Dirty Ears

At that, everyone's eyes changed as they looked at Grand General Xiong.

Great Qi's laws stipulated that if a man was found beating a woman in his household, he would be forcibly conscripted and sent to the battlefield, whether or not the victim had brought charges.

In those chaotic times, what Great Qi lacked most was men who could fight.

The woman, meanwhile, could request a divorce without conditions, and the authorities would promptly arrange it.

The former ruler of Great Qi who had added that law once said that men who beat women to show off their masculine might were the most useless cowards. Real men swung their fists at enemies, not the weak.

Although Great Qi had now unified the north and had few wars left to fight, generations of tradition had accustomed everyone to the idea that a man who beat women at home was no man at all.

All the more so when he came from Southern Xia, a nation supposedly devoted to propriety.

Now, watching Grand General Xiong wield his hegemon spear, seemingly brave and mighty, the men of Great Qi present could not help feeling contempt.

General Wu was especially furious. The scoundrel sickened him and was utterly unworthy of competing against him.

Everyone: He calls himself a man?

Shen Anxin had only been in Great Qi for two years, so she truly did not feel as strongly about it as they did. She was simply disgusted by men who beat their wives.

Meanwhile, Chacha continued spilling the gossip.

[Don't be disappointed, Host. The bear didn't get away with anything. Take the new wife he married: he had no place in her heart at all. Not only did she put a green hat on him, but neither of her two children is his.]

Shen Anxin: [!!! That juicy?]

The gossiping crowd: ...Huh? Does... does this count as evil getting its just deserts?

General Wu looked at Grand General Xiong across from him and could almost see a green glow over his head.

Shen Anxin: [Pfft, pfft, pfft! His late wife's spirit in heaven has blessed the bear with a son and daughter to raise for her successor's lover. What a bargain of a father he's been, tsk, tsk, tsk... So his only biological child is Eldest Miss Xiong, the one he treated the worst?]

Chacha: [That's right.]

Shen Anxin: [Does Eldest Miss Xiong know? If she doesn't, I'll find a way to tell her. Something this lively has to be stirred up.]

The gossiping crowd: She really doesn't mind making a spectacle even bigger...

They wanted to see it too!

Chacha: [Eldest Miss Xiong has known for a long time. She even helps the new wife cover it up.]

Shen Anxin: [Good heavens, the world's spinning! They're working together? I really have to kneel before Eldest Miss.]

The gossiping crowd: We have to kneel too!

Though they had never met Eldest Miss Xiong, she had already become a legend in their eyes.

Chacha: [Eldest Miss Xiong and the new wife can't exactly be called friendly, but they are indeed working together.

The new wife knows Eldest Miss Xiong wants revenge on the bear, and Eldest Miss Xiong knows the new wife has a lover and wants to keep the children she had with him. So the two of them struck a deal.

Whenever the new wife wants to meet her lover, she deliberately lights some arousing incense for the bear in their room.

The bear faints as soon as he smells it, and the new wife sneaks off for her tryst.

Eldest Miss Xiong then takes the opportunity to send Deputy General Liu into the bear's room.

Early the next morning, Deputy General Liu leaves and the new wife returns, without anyone being the wiser.

It's just that the bear occasionally wonders if his hemorrhoids are acting up. It's an awkward ailment to have examined, so he's never found out.]

Shen Anxin: [...Wait! I think something filthy just got into my ears.]

Shen Anxin blinked, then blinked again.

Xiao Yanchen, sitting beside her, blinked too.

Emperor Hongyao's face was ashen on the dais, and he looked a little like he wanted to vomit.

Everyone finally understood: Aaaaah, our ears are dirty!

This was not what they had originally thought. They had assumed it was only one-sided love, with Deputy General Liu using their father-in-law and son-in-law relationship to get close to him!

And... and... the bear was actually...

Shen Anxin: [He's the wife!!!!!]

Everyone drew a sharp breath and clutched their chests.

On the dueling platform, General Wu was nearly stabbed again and rolled and scrambled out of range of the attack.

General Wu could no longer keep himself together. Looking at the ferocious face across from him, he could not stop himself from thinking about this fellow's hemorrhoids, aaah!

Shen Anxin: [I get it now. This is part of Eldest Miss's revenge too. Eldest Miss Xiong can't go up against the bear head-on, so she's taking a roundabout way to disgust and humiliate him.

I'm guessing she's waiting for the day the truth comes out, when all these years of the bear's success, harmonious marriage, and son and daughter will become a joke. Only then will her revenge be complete.]

Chacha: [There's another piece of gossip here.]

Shen Anxin: [Hey, you switched channels so suddenly I nearly threw out my back!]

The gossiping crowd was still caught up in their previous emotions. At the sudden turn, they too could not help reaching for their backs.

Chacha: [It's related. Guess, Host, who put the green hat on the bear?]

Shen Anxin: [Huh? Hmm~ Let me guess. It has to be someone I can guess. Could it be... someone here? Someone in the delegation?]

The gossiping crowd: Eee!!!!! There's even more!!!!!

No one had any mind to watch the duel anymore. They were all scanning the delegation.

Even Emperor Hongyao's thoughts had been drawn off course.

This delegation really was...

There was one who treated the bear as his wife, and another who put a green hat on him!

Did they have to be so full of talent?!

Shen Anxin: [I know!]

The gossiping crowd: Wait, how do you know already? There are so many people in the delegation... We haven't even finished looking at them.

Even Xiao Yanchen had not reacted as quickly as Shen Anxin this time.

Shen Anxin: [It's the censor! He was protecting the bear just now, and they seemed close. They must be brothers! So it has to be the censor!]

The gossiping crowd: Wait, what? How does one thing lead to the other?!

Chacha: [Host, you're as sharp as ever!]

The gossiping crowd: She actually guessed right????

Shen Anxin: [Hehe, when you've seen enough melodrama, you naturally know how to spot the key points.

For the new wife to have carried on an affair for so long without being discovered, besides Eldest Miss Xiong's help, the other man's identity must have given him cover. He could visit their house often. The pavilion nearest the water gets the moonlight first.]

The gossiping crowd's mouths all fell open: You can work it out like that!!!!

Why are you so sharp when it comes to this sort of thing?!!!

Everyone could not help looking at the Southern Xia censor. He was a scholarly civil official through and through, watching the duel with a calm smile on his face. He seemed very confident that Grand General Xiong would win.

This... They really did look like good brothers!

Shen Anxin: [As the saying goes, guard against thieves day and night, but a thief in your own house is hard to guard against. So guard against fire, theft, and brothers!]

The gossiping crowd: That rolled off your tongue. Are you taking the imperial examinations?!

And how on earth did you come up with such twisted reasoning?!

Chacha: [You're right, Host. The bear trusts the censor too much. Several times, he saw the censor alone with the new wife in his garden and never suspected a thing. The censor only pretends to be close to him, and often does things behind his back to humiliate him.]

Shen Anxin: [Don't tell me it's hemorrhoids again?!!! The censor swings both ways!!!!]

The gossiping crowd: *!!!!*

Chacha: [Oh, no, not that.]

Shen Anxin: [Phew~ You almost scared me.]

The gossiping crowd: You scared us!!!!

Shen Anxin: [Then what is it?]

Chacha: [The censor likes to show off in secret. Right now, for example, he has the new wife's intimate gauze garment hidden inside his robes. Grand General Xiong personally chose the style for her.]

Shen Anxin: [...]

The gossiping crowd: [...]

Shen Anxin: [Deep breaths, deep breaths! After hearing about all their shit and piss and farts, I feel like I've atoned for all the sins of my previous life!]

The gossiping crowd: Atonement for the life before my last one too, thanks!

They had to admit, the bear had suffered a miserable fate.

But when they thought of how it had all begun, they could only say that cause and effect came full circle, and retribution never missed.

Emperor Hongyao could no longer bear to look. Were the important ministers Southern Xia had picked all like this?

Was this country really not going to fall apart?

Was Great Qi really going to cooperate with a country like this?

Amid his disgust, Emperor Hongyao could not help feeling a tiny spark of ambition. Perhaps he should annex it.

Xiao Yanchen, meanwhile, endured the dull ache in his head and began extracting information useful to the current situation from the gossip.

If he could not come up with a way to secure victory in one move, General Wu might not be able to hold out much longer in the duel.

So much explosive gossip really was affecting his performance.

Suddenly, Xiao Yanchen thought of a way.

As General Wu rolled over, their eyes happened to meet.

Xiao Yanchen discreetly pointed toward the censor, then quickly mimed using a spear to flip open a robe.

General Wu quickly understood.

Shen Anxin was still griping to Chacha about the contents of this juicy gossip, while the court officials were still recovering from the shock they had just received.

Just then, General Wu suddenly seemed unable to withstand Grand General Xiong's moves. He retreated again and again, falling back toward the Southern Xia delegation.

Grand General Xiong immediately let out two loud laughs and prepared his best attack, intending to claim victory.

The Southern Xia delegation was thrilled to see it.

The minister of rites, the censor, and the state preceptor, who sat in the front row, all smiled. Even with the risk of General Wu crashing into their table, they were not afraid.

Just then, General Wu suddenly planted one hand on the ground, as though struggling to steady himself as he rolled.

His spear flicked upward, as though, in his panic, he could not spare a thought for his surroundings.

The spearhead pointed straight at the Southern Xia censor sitting there.

Seeing the sharp tip coming at him, the censor hurried to rise in fright.

But the spearhead still caught and tore open his robe.

A great gash opened in the front of his robe, and something was pulled out.

The crowd cried out, with no time to worry whether the censor was hurt.

They saw a purple, translucent gauze garment flutter down. A silver-white crescent moon was embroidered on it, with small characters beside it.

Everyone stared in astonishment.

The people of Great Qi had been prepared, so their reaction was fairly mild.

On Southern Xia's side, both the delegation and Jixia Academy were stunned.

Their faces displayed a whole array of expressions.

Most, however, were simply enjoying the spectacle.

After all, everyone still took it for an ordinary woman's garment. Though awkward, it was only worth a few remarks at most.

"So the censor, who acts so staid and proper, is quite the romantic behind closed doors."

"We're all men. It's not as if we can't understand."

"Bringing it even to a formal occasion like this is truly an affront to decency."

"Hurry and pick it up! How much more face do you want to lose in front of the Great Qi emperor?"

The Southern Xia minister of rites looked as miserable as could be. He hurriedly urged the censor, who had slumped down beside him, to pick it up. They could not just touch a young woman's intimate garment.

But after he had urged him for some time, the censor still did not respond.

Looking closer, he saw that the censor's face had turned gray, and he was staring ahead in terror.

What was he looking at?

The minister of rites turned to look and saw Grand General Xiong suddenly reach down to pick up the woman's garment, even bringing it close to his eyes for a careful look.

The Southern Xia minister of rites: *!!!!!*

Has he gone mad? No matter how rough he is, he should know propriety and shame! A friend's wife is off-limits! Even if it's only her clothing! Isn't he afraid of falling out with his good brother, the censor?!

The Southern Xia minister of rites was just about to remind him when Grand General Xiong's expression changed drastically.

The gauze garment burst into countless shreds in his hand.

"Aaaaah! I'll kill you, you son of a bitch!"

Before anyone could react, they saw Southern Xia's grand general begin chasing down Southern Xia's censor,

The censor sprang up and ran, losing even his shoes in his flight.

The people of Southern Xia gaped, seemingly unable to comprehend what they were seeing.

On Great Qi's side, some people were already unable to hold it in.

Pfft~

Pfft, pfft, pfft~

Hold it in! Hold it in!!! It isn't appropriate to laugh now. We don't know anything, so we have to act surprised!

"Old Xiong, calm down! Calm down! Listen to me!" the censor shouted as he fled for his life. In the end, unable to run any farther, he could only hide behind the minister of rites.

"Explain what? Explain why you have my wife's intimate garment! I'll kill you, you adulterer!"

All the people of Southern Xia: *?????*

What had they just heard?

That was Madam Xiong's intimate garment?

Pulled out of the censor's robes?

Adulterer?????

Grand General Xiong could no longer care about his reputation, for rage had swept away his reason.

His eyes filled with murderous intent, Grand General Xiong stabbed left and right, trying to strike the censor behind the minister.

The minister of rites, however, kept being used as a shield. At first he was dumbfounded, and then he found he could not dodge no matter how he tried.

The censor was gripping his robes tightly from behind.

"Stop! Stop! Stop it!" the minister of rites shouted, breaking down. He feared that the enraged grand general would stab him at any moment.

He felt a chill around both his kidneys, as though they might soon set sail and leave him behind.

"Nooooo!"

By now, quite a few people had come to their senses. Shocked as they were, they had to stop him. If such a bloody incident really broke out at another country's state banquet, they would be utterly finished.

Deputy General Liu was the first to rush forward and grab hold of Grand General Xiong.

"Father, calm down, calm down!"

"I can't calm down! You're my son-in-law, and instead of helping me, you're trying to stop me! Either get lost or help me catch him!"

Grand General Xiong roared at Deputy General Liu.

Deputy General Liu frowned and turned to look at the censor.

That one glance instantly set the censor off, because he could see that the man was actually considering helping Old Xiong catch him.

The censor threw all caution to the wind. He didn't want to face Old Xiong's wrath alone.

He was utterly finished anyway, so he might as well find someone Old Xiong would hate even more.

As long as he exposed an even bigger scandal, no one would care about his affair.

Perhaps because death was flashing over his head, the censor acted on impulse and shouted at Grand General Xiong.

"Do you think we're the only ones who betrayed you? You don't know, do you? Deputy General Liu, who's holding you right now, has actually been secretly lusting after you all along. With your daughter's help, he's sneaked into your room at night who knows how many times!"

As soon as those words came out, it was as though invisible heavenly thunder crackled and rolled above everyone's heads.

Everyone from Southern Xia: Aaaaaah!!!!!!!