Avoidant

The evacuation had been delayed, and that was nothing to celebrate.

It meant Song Zhi would still have to be watched in shifts! (It was just a routine security measure, not a conspiracy!)

Hill's room was still crammed with all kinds of equipment. He found an old game console among it and handed it to Song Zhi. "You can play it. There are some single-player games on it."

Song Zhi took the console, thanked him, and sat cross-legged on the bed to look for a game that interested her.

Hill sat by the window, pushed it halfway open, and lit a cigarette. Mint-scented nicotine smoke streamed from his nose and was carried away by the sea breeze through the half-open window. From time to time, he looked back at Song Zhi, carefully analyzing her expression, even the slightest twitch at the corner of her eye.

When he finished his cigarette, he closed the window and turned to look at Song Zhi, who was locked in a battle with the console. He walked closer and saw that she was playing a jigsaw puzzle game... How childish.

"Not that one. You have to look at the lines first. This game takes skill. Find the right lines, and you can put it together." Hill tapped a different, correct piece with a finger clad in a tactical glove.

"I thought it was the other piece. I feel like the other one fits better..."

"Feel?" Hill thought of the night before, pressed his tongue against the roof of his mouth, and gave a derisive chuckle. "Are your feelings reliable? Or should I say, do you follow your feelings closely?"

"Not very reliable." Song Zhi tried to finish the game using the method Hill had taught her.

"I can tell. You're also in the habit of suppressing and avoiding your subjective sense of self, commonly known as psychological avoidance..." Hill bent down and met Song Zhi's startled gaze.

"What?"

"What do you think?"

Meeting Hill's meaningful gaze, Song Zhi's eyes dimmed. She handed the console back to him and said quietly, "I'm sleepy..."

"This right now is avoidance. Are you actively escaping reality? Or passively avoiding actual harm?... Contradiction is at the core of who you are. Your reason is always fighting against your body. If it goes on long enough, you'll get sick, or perhaps you're already in a pathological state!"

Hill took the console and tossed it aside. His deep-set eyes remained fixed on Song Zhi, who looked ready to dig a hole and bury herself alive on the spot.

"That wasn't my own... will!" Song Zhi was angry and growled through clenched teeth, but, afraid of provoking a fiercer argument, she lowered her voice.

"Your will? Talking about freedom of will in this war-torn apocalypse... is a mistake in itself. You can't fool anyone, so don't deliberately avoid it."

"In practical terms, only the pain and injury your body registers are real. All the other feelings are forcibly imposed by your conscious self!" Hill laid out what Song Zhi's various data over this period pointed to and how she should correct it.

He was using this matter to allude to something else, indirectly telling Song Zhi that if she wanted to survive, she shouldn't pursue freedom of consciousness in the apocalypse. Freedom of consciousness couldn't stop an enemy's bullets.

When it was time to keep a low profile, keep a low profile! When it was time to back down, admit defeat!

"When your conscious self overrides your bodily perceptions, it will lead you to the edge of death. Your mind cannot feel the pain of death, but your body will cry out in agony as it dies." Hill folded his arms and looked down at Song Zhi, taking in every trace of her embarrassment.

Song Zhi opened her mouth, but had nothing to say. Damn it! The world has ended... and I still have to listen to their lectures! Are they devils?!

"The more you avoid something psychologically, the more you'll resist it physically, but in fact, you're powerless to do anything about it. Hmph! Ostrich..." Hill looked down at Song Zhi from above, trying to see into the depths of her heart.

Song Zhi lay down in a huff, though she still remembered to leave Hill a large space. As she flopped down, an English Channel separated them in the middle of the not-so-spacious single bed.

But the next morning, Song Zhi woke up in Hill's arms. Hill's innocent expression told her-you moved over here yourself last night!

Song Zhi closed her eyes and died a little inside. Just explode on the spot!

She quickly got up and washed. Under Hill's teasing gaze, she opened the door and darted into Lu Yu's room. Lu Yu was the one responsible for her today.

"Hmph!" Hill snorted.

"Fellow countrywoman! Everyone's off today... Do you need to go back to sleep for a bit? Your brother's arms are always open to you!"

"Damn it! Stop! I'm not dressed! That's a dagger! Don't touch it!"

Lu Yu's cries made the morning especially chaotic.

Kelante brewed a pot of rich, fragrant coffee and gazed at the blue sky and sea after the storm. He was in an excellent mood.

Wilk was still cleaning and inspecting his silver handgun.

Lai'en only lifted his azure eyes slightly when Hill came out of the room, as if confirming something. Then he looked away indifferently and continued working on his tablet.

After breakfast, Lu Yu dragged Song Zhi to the beach. She lay on the soft sand with Lu Yu's clothes over her face to shield her from the glaring sun, enjoying the sea breeze.

Suddenly, her body lifted, and Lu Yu's mischievous voice sounded in her ear. "Fellow countrywoman, want to learn how to swim?"

Song Zhi pulled the clothes away and saw Lu Yu, bare-chested and wearing a wicked grin.

"I'll teach you!"

"I'm not learning!"

"Swimming is an essential survival skill! And I'm a good, very experienced instructor. A private lesson, one-on-one-you're getting a good deal, and you can cop a feel whenever you like." Lu Yu picked Song Zhi up and sprinted toward the sea.

Song Zhi cried out, "What the hell!" Who the fuck is copping a feel of whom?!

Lu Yu really was a "good instructor." He threw Song Zhi into the sea and even said that to learn how to swim, she had to swallow water a few times first...

Song Zhi floundered in the sea for ages without learning how to tread water, though she swallowed plenty of it.

Although she was trying hard to learn, this sport required talent. She couldn't possibly learn to swim in just one day.

Lu Yu looked disappointed and said regretfully, "This won't do. What if you fall into the water and drown?"

"Do I have to fall into the water? Can't I just stay far away from it?... The ones who drown are the ones who can swim!" Song Zhi had no strength left and could only hold on to Lu Yu's arm and float near the shore.

Lu Yu pressed his lips together and said nothing. There was none of his usual flirtatiousness or irreverence on his face.

Once he got serious, Song Zhi felt that even the air around them had grown solemn.

"One more try!"

Lu Yu let go and allowed Song Zhi to slip into the sea.

"Underhanded..."

Glug... glug... Her unfinished words turned into bubbles in the sea.

A sudden sensation of suffocation squeezed the air from Song Zhi's lungs. She was unable to react and swallowed several mouthfuls of water. Her body sank deeper and deeper. She was going to drown.

A pair of large hands scooped her up around the waist from beneath the water. Using both arms and legs, she desperately clung to his waist. Lu Yu gave her a few breaths before bringing her to the surface, but he didn't put her down.

She was still clinging to Lu Yu's waist, breathing greedily now that she had air again, her chest rising and falling.

"If you can't learn... you'll die... You can't survive on your own!" Lu Yu held the back of Song Zhi's head with one hand, forcing her to look at him. His black eyes were grave and worried.

"The lieutenant said he'd take me to Sri Lanka. It's not as if I have nothing to offer. I can grow crops, provide medical care, and give it my all..." Song Zhi was eager to prove herself. She could do other things.

"Fellow countrywoman, you're too naive... Then for today, let's start by learning to hold your breath!" Lu Yu put Song Zhi down and pulled her back into the sea.

Song Zhi met Lu Yu's dark eyes and suddenly lost the courage to refuse. She slowly sank down, letting the seawater cover her limbs.

"You can't be tense in the water. Relax..."

"Fill your lungs with air, then slowly sink underwater. Hold your breath and wait for your hands and feet to float up."

"Yes! Good, just like that... Breathe out slowly, take a breath, and try paddling with your hands."

Song Zhi adjusted her mindset and followed Lu Yu's instructions, adjusting her movements and breathing. She swallowed several mouthfuls of water, but slowly grasped the essentials of the movements. Then she really did float!

"Good... Now, if you fall into the water, you won't drown. At least you can float until someone comes to rescue you." Lu Yu reached out and caught Song Zhi as she began to drift away.

"I'm tired..." Song Zhi really was exhausted, inside and out, in body and mind.

"Come on, let's go back and rest. You should take a hot bath..."

Lu Yu carried the soaking-wet Song Zhi over his shoulder, picked up her shoes, and slowly walked toward the dormitory.

The sun was setting, and the western sky was ablaze.

"Did you have an argument with Hill?"

Song Zhi automatically avoided the question. Hill said she was good at avoidance, so she might as well avoid it. She was not only good at avoidance, but also at changing the subject.

"Is Sri Lanka beautiful?"

"It's beautiful, and a very nice place. You'll like it. But don't provoke Hill... Remember what I said."