Jiraiya: Where Did My Balls Go Again?

"What did you say?"

Jiraiya stared at the medical ninja in disbelief, his reaction even greater than when he had discovered both his legs had been amputated. He even stood up directly, grabbed the medical ninja by the collar, and glared at him with his eyes bulging, staring him down.

"Lord Jiraiya, because you were trapped in there for too long, you have now completely lost the ability to... be promoted. I'm sorry, Lord Jiraiya. We did everything we could, but..."

The medical ninja took a step back, shook his head, and spoke with a regretful expression.

"How... how could this happen... I... how could I be crippled again? This is fake, right? This is genjutsu..."

Jiraiya let go in a daze and sat down in disbelief, shaking his head frantically. At some point, the medical ninja quietly left, giving Jiraiya plenty of personal space.

Then, trembling, Jiraiya slipped a hand into his pants and felt around a certain spot.

"No... no... they're... they're gone? How could they be gone? My... my balls? Wh... where did they go? Where are my balls?"

Jiraiya's face turned utterly pale. His voice carried a sob as he trembled and kept feeling around, but no matter how he searched, he could not find the familiar objects. In truth, Jiraiya had been fairly lucky. At the time, the energy in his body had already been extremely low. Although his blood was still flowing slowly, what flowed through the pipes was like water, containing no energy at all.

When he had been rescued, it was not only the cells in both of his lower legs that had completely starved to death. Some cells in his thighs and other parts of his body had also died completely, including those two little jewels of his. There was no helping it. To prevent infection, they had no choice but to cut them off.

At that moment, Jiraiya felt his vision go dark, and a feeling of having nothing left to live for surged into his heart. He tried to imagine things—those scenes he had once secretly glimpsed, the Icha Icha Paradise he had written—but he soon fell into despair. He felt nothing at all. He no longer had that old flutter in his heart. He was completely finished.

"No... it can't be. Genjutsu... is this genjutsu? Damn it, Uchiha Yue, you really are worthy of being an expert of the Uchiha Clan. Your genjutsu is actually this terrifying... Gwah! Mere genjutsu, watch me break it! Gah!!!"

The next moment, Jiraiya's expression turned incomparably savage. He could not accept this reality. He was one of Konoha's Legendary Sannin, the future Savior's teacher—how could he possibly lose to some inexplicable nobody who had appeared out of nowhere, someone who had been nothing but an ordinary person before this and had no reputation whatsoever!

Gwah, genjutsu, this had to be genjutsu!!!

"Jiraiya, wake the hell up! Gwah!!!"

Boom!

Powerful Chakra erupted from Jiraiya's body, surging wildly and roaring through him. The next moment, Jiraiya closed his eyes and began to feel his own body.

"That's right, my body—I can feel it. Hand, move for me! Gwah! Uchiha Yue, I'm going to blast apart this damn genjutsu of yours!!!"

A strike carrying immense, overwhelming force smashed viciously into Jiraiya's own face.

Pfft!

Teeth mixed with blood sprayed from Jiraiya's mouth like bullets and embedded themselves in the hospital room wall. That punch nearly shattered Jiraiya's head, leaving him dizzy and disoriented. He had almost beaten himself to death.

Thud!

Jiraiya collapsed weakly onto the bed, twitching as tears ran from the corners of his eyes.

"How... how is that possible? No, this pain is so real. No, it's not genjutsu? How could it not be genjutsu? How could this be reality? Eek, no... impossible... How could I really be crippled?"

Jiraiya's face swelled up as he muttered indistinctly, his voice full of confusion, disbelief, and denial. When people suddenly suffered a massive blow, they could go mad and begin doubting reality. Clearly, the blow Jiraiya had suffered was simply too great.

If it had only been his legs that were gone, that would have been one thing. But his balls had vanished overnight like that Indian guy's. How could an old pervert like him possibly endure that? He couldn't endure it!

After all, he was not one of those Southern Liang types who voluntarily let their balls drift downstream to feed the fish.

Bang!

"Lord Jiraiya, what happened? Was there an attack?"

The door some distance away was kicked open, and Nara Shikaku and the others waiting outside immediately rushed in. Then they saw Jiraiya sprawled on the bed, vomiting blood with a swollen face after suffering a heavy blow.

"Xi, no, no one attacked. Get out. Let me have some peace and quiet. Don't come in! I'm fine!"

Jiraiya shook his head and waved them away. With his head lowered, he looked grief-stricken and utterly disheartened. Everyone exchanged glances. Naturally, they knew what had happened to Jiraiya. Lord Jiraiya was no longer a man. If they had suddenly faced such a situation, they probably would not have handled it much better either.

"Right, call a medical ninja over and help me put my teeth back in."

Jiraiya raised his head and looked at the teeth embedded in the wall, filled with worry. His teeth would not be ruined, would they? Please, no. His legs were already crippled, his balls had ascended to heaven—he did not want to lose his teeth too.

Not long afterward, a medical ninja carefully pried Jiraiya's teeth out of the wall, only to discover that one was missing.

A short while earlier, outside the window.

A figure appeared beneath the window. It was a woman with a rather feminine-looking face.

"Jiraiya is here..."

Orochimaru fell into thought. After arriving, he had already learned what had happened in Konoha, and it was roughly what Nagato and the others had said. Originally, he had planned to head directly to Konoha's former site to see what was going on, but when he heard that Jiraiya had returned severely injured, he changed his mind and decided to take a look here first.

Plop!

Suddenly, a white tooth fell from outside the window, about to land on Orochimaru's head. But as a ninja, was Orochimaru really so easily ambushed by a tooth?

Orochimaru abruptly raised a hand and, with lightning speed, caught the tooth between his fingers.

"..."

Orochimaru looked at the tooth, frowned, and shook his head. Too unprofessional. A patient's body tissue was being casually thrown away. Under the rule of his teacher and that old bastard Danzo, Konoha had actually become such a mess. Truly...