Side story: All My Secret Stash Is Gone! Everyone, Keep Yourselves in Check, I Seriously Can't Even

(Adapted from the 3000 Yuan Bible; the author even drank a bottle of it as a sign of respect when writing this chapter.)

(The layering of armor is purely for comedic effect.)

"Ah~ This is terrifying, you know? It's outrageous, you know? Seriously, this thing has gone beyond the realm of carbon-based life forms doing weird things."

At the tea party, Xingsu tearfully explained to several people what had happened the day before.

"I was just observing the local customs and culture in the Ash District that day when I got hungry and went to a restaurant. There I met a young man who looked like he was from Liyue, and he was really good at drunken boxing."

He dealt with all the gang members who came to cause trouble right in front of me. Then, there were no seats left in the restaurant, and since he seemed like a nice guy, I thought I'd share a table with him and chat with him.

Then he enthusiastically invited me to try the wine in his gourd. I hadn't planned to drink it, but he said it was homemade and had no alcohol content.

Then, I believed his lies and went with him to drink—no, I drank with him. My alcohol tolerance isn't particularly high, but it's definitely not bad either.

But I only took two sips! I swear I only took two sips, and by the time I realized something was wrong, I was already unconscious.

Seriously, it felt like I was instantly transported home. My whole body was numb, you know? The veins on my head were bulging, and they were throbbing painfully.

Then I thought about going home and finding Arlecchino, and then I smelled it and licked it, and so far it's been pretty normal, you know?

Well, I don't know if I was asleep in bed or not. I think I was asleep, but actually I wasn't, you know?

Then I had a dream. I dreamt that I was on top of Arlecchino, and she was stuck underneath me, unable to move. She tried to get on top of me several times, but I kept pushing her down. I could subdue both of her hands with just one hand, you know?"

"You don't need to go into such detail about this..."

"Shut up!" The Marionette said. "Don't speak."

Honestly, I could never have imagined this scene in my entire life. I just naturally felt that it was a dream, a very, very beautiful dream, you know?

Then when I woke up the next morning, I found Arlecchino lying next to me. I didn't think much of it because I had just slept next to her when I got back the night before.

Then I was going downstairs to buy breakfast from a local shop, no, I was going to eat at that breakfast shop owner's place, no... oh you know, you guys know!

Then, as soon as I got out of bed, I found that my legs felt completely weak, as if my body had been hollowed out. I immediately knelt on the floor.

So what was it? It turns out I didn't sleep until 11 or 12 last night. I didn't fall asleep, but I pretended to be asleep. Actually, I wasn't asleep at all.

I was completely unaware of what was happening when I forced her to make soup dumplings. It took several hours, and I ended up making almost a week's worth in one night.

Then, as I knelt on the ground, my mind went blank as I recalled everything. I turned around and looked at the bed, where I saw her fast asleep and the bed in a complete mess.

Oh, actually, for a fleeting moment, I felt a little bit of happiness, you know? Just for two or three seconds, really.

But what follows this brief happiness? It's the modal particle --

Fear (pronounced clearly)

Then I started talking in my sleep, and there were some human-like words in it, but... oh my god, what did I even say?!

Then, while I was talking, I took out all my secret stash of pocket money... and... ah!

And what's the hardest part, the most ruthless thing to do? It's probably that I have to take you all to Sumeru and bring down the Irminsul.

The most outrageous Snezhnaya slang is this. "I've already packed my bags, I've packed myself up, and the luggage is packing itself up... well, you know what I mean!"

In short, that's how it is, it's so outrageous, you know?

"I'm seated now. May I ask what happened while you were unconscious?" Columbina asked curiously.

"I can't do anything with you, sit still."

"Offer my heart to Peruere! Sasageyo sasageyo, heart sasageyo."

Xingsu sat on the bed, gazing affectionately at the pillow.

"Oh, I should introduce myself. I am Beelzebul Mokatos. Would you be willing to share a bed with me, madam?"

Oh dear~ Wife, wife, why aren't you saying anything, wife~ (half-covering her face in melancholy, regretting that she's too tired to say anything)

Why are you being disobedient, honey? I'm sorry, I'm sorry~ You can't be disobedient, honey.

I've been waiting for you ever since I was a pigeon carrying a branch, and today my wish has finally come true!

I drank some water; my mouth is a little dry. Why do I feel so dizzy?

Why does this plain water tasteless? It's tasteless, maybe it's been diluted? My tongue is acting up today.

"Waaaaaahhhhhh!"

"Why are you yelling so loudly?" Arlecchino heard the noise from inside the room and pushed the door open to come in.

"You don't understand? Under this Irminsul, don't you understand?"

That damn Dottore, it's him! Ugh, it's that damn Dottore doing some kind of god-making experiment in there! Oh my god, he's so wicked, so incredibly wicked!"

Xingsu picked up a pen and paper from the table, forcefully pulled Arlecchino was standing by the door, to sit down at the table, and began to explain his battle plan.

"Over here, over here is that Sumeru City, and what I'm thinking is, we..."

We unite!

So... regarding Sumeru City, you infiltrate from the inside, while I lead the army outside, forming two fronts...

Cheese sandwiched between two buns!

Then, if we try to persuade him, we can discuss it with the forest ranger of Avidya Forest and reach an agreement...

Working together from the inside and outside!

Then they sent someone over there... this Collei, to deal with Dottore a little...

No! We can't send Collei over there! Oh dear, I really... Ugh! I have no choice! Waaah (boy cries) I'm so sorry, so sorry, Collei, I don't know how to cure the Eleazar, waaaaaah!

(The young man, unable to hold his liquor, wept bitterly, his face streaked with tears.)

I'm so weak, I'm so weak. Because of me, I have no power. I don't know, I don't know! I don't know what to do...

"You have to help your brother!" Xingsu grabbed Arlecchino's collar and rested his head on her chest. "Please, help your brother... help your brother... Waaah... Pepe..."

"Pepe! (Suddenly arrogant) Pepe! Pepe, are you there? Pepe! Pepe, you really have to help us get revenge, you know? Really, Columbina, you have to step up your game! You know, Sandrone also has to talk some sense into you, um~ don't you think so?"

I really didn't want to do something so cruel, but you forced me... you forced me to do it. Ugh, this is so annoying!

Waaaaah... You have no idea how much harder it is for me to get through each day when you're not around!

Xingsu suddenly got up and started rummaging through a pile of luggage. He found a box in a hidden compartment, Xingsu it, and found it full of Mora.

"This money! We absolutely cannot skimp on it, you know? We can't skimp on it."

We absolutely can't cut corners! This is military spending! We can't skimp on it! You know what I mean, right? We can't cut corners on this! I'll give you all the money, okay? I'll give you everything.

I will give you all of my money yeah(Fontaine)

Do you know what I mean? Peruere, um, this Lyney here, this Lynette, you know what I mean... Anyway, how should I put it... I..."

"Hello, this is Xingsu. I'm here to find Pepe Pepe. I've already found her, and now we're here to talk to her... ouch."

"I will always love Peruere!"