Remus's Birthday Romance (1)

"I really was so scared my heart stopped. You can't ever do something like that again."

James nagged in my ear the whole way, leaving me at a loss for words.

"James, anyone listening would think I was the one who suggested going to the Chamber of Secrets." I'd had enough. "Besides, aren't I fine now?"

"You coughed up blood! How could you be fine?" James was even more displeased. "The professors were about to arrive! We could all have been fine!"

"How could I have known the professors were right outside the door? And no matter how I looked at it, you were in danger. Was I supposed to stand by and do nothing?"

We began arguing in the corridor, and the students passing by went out of their way to avoid us.

"But you were the one who ended up in the Hospital Wing."

"I wasn't even going to blame you, James!"

"I was wrong, but what you did wasn't right either!"

As our argument threatened to turn into a shouting match, Remus and Lily hurried over to pull us apart.

"I told you that you shouldn't spend so much time with them. Every last one of them looks down on other people."

James's behavior made Lily think even less of him. On the way to the classroom, she gave me an "I told you so" look and tried to persuade me. "You saved him, and he still thinks it's all your fault. If you ask me, you shouldn't have helped him—or rather, you shouldn't have gone somewhere so dangerous in the first place."

"I know, but..." I scratched my head. I wasn't actually angry, and I knew James didn't really feel the way he said he did. But when I opened my mouth, I didn't know where to begin, so I trailed off and swallowed the rest of my words.

Forget it. I wasn't expecting this one incident to change his personality anyway.

"At the end of the day, Merlin was too reckless."

Long after Merlin and the others had left, James still wouldn't stop talking about it, leaving even Remus at a loss.

He could tell that James had genuinely been frightened this time. They had been going on adventures together for so long, and even on the previous occasions when they had ended up in the Hospital Wing, James had always laughed it off. This time, Merlin had gotten hurt because of James's own misjudgment, and that had definitely been a major blow to him.

He could still clearly remember James's panic-stricken, utterly helpless expression. Even after the professors arrived, he had been so tense that he had been unable to speak several times. He had only calmed down after a professor poured a bottle of Draught of Peace down his throat.

If James really thought he hadn't been wrong, he wouldn't have kept bringing it up. He was just uneasy and unwilling to admit that it had been his mistake.

"James, if you ever disregard your own safety like that again, I'll make sure a few Slytherins go down there to be buried with you." Sirius's face was grim. "You nearly died."

"Hey, mate, somehow that sounds like a threat to me..." James shook his head vigorously. "Having to see those Slytherins' faces even after I'm dead is a terrifying thought."

Remus had thought James might quiet down for a while once class started. Instead, halfway through the lesson, James did something unprecedented: rather than playing pranks on the Slytherin students in their class, he pulled the two of them into another whispered conversation.

"I really don't think I was wrong," he said, sounding unconvinced. "Merlin got hurt entirely because she insisted on stepping in." He patted Sirius on the shoulder. "Don't you think?"

Sirius, who usually agreed with James no matter what he said, fell silent for several seconds on this issue before speaking distractedly.

"True. Brewing Potions alone easily exhausts her, yet she dared to cast a large-scale Petrificus Totalus far beyond what she could handle... She really has no regard for her own life."

James had been looking for agreement, but now he felt Sirius had gone a little too far. His voice dropped a few decibels. "...You can't put it like that."

Sirius said, "...Whose side are you on, anyway?"

Sirius turned back to the lesson with a dark look on his face. It was hard to tell whether it was because of James or Merlin.

"I think you should apologize to Merlin," Remus said. "We can all tell you're actually sorry about what happened to Merlin. Why not just tell her?"

"I'm sorry? You must be joking!"

James jumped to his feet in agitation, but the next moment he realized this didn't seem to be the place to discuss it.

As everyone watched, Professor Slughorn looked at him with displeasure.

"Mr Potter, we are in the middle of class."

Having forgotten he was in class, James once again earned the achievement of losing five points for Gryffindor.

James stormed off as soon as class ended, and Sirius naturally followed him. Remus had meant to go after them, but remembering their earlier argument, he thought James might need some time alone.

Merlin and Lily left through the back door of the classroom. Friday had only one Potions Class in the morning, and after packing his things, he felt a little lost.

I'll just wander around the school.

By March, Hogwarts was already showing a few signs of early spring. Tender green shoots had emerged from the ground in places, and he figured that before long, he would be able to sit on the grass and read as he had before.

He walked slowly onward, with no destination in mind. It was then that he noticed the route becoming more and more familiar, and before he knew it, he was nearly at the Whomping Willow.

The next full moon was still a long way off, so he had no need to go there now. He shook his head and had just turned away when he heard a voice that shouldn't have been there at this time.

"Lupin!"

Merlin looked as though she had run all the way there. When she saw him, her face lit up with surprise and delight.

"What brought you all the way out here?" Merlin ran over to him, still slightly out of breath as she spoke. "There's hardly anyone this far out. Good thing I walked a little farther."

He was so surprised that he paused for quite a while before remembering to speak.

"Were you looking for me?"

"Don't tell me you forgot?" Merlin was even more surprised than he was. She promptly placed a box in his hands.

"Happy birthday, Lupin."

Only then did he suddenly remember that today was March tenth. It was his birthday.

A breeze stirred in the distance, rustling the leaves as it passed through them.

Perhaps because it was so quiet around him, he could almost hear his heartbeat suddenly quicken.

"But..." He opened his mouth, then swallowed what he had been about to say.

But he had never told anyone when his birthday was.

The gift was a little heavy, and he wasn't sure what was inside. It was clearly not a good time to receive it, though. They were still some distance from the Gryffindor Common Room, and carrying it all the way back would be like a weight-training exercise. Merlin evidently realized the problem too and scratched her head sheepishly.

"I was going to give it to you when we got back to the common room after class. I didn't expect you not to come back. And since we don't have class this afternoon, I was worried that if you came back too late, I'd miss your birthday, so I took the gift and went looking for you everywhere..." Her voice grew quieter. "Now it feels like I went to all that trouble for nothing, but it would be kind of strange if I carried it for you..."

"S-sorry, I just wanted to walk around. I didn't think..." Remus began to stammer too, and for some reason, his voice grew quieter as well.

They both hung their heads as though they were being made to stand there as punishment, but Merlin recovered much faster than Remus and soon perked up again.

"Anyway, I made it in time," Merlin said with a smile. "You'll just have to work on your arm strength a little longer on the way back to the common room."

It really wasn't a problem at all. Ever since becoming a Werewolf, he had been a little stronger than an ordinary person. But he certainly couldn't say that in front of Merlin, so he let her assume it was true.

The two followed the path back, chatting as they walked.

"I'm sorry about what happened before." His heart still raced whenever he thought of that night. "If only I'd run a little faster."

If he had run a little faster, perhaps the tentacles wouldn't have caught up to him, and none of what followed would have happened.

"What are you sorry for? Those tentacles stretched so far that they were bound to catch someone sooner or later." Merlin shook her head. "Besides, you were the victim. You were thrown right up into the air. I should be the one asking if you're all right." Merlin stopped and looked at him worriedly. "Your face was completely white when you landed. Did you go to the Hospital Wing afterward?"

"I'm fine. It was just a little too high." He quickly shook his head. "Really, it was nothing."

"That's good." Merlin seemed to remember something, and her expression dimmed. "It was such a high place, after all..."

He suddenly thought of the Quidditch Match. Sirius had said that Merlin had never once managed to get off the ground in Flying Class, and James had also said that Merlin seemed never to be able to fly.

He also remembered that whenever they were in the corridors, Merlin always seemed to walk on the inside and never stood by the windows.

"Lupin, if it wasn't your fault, don't apologize."

While Remus was thinking, Merlin spoke again.

"You're just like everyone else. You shouldn't feel inferior, and you certainly shouldn't think you're beneath others because of it."

His heart skipped a beat, and he almost instinctively adjusted his collar. Only a few days ago, several new scars had appeared on his body.

"How did you know it was my birthday?" Panicked at the thought that his secret seemed about to be exposed, he instinctively brought up the question that had been on his mind from the start.

"Oh, that. I asked Headmaster Dumbledore." Merlin winked at him. "You know, our dear headmaster never refuses when it comes to this sort of friendly interaction between classmates."

Headmaster Dumbledore would indeed know his birthday. His ears grew hot for some reason, and the kindness of someone caring about him brightened the gloom he had been feeling.

He should have thanked her, but before he could, a question slipped out faster than his brain could catch up.

"Why did you do this?"

He regretted the question as soon as it left his mouth, but Merlin quickly answered.

"I feel like you're always keeping away from everyone." Merlin clasped her hands behind her back, and her little ponytail swayed slightly with the movement. "Whenever we get together, you're the quietest one. You don't talk much even when we go on adventures together."

"Actually, it's not just me. Everyone noticed your scars a long time ago." Merlin looked up and smiled at him. He instinctively took a step back, but quickly realized that it made him look rather guilty.

"James and Black are both very concerned about your scars. At the very beginning, when I wasn't on very good terms with them yet and you and I were close, they were already keeping an eye on you.

"James cares a lot about you. Although he has many faults, he values his friends more than anything."

The castle was already in sight. Before they reached the crowds, he instinctively stopped walking. Merlin stopped too.

"At the very least, you don't need to be nervous around them, and you don't need to look so troubled all the time. Maybe the things you care so much about don't bother everyone else at all."

Remus said nothing for a long time after that. When Merlin had waited several seconds without an answer, she turned her head in surprise and saw that Remus was looking at her intently.

"What about you?" Remus asked.

"Are we friends?"