In the brief ten seconds or so while waiting for Shen Shuangjian answer the video call, Xie Jinghui still thought about many things.
If the real him would make Shen Shuangjian feel uneasy, then would forever being the gentle and refined Xie Jinghui be considered deception?
But before I could fully figure out the problem, the previously dark screen lit up with the light of a video call connected.
Shen Shuangjian sat in front of the camera, wearing soft, pure white loungewear, her long hair cascading down, her eyes serene.
Xie Jinghui didn't know if he had calmed down, but Shen Shuangjian still looked at him when Xie Jinghui asked.
Those eyes were shallow, carrying a gaze Xie Jinghui was familiar with, always easily dragging him into the boundless mortal world.
" Mr. Xie is not a bad person."
Shen Shuangjian was still angry with him, but he also knew that Xie Jinghui hadn't hurt him.
Shen Shuangjian never took the initiative to recount what Xie Jinghui had done for him, but whenever he tried to recall, he would find that since he woke up, Xie Jinghui's shadow was everywhere in the world.
Xie Jinghui seemed to always be watching him, and he could even catch Xie Jinghui's glances whenever Xie Jinghui turned around.
Why can someone's gaze be so gentle?
On that snowy night in Moscow, Shen Shuangjian also had a moment of distraction, and for no apparent reason, she thought of this question.
But I still hate it when you can't hear my voice.
Shen Shuangjian repeated earnestly, "Don't... bully me."
At that moment, Xie Jinghui, who thought he had done enough and understood everything, suddenly realized the true meaning behind Shen Shuangjian's words.
This is neither a shy, embarrassed display of affection, nor a reluctant compromise.
Rather, it is the most tactful request from a sufficiently gentle person.
After Shen Shuangjian accepted Xie Jinghui's identity as his lover, his only request to his lover was that she not bully him.
At that moment, my heart was filled with nothing but excruciating pain.
It was at this moment that Xie Jinghui truly understood that, from Shen Shuangjian's perspective, everything was far from being as logical as it seemed.
He was guided by himself to accept his identity as his lover.
But he couldn't understand what flirting between lovers was, what physiological reactions without rigid explanations were, he didn't understand Xie Jinghui's unease, and he didn't understand Xie Jinghui's pleas.
In a completely unfamiliar relationship, he held onto his stubbornness and resistance, enduring it with great difficulty.
Xie Jinghui brought him into a completely new relationship with her, but forgot to continue guiding him to get to know this unfamiliar world.
All the panic, unease, and sensitivity were forgotten by Xie Jinghui at this moment.
Because, whether in the past or present, Shen Shuangjian's sense of grievance and sadness far outweighs his emotions.
Why should Shen Shuangjian to soothe his restless possessiveness and unease?
Shen Shuangjian if she was also enduring while indulging his demands.
It turns out that he really was bullying Shen Shuangjian, and it was very, very bad.
"I now realize exactly what my mistake was." Xie Jinghui's voice trembled slightly.
"It was my fault. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you just because I love you."
"You shouldn't take advantage of your relationship to demand things from someone when they're scared and crying."
The Xie Jinghui of the past was arrogant and complacent.
He believed he loved Shen Shuangjian more than anyone else, so he scoffed at the care and affection shown to Shen Shuangjian Shen Shuangjian others.
But now, when he wants to apologize, he finds that he has so many mistakes he can't possibly admit them all.
I shouldn't have lied to you and let you deceive your brother.
I shouldn't have asked you to help me keep it a secret.
It was at this moment that Xie Jinghui truly realized that the beast within him had been unleashed without his knowledge.
There was only a skin left in the cage, but he half-covered it, pretending not to see it, letting it quietly run rampant, and even having the idea of turning against its master.
He said he loved Shen Shuangjian, but he always craved the same love from her.
He said he loved Shen Shuangjian, yet he coaxed her into lying and deceiving others to cover up his actions.
He said he loved Shen Shuangjian, but forgot to control himself, letting his inferiority complex turn into demanding and his unease into possessiveness.
He said he loved Shen Shuangjian, but forgot that love is ultimately a matter for him alone.
"Now that I'm willing to admit my mistakes and atone for them, Shen Shuangjian, are you still willing to accept my love?"
The night was deep and everything was silent.
Xie Jinghui waited, waiting for the butterfly that had been pushed away from his heart to return, waiting for the world on the verge of collapse to fall back into peace.
But he was really lucky, luckier than anyone else.
Because at that moment, he heard a very soft and gentle slow response from Shen Shuangjian.
In fact, Xie Jinghui has never been good at leading in love.
His inherent nature and long-held understanding destined his love to be possessive, plundering, calculated, and obsessive in his desire to achieve perfection at the cost of everything.
If the person he met wasn't Shen Shuangjian, then Xie Jinghui's love was tinged with contemptuous control.
He wants someone to love him, so he forces that person to go from saying no to saying yes, forcing them to say "I love you," ultimately harming both himself and the other person.
If Xie Jinghui hadn't met Shen Shuangjian, he would never have fallen in love with anyone in his life; he would have scoffed at love.
And it is precisely because of this that Xie Jinghui is so sensitive, insecure, and even in pain when she is in love.
Everything about them seemed to be Xie Jinghui leading Shen Shuangjian by the hand, guiding him slowly down the path of love.
In reality, Xie Jinghui will only lead the two of them into a desolate wasteland, and this wasteland is called reality.
If no one points it out, when Xie Jinghui in Jinghui, he will find that he was just leading a non-existent phantom and walking down on his own.
Therefore, Xie Jinghui's guidance was only half right, and the one who truly guided Xie Jinghui in love was actually Shen Shuangjian.
He reached out his hand before Xie Jinghui was about to be twisted by obsession and pain and walk into a dark and desolate wasteland.
Xie Jinghui out and take his hand, he would find his way back, passing through desolation and silence, and returning to the warm, sunny world of spring.
Just like Shen Shuangjian, as long as she stood there, she could teach Xie Jinghui how to love him.
Love is not about taking, not about inferiority, not about obsession, and not about deception.
Love is the unchanging flutter of the heart, the tenth second of blankness, the moment of breathtaking beauty that makes one willingly fall for someone.
Love is fearless; love is all-powerful.
It took Xie Jinghui a long time to regain his voice. He stared at Shen Shuangjian on the screen, at her calm and aloof eyes, and spoke as if making a vow.
" Shen Shuangjian, I will never lie to you, I will never bully you, I will never be unable to hear your voice again, and I will never let go of your hand."
He will keep a close watch on that beast and will never let it out.
He will hide the rotting inside beneath his skin and truly become a tolerant and gentle person, so that no one will ever notice.
If that's the case, will the gods favor him?
"Good night, Mr. Xie."
Shen Shuangjian's response was always a tactful one that didn't address the question directly.
After Xie Jinghui expressed her love countless times, he simply said, "Goodnight."
Thus, Xie Jinghui learned the answer: on this dark night devoid of starlight, the gods replied.
The gods answered him, "Yes."