Izuna and Tobirama's Comedy Routine (2)

Before the audience could finish laughing, Izuna went up again.

He pulled a hat out of nowhere and put it on his head, pulling the brim down so low it almost covered half his face. Even with this little disguise, the audience could see right through it, yet he Earth Flow onto the stage with a straight face.

"Hello, you must be Tobirama Senju?" Izuna asked in a low voice, feigning unfamiliarity.

The Pseudo-Tobirama looked at him expressionlessly. "Could you be a little more attentive?"

Izuna seemed not to hear him and continued reciting from the script, "Um, I'm from an antisocial Evil Cult, you know, the grassroots level..."

"I know Izuna from the Evil Cult, right?" the Pseudo-Tobirama fluently.

"That's right!" Izuna's eyes lit up, and he nodded.

The Pseudo-Tobirama silent. "You seem quite pleased..."

"Tobirama- san," Izuna suddenly raised his hand, "It's me! Don't you remember me!"

The audience burst into laughter. The sudden change was too abrupt. One moment he was officially promoting Evil Cult, and the next he was like long-lost brothers reuniting.

The Pseudo-Tobirama's lips twitched. "Do you know how stupid you are?"

Izuna completely ignored his complaints and continued to follow the script, her tone returning to the calm tone of a report, "The cave behind the cliff behind the Bishamonten Shrine, Hai-Xu-You-Shen-Wei..."

"Hey!" Pseudo-Tobirama finally couldn't help but interrupt him.

"What's wrong?" Izuna tilted his head, looking completely innocent.

"That's why I can't possibly be Sacrifice!"

Izuna gave a look of sudden realization, his tone tinged with tentative sympathy. "So you really can't bear to part with him, Tobirama- san?"

"Of course! How could I possibly go!"

"Alright then," Izuna nodded, "I'll leave now, I'll come back with a different trick."

He turned and left as soon as he finished speaking, his steps light and quick.

"I told you, you won't fall for it if you tell me!" Pseudo-Tobirama shouted at his retreating figure.

Goodbye then--

The person had disappeared from the side of the platform.

The Pseudo-Tobirama stood still, slowly revealing a Dead-Fish Eyes.

The audience couldn't help but burst out laughing.

Hashirama couldn't help but laugh, "As expected of Izuna, he really knows how to deliver a punchline."

Then, less than two seconds later, Izuna went up again, this time with different clothes.

He changed into servant's attire, wearing a drab gray short jacket with a cloth belt around his waist, and his hair was tied up again, making him look somewhat like someone's servant.

He jogged onto the stage, his steps hurried, a look of panic on his face, and lunged at the Pseudo-Tobirama.

"Master!"

The Pseudo-Tobirama took a half step back after being yelled at, "Huh?"

"Master! Young Master hit someone while riding his horse in the street!"

The Pseudo-Tobirama looked down at the person whose head was bowed to the ground, his expression wary. "Who are you?!"

"Don't you recognize me, sir!"

Pseudo-Tobirama's expression was somewhat subtle; his lips twitched, as if he appreciated Izuna calling him that, but he didn't want to show it.

He cleared his throat, adopting the air of a master. "What's wrong?"

"That's right, young master accidentally stepped on someone while riding his horse in the street."

"Oh."

"It was dragged for two kilometers."

The Pseudo-Tobirama couldn't help but turn his head and laugh out loud.

The audience couldn't help but laugh.

Pseudo-Tobirama turned around, trying hard to keep a straight face. "What nonsense about him causing an accident and fleeing the scene?"

"Master! They say they want the young master to pay with his life, to Sacrifice him to summon the Evil God! Master! Please come to the scene immediately!" Izuna crawled forward two steps, his voice growing increasingly urgent, "There's no one else who can save him but you!"

"What the hell?" Pseudo-Tobirama frowned. "The person who hit him is dead?"

"Uh-huh."

"After being dragged for two kilometers, it really should have died by now."

The audience couldn't help but let out sporadic laughs.

The Pseudo-Tobirama asked again, "Didn't you control yourself?"

"Because I was riding a Ferghana horse..." Izuna lowered his head, his voice growing softer and softer.

"A Ferghana horse? A famous one at that."

Several people in the audience gasped in surprise.

"There's no way to stop him!"

"Akhal-Teke horses are indeed spirited; it's normal that you can't control them."

That's right!

"Um, let's make this clear first."

"Hmm." Izuna looked up at him.

I'm a bachelor.

Izuna's expression held a hint of pity. "Eh... a bachelor, huh...?"

"What are you disappointed about?!" Pseudo-Tobirama glared at him.

Izuna muttered under his breath, "Being single at this age is so lame--"

Pseudo-Tobirama: "..."

The audience burst into laughter.

Hashirama laughed so hard he slapped his knee, "Haha! I told you you needed to find a wife!"

Tobirama, expressionless, said, "Big Brother, shut up."

Pseudo-Tobirama took a deep breath, regaining his composure. "Could a non-existent son ride a Ferghana horse and run people over?"

"Um."

"Izuna are you talking about! You're Izuna, aren't you?!"

Izuna raised his head, quite frankly. "Yes."

"What nonsense! Go ahead and lie all the way through!"

"Tobirama, Tobirama-san is still reluctant to give up his life after all?" Izuna tilted her head as she looked at him.

"You've been asking me if I'm willing to part with it since just now, what are you doing!"

"I understand, Mr. Tobirama."

"What have you figured out now?!"

"I'm leaving now," Izuna straightened up. "I'll try the currently popular Sexy Jutsu next time."

"Wait a minute! Are you trying to seduce me?!"

The audience gasped and laughed, looking at Izuna's face and imagining what he would look like in women's clothing.

Anyway, bye--

"And it's also popular to..."

Izuna has disappeared from the side of the platform.

The Pseudo-Tobirama getting a little exasperated. "You better lie to me properly!"

The third time.

Izuna came up quickly as usual. This time he wore a straw hat, pulled down low, making it impossible to see his face.

But he did change into a woman's kimono, a light-colored one with floral prints, the sash tied neatly, and his figure deliberately made smaller.

The audience was stunned for a moment when they saw this, then erupted in cheers and applause.

"You really dressed up as a woman?"

"Are all Ninjas like this...?"

"Yo! As expected of Lord Izuna!"

Some people, eager for a good spectacle, even started whistling vulgarities, their high-pitched and loud voices drifting up from the back of the audience.

But those who had just witnessed Izuna putting on makeup— Enma, Kyōnosuke, Yuansheng, and Hideki —all wore strange expressions, trying to suppress their laughter.

Enma covered his mouth with the back of his hand, his shoulders trembling slightly. Kyōnosuke lowered his head, pretending to look at his sleeve. Yuansheng's lips twitched, and he finally turned his face away.

Hideki simply covered his mouth, his eyes curving into two crescent moons.

Hashirama stared in disbelief, his mouth agape, unable to close it for a long time.

Tobirama's expression changed into the character "Shou".

Ban's expression was even more tragic.

He stared intently at his younger brother, who was dressed in women's clothing, on the stage; his eyes almost popped out of their sockets.

Although Kabuki is indeed a place where men play women, and although he had long known the rules of the industry, he couldn't accept it! That was his younger brother! Uchiha Izuna! The second-in-command of the Uchiha Clan! A decisive and ruthless man on the battlefield!

How could you dress up as a woman?!

Izuna! What are you doing?!

The Pseudo-Tobirama stood on the stage, looking at the person in the straw hat and kimono before him, and his lips twitched. "Wow, you really came dressed as a woman..."

The female version of Izuna, wearing a straw hat, ignored him; her face was still hidden.

She took small, delicate steps, pretending to arrive at an Izakaya), lifted the curtain and went inside, sat down at the invisible counter, and ordered a drink.

He had his back to the audience the entire time.

She picked up a non-existent wine glass, brought it to her lips, and moved slowly and gracefully.

Then she spoke, her voice low and soft. "Um... this won't do at all. This is worse than water. Who do you think I am?"

The clone, disguised as a waiter, asked cooperatively, "Who is it?"

Izuna, holding his wine glass, slightly slumped his shoulders, as if he had been looked down upon. His tone carried three parts disdain and seven parts arrogance. "Hmph, people call me—"

He suddenly lifted his straw hat.

Their faces were revealed.

"Portugal!"

The entire audience gasped.

Pseudo-Tobirama couldn't keep his composure, taking a half-step back with disgust and even revulsion, his face scrunched up in a grimace.

Because Izuna's outfit was just too ugly.

White powder was smeared all over his face like it was free, a thick layer. Long false eyelashes curled up from his eyelids, and his eyebrows were drawn so thick and black that they almost flew off his face.

Thick, bright red blush was applied to his cheekbones, his lips were an eerie cherry red, and a single mole, the size of a black bean, hung neatly beside his nose, completely disfiguring his originally handsome face, making it a horrible sight.

The group that had been whistling earlier turned green with rage.

Enma finally couldn't hold back anymore and slapped his thigh, bursting out laughing, "This guy, haha! This guy is so wicked, haha!"

Tobirama couldn't help but burst into laughter, finding this guy's ingenious ideas quite agreeable for the first time.

Ban also breathed a sigh of relief.

Thankfully, thankfully, his brother didn't actually dress up as a beautiful woman. Even with such an ugly face, he could accept it.

But looking at his younger brother's face, he couldn't help himself. The corners of his mouth involuntarily turned upwards, and he finally burst out laughing. He quickly turned his head away and covered half of his face with his hand.

Then, Izuna from Portugal walked towards the Pseudo-Tobirama with feigned charm, causing the Pseudo-Tobirama to take a step back.

"Hey buddy, wanna have a drink?"

"No..."

"When you're drinking, you always need a flower to complement it, right?"

"I said I won't drink..." Pseudo-Tobirama looked like he was suffocating.

"Haha!" Hashirama was practically dying of laughter, "Oh dear, I can't take it anymore..."

"When giving and receiving are in balance, men and women can come together. Shall we go somewhere with a better atmosphere?"

"I don't want to go!"

"Huh?"

"Who would go drinking with an ugly woman like you! Is this seduction really seduction or assassination?!"

Izuna looked genuinely confused. "Eh... am I not pretty... I've seen courtesans do their makeup like this, haven't I?"

Absolutely not!

"The cave behind the cliff behind Bishamonten Shrine, Hai-xu-you-shen-wei..."

I already said I wasn't going!

"Oh, I almost forgot to mention, please go at midnight."

"Uchiha Izuna!"

"Yo-ho~"

"What the hell!" Pseudo-Tobirama the laughter. "Don't try to get close to me, really, I'm not going."

Just then, Izuna's aura suddenly changed.

"Mr. Tobirama."

He crossed his arms, chin held high, looking down at the Pseudo-Tobirama. However, because of the appalling paint on his face, this posture, which should have been arrogant, looked utterly ridiculous.

But the Pseudo-Tobirama, being very polite, composed himself and became more serious. "What?"

"I'm involved in Evil Cult, after all."

"So what happened?"

"So I can't let you look down on me like this." Izuna narrowed his eyes, and the false eyelashes on his eyelids trembled slightly.

The Pseudo-Tobirama raised an eyebrow. "Oh, oh."

"I'm not going to let this go."

So what?

"Next time I'll use even tougher methods." Izuna emphasized the word "tougher," and with his flamboyant face, the threat was given a touch of humor.

The Pseudo-Tobirama snorted, also getting annoyed. "Then come on."

"It might have been a bit rough, but please forgive me. I'm leaving now."

"Oh oh."

Izuna swaggered around, the hem of his kimono billowing in the wind, his straw hat slung diagonally behind his head, and he walked down the side of the stage step by step, his posture resembling that of a victorious rooster.

The Pseudo-Tobirama stood there, watching his figure disappear behind the curtain. "Hmm... what the heck, this is getting me excited too."

The audience was laughing hysterically.

Some people were laughing so hard they were slapping their thighs, while others were laughing so hard they were leaning against their neighbors. The young people in the back row who had been whistling earlier were laughing the hardest, almost to the point of tears.

This is the fourth time.

No one expected anything fancy; it was just a matter of using force. But everyone watched the stage with anticipation.

As the Pseudo-Tobirama watched Izuna walk onto the stage, he couldn't help but sigh, "What is it this time?"

So, the conversation started at Izuna Station.

"Bishamonten Shrine."

"Your method is way too casual!" Pseudo-Tobirama glared at him.

"Inside the cave behind the cliff in the deep forest of the Rear Mountain, the sequence is: Hai-Xu-You-Shen-Wei."

Pseudo-Tobirama rubbed his forehead, his voice utterly exhausted. "Yo-Shin-Sheep, I've memorized them all! Izuna!"

Izuna gave a sweet smile, "Hehe."

"Hey, what the hell?! This is so weird!"

"I understand, Mr. Tobirama," Izuna nodded calmly. "Then I'll be going now. Next time I'll use a completely new trick."

"What kind of new scam is this?"

"Anyway, you'll definitely shout out the word 'brand new'," Izuna said, turning and walking away with light steps. "Sorry, I'll be going now."

Pseudo-Tobirama stared at his retreating figure, utterly bewildered. "What the hell? The word 'brand new' isn't even common, how could I possibly use it..."

Before he could finish speaking, he had already disappeared from the side of the stage.

A murmur of laughter rippled through the audience; clearly, some were already looking forward to the next round.

The fifth time.

As the figure wearing a straw hat approached, Pseudo-Tobirama sighed, "What is it this time?"

Then Izuna lifted his straw hat.

He revealed a chubby, young face, with puffy cheeks, a folded chin, and eyes squeezed smaller, looking exactly like a pampered young master.

Hello! I'm Sugemori!

The Pseudo-Tobirama blurted out, "Brand new!"

The entire audience burst into laughter.

Those who had read the Tale of the Heike were the first to realize what was happening and burst into laughter. Those who didn't know were quickly given a brief explanation by the people next to them.

Izuna, the spoiled nobleman in the Tale of the Heike, was a somewhat annoying character in the segment set in the Land of Fire, and I couldn't help but laugh along.

Sugemori took a step forward, her tone excessively affectionate. "Shinrei, I've missed you so much!"

The Pseudo-Tobirama leaned back. "Huh?"

How have you been lately?

"Wait a minute!" The Pseudo-Tobirama stretched out his hand to block him. "Shinrei is a girl. Do I look like a woman to you?!"

"Sugemori" tilted his head, his chubby fake face wobbling as he spoke, "Oh, then Shintarō will do too, he'll be blown up anyway."

The Pseudo-Tobirama's expression twisted in pain. "Can you please stop telling such hellish jokes!"

"Yesterday!" Sugemori suddenly changed the subject.

"What?"

"I offended a big shot."

"So what happened?"

"My father wanted me to leave home and go to another house as an apology," Sugemori pouted, her chubby cheeks bulging even more, "But I feel so insecure without anyone by my side."

The Pseudo-Tobirama, expressionless, said, "What do I care if you lack a sense of security!"

"Shinrei."

"No, I am Tobirama."

"Shinrei."

Pseudo-Tobirama took a deep breath. "So, what's up?"

Sugemori clasped her hands together, her eyes sparkling as she looked at him. "For me, Sacrifice yourself!"

The Pseudo-Tobirama exploded. "What the hell are you spouting?! I'm asking you a question!"

"Sugemori" completely ignored his breakdown and started singing. The tune was still the long, mournful melody from the Tale of the Heike, but the lyrics were outrageously absurd. "It's right to go to great lengths for a friend--"

"Forget about actually going to great lengths for her!" Pseudo-Tobirama jumped up. "How could Sugemori possibly tell Shinrei to die, you bastard!"

"Sugemori" completely ignored the comment and continued to call out affectionately, "Shinrei!"

"So I'm not a girl--"

"Shinrei!"

"What's up?!"

Is it because you can't bear to give up your own life?

The audience was laughing so hard they were practically falling over.

The Pseudo-Tobirama's face contorted in a grimace, and he practically forced out the words through clenched teeth. "Sugemori would never say something like that, would he? You better stop!"

Sugemori suddenly pulled out a bright red talisman. "I'm angry! Take this!"

The Pseudo-Tobirama's expression switched wildly between "What the hell is this?" and "No way!": "Whoa! Stop messing around!"

"Ha! Nameless one goes forth! Holding fast to life, one departs!"

"Wait a minute!"

When "Sugemori" threw out that talisman, it turned out to be just Smoke Bomb.

After the smoke cleared, his Transformation Technique was deactivated, and he reverted to his identity as Izuna. Facing the audience with a calm expression, as if nothing had happened, he said, "Bishamonten Shrine, behind the cliff in the deep forest Rear Mountain."

Having just experienced a nerve-wracking ordeal, the Pseudo-Tobirama couldn't help but yell, "I'm so curious! Why don't you detonate the Explosive Tag, Izuna!"

Izuna smiled at him, "Hehe."

"What are you laughing at? You can't act like that."

"I wasn't fooled at all..." Izuna's tone carried a hint of regret.

"How could I possibly fall for that?!" The Pseudo-Tobirama finally snapped. "Stop this!"

Izuna turned to the audience and bowed slightly. "Thank you all for listening!"