My Days as an Attention Magnet in Soul Society (Part One)

When Tazawa Kentarō and Kiyōnosuke Yamada returned carrying Liu Ziyun by the back of his collar, they looked just like two adults holding an unruly kitten—and the kitten was still flailing in midair and yelling nonstop.

"Hey, hey, guys, can you carry me some other way? This position is really bad for my self-respect, you know?" Liu Ziyun kicked his short little legs in midair. "I consider myself a mature man in his thirties, at least. Being carried around like this is embarrassing!"

Tazawa Kentarō rolled his eyes. "Shut up, brat. Didn't that smack from the captain knock some sense into you?"

"Oh, right, speaking of that—" Liu Ziyun suddenly remembered something and turned toward the elegant figure in the white haori standing ahead. "Huajie, could you go a little easier on me? That really hurt! My little arms and legs can't take a beating right now..."

The scene fell silent in an instant.

Tazawa Kentarō and Kiyōnosuke Yamada's hands stiffened at the same time. The two slowly lowered their heads to look at the brat in their hands who didn't know what was good for him, then slowly looked up at Retsu Unohana's face, which was still gentle and serene—though there seemed to be something indescribable in that gentleness now.

Liu Ziyun continued, "Look, I'm your fan, at least—even if you might not know what a fan is—but shouldn't you be a little gentler with your fans? The last time I was in this much pain was the last time..."

Splat.

Tazawa Kentarō suddenly let go, and Liu Ziyun fell face-first to the ground.

"Ow!" Liu Ziyun got up, rubbing his nose. "Come on, man, that wasn't cool. Even if I said something wrong, you can't just launch a surprise attack!"

Tazawa Kentarō ignored him completely and dropped to one knee with a thud. "Captain, forgive me! This brat is talking nonsense. I'll shut him up right away!"

With that, he shoved Liu Ziyun, who had just gotten up, back to the ground and raised his foot to kick him. His movements were smooth and practiced, clearly those of a professional who often dealt with uncooperative patients.

"That's more like it," Liu Ziyun remarked approvingly as he was kicked, looking pleased rather than crying out in pain. "This is how getting beaten up in a dream should be. Those kicks look really hard, but they don't hurt at all. The sensation is simulated pretty well. My brain really knows its stuff."

Tazawa Kentarō's foot stopped in midair.

He slowly raised his head and looked at Retsu Unohana. Their captain was lightly covering her mouth with one pale hand, her eyes full of teasing amusement.

"Fifth Seat Tazawa," the gentle voice said, with an unmistakably teasing note, "could this brat be your illegitimate son? Is that why you can't bear to kick him hard?"

Illegitimate son?! It was as if a hundred thousand alpacas were stampeding through Tazawa Kentarō's mind. If I had something like this, I would've dumped him on the outskirts of Rukongai to fend for himself the day he was born! If I didn't think this brat was interesting, and if he hadn't been unafraid of the Hollow and run over to "die" with me, I'd have cut this pest down already! Just because I'm in the Fourth Division doesn't mean I don't have a temper too!

Though he was ranting furiously in his head, Tazawa Kentarō could only grit his teeth and answer, "You must be joking, Captain! I'll kick him 'hard' right away!"

Then he really did put more strength into it, landing solid kick after solid kick on Liu Ziyun. Of course, as the Fifth Seat of the Fourth Division, he skillfully avoided all the vital spots, aiming only for the fleshiest parts.

"Ow! Man, easy, easy!" Liu Ziyun was actually feeling some pain now. "I finally got to have a dream where I could see Huajie, who I've admired for so long. Don't kick me awake! Holy—this kick really hurts! Isn't the pain system in this dream turned up too high?!"

Kiyōnosuke Yamada couldn't help putting a hand to his forehead. He had seen countless newly arrived souls: some cried, some made a fuss, and some were so scared they wet their pants. But someone who could keep cracking jokes while getting beaten up, and even offer constructive feedback on the pain system, was a first.

Retsu Unohana watched the brat rolling around on the ground without stopping his chatter for a moment, an inscrutable glint flashing in her eyes. She gently raised a hand. "All right, stop."

Tazawa Kentarō felt as though he had been granted a pardon and quickly lowered his foot and stepped aside. Heaven knew how frustrating those kicks had been: he had to make it look to the captain like he was kicking "hard," but he couldn't actually kick this interesting brat badly enough to hurt him.

Liu Ziyun climbed to his feet and patted the dust off himself. He could still manage a smile. "Thank you for your mercy, Huajie! I knew you couldn't bear to..."

"This brat still hasn't accepted the fact that he's dead," Retsu Unohana interrupted. Her voice was still gentle, but her tone carried an unquestionable decisiveness. "It seems the only choice is to make you understand in the most direct way."

Liu Ziyun blinked. "The most direct way? What's that? You're not going to..."

His words stopped abruptly.

Because Retsu Unohana moved.

Her movements were as graceful as a classical dance. Her right hand rested lightly on the hilt of the sword at her waist, and her thumb gently pushed against the Tsuba, exposing an inch of cold steel. Then, as if a breeze had merely swept past, the blade trembled slightly in its sheath, giving a clear ring before falling still again.

The whole thing took less than half a second, so fast it made them wonder if their eyes had played tricks on them.

Liu Ziyun stared blankly at Retsu Unohana, then looked down at his unscathed body, an expression of "That's it?" appearing on his face.

That's it? You didn't even draw it! Huajie, aren't you overdoing the act? he grumbled inwardly. I know you're strong, but isn't this a little halfhearted? At least...

His thoughts suddenly broke off.

A warm, sticky liquid was running down his forehead, blurring his vision. Immediately afterward, a cold sensation began spreading from between his brows and quickly traveled through his entire body.

Huh... wait, why does my body feel cold? Damn, what's running down and getting in my eyes? Why does my body feel so cold...

He raised a hand instinctively and touched his forehead.

His fingers touched something warm. He brought them before his eyes and saw a vivid, piercing red, gleaming strangely in the sunlight.

Is this... blood?

Was I cut?

But that's not right. The sword never left its sheath...

But it feels so real...

His consciousness began to blur, like static on an old television screen. Everything was gradually dimming and receding. His body felt weightless, as though it might scatter into countless points of light at any moment.

Am I going to die? Is this what dying feels like?

No, that's not right. Waking up from a dream shouldn't be like this...

Am I really going to die?

That can't be right. I just went to sleep at home...

Could it be... this isn't a dream?

That final thought flashed through his mind. Liu Ziyun's body swayed, then fell stiffly backward, hitting the ground with a thud and kicking up a cloud of dust.

Tazawa Kentarō and Kiyōnosuke Yamada stared at the scene, dumbfounded.

They hadn't even seen when the captain had struck. No, had she really struck at all? Her sword was clearly still in its sheath!

Retsu Unohana slowly withdrew her hand and said calmly, "All right, he should be able to understand the situation now."

She walked over to Liu Ziyun and crouched down, her fingers lightly brushing the wound on his forehead. The cut, so fine it was almost invisible, was healing at a speed visible to the naked eye.

"Give him some basic treatment and take him back to the division," Retsu Unohana said as she stood, her white haori fluttering gently in the wind. "This brat has the potential to become a Soul Reaper. His Spiritual Power isn't weak, and his temperament... is unusual, at least."

A faint smile touched the corner of her mouth. "The days ahead might just become very interesting."

Liu Ziyun's consciousness drifted up and down in the darkness.

It wasn't pure darkness, but something more like a chaotic, viscous, boundless void. He felt like a speck of dust drifting through an infinite universe, without direction or purpose.

Where am I?

Am I dead?

No, wait, why haven't I woken up yet? It's only a dream. Is waking up really this much trouble?

The feeling was familiar, like the internal monologues of protagonists on the verge of death in the countless anime he had watched. Surrounded by endless darkness, unable to feel the slightest warmth, cold yet somehow as it should be, like a drowning person struggling in longing and helplessness.

What a cliché. Such a cliché. He couldn't help criticizing his own subconscious. Even my near-death experience has to rip off a classic trope. Can't you be a little original?

Just then, light suddenly appeared ahead.

Not one beam, but two.

One poured down from above, warm and bright, like a call from heaven. The other rose from below, deep and mysterious, with an indescribable allure.

Huh? Everyone else gets one light when they wake up, so why do I have two? Liu Ziyun's consciousness pondered in the chaos. Am I supposed to pick one?

He studied the two beams carefully. The light above was bright and upright, looking like a standard "road to a new life." The light below had an air of evil about it, yet somehow felt familiar to him.

The usual trope is to go up, representing hope and rebirth, he reasoned. But who am I? I'm Liu Ziyun, a man who never plays by the rules!

So—I choose the one below!

His consciousness rushed toward the light below without hesitation.

Then he heard someone cursing.

He didn't hear it with his ears. It rang out directly from the bottom of his heart, two voices cursing in unison:

"Idiot! Why are you charging at us?!"

"Go up! You're coming over to us—do you have a death wish?!"

Immediately afterward, an invisible, irresistibly immense pressure came from below and shoved him upward like a giant hand.

Holy crap! What's going on?! Liu Ziyun's consciousness tumbled through the air. The light below can curse people?! And turn them away?! What kind of service is this?!