A Bitter Lament (II)

"It was my own decision to be compared by everyone to Gu Wanqing, who got all the advantages, and then be mocked."

"It was my own decision to marry the Marquis of Yingchuan, who wouldn't spare me a glance, and be looked down on."

"Even today, I was the one who harmed Gu Wanqing's reputation. Gu Wanqing was innocent; she didn't say a thing. When people mocked me, I should have just swallowed it, or else I'd be holding the honored princess consort back."

As she said this, a cold smile bordering on mockery lingered on her lips.

Today, Lu Baozhu had been the one to provoke her first, and she had not even mentioned Gu Wanqing.

Yet in the end, it was still her fault.

"That's not what I meant," Gu Anqi said. "I wasn't blaming you. I only meant that the misunderstanding between you sisters ran too deep before, so don't be so aggressive."

"I'm aggressive?" Gu Wanning laughed in anger. "You left me at the estate for ten years without a care. While Gu Wanqing studied music, chess, calligraphy, and painting, I was cooking and feeding pigs; while she went on outings with her sisters, I was squatting by the roadside selling wildflowers, dreaming even in my sleep of meeting a benefactor who would toss me a handful of coins."

"You gave her everything, so why did you bring me back? Just to tell me I wasn't as good as her, that I wasn't even fit to carry her shoes?"

"The Prince of Qin is as upright as clear skies after a storm, and countless women in the Capital like her. Just because I'm Gu Wanqing's younger sister, my feelings became shameless? I never even dared say a single word to him, yet in your eyes I became a woman with no shame."

Was loving someone in secret

shameful?

No.

The shameful ones were those who exposed other people's secret affections and then trampled on them at will.

The original Gu Wanning hadn't actually liked the Prince of Qin all that much. It had been a young girl's hazy crush, and even that was because the Prince of Qin had smiled gently at her.

—In fact, he had been smiling at Gu Wanqing.

Gu Wanning had imagined his affections.

But was it wrong for a humble little girl whom no one loved to fall for a man who was gentle to her?

Yet they insisted on warning her again and again, watching her like a prisoner, wishing they could lecture her eight times a day.

Who was more shameless, more twisted?

"We married one after the other. Her bridal procession stretched for ten li, while my dowry was just two hundred taels."

"As for dowries, you and your other sisters all received the same. Wanqing married a prince, so she had to have a little more, but even then it was only a thousand taels... The rest, the rest was made up by the Prince for her... And we did originally intend to give you more, but the family really couldn't spare any more at the time."

"So you're all good people, and I'm the petty one who doesn't appreciate your kindness." Gu Wanning laughed until tears nearly came out. "Lord Gu, the upright and honorable Lord Gu, think about what you've just said. Don't you find it ridiculous?"

Intended to give...

Well, I intended to give you the whole earth!

Who are you trying to feed with a painted cake?

Pah!

After a long silence, Gu Anqi spoke with difficulty. "Wanning, I'm sorry. Perhaps there were things in the past where we didn't give you enough consideration. But you have to believe that everyone in the family wants you to live well."

"I'll live very well if you stay out of my sight."

"Wanning..."

Gu Wanning closed her eyes, barely able to keep the moisture in them under control.

That was the original Gu Wanning's resentment, which would not dissolve.

"You all have your reasons, and you're all so understanding. From on high, you watched a little girl who never should have suffered, but had suffered every hardship, run into walls everywhere she turned in a new environment. She couldn't voice the slightest complaint or make any comparison, or else she was tactless and ungrateful."

"She never understood why her father and mother treated her like a stepfather and stepmother. Only later did she learn that they weren't her birth parents after all."

"She envied Er Ya, whose mother beat her but also cherished her."

"She thought real parental love was unconditional and didn't have to be bargained for."

"But later she learned that only by being obedient could she earn a little pity."

Everyone expected her to be obedient and sensible. It turned out that even her family's love had conditions, because she had come later.

She had been abandoned from birth.

"Yes, Gu Wanqing is a good person. She gave way to me and pitied me... But I originally thought those were things I deserved, things I could have without wagging my tail and begging her for pity. Yet you told me I had to be deeply grateful to her."

"But why? We're twin sisters. Why are our fates as far apart as heaven and earth?"

"I thought and thought, but I couldn't understand it. No one was willing to think about it for me either, so I foolishly made a fuss again and again, hoping one of you would notice me. All I got in return was deeper loathing."

"Do you know what I hate most about you?"

"I hate that you abandoned me, but I hate it even more that every one of you kept trampling on me under the banner of doing it for my own good!"

"If I'd remained that little girl on the estate who had never seen the world, I might have made it to fifteen, married someone there, and had sons and daughters. I would have worked hard all my life to make a living, but at least my feet would have been on solid ground."

"Instead, you took me from the estate and told me this was a better world, but I didn't fit into it at all. You watched coldly and pointed fingers, but not one of you thought about what a shock it was for me."

"Lord Gu," Gu Wanning said, tears almost spilling from the corners of her eyes, "I really am so grateful to you all!"

"Wanning, Wanning..." Gu Anqi looked ashamed. "Your eldest brother didn't think that much about it. I didn't do well by you. We all feel guilty toward you, but we don't know how to make it up to you. And you..."

"You, I... Yes, I should have known long ago that I'm not part of your family. You wanted to make it up to me, you wanted to—but did you? Yes, I was like a hedgehog again, refusing to let you near me, so it wasn't your fault. It was mine. I brought it on myself and can't blame anyone else."

"Don't talk about yourself like that. Your eldest brother... has no face to answer you. If only you'd told me what you were thinking sooner..."

"So I had to get on my knees and beg, is that it?"

Chapter 23: A Bitter Lament (II)