.

Wei Zhenzu felt himself lying on a somewhat hard bed. He moved his fingers, feeling the rough fabric.

He opened his eyes, sat up, and looked down, only to find that he was still wearing the conspicuous red trench coat from his Dante cosplay.

Wei Zhenzu hurriedly raised both hands and felt around his neck and head.

There was hair, warmth, and flesh.

Phew... My head is still my own. It hasn't turned into that ticking clock.

He breathed a sigh of relief and finally began examining his surroundings.

A wooden roof, somewhat quaint furniture, sunlight streaming in through the window, and that all-too-familiar rendered art style.

Have I... really come to Teyvat?

He swallowed, looking at everything around him, and murmured, "No way..."

Just then, a clear, energetic female voice suddenly came from outside the door. It sounded very familiar.

"I'll go see if he's awake!"

Immediately afterward, the door handle turned.

Click.

The door opened.