The March

"Take a good look, everyone." Trembling with nerves, Shirakawa drew a long oval on the blackboard, added a small circle above it for the head, then stuck four thick lines into the oval for the limbs. After thinking it over, she found it unsatisfactory and added eyes, a mouth, and a nose inside the little circle. Finally, as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, she clapped her hands in satisfaction and told the soldiers:

"This is a Beastman! Everyone has to recognize them—this is our enemy! From now on, if you see anything that looks like this, just attack!"

The soldiers whispered among themselves. "Why does it look like a tree to me?"

"Who says it looks like a tree? It's obviously a candied hawthorn skewer!"

"It looks like Officer Roger—no wonder he's so mean. He was a Beastman in disguise all along!"

"It really does! The more I look, the more it resembles him. Let's go beat him up! He bullied me just the other day!"

At that moment, the "Beastman" himself was recounting his combat experience to the recruits in the capacity of a "battle-hardened veteran":

"That time, I was all alone. There were three thousand Devil Race soldiers on my left, another three thousand on my right, ten thousand in front of me, and behind me..."

"Not that many, Roger, not that many. You remembered wrong." Beside him, Changchuan corrected him in a matter-of-fact tone. "I counted at the time. I remember there were only nine thousand eight hundred and ninety-five—just that many."

"The enemy rushed at me shouting and screaming, baring their fangs and brandishing their claws. Heh heh, if it were you lot, faced with a scene like that, you'd wet your pants for sure—"

"Young people these days really have no courage," Changchuan cut in, sounding like an old hand who had weathered countless storms and treated heavy burdens as light ones.

"But an old battlefield soldier like me isn't afraid of anything! Back then, I calmly lit a cigarette and didn't even spare those Devil Race soldiers a sideways glance. I can't remember what brand it was, though. Changchuan, do you remember?"

"Look at that memory of yours. Weren't you smoking 555 that day?"

"Oh, right! Then I blew a smoke ring at them—a perfectly round smoke ring. Without even batting an eyelid, I held up my middle finger and jerked my chin, meaning: Come at me together, save me the trouble."

"Ah," Changchuan sighed, saying regretfully, "Roger is always like this, so uncivilized. You mustn't learn from him."

A recruit, tense from listening, hurriedly asked, "And then? What happened then?"

"Then those little bastards all pounced on me, and then I casually just..."

"Then Roger was casually beaten to death by the Devil Race. His body was torn into five or six pieces, his guts and brains spilled all over the ground. He lay there stinking, until a few passing ants kindly helped collect his corpse, gnawing him down to nothing but a gleaming white skeleton left in the grass. You can still see it if you go now."

At some point, Zichuan Xiu, commander of Xiu Battalion, had arrived. He spoke coldly from the side.

"Sir!" Roger and Changchuan sprang to their feet and saluted.

Although the soldiers of Xiu Battalion were incomparably fierce and unstoppable when they got into street brawls throughout the imperial capital, what they truly loved was eating, drinking, and enjoying themselves. Marching beneath the blazing sun was simply more than they could bear.

"Ow, ow, I'm exhausted! I've never suffered like this in my life!"

"The sun is too harsh—it'll damage my flawless, snow-white skin."

"Seriously, riding a horse is too tiring. The skin on my thighs has been rubbed raw!"

So they protested one after another, threatening mutiny, thinking they could frighten the soft-hearted Zichuan Xiu. This trick had always worked like a charm before. Though Shirakawa repeatedly warned them in all kindness, "Officer Axu has been in a terrible mood these past few days. You'd better not provoke him," they stubbornly insisted on it anyway. They posted a protest notice and stayed in Stov City, flatly refusing to leave.

Late that night, Zichuan Xiu asked in a low voice, "The company that said they were going to mutiny is here, right?"

Shirakawa, Roger, and Changchuan nodded like chickens pecking at rice, not daring to say a single wrong word.

"Heh heh heh heh..." Zichuan Xiu let out a laugh that made their hair stand on end. "Wait here."

He pulled open the camp gate alone and crept inside on tiptoe.

A ceaseless stream of shrieks and howls tore through the city's night sky. Children were jolted awake from their dreams and burst into loud sobs. Their mothers hurriedly picked them up. "Baby, be good, be good. If you keep crying, I'll send you to Xiu Battalion!" The children immediately clamped their mouths shut.

The other soldiers involved in the mutiny were even more terrified. No matter how many quilts they used to cover themselves, they could not block out those sounds drilling straight into their ears. After thinking it over and over, they hurriedly crawled out of bed and secretly tore down the protest notice.

Half an hour later, the screams abruptly stopped altogether, and the silence that followed was enough to make one's heart go cold. The gate opened again. Zichuan Xiu crept out on tiptoe and said blandly, "They're asleep." He dusted off his hands and left.

A soldier struggled out, barely clinging to life. "Re... report, Officer... just now, a monster that looked a lot like Officer Axu attacked us. The brothers all..." Before he could finish, he spat out a mouthful of blood and fainted.

Shirakawa shouted, "Medic! Get over here, quick!"

Roger said quietly, "See that? This is what happens when you provoke Officer Axu while he's nursing a broken heart."

Changchuan looked at the soldier's miserable state with lingering fear and began to pray. "God, please hurry and find that little idiot another girlfriend, or we're all finished!"

"Amen!" the three replied in unison.

Before dawn the next day, the soldiers assembled on their own, and the column moved forward again. Their slogans rang loud and clear, their military songs soared through the air. Wherever Zichuan Xiu went, the soldiers loudly remarked:

"Ah, I've got strength to spare all over!"

"Yeah, riding horses is so much fun! The more I ride, the more I like it!"

"I think marching only a hundred li a day is far too little. Three hundred li a day would be about right!"

In the world of hooligans, the biggest fist was boss. Since Zichuan Xiu's fist was big enough to match the combined fists of more than fifty men in a whole company, then Zichuan Xiu was unquestionably the boss!

What was more, this "boss," Zichuan Xiu, took excellent care of his "little brothers" and had their backs! In a bar in Kaige City, the soldiers lost a gang fight against the local hooligans. Zichuan Xiu immediately led a battalion of more than five hundred men over to help them "win back their face," beating those hooligans until ghosts wailed and wolves howled, chickens scattered and dogs leaped about. In the capital of Dama Province, local logistics officials refused to provide them with provisions and fodder, saying, "Xiu Battalion? Never heard of this newly formed gang of thugs." Zichuan Xiu immediately ordered his men to act. They beat several officials, including a Banner Commander, with clubs until they were flat on their backs with all four limbs in the air. In the end, the officials had no choice but to obediently hand over the provisions and fodder—and added another half on top.

The hooligans clustered around them, delighted beyond measure. What they loved most was hearing people in pain cry out and beg for mercy. "Heh, our commander is a lion, all right! Whoever mistreats his lambs, he'll never let them off!"

Whenever the army passed through a major city, Zichuan Xiu would voluntarily grant the soldiers an extended leave. The men cheered, "Long live Commander Xiuchuan!" and rushed off to the bars and dance halls. Their cheers were utterly sincere—search the whole world, and you would never find a more "considerate" superior than Zichuan Xiu.

Shirakawa was beside herself with frustration. "My lord, the Commanders' Office has ordered us to hurry to Gollum Fortress and await orders..."

"Aren't we already on the road to Gollum Fortress?"

"But the timing..."

"They only ordered us to go. They never specified when we had to arrive."

"But the Military Law Department..."

"The Inspector General, Di Lin, is my eldest brother. What are you worried about?"

And so the conversation ended.

Whenever night fell on leave days, Zichuan Xiu would order Shirakawa and the other two to remain behind in the utterly empty camp. Then, swaggering about, he would strip off his officer's uniform, hum "Going Off Alone for a Bit of Fun," stroll out of the camp, and vanish without a trace. He always returned only when dawn was near, dragging his exhausted body behind him.

Shirakawa cursed furiously, "You utter idiot! Just wait and see how you die!"

Roger sighed. "Ever since Commander Axu was dumped by Miss Ning, he's turned his grief into **!"

Changchuan complained, "Lord Axu really isn't being a good sport. He's got such a great avenue, yet he won't take me along."

He tried following him. The first time, he was held up and entangled by a few thugs, losing Zichuan Xiu's trail. The second time, he ran into a prostitute soliciting customers who grabbed onto him and refused to let go; by the time he finally got free, Zichuan Xiu had vanished again. The third time, Zhibu Shao's night patrol police mistook this "pretty boy wandering around suspicious places" for a male prostitute and hauled him off to spend the night in a cell. The final time, someone inexplicably knocked him unconscious with a club in a dark alley; when he woke up, his wallet and everything else were gone.

During the day, quite a few people would come looking for Zichuan Xiu—men and women alike. Every one of them wore furtive expressions and shifty eyes, sneaking around like mafia members about to conduct a drug deal. They would shut themselves in a room with Zichuan Xiu for ages, then slip out through the back door while looking over their shoulders.

Whenever the Xiu Battalion set out, a mysterious group would follow behind them, driving a long train of carriages and trailing them day and night. When the army moved, they moved; when the army stopped, they stopped, always keeping exactly a hundred meters away. Moreover, more people joined them every time they passed through a city. In the end, they numbered over three thousand people with nearly a thousand carriages, rolling onward in such a grand procession that they resembled an army in their own right.

Shirakawa grew deeply suspicious and ran over to ask Zichuan Xiu. Zichuan Xiu replied bashfully, "I'm really embarrassed. Those times I spent the night out, my pockets were empty, so I promised I'd repay them once I received my salary. They're following me to collect their debts..." Before he could finish, Shirakawa's cavalry saber was already slashing toward him.

Changchuan scoffed at Zichuan Xiu's explanation. "Shirakawa is an ignorant young girl. She doesn't understand these things. We're all men here—do you really think a trick like that can fool the vastly experienced Lord Changchuan?"

He said to Roger, "Think about it. How many days has it been since we left the imperial capital? In such a short time, Commander Axu has already racked up overnight fees owed to more than a thousand people—could he really be some kind of superhuman?!"

Roger suddenly understood. "That's right, how could anyone be that formidable? Then what do you mean?"

"It's obvious. There's only one possibility." Changchuan was filled with righteous indignation. "He must be secretly hoarding Viagra! That's going too far—he won't even share some with me."

On October 6th, 779, the more than eight thousand cavalrymen of the Xiu Battalion arrived at Gollum Fortress.

Below Gollum City, a mounted messenger handed Zichuan Xiu a letter of orders. In it, Fang Jin, the commander dispatched by the Commanders' Office to direct the militia reserve forces, ordered Zichuan Xiu not to enter the city, but instead proceed directly to sweep away the remaining rebel forces in Gudisa Province.