Loki (Part 3)

Loki admits that he has always resented Odin's favoritism, but when the favoritism became his own, he felt a sense of unworthiness and fear. Now, this fear has turned into deep confusion, because an alien medical examination machine tells him that he is not even Asgardian.

Odin's formidable reputation wasn't earned by sitting on his throne. He conquered the universe, swept through the Nine Realms, and his footprints covered every branch of the World Tree. All his enemies trembled under his thunder. From the perspective of the conquered tribes, Odin was undoubtedly a tyrant.

Odin could also be considered a racist, showing no mercy to those outside the Asgardian, at least in Loki's perception.

So here's the question: he's not Odin's biological son, nor is he even Asgardian, so why is Odin suddenly being so kind to him?

Loki leaned against the headboard, one arm on his forehead, feeling absurd about his question—that he would ever question why Odin was so good to him.

In the living room of the apartment, Thor finally figured out the electric clothes rack and successfully hung up his work clothes. Just then, he heard Loki's bedroom door open and turned around to see Loki standing under the door frame of his bedroom.

"What's wrong with you?" Thor asked, puzzled.

"I want to ask you a question," Loki said, looking at Thor. "I received the divine office of a true god before you, and I can freely enter and leave Asgard. I haven't been stripped of my divine power, nor have my weapons been taken away. I even have the energy to mock you..."

When you learned this fact, did you feel that Odin was biased?

"Of course!" Thor glared at Loki and said, "I really don't understand how you could be the first to receive a divine position as a true god. What war achievements did you have?"

He grabbed the collar of his work clothes and shook it violently, as if venting his anger, and said indignantly, "Whether it's divine power or military achievements, I'm stronger than you. How could the All-Father..."

He exhaled sharply through his nose, paused for a moment, then suddenly deflated as if all his strength had been drained, and said, "Okay, actually I've figured it out. I got into trouble, right? He was very angry, so he exiled me here, and then gave you the divine office of the true god, so you could come here and laugh at me..."

Thor raised his arm and said, "Great, he succeeded. Now all I think about every day is whether I can buy an extra case of beer with my next week's paycheck. I'm no different from these ordinary mortals, maybe even worse off than them, I can only afford a small portion of fried chicken..."

"You won, okay?"

Loki stood by the door, looking at Thor's expression, speechless.

"Why hasn't your rather intelligent mind managed to convince you all these years that he's really just a complete idiot?" Venom asked him.

"The medical report shows there are some issues with your brain." Venom's tone suddenly became somewhat lighter. He said, "Coincidentally, I know a very good Doctor who might be able to resolve all your inner turmoil and questions. Anyway, you're just killing time..."

"A Doctor?" Loki asked, sounding puzzled. "There's no such profession in Asgard."

"Trust me, it will definitely work."

Half an hour later, Schiller took a new medical record from the shelf next to him and asked, "Name?"

Loki seemed a little distracted, so Schiller asked him again before he finally answered, "Loki."

"And your surname?"

Loki hesitated for a moment, then said, "Odin's son."

"You pronounce this surname a bit strangely. Judging from your current English level, it shouldn't be a pronunciation mistake. Do you have any objections to this surname?"

"So what you humans call a Doctor is just someone who keeps asking me questions and making me answer them?"

"If you feel you need treatment, then try to cooperate with me instead of trying to take the initiative." Schiller scribbled on the medical record without looking up and said, "This is not a business negotiation. You don't need to fight for any initiative. I am not your enemy. You don't need to use rhetoric to interfere with me."

"This is quite novel." Loki placed his hands on the table, leaned forward slightly, and adopted a confident posture.

"You seem to have gotten used to this way of speaking, always trying to take the initiative no matter who you're talking to. This is beneficial in most cases, but there may be exceptions."

Loki opened his mouth and said, "No, not all of it, at least when facing..."

He shook his head, as if he didn't want to say that name.

Why won't you tell me your father's name?

Schiller saw Loki's fingertips twitch slightly when he heard the word "father," and then he heard Loki say, "Because that might not be..."

"Not what?"

"He may not be my father." Loki's tone was deliberately casual, but the muscles in his neck twitched, and his entire shoulder stiffened. Schiller glanced up at him.

"How did you feel when you said that?" Schiller looked at him. "Perhaps the answer you're looking for is hidden in there."

The trembling in Loki's fingertips began to spread to the back of his hands, then to his wrists and forearms, but it disappeared in an instant.

"You seem unwilling to admit this fact, yet you feel you have no reason not to, but you just won't admit it. Why is that?"

"I don't know." Loki's voice sounded a little hoarse.

"Although I don't need you to tell me all your secrets, you can't remain silent, especially right now. You should have a lot to say and a lot of questions to ask."

"What, are you still fantasizing about a better listener than me? Well, maybe I can call Strange and have him ask Odin if he's awake yet..."

"No, no..." Loki denied it instinctively.

"You seem somewhat afraid whenever Odin is mentioned. Why is that?" Schiller tilted his head and looked at him.

"No one is without fear of the All-Father."

"Listen, this isn't an exam. I'm not asking you to find a perfect answer to my question," Schiller said, somewhat exasperated.

"When I ask you a question, you can ask yourself the same question and give yourself the answer in your heart. If you are willing to tell me the truth, the treatment will be more effective. If you are not willing, that's okay too."

Loki remained silent for a long time, but then he slumped his shoulders, exhaled, and said, "I do fear him, because of his majesty and power, and more importantly... I am not Thor."

"Thor certainly has nothing to fear from him. No matter what he does, the All-Father will clean up his mess, and this time will be no different."

"...But I can't." Loki's fingertips touched the table, leaving a faint reflection. He looked at his fingers and said, "I can't make mistakes like Thor, especially not such stupid mistakes."

His lips moved slightly, and then he said, "He won't tolerate me."

"I must remain in awe." Loki's voice began to break free from that complex emotion, his thoughts seemed to return to normal, and he began to become more focused.

"I am not special to the All-Father. I am not even sure if I am as important to him as those brave and skilled Asgardian Warriors."

Schiller picked up his pen, shifted his posture, and said, "Because the relatives you care about are unwilling to give you definite feedback, you can only keep lowering your expectations and convincing yourself that as long as they don't show obvious hostility towards you, you can just let things slide."

"But this is not a solution, especially when there is a contrasting example; self-deception cannot last."

Loki rested One Hand on the edge of his brow, somewhat dazed, and said, "But the problem now is that during this time, I became the one who was favored, and then I just discovered that maybe he was right in the first place, because I'm not his biological son..."

Schiller shook his head and said, "There is a concept that has caused some confusion: whether or not there is a blood relationship does not necessarily have a direct relationship with whether or not he is biased."

Schiller explained, "The superficial logic is that if you are not his biological son, then it is only natural that he treats you badly. But the question is, if you are not his biological son, how did you become his son?"

"The backstory may be complicated, but one thing is certain: your father must have picked you up somewhere. We don't know what his feelings were when he picked you up, but one fact is that even though he knew you weren't his biological child, he still raised you to adulthood."

"If his purpose in raising you was to favor your brother and neglect you, then why did he take you in in the first place?"

"Okay, let me assume there's some kind of vested interest involved, like what benefits he'd get from raising you, which would motivate him to take you in and raise you. But deep down, he doesn't want another son, so he's deliberately showing favoritism and neglecting you."

"If that's the case, then you don't need to worry about it anymore. Just find out what the conspiracy is behind this and then find a way to get revenge on them."

Schiller rested his One Hand on his cheekbone and looked at Loki, saying, "You should have considered this possibility the moment you learned this fact, so ask yourself, what are you still struggling with?"

Loki remained silent.

His gaze began to calm down, and he said, "I've been trying to convince myself that his kindness to me during this time was just a small favor. I've deduced many possible conspiracies, and even come up with several plans to investigate my true origins. Now, I should be standing on the Bifrost..."

Loki's eyes shifted downwards, as if deep in thought. He said, "But the reason I'm here is because when I was about to put these plans into action, when I wanted to take that step in the opposite direction, I discovered..."

His voice was extremely low, like a pebble blown by the wind to the edge of a cliff. He slowly clenched his fist and then said incredulously, "... I don't think I want to do that."

Why do you think that is?

Loki shook his head, looked at Schiller, and said, "You're the Doctor, aren't you?"

Schiller twirled his pen in his hand and said, "This is what most people misunderstand about Doctor. Most of the time, we are listeners, not responsible for giving answers."

"Or rather, many people already have the answer in their hearts, but they are unwilling to admit it, so they come to ask Doctor, hoping to get a different result. Sometimes, we see this, but we don't expose it, simply because not everyone can withstand this kind of stimulation."

Do you think you can do it?

"I..." Loki tilted his head and murmured, "I think, of course I can..."

"Well, perhaps you've already noticed." Schiller looked at Loki and said, "Your resentment towards Odin's injustice and your jealousy of Thor cannot overshadow your longing for family."

"Whether or not kinship truly exists, you have been deceiving yourself for so many years, and blood ties are precisely the important pillar of this self-deception."

"Today, with this pillar shattered, you find that your instinctive action isn't to uncover the Truth and rightfully take revenge on these people, but rather to frantically search for another pillar..."

"You suddenly realize that you are weaker and more prone to compromise than you thought, indulging in self-constructed illusions and unwilling to wake up. You are not as smart, decisive, or ruthless as you thought. Even the possibility of a shocking conspiracy and hatred has not made you make up your mind."

"As long as your nominal relatives give you a little something, you're willing to desperately search for reasons to deceive yourself and get by..."

"You realize that you are more like an ordinary person you have always looked down on than a god who never makes mistakes."

"Or rather, compared to an ordinary person, you're more like a dog chasing after a tiny bit of meat..."

That's enough.

The protagonist finally went to work.

I wish I could work at that frequency.