I Wanted to Die

How big could a little kitten's stomach be? Ruanruan didn't stop eating until her belly was round and bulging. A closer look showed that she had licked the little dish completely clean, leaving neither a drop of milk nor a speck of wet cat food.

Ruanruan thought, I ate it so cleanly. My owner should praise me to the skies when he sees it, right? Heehee.

Ruanruan felt that calling him her owner was strange. On second thought, her owner counted as her immediate superior, and calling him "boss" seemed to roll off the tongue more easily. She might as well call him boss from now on; it was more down-to-earth. With that thought, Ruanruan sat up, raised her little face, and waited for praise.

Lu Linyuan had continued with his own work while she ate. When he finally looked up, all he saw was the little dish, as clean as if it had been washed.

"You really can eat... You should be a little pig, not a kitten, right?" Lu Linyuan remarked in a bland tone.

Ruanruan had been sitting to one side with her belly sticking out, waiting for praise. She never expected to hear that instead. She staggered and took a comical fake fall to express her astonishment.

Ruanruan lay sprawled on the desk, flat on her face with all four limbs splayed.

Lu Linyuan, who saw this, didn't know Ruanruan was expressing her speechlessness. He added, "You can even fall over on level ground. That's just like you." With those deep eyes, high nose, and upturned outer corners of his eyes, anyone who didn't know better might think he was whispering sweet nothings to you. But his icy, inflectionless words would soon snap you out of it.

"..."

Hearing that, Ruanruan wanted nothing more than to leap up and scratch the man's face to shreds. How could his tongue be so vicious?!

How could he bear to be so harsh to a little kitten?

If he couldn't say anything nice, he could keep his mouth shut.

Ruanruan complained furiously in her heart. Damn young master, closet pervert, mean boss. Boohoo, my little beauty Lu Yiyi is still the best. I miss my little beauty so much, boohoo.

Seeing the kitten lying on the desk without getting up, Lu Linyuan picked up a tissue and wiped the milk from her damp mouth and chin. Then he picked her up and put her in the cat bed.

That wasn't all. Seeing how thoughtful her boss was, even wiping her mouth for her, Ruanruan was just about to say that he wasn't so bad after all, just not good with words-scratch that, just a little incapable of speaking nicely-when she heard that familiar, indifferent voice above her.

"A tiny little lump, clumsy and dumb as a stump."

"..." Again? Ruanruan gritted her teeth and forced herself to endure it.

It was fine. She would get used to it. Ruanruan turned around, giving Lu Linyuan her back and showing him only her butt, unwilling to spare him even a glance.

He was going to make this meow die of anger. Even her belly was heaving with it.

When she was human, she used to laugh at herself for being a corporate slave. Now she really had become one. Apparently, no matter where she went, she still had to put up with her boss's temper.

Lu Linyuan tried several times to concentrate on his work, but that round, fluffy butt kept facing him, as if saying, "Come rub me, come rub me." How was anyone supposed to work like that?

So he could work and rub her at the same time, Lu Linyuan opened the files one by one, then slowly browsed them with the mouse in one hand. With the other, he reached out, pulled the cat bed closer, and began playing with the kitten who had her back to him.

"Though you're dumb and dopey, you really do feel nice. You're facing away because you want me to pet you, right? Hmm?" he teased her deliberately. After saying that, he went on rubbing her head and stroking her fur, even picking up Ruanruan's little paw and squeezing her paw pads. He clearly couldn't bear to put her down. He was the one who wanted to pet her, yet he blamed it on her wanting him to.

Ruanruan refused to cooperate. Complaining inwardly that he was talking nonsense and spouting rubbish, she went limp as a puddle of mud in the cat bed. No matter how Lu Linyuan handled her, her expression said, This meow isn't waiting on you anymore. Do whatever you want. She even closed her eyes.

But doing that only made her feel even better to the touch. After all, anyone who squeezed something so soft and boneless would know.

It was Lu Linyuan's first time raising a cat, and his first time feeling how soft and delicate a little kitten could be. She was so smooth that he couldn't bear to let go, and he kept playing with her until Lu Yiyi called after returning home that evening.

"Hello?" Lu Linyuan answered.

Lu Yiyi said with a smile, "Well? How are you getting along with the little one? You haven't scared the kitten so badly she won't come out of the cat room, have you?"

Lu Linyuan lowered his eyes to glance at Ruanruan, who was fast asleep in his arms, still like a puddle of mud. Scared?

"She's eating and sleeping well. She just finished eating, and now she's asleep again."

"It's good that she can eat and sleep. Have you named her?"

"She's quite soft to the touch, so I'm calling her Ruanruan."

Lu Yiyi burst out laughing. "Brother, you're so meticulous at work, but you were way too casual naming her. Ruanruan, haha. Can't you change it?"

Stroking the fur on Ruanruan's back again and again, Lu Linyuan said, "I think the name suits her. That's what I'm calling her."

"All right, all right. As long as she's doing well with you. If you don't like her or don't take good care of her, I'll take her back and won't let you keep her anymore."

Lu Linyuan didn't answer her. Instead, he asked, "How long are you planning to keep playing? Didn't Mom tell you to go gain some experience at the branch office? When are you going to report for work?"

Lu Yiyi replied plaintively, "Oh, you haven't been back from your business trip for long, and you're already worrying about me again. I haven't even graduated from university. Why are you in such a hurry to send me to the company for experience? I don't want to. I just want to have fun during the holiday. I'm planning to go to Iceland next month, too."

Before Lu Linyuan could say anything more, Lu Yiyi quickly said goodbye and hung up, afraid that if they talked any longer, he would force her to intern at the company.

The kitten was probably still growing and got sleepy after eating her fill. Ruanruan slept for another full hour before waking up, but she didn't wake up on her own. She woke up because she needed to pee.

"Meow, meow, meow-" Though she was very sleepy and didn't want to wake up, Ruanruan really couldn't hold her pee much longer. She called out again and again before she had even opened her eyes.

Lu Linyuan had just finished his work and was about to get up. Hearing her, he thought kittens could have nightmares too, so he held her a little tighter to comfort her.

Unfortunately, that move only added frost to snow for Ruanruan. In her desperation, she opened her eyes and cried out at Lu Linyuan above her.

"Meow, meow, meow-" Pee, I need to pee! Take me to the toilet, quick! The toilet! I need to pee!

Ruanruan glared at him, plainly frantic. Her paws scrabbled at the crook of his arm, and her hind legs kicked nonstop, but her strength was limited, and it did no good.

Lu Linyuan didn't understand meows and didn't know why Ruanruan had suddenly become so anxious and restless, or why she kept struggling. He loosened his hold and lifted her in his hands in front of his face.

"What's wrong? Has it only just sunk in that you're somewhere new, and now you're scared of strangers?" His mildly puzzled voice had barely fallen when he felt warmth in his palm.

Lu Linyuan froze. The warmth ran down his palm and wrist, dripping down. One drop, two drops, three drops, landing warmly on his leg. A patch of his suit trousers was soon soaked through.

Lu Linyuan and Ruanruan, who hadn't been able to hold her pee in his palm, stared at each other in silence. Neither the man nor the cat moved.

Big eyes stared at little ones, and the atmosphere froze.

Lu Linyuan had never encountered a situation like this. When had Ruanruan ever failed to hold her pee in front of someone? She was nearly dying of shame, but with everything wet beneath her butt, she didn't dare curl into a ball with her paws over her head and pretend nothing had happened. She slowly lowered her eyes and shifted her butt over to a dry spot.

Seeing Ruanruan's reaction, Lu Linyuan was so angry he nearly laughed. He closed his eyes, seemingly holding something back.

Now that this had happened, he finally understood why Ruanruan had been so agitated just now. She had needed the toilet.

He couldn't blame the cat for this. He was the one who hadn't thought of it.

Lu Linyuan slowly let out a breath and held Ruanruan farther away from him. With both hands wet, he couldn't call someone over immediately. He got up and went to the bathroom attached to the study. Once inside, he put Ruanruan on the sink and began washing his hands and arms over and over. Then he picked up a clean towel and looked at the urine stain on his trousers, unable to resist another glance at Ruanruan, who was looking everywhere but at him.

"I never expected a cat to give me something I'd remember for the rest of my life."

Hearing his ambiguous tone, Ruanruan couldn't guess what he was thinking at all. She was instantly trembling with fear, afraid her boss would hate her from now on. As the saying went, a beauty could lose his favor before her looks had faded. How miserable that would be! Her eyes instantly filled with tears as she looked at Lu Linyuan pitifully. It's not like I wanted this either, okay?

I really couldn't hold it, boohoo.

So embarrassing. At that moment, I really wanted to jump out of my boss's palm and die.

Though she could still jump off the sink now, her courage was gone. A wretched life was better than a good death. She could only hope her boss wouldn't hold it against a little kitten like her.

Meow-