Brother Tao Calls It Trash, Becoming a God Won't Be Hard

Where am I?

Cai Kun blearily opened his eyes. Before him was an endless expanse of black.

[Lucky friend, welcome to the Douluo Continent transmigration channel!]

A transparent blue screen then appeared before him.

[Please select your starting scenario within ten seconds:]

[Option A: Be picked up by Old Jack of Holy Soul Village and raised as his grandson] (Highly recommended)

[Option B: Be picked up by Bibi Dong outside Spirit City on a whim] (Especially recommended)

[Option C: Be adopted by Ning Fengzhi in front of the Seven Treasure Glazed Tile Sect's mountain gate] (Recommended)

[Option D: Be born as a random wild Soul Beast] (Not very recommended)

[Option E: Be born into a random family] (Not recommended)

Cai Kun grumbled, "I've already transmigrated. Isn't there an easier, wheelchair-mode way to start?"

"Like being reborn directly in the Divine Realm, or starting at level ninety-nine and skipping all the hard work."

"Beep, beep, beep-"

"Wait, I haven't clicked yet..."

[No selection confirmed within the time limit. The system will automatically select a starting scenario for you.]

[Preset locked: Option A.]

[Have a pleasant journey.]

The instant the mechanical voice fell silent, the void collapsed. Everything around him went blank.

An unknown amount of time passed.

Cai Kun regained consciousness and tried to stand up out of habit, only to find that he had no strength in his body, couldn't open his eyes, and even his vocal organs had regressed.

"Wah-wah!"

He had been abandoned beside a muddy dirt road, next to an earthen courtyard.

Biting cold seeped through his swaddling clothes, freezing his limbs stiff. He could only scream at the top of his lungs, hoping someone inside would hear him and come out to save him.

"Creak-"

A slightly hunched old man in a worn cotton coat pushed open the gate and hurried out, an oil lamp in his hand.

"What rotten bastard dumped a baby at my door again?!"

"Wait, why did I say again?"

"Forget it. I'll take the baby inside first."

"Your parents were really irresponsible."

Still grumbling, the old man bent down and scooped him into his arms.

Old Jack lifted a corner of the wrapping and peered inside by lamplight, muttering all the while.

A slip of paper slid out from between the layers of wrapping. Two characters were scrawled on it:

Cai Kun.

"Cai Kun? That must be your name."

Old Jack sighed, pulled the child closer, and turned toward the village.

That night, the old man knocked on the doors of all thirty-odd households in Holy Soul Village, asking each one if they had lost a child. All he got in response were bewildered looks and shakes of the head.

In the end, Old Jack could only take the child home and keep him alive by feeding him rice water, mouthful by mouthful.

Time was like a wild donkey: once it started running, it never stopped.

In the blink of an eye, six years had passed.

Outside the village chief's house.

Cai Kun lounged against a large rock, basking in the sun with a sweet grass root between his teeth.

He was six.

"Finally, I'm six. The anti-addiction restrictions should be lifted for me today, right?"

Just then, the mechanical voice that had been silent for six years finally exploded in his mind:

[Host detected to have reached six years of age. The children's anti-addiction system has been automatically lifted.]

[The Douluo Travel Guidebook is now fully activated.]

[Mandatory beginner mission issued: Take a photo with Su Yuntao, a renowned guide from Spirit Hall.]

[Mission rewards: Unlock all guidebook functions and receive basic beginner rewards.]

Along with the notification, a retro-style camera appeared out of thin air in his sea of consciousness.

"A travel guidebook?"

Cai Kun cursed the lousy system eight hundred times in his heart.

When other people transmigrated to Douluo, they either awakened an invincible sign-in system or bound themselves to a killing-based leveling system. When it was his turn, he got tourism?

He even had to complete a prerequisite mission to unlock access.

"Children, stop fooling around and come line up!"

Old Jack's aged voice interrupted Cai Kun's thoughts.

The doors of the Spirit Hall Branch stood open, and Old Jack was shouting to the surrounding village.

Today was the day an attendant from the Spirit Hall Branch in Nuoding City made his rounds to awaken Martial Souls.

Seven or eight children immediately hunched their shoulders and obediently formed a line. Cai Kun was also pushed into the center position.

A young man stood in the center of the branch hall, dressed in Spirit Hall's silver uniform. His expression was cold and weary; he had apparently already exhausted himself running around several nearby villages.

"My name is Su Yuntao, a level twenty-six Soul Grandmaster. I'm your guide."

Su Yuntao couldn't be bothered with more words. He gave a low shout:

"Lone Wolf, possess!"

Bluish-gray fur instantly sprouted from beneath his skin, and two rings of light, one white and one yellow, rose from beneath his feet.

Several village children at the front of the line screamed in fright and backed away repeatedly.

Cai Kun, on the other hand, remained perfectly calm. He even silently assessed the other man's position, looking for the best angle to take a picture.

The awakening ceremony proceeded swiftly.

"Sickle, Trash Martial Soul. Next."

"Blue Silver Grass, Trash Martial Soul. Next."

"Wooden stick, Trash Martial Soul. Next."

"..."

Su Yuntao repeated the awakening process, mechanically calling out each Trash Martial Soul.

Before long, every child in front had been wiped out.

"Your turn." Su Yuntao shook out his aching arm and pointed at Cai Kun.

The children behind him immediately began whispering encouragement:

"Brother Kun, don't let us down!"

"You're the only one in our village talented enough to go to primary school!"

"Our village's hopes are all riding on you!"

Su Yuntao frowned slightly and raised a hand for silence. Then he placed the Awakening Stone by Cai Kun's feet and raised his hand to inject Soul Power.

Golden motes of light poured into Cai Kun's palm like a tide.

Cai Kun felt a sudden heat in his right palm, as though static electricity had brushed across his skin.

Immediately afterward, the vibration of grinding metal traveled from his wrist bone throughout his body.

"Hum-"

A mechanical roar suddenly rang out in the crude hall.

The dazzling white light faded.

In the center of Cai Kun's palm, a streamlined lump of metal about as long as his hand floated quietly, its entire surface a matte platinum color.

Its nose was sharp and elongated, the number 24 was printed on both sides, and two glowing guide-rail patterns were embedded in its sides. It was on an entirely different level from everyone else's Martial Souls.

The nose of a high-speed train.

Even Cai Kun was stunned for a moment. This thing can be a Martial Soul too?

Su Yuntao, standing opposite him, froze on the spot. He rubbed his eyes and leaned closer to inspect the strange piece of metal.

"No blade, no handle, completely sealed... What kind of farming tool is this? No, it looks like an iron box. But that isn't right either. It has wheels. Surely it can't be a vehicle?"

Su Yuntao reached out to touch it, then knocked on it.

In all his years of awakening Martial Souls, this was the first time he had encountered a Mutated Martial Soul like this.

He shook his head and quickly classified it in his mind:

"Your Martial Soul is a strange Tool Martial Soul. Most likely, an iron block Martial Soul underwent a malignant mutation and couldn't even retain the form of a basic household implement."

With that, Su Yuntao routinely took out a crystal ball and held it out to Cai Kun:

"Put your hand on it and let's test your Soul Power. Although there's usually not much hope for a mutated object, you never know, right?"

Cai Kun suppressed the strange feeling in his heart and pressed his little hand against the crystal ball's smooth surface.

One second.

Two seconds.

The entire crystal ball remained as lifeless as ever, without even the faintest glimmer.

"Soul Power, level zero."

Su Yuntao drew back his hand and delivered his verdict calmly: "Without Soul Power, you can't become a Soul Master."

"Wait, Brother Tao... Is this ball making bad contact? Let me try again."

Cai Kun's heart sank, and he hurriedly reached out to stop him.

According to the laws of transmigration, he had at least brought along a product of modern industry. How could he not even have level-one Soul Power? It had to be the ball's fault.

Su Yuntao looked at the boy with his hair parted down the middle and sighed.

He had seen far too many looks like that from village children eager to change their fate. A Mutated Martial Soul was indeed rare, and testing him once more wouldn't be much trouble.

"All right, try again." Su Yuntao held out the crystal ball once more.

Cai Kun took a deep breath and pressed his palm tightly against the ball, even summoning all his mental strength to communicate with the high-speed train nose in his palm.

But the crystal ball remained cold, with no light inside.

A complete and utter zero.

"Accept reality, kid." Su Yuntao patted Cai Kun on the shoulder and smoothly delivered his standard words of consolation. "Martial Soul Mutation is unpredictable to begin with. Fewer than one in ten thousand become stronger; the vast majority deteriorate. This mutated iron box of yours has clearly deteriorated into a lifeless object that can't cultivate."

Cai Kun withdrew his hand, and the miniature high-speed train in his palm automatically withdrew into his body.

Although he cursed the lousy system's lousy starting scenario inwardly, he showed not the slightest sign of dejection on his face.

Since his Soul Power was zero, the only lifeline he had left was the system in his head.

"Brother Tao, I understand. Thank you."

Su Yuntao then announced, "Martial Soul: mutated iron box. Soul Power: level zero. Trash Martial Soul."

Cai Kun nodded obediently, then blinked his great, wide eyes and spoke sincerely:

"Um... This is the first time in my life I've met a real Lord Soul Master. You looked so impressive when you used possession just now! Could I have three seconds of your time to take a picture with you?"

"A picture?"