After settling the mysterious woman in black stockings, Shen Luolun came to his trusty Wanmin Restaurant.
"Xiangling, where's my manly man's chicken wrap? Why hasn't it come out yet?"
"Coming, coming!"
Xiangling lifted the cloth curtain and brought out a steaming plate of chicken wrap, placing it in front of Shen Luolun.
"Honored guest, your manly man's chicken wrap. Please enjoy."
Shen Luolun licked his lips, produced a white napkin from somewhere, and tied it around himself with elegant composure.
Then he picked up a knife, cut off a piece of the chicken wrap, and savored it.
As if he had just tasted glowing cuisine, he made an absurdly exaggerated face.
"Mmm~ AUV~ That's the taste, authentic!"
Xiangling pursed her lips and smiled.
"A-Luo, you're acting silly again. Is the chicken wrap really that good? You order it every time."
Her childhood friend liked everything he ate at Wanmin Restaurant, but if she had to name his favorite dish, Xiangling thought it had to be the manly man's chicken wrap.
He had eaten it for ten years, ordering it every time, as if he would never get tired of it.
"Ah, Xiangling, you don't get it. I'm after that authentic taste~ Authentic~"
Shen Luolun swayed his head, as if he had returned to that simpler time.
Back then, work was simple: do well and get promoted; do badly and get beheaded.
Every day I worked the eight a.m. shift with my colleagues. I worked the eight a.m. shift.
Those were the days.
"Authentic? I really don't know what you're talking about."
It was just an ordinary chicken wrap. What special taste could it have?
Even after knowing him for over ten years, Xiangling still couldn't understand her childhood friend's train of thought; strange words were always popping out of his mouth. She shook her head and returned to the kitchen to keep cooking.
"Xiangling, hurry up and bring out my ten Adeptus' Temptations too!"
"I'm gonna use food buffs to max out my crit rate and have a blast fighting tonight!"
("Boss, boss, I landed a million-damage nuke!
"What? You say I cheated?
"No, no, food buffs don't count as cheating. They don't. It's just a little cheat.
"A little cheating is still cheating.
"Then you're not my boss anymore."
Boss: ?
Folks, who gets it? Five percent crit rate, over 300% crit damage, and the feeling when you finally fish out that crit.)
"Got it, got it! I'm making them now."
Burp~
After finishing the manly man's chicken wrap, Shen Luolun let out a long burp.
He picked up his teacup and took a small sip.
Ah~ As expected of the finest jade dew.
Very good.
(In fact, it was just cheap tea, with ten boxes sold at half price.)
He spotted Guoba down below and chuckled.
"Where did this little round lump come from?"
"Luu-"
Guoba: (⊙o⊙)
After he realized what had been said.
Guoba: (◣ ‸ ◢)
He entered his archon, Marchosius, form.
Diluc's fire breath!
Wahaha! Wahaha! Wahaha!
"Ahhh! Guoba, Guoba, stop burning me! My new pants!"
Shen Luolun leaped and darted around, letting out the same miserable screams as Tom Cat.
"Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-"
"Hmph! You rotten A-Luo, you're bullying Guoba again, aren't you?"
Hearing the commotion, Xiangling rushed out of the kitchen, spatula still in hand, looking fierce.
"Oh-ho-ho-ho... I was wrong, Xiangling! Xiangling, make Guoba stop! My new Armani is going to burn!"
"My Armani!"
Shen Luolun clutched his pant legs and hopped around, desperately dodging the flames.
Luckily, Guoba had no movement key while breathing fire, so once he moved far enough away, the flames couldn't follow him.
"All right, all right, Guoba, stop." Xiangling watched for a while before telling Guoba to stop.
Only then did Guoba put out the fire, but he still went "Lululu" at Shen Luolun a few times, looking fierce and cute.
"This little guy is so fierce. He can't take a joke."
As if granted a pardon, Shen Luolun rubbed his chest in relief, soothing his little heart as it pounded.
Xiangling rolled her eyes at him.
"That's what you get for always teasing Guoba. No matter how good his temper is, he'll get angry too."
Besides liking to say strange things and act absurd, Shen Luolun was especially fond of... well, cute creatures like small animals.
He was always teasing them.
Growing up, Xiangling had often seen him chased by kittens and puppies.
The funniest time was when he got beaten up by a round-headed cat named Maodie and bawled his eyes out.
That's right, a cat.
Even if it was a super-duper invincible ultimate fat cat, Shen Luolun, as a human cub, shouldn't have lost to a super-duper invincible ultimate fat cat.
He had utterly disgraced the human race.
Shen Luolun: ???
Have you ever seen a super-duper invincible ultimate fat cat that could use the Eighteen Dragon-Subduing Palms?
Do you know how terrifying a super-duper invincible ultimate fat cat's Thunderous Great Sit is?
Do you know how bewildered you'd feel being thrown over the shoulder by a super-duper invincible ultimate fat cat?
You...
This despair, how many floors must a bag of rice be carried up?!
Do you know? Just tell me.
Shen Luolun had experienced it all.
Only after that battle did he understand that Lord Maodie was the highest mountain in the history of hakimi.
Maodie: That battle truly pleased me, human. You were a fine opponent. Unfortunately, I'll probably forget you tomorrow.
Shen Luolun: I'm sorry I couldn't let you enjoy yourself to the fullest, Lord Maodie.
This great battle between man and cat became the talk of Liyue Harbor for a time, a joke that eclipsed all others.
After all, a human beaten by a super-duper invincible ultimate fat cat-could you believe it?
From then on, Shen Luolun restrained his urge to show affection to small animals somewhat. He no longer dared get handsy, merely teasing them with a few words at most.
But the facts proved that a person's urge to court death was boundless. Even just teasing with words could draw EX-level aggro.
Guoba, for example.
(◣ ‸ ◢)
Was "round lump" something you could just call him?
The old archon would not be insulted!
Today, all old grudges would be settled!
"Lord Guoba, this is a small token of my regard. Please, you must accept it."
Shen Luolun prostrated himself in a dogeza, respectfully presenting a spicy meat cornbread bun with both hands.
"Bleh bleh bleh~"
Guoba's eyes lit up.
(◣ ‸ ◢)→(^ω^)
Well, perhaps he could be insulted after all.
He took the tribute offered by his human pet and scampered off happily.
Shen Luolun let out a long sigh of relief.
Thank goodness Lord Guoba isn't holding it against me anymore.
"Hey, you!"
Despite the scorching weather, a middle-aged merchant still wore padded clothes and a fur coat. Clearly from Snezhnaya, he spoke with a disgruntled expression.
"Watch what you're picking up! Was that your dish? And you just gave it away?!"
"What am I supposed to eat?"
Shen Luolun stood up without a change in expression and patted the dust off his legs. Then, as if suddenly realizing something, he agreed:
"Yeah, what are you supposed to eat?"
"You-you little punk, I'm asking you!"
The middle-aged Snezhnayan merchant gritted his teeth.
"If you don't give me an explanation today, I'll report you to the authorities!"
That wasn't necessary.
It was only one dish.
The real reason was that he was angry at Shen Luolun's indifferent attitude, ignoring his presence and taking his things as he pleased.
He felt that Shen Luolun was discriminating against him on the basis of race, targeting him for being Snezhnayan.
As for the reason? The Fatui, of course!
The Fatui's many wicked deeds were known to every nation.
Because of the Fatui, Snezhnayans were in an awkward position abroad.
They weren't targeted repeatedly, but they couldn't avoid getting cold looks and the cold shoulder.
This left the middle-aged merchant from Snezhnaya deeply indignant.
Why? Did the bad things the Fatui had done implicate all Snezhnayans?
Those were things Snezhnaya's higher-ups did in private. What did they have to do with ordinary people like them?
Why should he pay for the higher-ups' dirty dealings and be bullied abroad?
So thought the middle-aged Snezhnayan merchant, without considering at all that his own terrible personality was the main cause of his experiences.
Shen Luolun couldn't read minds. If he could, he would certainly have said:
Dude, you're really overthinking this. I took one of your dishes and you slap such a big accusation on me? Do you want me to commit seppuku too?
But Shen Luolun didn't know.
His attitude was sincere.
"I'm sorry, sir. I took your dish, and I'll compensate you for its full price. I'm truly sorry."
After all, he had taken the man's dish without permission, so he was in the wrong.
The middle-aged merchant, however, refused to let it go and even pushed his luck.
"If apologies worked, what would we need the police for?"
"If you want to atone, shout 'Mr. Tsarevich, I'm sorry, I was wrong' a hundred times to prove your resolve, then pay for this meal. And from now on, whenever you see me, you'd better go around me, you savage, ill-mannered Liyuean."
"Huh?" This time, it was Shen Luolun's turn to be annoyed.