Before Nanxing could offer any words of comfort, Xiu'er wiped away her tears and said, "Why are you crying? It's not like Song Jingyang doesn't want me."
Looking at her stubborn expression, Nanxing suddenly sighed.
"If you don't want Song Jingyang anymore, he'll cry."
Xiu'er remained silent.
"We've known each other for many years," Nanxing said. "You're the only woman he's ever truly cared about."
"Nanxing, can't you say something bad about him?"
"Tell me, what's wrong with him?" Nanxing retorted.
Xiu'er's tears were welling up again. Her voice was hoarse and trembling with sobs as she said, "No, he's so good to me."
"Then there's no need to worry about it," Nanxing said. "Go with him; the Empress won't cut ties with you because of this."
"Nanxing, was your training at the Xiao Family tough?"
Nanxing didn't answer immediately; that memory could be described as the darkest of times.
So many people died in that darkness.
"But you still don't want to betray the Xiao Family." Xiu'er pressed her face against her knees. "Because you know that without the Xiao Family, you are nothing. And to me, Your Majesty, it's the same."
"Nanxing, during the hardest time, I considered selling myself. I was ten years old that year."
"I secretly went to the slave market. I wanted five taels of silver, but there were so many young maids lining up to sell themselves." Xiu'er laughed.
"Finally, someone dressed in silk appeared, and everyone rushed towards them. I fell to the ground, my whole body ached, but I still managed to squeeze through the crowd."
"But they don't want me, not even three taels."
"After the master cleared my father's name, my mother and I received justice, but we were penniless."
"We tried everywhere to find odd jobs, but people said we didn't sell ourselves, and we weren't from the capital, so no one would vouch for us. Even if we just wanted food and clothing, nobody would take us."
"I shamelessly brought my mother to wait at the gate of the Tang Residence. At that time, the Empress was pregnant with Linlin and was in a bad mood, crying and making a scene. My mother and I helped her, and the Master let us stay."
"And then, the good days began."
Even though the empress had caused all sorts of trouble, the mother and daughter finally had a place to stay.
"When I met Song Jingyang, he was already receiving a government salary." Xiu'er laughed. "After Nanny Jing came to the Prince's Mansion, the Empress wanted to assign her two maids to serve her. I received about twenty gifts, all asking me to help them get this position."
"I recalled my predicament back then, when I couldn't even sell myself into servitude."
"Nanxing, without Your Majesty, would my situation be any different from those maids who are now kneeling and begging me?"
I'm not even as good as them.
"Not to mention that Song Jingyang is already a second-rank military officer, even in the past, the maids around his mother were things I couldn't even dream of."
"Nanxing, everyone, including you and Song Jingyang, thinks you think I'm a good person because you respect me."
"But I know that without Your Majesty, you wouldn't even look at me."
"Nanxing, one must never forget one's roots."
After a long silence, Nanxing said, "Song Jingyang has not betrayed the Prince and the Empress. By following him, you are still helping the Empress."
Xiu'er smiled.
"Nanxing, do you even believe what you're saying?"
"Who Song Jingyang marries won't affect his loyalty to the prince. Maybe he can even marry a woman from a prominent family who will help the prince!"
That's a young general of Qingzhou.
Not to mention Qingzhou, even in the capital, countless noble ladies lined up, dreaming of marrying such a young and promising husband.
"But Nanxing," Xiu'er continued, "You said it yourself, once the Empress leaves, it will be her for three to five years, or even ten or eight years."
"Too many things have changed along the way. I'm afraid that when Her Majesty is in trouble, I won't be by her side."
Xiu'er sniffed and swallowed the bitter taste repeatedly.
"Song Jingyang has no shortage of people who would flatter him. But by Her Majesty's side, I might be the only one left."
"I would never leave Your Majesty during the most difficult time of your life."
"Nanxing, I can't."
"I understand all the reasons, but I probably can't help much if I stay."
"But I don't want to leave Her Majesty; I want to stay with her."
"I don't know what others think, but for me, there are other things besides romantic love."
I'm sorry, Song Jingyang.
But I've already made up my mind.
Is there a way in this world to have it all, to be true to both the Buddha and the beloved?
She's too stupid; there's no way to have the best of both worlds.
"Song Jingyang likes me? He must be blind."
"You mean he likes someone, and he has to prioritize that person?"
Why did they have to pick me of all people?
"Nanxing, I'm still reluctant to Nanny Jing. I'm really jealous of that woman who will marry Song Jingyang."
"But there's nothing I can do, I really can't."
Xiu'er could no longer hold back and burst into tears, hugging her knees.
She'll cry just this once, really, just this once.
She had always thought that Song Jingyang would stay with the prince forever.
But the prince had a better plan for him.
It hurts, but the pain will probably pass in a few years.
Nanxing remained silent for a long time before saying, "Perhaps, the Prince will return in a year or two. Or perhaps, he will be able to escape unscathed this time?"
"What kind of escape is this? Staying in the capital, letting the Empress be humiliated by that old hag again and again?" Xiu'er said.
Nanxing was really bad at giving advice, and after a long while said, "Perhaps Song Jingyang will wait for you."
"I still have some self-respect," Xiu'er said with a self-deprecating laugh. "Song Jingyang isn't young anymore. If I can't be with him, why would I keep dragging him along? Is that even human?"
Song Jingyang has been unfairly implicated.
Besides, she likes him too!
Even though she never seriously admitted it to him, it couldn't change the burgeoning love in her heart.
I like him, and I can't bear to lose him.
"I'm jealous of the women who are with him, but I also genuinely hope he can be happy."
"When he has children in the future, will he have to call me aunt?"
"Forget it, I'll just not see her. It's too painful. I need to be kinder to myself."
Nanxing listened in silence.
She realized that Xiu'er didn't need comfort; what she needed was someone to listen.
Besides herself, who else could she talk to?
Princess Consort? Old Madam He? Nanny Jing?
No one would agree with what she did.
Xiu'er finished speaking to herself, remained silent for a long time, and then smiled.
"Alright, I've convinced you, haven't I, Nanxing?"
This is a good start.
She got what she wanted.
"Let me think about how to talk to Nanny Jing."
"Shouldn't you think about how to talk to Song Jingyang?"
"The hardest part should definitely be saved for last," Xiu'er said. "Give me some time; I need to take it easy."
She's not invulnerable; she feels pain too.
"Nanxing," Xiu'er changed the subject, "Is your man impressive?"
"Impressive, isn't it?"
"Can he help the prince?"
"No way." People with different values cannot work together.
"You let him gnaw on you for nothing?"
"Not really, there's no such thing as a free lunch."
Whether or not to pay the bill after the meal is no longer solely the responsibility of the person who ate the meal.