My Teen Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, As I Expected

I surrender.

This was basically a serving with extra vegetables and extra artificial seasoning!

But I'd already said it, so I couldn't admit defeat now. I had no choice but to endure and keep listening.

"It probably started in the upper grades of elementary school. It's been like that ever since..."

Yukino's expression was different from before, somewhat gloomy.

What did it feel like to receive affection from the opposite sex every moment for five years?

As someone who'd spent sixteen years constantly being hated by the opposite sex, I honestly couldn't understand.

Even on Valentine's Day, Mom didn't give me chocolate anymore. That was a foreign world, one belonging to the winners of life who smiled so much their mouths wouldn't close. Was she just showing off?

—Still, it did make sense.

Even if our circumstances were different, being forced to bear people's most genuine emotions was undoubtedly painful.

It was as painful as standing naked in a storm, or being surrounded and attacked during homeroom.

Being pushed alone to the blackboard while the classmates around you clapped and chanted, "Apologize~~ Apologize~~," was just as hellish.

...That had been awful. There was only one time I'd cried at school.

But that wasn't the important thing right now.

"Being liked is still way better than being hated. You're too selfish."

Maybe because I suddenly remembered those painful memories, the words slipped out.

Yukino let out a faint sigh. Her expression looked very much like a smile, but it wasn't.

"I never wished for people to like me."

She said it irritably, then added in a low voice:

"Though if everyone truly liked me, that might not be so bad."

"What?"

Her voice had been so quiet I could barely hear it, so I asked again.

At that moment, Yukino looked at me seriously and asked:

"If you had a friend who was very popular with girls, what would you think?"

"What kind of stupid question is that? I don't have any friends, so I don't need to worry about it at all."

My answer was utterly decisive, full of manly spirit.

Even I was surprised by how I'd answered without the slightest hesitation, nearly cutting Yukino off. She opened her mouth but seemed unable to think of anything to say. She was probably shocked too.

"...For one second, I thought you were about to say something cool."

Yukino lowered her head and pressed her temple as though she had a headache.

"Then imagine what you would do."

"I'd kill him."

She nodded, apparently quite satisfied with that immediate response.

"See? You'd want the other person to disappear too. That makes you no different from an irrational beast... No, you're even worse than an animal... My old school had plenty of people like that. They could only confirm the meaning of their existence through those methods. How tragic."

Yukino gave a cold laugh after saying that.

Girls who weren't popular with girls—those types definitely existed. I hadn't spent ten years in school for nothing. Even if I wasn't one of the central figures, I could understand it just by watching from the sidelines. No, it was probably because I was an observer that I understood.

Yukino had surely been at the center of things, which meant enemies surrounded her from every direction.

It wasn't hard to imagine what kinds of problems someone like that would face.

"In elementary school, my indoor shoes were hidden nearly sixty times. Fifty of those were done by girls in my class."

"What about the other ten?"

"Boys hid them three times, a teacher bought them twice, and a dog hid them five times."

"That dog hid them way too many times!"

That was far beyond anything I could imagine.

"Is that really the part that surprises you?"

"I'm deliberately not asking about the rest!"

"Because of that, I had to bring my indoor shoes and recorder back and forth every day."

Yukino looked thoroughly fed up, and I couldn't help sympathizing with what she'd gone through.

Don't get the wrong idea. It wasn't because I felt guilty about swapping someone's recorder mouthpiece when the classroom was empty early in the morning during elementary school! I genuinely thought Yukino was pitiful, absolutely and completely! Hachiman never lied!

"That's really awful."

"Yes, it was very awful. I was just too cute."

Seeing Yukino mock herself like that, I wasn't as irritated this time.

"But there's nothing to be done about it. No one is perfect. People are weak, and their hearts are ugly. Jealousy makes them quick to kick others aside. Isn't it strange? The more exceptional someone is, the more painful their life becomes. Don't you think that's ironic? That's why I'm going to change humanity, and this world."

Yukino's gaze was incredibly serious, like dry ice that radiated a freezing chill. I felt like I was about to get frostbite.

"You seem to be working in the wrong direction..."

"Is that so? But it's still far better than your attitude of drifting through life. I... hate the way you accept your own weakness."

After saying that, she turned to look out the window.

Yukino Yukinoshita was a Beautiful Girl. That was an indisputable fact, one even I had to acknowledge.

To outside observers, she excelled in both academics and conduct, perfect beyond reproach. But her personality problems were a fatal flaw in that flawless jewel, and they weren't merely minor imperfections.

However, there had to be a reason for that fatal weakness.

I hadn't completely believed what Hiratsuka-sensei meant, but Yukino Yukinoshita really did have troubles of her own.

It wasn't difficult to hide your troubles, pretend to fit in, and deceive yourself and those around you. Most people in the world did exactly that. For example, when someone good at studying got high marks, they would only say they were lucky or had somehow stumbled into them. When a Beautiful Girl met an ugly girl envious of her looks, she would deliberately say she'd put on subcutaneous fat lately, emphasizing the parts of herself that weren't beautiful.

But Yukino wouldn't do that.

She would never lie.

That attitude of hers truly deserved praise.

After all, she and I were the same.

After finishing, Yukino returned to reading her paperback.

Seeing her like that, I suddenly felt something I couldn't put into words.

—I shamelessly thought that we had to be similar somehow.

For some reason, even this silence felt comfortable to me.

I felt my heartbeat speed up, as though it wanted to outrun the second hand.

If that was the case...

If that was the case, then she and I...

"Yukino, be my frien—"

"Sorry, that's impossible."

"Come on~~ I hadn't even finished yet!"

Yukino rejected me without hesitation, wearing an expression that said, "Ugh, disgusting."

This girl really wasn't cute at all!

Rom-Coms can just explode for all I care!

Yuihama Yui Sometimes Watches People's Expressions

"You have trauma from cooking class too?"

I skipped cooking class and was told to write a makeup home economics report. But after turning it in, I was summoned to the staff room for no apparent reason.

This scene felt familiar. Hiratsuka-sensei, why did I have to listen to you lecture me again?

"Sensei, I thought you taught Japanese..."

"I'm also in charge of student guidance. Tsurumi-sensei dumps all his work on me."

I looked toward the corner of the staff room and found him watering the foliage plants. Hiratsuka-sensei glanced at him, then turned back to me.

"First, I'll hear your reason for skipping class. Keep it brief."

"It's nothing. I just don't really understand the point of taking cooking class together with my classmates..."

"I don't understand the point of that answer either. Hachiman, do you hate group work that much? Or is there simply no group willing to let you join?"

Hiratsuka-sensei stared at my face, looking genuinely worried.

"No, no, no, what are you talking about, Sensei? This is cooking class! There's no point unless we practice under realistic conditions. Mom always cooks by herself, so doing it alone is the correct way! In other words, having cooking class in groups is wrong!"

"Those are two different things."

"Sensei, are you saying Mom is wrong? Unforgivable! No matter what else you say, I'm leaving!"

After arguing back at her, I turned to leave the staff room.

"Don't think you can slip away by pretending to be embarrassed and angry."

...I'd been found out. Hiratsuka-sensei grabbed me by the collar and turned me back around as though she were picking up a kitten. Hmm, maybe I would've had a better chance of getting away with it if I'd stuck out my tongue and said, "Hehe♪ Oopsie~~☆."

Hiratsuka-sensei sighed and tapped my report.

"Everything was fine up to 'How to Make Delicious Curry,' but then you wrote, 'First, cut the onion into wedges, then slice it thinly and add seasoning. Just as shallow people are easily influenced, thinly sliced onions absorb flavor more easily'... Who told you to add sarcasm? Add beef."

"Sensei, please don't look like you just said something brilliant... You're making me embarrassed..."

"I don't want to look at this stuff either. Rewrite it. I shouldn't have to tell you that."

She sounded exasperated from the bottom of her heart as she put a cigarette between her lips.

"By the way, you can cook?"

Hiratsuka-sensei flipped through my report and asked with a surprised look. How strange. High school students these days should all be able to make something like curry.

"Of course. It's only natural to prepare for the future."

"You're at the age where you want to move out and live alone?"

"No, that's not what I mean."

"Oh?"

Hiratsuka-sensei pressed the question with her eyes: "Then why?"

"Cooking is an essential skill for a house husband."

At my answer, Hiratsuka-sensei blinked several times with her large eyes coated in light mascara.

"You want to become a house husband?"

"It's one of my options for the future."

"Don't talk about dreams with those dead-fish eyes! At least make your eyes shine! So, what are your plans for the future? Tell me so I can use them as a reference."

The atmosphere wasn't suitable for answering, "You should worry about your own future first," so I obediently gave her a reasonable answer.

"I'll go on to a decent university."

She nodded.

"Mm, and then? What kind of work do you plan to do?"

"I'll marry a pretty, capable girl and have her support me."

"I asked what kind of work! Give me an occupation!"

"I said, a house husband."

"That's called being a gigolo! The most terrifying kind of worthless man! They pretend they're going to marry you, then suddenly take over your house, even making their own copy of the key! Then they move all their belongings in! Once you break up, they even take your furniture with them! They're absolutely horrible!"

Hiratsuka-sensei advised me with exhaustive, heartfelt detail, her words firing out like a machine gun. Because she'd gotten so worked up, she was now out of breath, and tears glimmered at the corners of her eyes.