The Restless Heart Monkey

The fireworks in the dead of night were not only loud, colorful, and bright enough to illuminate the entire village, but also carried the strong stench of burning protein.

The hundreds of thousands of ordinary people merely found the sight novel, then went back to sleep.

But among the tens of thousands of ninja throughout Konoha, most instantly recognized it as the smell of burning human bodies.

That was because mixed into the scent of burning protein was the distinctive stench of fierce flames incinerating golden liquid.

Panic thus spread among the ninja, creating a bizarre situation: ordinary people remained peaceful and happy, while the ninja were gripped by fear.

The third batch of assembled ninja troops was thrown into chaos as a result, forcing the Third Hokage to delay their departure lest the panic spread to the front lines.

That was why the Third Hokage convened an emergency meeting and forced Shimura Danzō to "find" evidence—find an enemy to bear the blame.

In short, the matter had blown up.

"Meow! Will you dare mess around again?"

"I won't."

"This kitty thought you were a good person. Who knew you were such a pervert!"

"Human-body fireworks, meow. That's utterly insane, meow!"

"That idiom was used well."

"Shut up! If this kitty had known you were such a pervert, I never would have signed a contract with you, meow!"

"Hehehe..."

"You're still laughing? You're making this kitty furious! Put some strength into it, meow! Scrub properly!"

Miwa Masayo ignored her fear of water and bathing, voluntarily sat in the tub, and ordered her poop-scooper to scrub her down while cursing him the entire time.

It was all Uchiha Yu's fault!

Last night, he had set off four huge fireworks with a boom boom boom boom, scattering corpse fragments all over the village. Naturally, Tabby Cat's fur had been covered in a layer of it too.

To humans, it was just a layer of ash that could be swept away.

But to Ninja Cats, it was some strange substance created by burning a mixture of human grease, golden liquid, and ammonia with flames. The smell was practically a weapon of mass destruction.

Miwa Masayo had been stunned senseless by the stench, allowing Uchiha Yu to successfully sneak up on her and even touch her ears.

What utter humiliation!

Were a cat's ears something he could touch whenever he wanted?

You bastard!

Were they really that close?

After recovering her senses, Miwa Masayo rewarded her poop-scooper with a barrage of Cat-Cat Fists, leaving behind forty crisscrossing claw marks before resentfully ending the summoning and returning to Cat Castle.

After dawn, Tabby Cat returned to Uchiha Yu's home.

There was no helping it. The smell was too overpowering. Aside from Cat Granny, no one in Cat Castle could bear it, and the Ninja Cats had joined forces to drive Miwa Masayo out.

No matter how much Tabby Cat disliked bathing, she could only let her poop-scooper help wash her.

One wash would not do. She had to wash three, four times, until she could no longer smell that disgusting odor.

As the smell faded beneath fragrant bubbles and rinses of clear water, Miwa Masayo's mood improved. Grinning, she began guessing what fate had befallen the dogs of the Inuzuka Clan, whom she disliked most.

"Hehehehe, meow. I ended up like this—are those dead dogs really dead?"

"If they're all dead, that would be wonderful. Then this suffering wouldn't have been for nothing."

"Yu, after I'm done bathing, you have to take me to the Inuzuka Clan for a look. I want to see it with my own eyes and hear it with my own ears... hehehehe, meow."

Uchiha Yu smiled and agreed repeatedly, though he looked somewhat absentminded.

He had not expected himself to be so wild yesterday, disposing of the bodies in the most "brilliant" manner without a second thought, right before the entire village.

That was not his style.

Previously, he would have used Yin Fire to slowly burn the bodies into ash, then scattered the ashes into the river.

Now that he had come to his senses, he felt he should have used Earth Style to drag the bodies deep underground and bury them without a trace. Even if someone stumbled upon them decades later, so much time would have passed that it would no longer matter.

If he had not activated Earth-Attribute Natural Energy, he should still have taken the bodies to the Naka River and slowly cremated them beneath the water with Fire-Attribute Natural Energy, likewise leaving no one any the wiser.

In any case, he should not have acted so crazily.

After a night of reflection and thought, Uchiha Yu had concluded that this was an inevitable inner demon he would encounter while cultivating the Immortal Path.

Fire belonged to the heart. When the heart grew strong, it gave rise to the Heart Monkey; when the Heart Monkey was unsettled, the Will Horse ran in all directions.

Uchiha Yu had begun with Fire-Attribute Natural Energy and completed the Hundred-Day Foundation Establishment. The first thing strengthened had been his heart meridians, and there was nothing wrong with that.

However, he had no proper cultivation method and no famous master to guide him. He had relied solely on a hodgepodge of knowledge, using the pain and comfort of his body as his guide.

Uchiha Yu knew nothing about the many trials of cultivation, much less how to overcome or avoid them. Now was the time for him to pay his debt.

His heart meridians were too strong, so strong that his five organs had become unbalanced. This naturally led to an excess of heart fire, and the Heart Monkey was thus born.

Its outward manifestation was that he became restless, competitive, eager to win, reckless in his actions, heedless of consequences, and always chose to do whatever would attract the most attention.

Had Foundation Establishment not succeeded, allowing the activated earth attribute to strengthen his spleen and provide a slight balancing effect, Uchiha Yu would have dared to set off fireworks atop Hokage Rock last night.

Thinking of that, he could not help but shudder. If he had really done so, the Anbu would definitely have caught hold of his trail, and the consequences would have been endless.

So how was he supposed to subdue the Heart Monkey?

The Heart Monkey and Will Horse were not merely inner demons for cultivators. They were humanity's untamed nature itself. Ninety-nine percent of children had similar problems.

How did humans tame their young?

Uchiha Yu knew that all too well. In his previous life, he had gone through nine years of compulsory education, endured countless exercise books, and crossed the single-log bridge amid an army of competitors. The method had long since been carved into his soul.

Uchiha Yu quickly came up with the answer: focus.

"I need to find something to do and devote myself to it. I can't stay this idle anymore."

"Meow? Yu, what are you muttering about?"

"I was thinking that although I don't need to take missions right now, I should find something to do, temper my temperament a little, and stop making mistakes like yesterday's."

"Very good, meow. You truly recognize your mistake. This kitty is very satisfied, meow."

"First, make this kitty something delicious!"

"Fine. Let's steam your fur dry first..."

"Meow, don't touch this kitty's ears!"

"It wasn't me. My hand moved on its own. I can't control it..."

"..."

[Huh? She isn't objecting? Her ears are so soft. So fun to touch.]

"Meow-Meow Fist!"

"Ahh—ow, ow, ow!"

As a seasoned cat servant, Uchiha Yu always kept ingredients suitable for cats at home.

He skillfully checked his ingredients, found chicken breast, cheese, eggs, and flour, then decided to make Cheese Chicken Tortillas.

First, he boiled the chicken breast and removed it from the pot. Then he cut the cooked chicken into small pieces, mixed it with cheese, beaten egg, and flour, and added cooled boiled water while stirring.

Once the batter began clinging to the chopsticks, the ingredients were ready.

Next, he heated oil in a pan, poured in the batter, and rotated the pan to spread it into an even thin cake. After it had fully set, he flipped it over. Once both sides were fried golden brown, it was ready to be removed.

Uchiha Yu made ten Cheese Chicken Tortillas in one go before finally stopping.

While waiting for the food to cool, he found several more eggs and green peppers and quickly made a serving of Stir-fried Green Pepper with Egg. He deliberately added plenty of salt to serve as filling for his own tortillas.

The lunch was not lavish, but it was wonderfully fragrant. One human and one cat began filling their stomachs.

Uchiha Yu had not prepared any alcohol today. For one thing, there was nothing worth celebrating; for another, who knew whether yesterday's events had anything to do with alcohol?

He had made up his mind to drink plain boiled water obediently for the near future and not touch a drop of alcohol until the New Year.

This, too, was a test of subduing the Heart Monkey.