Don't Sleep Outside

Remus emerged from the hollow of the tree, exhausted. The weather was poor today, and the sky was still gray at seven. As he took a long breath to steady himself, he suddenly noticed what looked like a person beneath a tree across from him.

That was...

His eyes widened in disbelief, and Remus walked over to the figure curled up beneath the tree.

Dew had gathered on the grass in the early autumn morning. It had dampened the hair at Merlin's temples and left her clothes wet as well. Perhaps because of the cold, her usually rosy cheeks were sickly pale. Remus instinctively reached out and touched her hand, only to recoil in alarm at how cold it was.

For a moment, he almost felt as though his heart had stopped for several seconds.

Only when he realized Merlin was still breathing did Remus catch his breath. Merlin, he had nearly thought something had happened to her!

But why was she lying in a place like this?

Remus took off his coat and laid it over Merlin, then gently shook her shoulder.

"Merlin? Are you all right?"

Whether his touch was too light or for some other reason, Merlin only responded after he had called her several times. She opened her eyes weakly, her black eyes clouded and unfocused. She gazed at him for a long moment before they finally focused again.

"Remus..."

Her usually cheerful voice was low and hoarse. She swayed toward him, then rested her head on his shoulder.

His body went rigid, and he didn't move a muscle.

He didn't know why, but whenever Merlin had just woken up and was still groggy, she always called him Remus. Once she was fully awake, though, she only ever called him Lupin. He often wished he could simply tell Merlin, "Just call me by my first name," but he could never bring himself to say it. Eventually, he fell into the habit of going to see Merlin first thing after waking up, and only after hearing her call him Remus would he happily go to class.

If she found out he did that, she would probably be offended, wouldn't she? He just really wanted to be friends with Merlin, but he didn't know how to say it.

If only he could be like James.

But Remus could never have imagined a scene like this.

Merlin was leaning almost entirely against him, her body cold. He tried to hold her, then tried to help her up, but after hesitating back and forth for a long while, he accomplished nothing.

Seeing that Merlin seemed about to fall asleep again, he quickly roused her.

"Can you still walk?" he asked. "I'll carry you back."

Hearing that, Merlin forced her eyes open. She looked unable to stand steadily and could barely support herself without holding on to the tree trunk.

"It's all right," she said. "I'm just... feeling a little unwell. Can I lean on you?"

Remus naturally didn't refuse. Having just finished transforming, he wasn't in good shape himself, and in the end, the two of them all but supported each other back to the Gryffindor Common Room.

The common room was silent and empty. Remus accompanied Merlin to the entrance to the girls' dormitory, and only left once he had seen her go inside.

But why had Merlin been sleeping in a place like that? What on earth had happened?

Full of questions, he returned to the dormitory. As soon as he entered, he saw James and Sirius both looking at him. Remus, who had thought they were still asleep, was startled, but he kept his expression calm. He simply nodded to them and began gathering what he needed for class.

"Remus," James said behind him, "what happened to leave those marks on you?"

"Some things came up," he said vaguely. "It's private."

He knew James wasn't the sort to pry into people's private affairs, and sure enough, James didn't press him after that answer. But his roommates had clearly begun to suspect something, and that was unavoidable.

His hand paused over his textbooks, and he sighed almost imperceptibly.

That was why he had never dared accept James's kindness. If he never had it, he couldn't lose it. He had lived that way for a long time.

He finished packing in silence, and when he stepped out of the dormitory, he was a little surprised to see Merlin coming out too. He had thought she would rest a little longer.

"Are you feeling all right?" he asked worriedly.

Merlin smiled at him, but the smile looked listless, and he grew even more concerned.

"Why worry about her?" Sirius looked away from Merlin. "She looks perfectly fine to me."

"I think Merlin looks a bit unwell today too," James muttered. "Maybe she got up too early?"

"She usually gets up at this time," Sirius replied casually.

Remus gave Sirius a slightly surprised look. He hadn't expected Sirius to notice when Merlin got up.

The group headed for the dining hall, with Merlin trailing behind the whole time. Remus kept looking back at her worriedly. He wanted to persuade her to take the day off. It was Friday, after all, and they only had one Potions Class with Slytherin that morning.

"You're that worried about her?"

When Remus turned to look back yet again, Sirius's cool voice sounded beside his ear. He saw Sirius standing with his arms crossed, looking at him as though he'd been betrayed. "Remus, I thought we were friends."

"But Merlin is my friend too," he protested uncertainly, glancing instinctively at Merlin. Would she consider them friends?

Sirius's expression darkened further at his answer. He frowned, turned, and strode toward Merlin.

"In that case, I'll go ask her for you."

Before Remus could stop him, Sirius had already reached Merlin. He stepped across her path, but Merlin seemed not to notice at all and walked straight into him, plunging headfirst into his arms.

Remus was quite struck by the sight. Sirius really did hate Merlin. It was the first time he had ever seen someone's face turn so red in such a short time.

He must have been especially angry.

I felt awful.

First came the cold, a chill that seemed to seep into my bones and leave me shivering. Then came the heat, burning from the inside out and making my head feel as though it would split open.

I had been too careless. I had only meant to sit down and think about a few things, but before I knew it, I had fallen asleep. October was no longer summer, and it would have been strange not to get sick after lying outside all night in those conditions. I had thought about taking the day off, but since it was Friday and there was only one class in the morning, I decided to go to the Hospital Wing afterward. Then Sirius blocked my path, and I walked into him without noticing. The next time I opened my eyes, I was lying in a bed in the Hospital Wing.

Madam Pomfrey gave me some Pepperup Potion, and I felt much better after drinking it. My head was smoking, though, and it felt as if all the heat in my body was escaping through the top of my head. The feverish heat that had been lodged in my chest had vanished completely.

"How did you suddenly come down with a fever?" Lily came to visit me after Potions Class, bringing me some pudding. "You didn't eat anything this morning, so I went to the kitchens and asked the House-elves for some pudding. Have a little to tide you over."

"I accidentally fell asleep outside." I scratched my head, and even more steam rose from it.

"Didn't you go back with me last night? You snuck out again." Lily glared at me, and I lowered my head guiltily. After all, I had nothing to do every night, so I wandered around outside, even more often than James and the others went out at night. Or rather, James and the others went out on adventures, while I simply walked around outside. I was completely lawless.

Lily rapped me on the head, but her expression soon softened.

"I could tell yesterday. You were really worried about my situation, weren't you?" She cupped my face, close enough that I could smell her gentle fragrance. My head was still steaming, but the warmth of her palms reached me unmistakably.

"You were so troubled about me that you wandered around outside and even fell asleep under a tree. You usually seem pretty clever in class, so how can you be such a dummy about something like this?" Although she was scolding me, her tone was unbelievably gentle. "Besides, things between Severus and me haven't gotten that bad yet. Why are you wearing yourself out first?"

Lily was always so gentle.

Although our classmates at Hogwarts always said Lily was a warm and lively witch, I had always thought she was gentler than anyone else. Even the way she rapped me hard on the head was gentle.

That wasn't just me seeing her through rose-colored glasses. Lily really was that kind of person. Her life looked bright and sunny, but in truth it was overcast with clouds. Being a witch had caused her rift with Petunia, and at Hogwarts, James and Snape pulled her life back and forth until they finally went their separate ways.

After graduation, she had finally been able to do what she wanted, only for the plot to require her to become a housewife after marrying, doing nothing but caring for her child. Then she was brutally murdered in her early twenties. When she died, she didn't even know whether Harry had survived. I could hardly imagine how heartbroken and desperate she must have been.

When I first read "Harry Potter," I had merely thought that the author had probably only begun to expand the worldbuilding later on, leaving a pile of bugs in the previous generation's storyline. But when Lily was truly standing before me, I couldn't just watch her life wither away as quickly as a flower that bloomed for a single night.

She had never done anything wrong, yet she had been hurt in all sorts of ways, time and again. Her happiness had been so brief that sometimes I even wondered whether she had truly been happy.

Whenever I thought about those things, emotion would always catch in my throat, and I could never tell exactly what point in time it was. Perhaps the high fever had left my mind muddled, because I took her hand.

"Because I want to protect you, Lily," I said, almost instinctively. "I want you to be happy."

By the time I realized what I was saying, it was too late. Lily stared at me wide-eyed, completely stunned, and I was filled with regret. How could I say something like that to her face? Would she think the fever had muddled my brain?

"You're a few months younger than me, you know." She didn't let go of my hand, but smiled at me. "Still, thank you for caring so much about me." She looked a little downcast. "At Hogwarts, you're the first friend who's cared about me this much." As though she felt that sounded a little gloomy, she brightened again the next second and held the pudding out to me as if nothing had happened.

"Come on, eat something. Once you've stopped smoking, we'll go to the dining hall."

─────

[Author's note]

★Tip★

Lily's affection is easy to trigger, but that also means your relationship with her will remain within the bounds of friendship. Even if her affection reaches its maximum, it will be difficult to enter her romance route. At that point, you need to do something only lovers would do. Be brave and take that step.

★Side quest reminder★

Congratulations on achieving Lily's main romance route achievement: [Promise]