Learning Martial Arts

At first, Lin Er was awkward and self-conscious for no apparent reason. After being scolded several times, she finally loosened up enough for Senior Brother Xiao Qiang to nod in approval.

She learned etiquette in the morning and ate lunch at her master's house. That afternoon, they worked overtime correcting her postures for standing practice and the horse stance.

Li Qiang frowned. He had taught a whole group of younger cousins, but he had rarely seen a child as awkward as Lin Er.

It wasn't that she refused to cooperate. It was just that she seemed strangely unable to loosen up with many of the movements.

Lin Er took a deep breath and forced a somewhat stiff smile. "Senior Brother, I know why I'm like this. I'll make the adjustment."

Why couldn't she loosen up? Because many martial arts movements looked ungraceful-at least according to the sense of what was attractive that her upbringing had given her before she reached adulthood.

Back then, she would be told, "You're so wild and crazy. How is that ladylike? Keep your movements small. What's with all the flailing? Look at other people's little girls, so quiet and well-behaved. Why can't you sit still?"

So, subconsciously, she came to believe those things were bad and began to discipline herself: Look, you have it worse than other people, and your family doesn't care as much about you. It's all because you're wild and crazy and embarrass them by not acting like a girl.

Other people's children were quiet and well-behaved and got good grades. Her own grades were poor, so she could at least be even quieter and give her parents less to worry about.

She didn't run, didn't jump, didn't go out and cause trouble. She grew up quietly, only for her parents to say, "Whose kid is like you, cooped up at home all day? You don't even go out during the holidays."

But Mom, wasn't this exactly how you always wanted me to be when I was little? Why did that change when I grew up?

She had always known what her problem was: an inferiority complex. She was so inadequate that she should at least pretend to be the gentle, good girl everyone expected.

After pretending for so long, how could she still remember what her temperament had once been like?

She had once been a little troublemaker who teased cats and dogs, climbed trees and went into rivers, an outgoing child who, in her relatives' words, could chatter nonstop.

Later, her family was always complaining: how come the older she got, the less she knew how to talk, and she wouldn't even go outside?

But wasn't this what had once reassured you most—that your child had grown up?

...There was no answer.

Years later, she made peace with herself, but the habits formed under those earlier influences couldn't be changed overnight.

She really liked martial arts and had spent plenty of time following online lessons in the Five Animal Frolics and Eight Pieces of Brocade.

But she had never practiced them outside, because she felt her attempts were all wrong and simply couldn't loosen up.

There had already been signs of this when she learned the broadcast calisthenics at school.

She had tried hard to adapt, but the precision her master demanded in martial arts was different from break-time exercises, and he still spotted it at a glance.

Li Qiang looked at her and suddenly realized why she seemed familiar.

He had a female friend who loved martial arts, but whenever she came to his house, she would only watch and never join in. When she did practice, she was stiff and restrained.

She said the adults in her family strongly disliked her learning such things. They believed martial arts simply weren't for girls, and that a quiet, well-behaved girl would be better off learning dance than martial arts.

So Li Qiang said nothing more and simply told Lin Er to remember the movements. In any case, the horse stance was a fixed posture.

After teaching her, he pretended to be thirsty and went out for a drink. Sure enough, once she was alone, Lin Er adjusted her movements faster. After jumping around for a while, she was soon able to perform the movements properly.

"Don't rush. Take it slowly. She's different from those cousins of yours. She's never had any exposure to this before."

Li Chenghua sipped his tea and, seeing his grandson looking worried, began to comfort him.

At first, seeing how proactive Lin Er was, he too had thought she was an outgoing child who liked martial arts.

But after spending a little time with her, he realized she wasn't outgoing; she simply had a clear goal.

She liked martial arts, but more than that, she thought they were useful and that she needed to learn them. So, like an adult, she weighed the pros and cons and finally pushed herself to come and learn.

Just like on the first day they met: she had looked at them several times but never slowed her steps. Only after she had walked past did she turn back and ask if she could learn.

A truly timid child would only have watched from a distance, while a truly bold and outgoing child wouldn't have thought so much. Lin Er was a child who liked to ponder things.

Early on, she had accepted the roles the world assigned to women and her family's expectations.

Her grandfather said she had grown up once she started junior high, that children from poor families learned to shoulder responsibility early. But she was unwilling to accept it, and she was struggling. She wanted to see the world.

Watching the white steam drift above his teacup, he gave a wry smile. How did he know? Because Xiao Qiang's eldest aunt had been just such a girl.

Lin Er knew nothing of this. After seeing Li Qiang leave, she quickly went through a set of break-time exercises, and only then did she slowly settle into the right frame of mind.

What was there to be timid about? Only after being beaten so badly I can't hold my head up would I dare be timid.

So when Li Qiang came back to check on her, he found that not only were Lin Er's movements correct, but her eyes also held a strange fierce glint.

He paused in his tracks and couldn't help clicking his tongue. What kind of person has Grandpa taken in? Will his reputation be ruined in his old age?

She looked as though there was someone she really wanted to kill.

Lin Er wasn't studying martial arts full-time. Her main occupation was being a student, and a student at a school far away at that.

Young Master Li taught her etiquette and the horse stance on the first day, then returned to school the next day to go back to being a third-year high school beast of burden.

Taking one day off was already the limit for a third-year high school student.

Then Master Li personally began teaching her the school rules and precepts from a thread-bound handwritten copy. Lin Er gazed at it in reverence. It was an antique, after all, and its pages had yellowed.

As she wrote horizontal strokes, left-falling strokes, vertical strokes and right-falling strokes, Lin Er's thoughts began to wander again.

Uh, the tuition seems pretty worthwhile. It's like I signed up for a brush calligraphy class too, and Master even provides all the brushes, ink, paper and inkstone.

Come to think of it, a meal is included too. Is Master taking a loss just to attract students?

Since she had to go back that afternoon for evening self-study, Master Li told her to take the set of four treasures of the study with her. For the coming week, she only needed to get up early and practice the horse stance.

If mornings really weren't convenient, evenings would do too. But if it actually affected her sleep and, in turn, her studies, she could also find another time to practice the horse stance. In any case, she couldn't go without exercise.

Her master trusted her self-discipline. Lin Er calculated how much time she had in a day and didn't quite trust herself.

But in the end, she still took on this "daily practice."

It's fine. I sleep very well. I can put water on to heat during evening self-study, then wash up and go straight to bed when class ends at eight.

I'll get up at five, practice the horse stance for half an hour, then wash up and go to morning reading. Or I could read in the horse stance during morning reading, which would leave the bench entirely to my deskmate.

Having made her decision, Lin Er looked relaxed as she was escorted onto the bus back to town. She obediently said goodbye to Master Li, then got off at the mountain pass ten minutes later, her face pale.

Good, I'm making progress. Before long, I'll be able to last the whole trip.

Riding a broom in winter was still an ordeal.