Teaching an Old Monster to Ride an Electric Scooter

"Sit on it."

"Huh? How could I dare sit while you stand, Immortal Master?"

"We don't stand on ceremony in Yizhou."

Chen Du had a headache. Ancient monsters were a little feudal.

"Yes."

Yunzhi bowed to him, then bowed to the electric trike:

"Excuse me."

Only then did she sit down on it, trembling with fear.

"That was an unusual maneuver," Chen Du remarked, before continuing, "It's very simple. I'll explain, and you remember."

"Please instruct me, Immortal Master."

Yunzhi immediately adopted an attentive pose.

"The power's off right now, so it won't move. Try each thing as I explain it. Twist the right handle, and it'll go. The harder you twist, the faster it goes."

"Twist it, and it goes..."

Yunzhi repeated softly, giving the right handle a test twist.

Sure enough, it could be twisted!

She was filled with wonder.

"Squeeze the lever on the left handle for the front brake. Squeeze the one on the right for the rear brake. The brakes make it stop. The harder you squeeze, the more abruptly it stops."

Yunzhi continued silently repeating his words to herself.

"The handlebars turn. Turn them left to go left, and turn them right to go right."

"Turn left to go left, turn right to go right..."

Yunzhi sounded as though she were reciting a tongue twister.

Then she heard the immortal master tell her, "All right, you know how to ride now."

"What?"

She had still been getting familiar with the handlebars. Hearing that, she instantly sat up straight.

"Twist to go. Squeeze to stop. Turn to turn." Chen Du repeated the instructions simply, switching on the power as he did. "Now give it a try."

"..."

Yunzhi froze. After a long while, she tentatively twisted the throttle.

With a buzz, the trike actually started moving.

And headed straight for the stone table and stools newly placed in the courtyard.

Panic showed plainly on the ancient monster's face.

When someone rode for the first time, nine times out of ten they would forget the brakes in an emergency, and were more likely to instinctively stick out a foot and press it against the ground to stop. But Yunzhi was different, after all.

"Whoosh!"

She appeared in front of the trike and pressed both hands against the handlebars, blocking its path.

But the trike had some weight to it, and it was moving at some speed. It wasn't so easy to bring to an abrupt stop.

The trike's rear wheels visibly lifted off the ground.

Her shoes scraped along the ground too.

Just as the soles of her embroidered shoes reached a stone stool, she and the trike finally came to a stop.

Yunzhi looked back and breathed a sigh of relief.

Fortunately, she hadn't damaged the Taoist temple's construction.

She turned to look at the immortal master, only to see him nod at her. "You're a genius at riding a trike. With that ability, there's no way you could fall off."

Was that a kind of affirmation?

Her face had been red with shame. The flush hadn't faded, but now she was embarrassed.

"You flatter me, Immortal Master."

"Remember two key points: first, twist the throttle gently when starting. Second, anticipate when you'll need to slow down, and squeeze the brakes gently too."

"Understood!"

Yunzhi nodded, feeling she had gained some insight.

Most importantly, she thought the immortal master made sense: since she had been able to stop the trike just now, she could do it again next time, so she wouldn't fall and damage it. That was right. It didn't matter if she fell, but she couldn't let the immortal master's mount fall.

Since it couldn't fall, what was there to be nervous about?

As long as she wasn't afraid, it would be much simpler.

Before long, she was riding the little trike in circles around the courtyard, her face a picture of utter wonder the entire time.

She had ridden horses and oxen before, and even donkeys, mules, and camels, but none had felt like this. It was smooth, freeing, and gave her a sense of control. Although it wasn't as good as riding the wind herself, she couldn't control her direction when she did that. There also had to be wind, she couldn't fly very far, she couldn't stop and start whenever she wanted, and she couldn't let the people at the foot of the mountain see her.

How had the mortal world made such a divine artifact?

If she had possessed this treasure back then, she wouldn't have had such a hard time traveling the world in search of famous mountains.

"Immortal Master, I can ride now."

Yunzhi stopped in front of Chen Du, brimming with confidence.

"Simple, right?"

"Simple."

"Very good." Chen Du saw her confidence and smiled faintly. "Now I'll start teaching you the real driving skills."

"Huh?"

"These are the turn signals. Push the switch left, and the left light comes on. Push it right, and the right light comes on. If you're turning left, you need to signal left, and if you're turning right, you need to signal right. You also have to signal before you turn, to let other people know you're turning."

"..."

"This is the horn, the low beam, the high beam, the key, the power switch, the steering lock, the storage space under the back seat, the lock and key, pulling over to park, traffic rules, what to do if you accidentally hit someone..."

"..."

Yunzhi felt as though she had memorized an entire Tao Te Ching-and not the kind she could simply learn by rote, but the kind she would have to put into practice immediately.

She was even a little afraid to go down the mountain because of it.

"You can go down the mountain now," the immortal master told her. "Oh, right, one more thing. This trike is a little old, and the battery doesn't last very long. From here to the town at the foot of the mountain, with a bit of riding around before coming back, a full charge will probably only get you through about two round trips. Keep that in mind, or you'll have to push it. Don't carry it."

"Is it driven by lightning?"

"Electricity, not lightning."

"What does that mean?"

"Electromagnetic force turns electrical energy into mechanical energy," Chen Du told her. "There probably isn't anyone in this world who can control lightning yet."

"But I... I just saw someone use a lightning technique on television."

"A lightning technique? I don't know what you're talking about, but you must have gotten it wrong."

As Chen Du spoke, he remembered something and took a few hundred yuan out of his pocket. It was basically all the cash left from the ritual fees the noodle shop owner had given him that time and the two middle-aged men had given him this time.

"By the way, if you see any clothes in town that catch your eye, you can buy yourself an outfit too."

"Can't I wear Great Ming clothing in the current dynasty?"

"That's not it. You can wear it. Plenty of people still wear ancient clothing nowadays. If you like it, you might even be able to buy some in town. It's just not good to wear the same outfit all the time."

"..."

Yunzhi couldn't help lowering her head in shame.

It seemed the immortal master thought she was untidy.

The electric trike went down the mountain as slowly as a tortoise.

It was market day, and the town was crowded. The electric trike traveled along the street as slowly as a tortoise.

She had thought the switchback path down the mountain was already extremely difficult, but she hadn't expected this seemingly broad, level street to be hell difficulty.

People were packed against people, vehicles pressed against vehicles.

Remembering what the immortal master had said-that whenever a vehicle hit someone, nine times out of ten the vehicle was entirely at fault-she grew even more worried.

She had no money to pay compensation, and as a monster, she was even less willing to bear responsibility for harming a mortal.

A little later, she was pushing the trike forward.

There was plenty of food on the street, and delicious aromas kept drifting over, but she only bought a few bones to treat the fellow Daoists who had helped her that night. She didn't buy anything for herself.

Although the immortal master had later told her not to save money if she saw something she wanted to eat or buy, his permission to spend the money as she wished could be considered a kind of delegation of authority, couldn't it?

But granting her that authority didn't mean she could just do as she pleased. On the contrary, this was precisely when she should show restraint.

On the first day, she had failed to restrain herself and nearly caused a great disaster. Fortunately, she had later found a blessing in that misfortune.

Now she was exercising great restraint, and it made her proud.

"Huh?"

Yunzhi suddenly heard someone nearby discussing the Taoist temple on the mountain.

Hadn't the immortal master told them not to spread the word?

Who could resist stopping to listen? Even a deaf person would stop to read their lips.

Yunzhi immediately stopped.

"Have you heard? Apparently that Taoist temple on the mountain back there is really efficacious!"

"Since when? How come I've never heard of it before?"

"A few days ago, something happened at that little temple outside the market. The town wanted to find someone to look into it, and they heard that Taoist temple was very efficacious. The owner of the noodle shop at the crossroads wasn't feeling well before, and that's where he went to get cured, so they invited the Taoist master from the temple to help. He came last night, and there was quite a commotion..."

"Really?"

"I live right over here. I heard it last night. The dogs were barking up a storm, and they all ran over that way! If you don't believe me, go see for yourself. People in town are still buying incense, candles, and fruit to take up the mountain as gifts of thanks."

"It's that impressive?"

"Everyone's talking about it..."

"Then are you going to pay your respects?"

They were probably talking about what had happened the night before.

It seemed the mountain would be lively for a while.

Yunzhi couldn't resist listening a little longer.

After hearing those two out, she went to listen to other people.

She had always enjoyed this sort of thing back then. It was delightful.

Forget stopping at red lights and going on green-if someone was talking, she stopped.

Your clothes are cheap? Sorry, the shopkeeper next door is talking about what I did last night.

Oh, right! She still had to buy some laying hens!

She had a unique method of picking them.

Near noon, the breathtakingly beautiful woman in Ming-style hanfu finally squatted down in front of a chicken coop. She looked left and right, gave a slight bow, and asked:

"I have an opportunity of good fortune to bestow upon one of you fellow Daoists. May I ask which of you lays eggs most often and best?"

The immortal master had given an order, and she would carry it out diligently.