I Want to Cultivate Immortality So Badly!

"Immortal book, look, the immortal has already left, and he can't give another prophecy. Rather than helping the other me, whom the immortal named as someone who could attain the Dao Embryo..."

"Why don't you stay and help a poor soul like me instead..."

In the bedroom constructed from consciousness, punk Lü Yuan held the immortal book that ancient cultivator Lü Yuan had left there not long ago and pleaded in anguish.

He only hoped the immortal book would give him some response.

"When all's said and done, the immortal left you here to help Lü Yuan attain the Dao Embryo, but he never specified which Lü Yuan, did he?"

"Think about it carefully-"

"Even if you follow the immortal's words to the letter, would the other me who received the prophecy respect you as much as I do?"

"For him, you'd just be icing on the cake. For me, you'd be a lifeline in the snow!"

"The me over there has a Spirit Root and the immortal's prophecy, while the me over here has nothing. Think about it: without your help, when would I ever get my turn to attain the Dao Embryo?"

The immortal book didn't budge or give the slightest response, a stark contrast to how it had behaved when the other half of Lü Yuan was present.

Although the two of them were one and the same person and shared each other's thoughts, the immortal book clearly acknowledged only ancient cultivator Lü Yuan, who had received the immortal's prophecy.

But punk Lü Yuan still didn't give up. After living here for so many years, he had long since abandoned any sense of shame.

So he hugged the immortal book and burst into tears.

"Immortal book, give me a response. Can't we think this through? Let's consider the pros and cons."

"Let's make some proper plans for our future and prospects-"

"The other half of me has the immortal's prophecy. As far as he's concerned, you're entirely dispensable."

"Look, even though we're one and the same, he left you here so casually. Doesn't that show he doesn't value you?"

"I'm different!" Punk Lü Yuan continued persuading it earnestly, putting nearly all the acting skills he had acquired in his life to use.

"Immortal book, if you come with me, I'll listen to everything you say and follow your lead in all things-"

"I'll put you to better use and value you more than the other me."

"I'll respect you as I would my own teacher and father!"

Punk Lü Yuan sobbed softly and continued, "I don't want to lose this opportunity. I have to consider whether this is the only chance I'll ever have in my life."

"I know that, in a way, this would mean letting down the immortal and the other half of me."

"But..."

"But..."

At that moment, punk Lü Yuan could hardly conceal the longing in his heart. At a loss, he lowered his voice and said, "I... I, I want to cultivate immortality so badly. I want to attain the Dao Embryo so badly!"

"I... I, I even dream about it!"

"I... I, I want it so badly!"

By the time he finished, tears were streaming down punk Lü Yuan's face. Just then, a hand reached out from beside him to support him and pick up the act.

"Immortal book, give him a response. Look how the other half of me is begging you. At least make a token effort."

Ancient cultivator Lü Yuan had returned at some point.

As his teasing words fell, the immortal book shone brilliantly, completely unlike its previous appearance as a lifeless object.

Punk Lü Yuan's expression changed in an instant, his tears vanishing. His mouth twitched as he turned to ask the other half of himself beside him:

"When did you get back?"

Ancient cultivator Lü Yuan thought for a moment. "Probably around the time you started wanting to take the immortal book as your teacher and father-"

The Lü Yuan of the cultivation punk world and the Lü Yuan of the Ancient Immortal Cultivation Realm had formally established contact shortly after the immortal bestowed the immortal book and departed.

The connection between them was a very peculiar sensation.

Their awareness that they were one and the same was crystal clear, and when they gathered in this unique space of consciousness, they could also share each other's thoughts.

But because their worldviews had reshaped them, their personalities were ultimately very different.

In some ways, it was like a split personality.

No, they already counted as having a split personality, and an even more severe case at that. After all, even their soul had been split in two.

But that didn't affect their understanding that they were one and the same.

Even though they were both Lü Yuan, punk Lü Yuan still expressed his envy, jealousy, and resentment toward ancient cultivator Lü Yuan.

Brother, it's not that I'm afraid you'll have a hard life. I'm afraid you'll drive a Land Rover.

I have to admit, I think you deserve a better future, but not one this good-

I have to toil on an assembly line for five years just to enter elementary school and cultivate immortality.

Compared to that, you've got an immortal giving you a prophecy and an immortal book. That hurts even worse than killing me!

And that would have been bad enough.

But you, with those thick brows and big eyes, were actually born with a Spirit Root that only the Celestial Dragons on my side can have. If that isn't betraying the revolution, what is?

On top of that, when ancient cultivator Lü Yuan opened the immortal book, the very first page contained a seventh-grade Embryonic Breathing cultivation method—the Nandou Life-Bestowing Breath-Nurturing Instruction.

It had made punk Lü Yuan so envious he could cry, leading to the absurd scene just now.

An Embryonic Breathing cultivation method, and a seventh-grade one at that!

Listen to that. Does that fucking sound human?

The Purple Mansion Golden Core Dao on his side had developed for tens of thousands of years and had already reached the stage of capitalist cultivation.

The cultivation methods the True Lords above had made widely available for the Fetal Breathing Stage were only fourth-grade.

He had heard that even the Celestial Dragons in the upper echelons used sixth-grade methods at best.

Yet ancient cultivator Lü Yuan had started out with a seventh-grade method, and this was still the Embryonic Breathing stage, which was entirely about laying foundations and didn't affect the choice of Dao lineage or cultivation method afterward.

If he's getting seventh-grade stuff for Embryonic Breathing, won't he be flying into the heavens by the time he reaches Qi Refinement and Foundation Establishment?

Punk Lü Yuan was genuinely afraid that an eighth- or ninth-grade method would show up later. His little heart really wouldn't be able to take it.

"Tell me, we're obviously the same person, so why does the immortal book acknowledge you but not me?"

Having had his performance witnessed by the other version of himself, the utterly shameless punk Lü Yuan naturally felt no embarrassment whatsoever.

Instead, right in front of ancient cultivator Lü Yuan, he began scheming for the immortal book again.

Ancient cultivator Lü Yuan was so helpless in the face of his other half's unfathomable lack of shame that he wanted to laugh.

"Maybe it's because I'm more moral and count as a normal, decent person?"

Punk Lü Yuan clapped his hands. "Really?"

"Then how about I try again? I can be moral too. I can be a normal, decent person too!"

Ancient cultivator Lü Yuan punched him on top of the head. "You actually believed that? You're still thinking about my 'The Lord of the State Bestows the Five Luminaries Treatise upon My Son'? Couldn't you tell I was joking?"

Punk Lü Yuan's expression didn't change. "What's yours and mine? Why draw a line between us?"

"What's yours is mine, and what's mine is still mine."

"Besides, that immortal book's name... could that immortal be your biological dad?"

"How come you got lucky enough to be born with such a good biological dad? My biological dad ran off the moment I was born."

"Huh?"

"Say, if I acknowledge the immortal over there as my biological dad, will the immortal book give me a response?"