I Woke Up and Became the Center of Attention in Soul Society

When Liu Ziyun opened his eyes, the first thought that crossed his mind was: When did my ceiling get so artistic?

Wait, no. That's not a ceiling at all.

The blue sky was as pristine as if it had just been photoshopped. A few wisps of cloud drifted lazily overhead, and sunlight filtered through the leaves, casting dappled shadows on the ground. He lay on a patch of soft grass, the fresh scent of grass and earth filling his nose.

"Huh... where am I?!" Liu Ziyun sprang to his feet in one smooth motion that even surprised him—wait, when had his thirty-something-year-old back become so flexible?

He looked around and was completely dumbfounded. The scenery before him was utterly unfamiliar: distant mountains rose blue against the horizon, a nearby stream babbled, and quaint Japanese-style buildings dotted the landscape. A few birds swept gracefully across the sky, leaving several clear calls in their wake.

"Hey, I've got to say, the scenery's pretty nice!" Liu Ziyun got up, brushed the nonexistent dust off his clothes, and muttered to himself, "I must be dreaming. I was reading the Bleach manga in bed at home last night, after all. My dreams have places this beautiful in them now? My taste is improving."

He nodded in satisfaction and gave his subconscious a mental thumbs-up. Then his stomach let out a long, ill-timed "Grrr", loud enough to send two birds flying from a nearby tree.

"Damn, why am I so hungry?" Liu Ziyun clutched his stomach, his face full of disbelief. "I'm dreaming, so why does it come with a hunger simulator? This dream is way too immersive!"

Hunger washed over him like a tide, so real that he began to question his life. He remembered eating a late-night snack: two packs of instant noodles and a ham sausage, the standard homebody meal. By rights, he shouldn't have been this hungry.

"Is my subconscious telling me it's time to lose weight?" Liu Ziyun rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "No, wait, I've turned into a kid in my dream. What weight do I need to lose?"

Only then did he belatedly look down at himself. He had little hands and feet, wore crude hemp clothing, and was roughly half his former height. He rushed to the nearby stream and looked at his reflection: a young face that looked about seven or eight, with fairly large eyes and hair as messy as if a Hollow had just stepped on it.

"I've gotten younger!" Liu Ziyun made a face at his reflection. "Well, it's a dream. I wouldn't be surprised if I turned into Ultraman."

As he spoke, his stomach protested again. This time the hunger was even fiercer, making him see stars.

"Help! If I pass out from hunger in a dream, will I really starve to death in real life?" Liu Ziyun began to seriously consider this philosophical question. "No, wait, I remember science saying people can't starve to death in their dreams. They just... wake up needing to pee?"

"Hey, kid over there!"

A rough voice interrupted his thoughts. Liu Ziyun looked up to see a middle-aged man walking toward him. He wore a black kimono with a katana at his waist, and his expression was as stern as a school disciplinarian checking for latecomers.

Liu Ziyun's eyes lit up. "Cosplay? Pretty professional, too!"

The middle-aged man didn't understand him. Frowning, he said, "What are you doing here? Hollows have been appearing around here lately. You'd better stay in the district up ahead. Otherwise, a kid with spiritual power like you is just the sort Hollows are most likely to eat."

"Hollows?" Liu Ziyun blinked, then realization dawned. "Oh, I get it! An immersive Bleach-themed dream! Nice work, brain, you even threw in an NPC."

He studied the man with interest. "Hey, buddy, where'd you get that outfit made? The details are spot-on, right down to the Zanpakuto. Is it a prop, or can you actually draw it?"

The middle-aged man looked confused. "Kid, what's this 'copy play' you're talking about? What is that? And you're a little squirt, so why are you calling me buddy?"

"Heh, don't let my size fool you. I'm mentally much older," Liu Ziyun said, puffing out his little chest with an expression that said, "There's nothing in this world I haven't seen." "At least thirty-something."

It's a dream anyway, he thought. I'm a thirty-something corporate drone. Turning into a kid in a dream doesn't mean I'm actually a kid. If I can't do whatever I want in a dream, what's the point? Worst case, I get beaten awake, just in time for breakfast.

"I've got to say, kid, you're pretty funny," the middle-aged man said with a laugh. "Thirty-something? I'd say you're not even ten."

"Awooo—!!!"

A long howl suddenly came from the distance, so shrill it made their scalps tingle. The middle-aged man's expression changed dramatically. "Get out of here, quickly! A Hollow's heading this way!" With that, he leaped forward and raced toward the sound, moving as nimbly as if he'd used Flash.

"Damn, he's gone just like that?" Liu Ziyun looked in the direction the man had disappeared and hesitated for half a second. "I'm going to take a look too! It's a dream anyway, and I've only seen Hollows in the manga and anime, never in 3D. I might as well broaden my horizons while I'm dreaming!"

He took off after him on his short little legs, shouting as he ran, "Hey, buddy, I've never seen one of those things before! Take me along for a look! Save me a VIP seat for the fight!"

By the time he arrived at the scene, panting for breath, the sight before him stopped him in his tracks. The middle-aged man lay sprawled on the ground, blood pouring from his mouth and a gruesome wound across his chest. Opposite him stood a giant creature with a deathly pale mask and empty eye sockets, its enormous body radiating an ominous Reiatsu.

"So... this is a Hollow?" Liu Ziyun's eyes went wide. "It's way more impressive than in the anime! The texture, the detail—did my brain switch on 4K rendering?"

What drew his attention even more was the red light gathering in the Hollow's mouth. It grew brighter and brighter, and the air around it began to warp.

"Is that a Cero?" Far from being afraid, Liu Ziyun stepped closer, like a child at a zoo looking at an unusual animal. "Looks pretty spectacular, and it's huge too. But isn't your charge time a little long? You know someone could easily interrupt you in a real fight, right?"

The middle-aged man looked at Liu Ziyun with an expression that said, "I must be hallucinating from blood loss." "You're not scared at all, are you? Did you come here to get yourself killed? Dying once in the World of the Living wasn't enough, so you came here to die a second time? But if you die this time, there'll be nothing left."

"Haha, don't worry, buddy, I won't die." Liu Ziyun waved a hand, looking completely relaxed. "I'm dreaming. At worst, I'll get knocked awake. The way the story goes, a beauty should swoop in to save the hero about now—or save the zero. Looking at you, you're not much of a hero anymore."

"Hah... are you sure there's nothing wrong with your head?" Before the middle-aged man could finish, a frigid flash of sword light sliced through the air like a crescent moon—

"Swish!"

The Hollow, which had just finished charging its Cero, was split in two from top to bottom and slowly dissolved into Reishi.

Liu Ziyun smugly snapped his fingers, though his hand was too small to make a sound. "See, buddy? Wasn't I right?"

The middle-aged man stared at the boy in astonishment, only one thought in his head: Is this guy's mouth blessed? He says someone will save us, and someone does. Is he a prophet? Could he actually have been sent by Central 46 to investigate in disguise?

At that moment, two people walked slowly out of the woods behind them. One wore a white haori, her long black hair falling softly over her shoulders and her face serene as a painting. The other wore a standard Shihakusho with the Fourth Division lieutenant's insignia on his shoulder.

The middle-aged man forced himself to his feet and bowed to them. "Captain Unohana, Lieutenant Kiyōnosuke Yamada."

Liu Ziyun's eyes went wide.

Holy crap, isn't that Huajie?! The little theater in his head began scrolling wildly. The First Kenpachi, both intellectual and gentle, yet wild and uninhibited! That gorgeous woman who put away her sword after cutting down Kenpachi Zaraki! I want her! It'd be great if she were my wife! Let Kenpachi Zaraki get lost with Yachiru and behave himself. All that fighting and killing for no reason is so boring...

He had no idea what kind of look he was giving Retsu Unohana: a complicated gaze mingling admiration, awe, and certain thoughts that weren't quite fit to be aired in public in Soul Society. His brain had already switched straight to fantasy time: living a shameless life with Huajie in the Fourth Division Barracks, naming their first child Liu Zihua, their second Liu Zilie, their third...

"Fifth Seat Tazawa," a voice gentle enough to melt a person's bones rang out, interrupting Liu Ziyun's fantasy. "Was the child beside you just rescued?"

Liu Ziyun closed his eyes in rapture. Ah, that voice, like a spring breeze, like a drink of sweet rain...

"Why is it that when I look at his eyes," Retsu Unohana continued in a tone that could melt ice and snow, "I get the feeling he might be an idiot?"

Even her voice is so gentle. Ah, I love it—wait, no. Liu Ziyun suddenly shuddered. Where's this feeling that I'm about to die coming from? No, it's the voice. Hidden in that gentle, intellectual voice just now... was an intent to kill me!

His body trembled involuntarily, snapping him out of his fantasy. He looked up and met Retsu Unohana's slightly narrowed eyes. Her gaze was as gentle as ever, but a coldness like thousand-year-old ice lurked in its depths.

Holy crap, she's the greatest villain Soul Society has seen in a thousand years! Liu Ziyun belatedly remembered this beautiful captain's true nature. I was looking at her while fantasizing like that. Won't she chop all my limbs off?!

Fear slithered up his spine like an icy snake.

Huh... I'm dreaming, so what the hell am I afraid of?! He suddenly regained his nerve. To die beneath the peach blossoms makes for a romantic ghost! Uh, no, I can't die. At worst, she'll cut me awake... no, no, if she cuts me awake, I might not dream about her again. Right, right, I can't let her cut me. Where else am I going to find such a beautiful older sister?!

And so Tazawa Kentarō and Kiyōnosuke Yamada saw the following: the trembling child suddenly seemed to realize something and stopped shaking at once. An expression of someone ready to face death appeared on his little face, only for him to sink into some strange contemplation, a silly grin even curling his lips.

Retsu Unohana watched the child, whose expression changed faster than pages turning, and an odd feeling rose in her heart as well. In her thousand years, she had seen countless souls: afraid, angry, and sad. But this was her first time seeing one swing back and forth between extreme fear and an inexplicable silly grin. She too fell into thought. This kid... could he be from one of those places in the World of the Living called a "mental hospital"?

Kiyōnosuke Yamada looked at Liu Ziyun, who had abruptly come to his senses only to fall into thought, then at Captain Unohana, who had also fallen silent in the middle of speaking. Completely baffled, he looked at Tazawa Kentarō, his eyes full of questions. Why have the kid and the captain both gone quiet? What are they thinking about?

Tazawa Kentarō returned an even more bewildered look. I'd like to know too! What's going on here?! Can't you see I'm coughing up blood? Why aren't you treating me yet?! I may be in the Fourth Division too, but I'm seriously injured, Lieutenant! Can you save the dying and heal the wounded first?!

Just then—

"Heh heh... heh heh heh..."

A lecherous laugh, silly and smug all at once, broke the silence. Liu Ziyun had thought of some pleasant thing again, and his eyes narrowed to slits as he laughed, completely oblivious to the strange atmosphere.

The laughter snapped Retsu Unohana out of her thoughts. A gaze as sharp as a blade suddenly flashed from her eyes and pierced straight toward the grinning boy.

As that gaze swept over Liu Ziyun, it was as though a bucket of ice water had been dumped over him, chilling him from head to toe. "Damn, what's going on..."

Before he could finish saying "going on," Retsu Unohana's figure flashed—really flashed, so fast that he saw only an afterimage. The next second, a seemingly delicate palm landed lightly on his chest.

"Bang!"

Liu Ziyun felt as if he'd been hit head-on by a truck traveling at full speed. His whole body flew backward, out of control. He traced a graceful arc through the air, wind whistling past his ears as the blue sky, white clouds, and trees in his vision rushed backward.

"Fuuuck—!!!" Even in the midst of his flight, he found time to comment, "That fucking hurts—!!!"

Then, with a "thud," he disappeared into the dense woods in the distance, sending a flock of birds into the air.

Back where she stood, Retsu Unohana let out a soft "Huh?" She looked at her palm, then toward the place where Liu Ziyun had disappeared, a flicker of puzzlement in her eyes.

"That child only felt pain. He didn't even cough up any blood. Was he unhurt?" she murmured. "That palm strike wasn't fatal, but it wasn't something an ordinary soul could take without injury..."

She pondered for a moment, then said to her two still-bewildered subordinates, "Go bring that child back to the barracks."

"Yes!" the two answered in unison, quickly rushing toward the place where Liu Ziyun had disappeared.

They found the boy in the dense woods, clutching his chest and rolling all over the ground, muttering as he rolled.

"Damn, does Huajie always hit that hard? It hurts like hell! Why does the pain feel so real?! I'm dreaming, so it shouldn't hurt this much, should it? And doesn't Huajie usually just glare at people? Why'd she suddenly hit me with her palm? Ow, ow, ow... she really is the great villain from a thousand years ago. She doesn't even need a reason to hit you..."

Tazawa Kentarō and Kiyōnosuke Yamada stared speechlessly at the child rolling around on the ground and chattering nonstop.

Damn, she doesn't need a reason to hit you? The two thought the same thing in perfect accord. The reason's plain as day! You were staring at the captain with that lecherous look and snickering at her. Who else would she hit?! And you still think you're dreaming? Do you really want to die again?!

Kiyōnosuke Yamada sighed, crouched down, and said to Liu Ziyun, "Kid, you're not dreaming. You're already dead. You're in Soul Society now."

Liu Ziyun stopped rolling and rubbed his chest through the pain, looking at the two of them as if they were idiots. "I'm dead? How come I don't know about it? I just went to sleep and ended up here, and you're telling me I'm dead and not dreaming. Would you believe that?"