Feed Him Poop

The next morning, Old Gouzi and I each had a bowl of tofu pudding and two fried dough sticks. We then took a bus, then a minivan, then a motorcycle, and finally a brick-making machine, chugging along for over two hours. My butt felt like it had gotten fatter several times over from the bumpy ride, but we finally arrived at Old Gouzi's village.

Once in the village, I first met Old Gouzi's parents and the village chief.

After that, I asked Gouzi to help me gather some things: dog feces, rooster's blood, high-proof liquor, cinnabar, and so on.

I don't know how this kid managed over the years, but he only got everything together by dinnertime that evening.

After casually drawing a few talismans and making some other preparations, I took Gouzi and we staked out Teacher Wu's house at 9 PM.

In the afternoon, I had asked the village chief about Teacher Wu. Teacher Wu's real name was Wu Sheng, and he was exactly fifty years old this year. He had taught at the town's middle school in his early years but stopped for some reason. He returned to the village and never married, with no close relatives. Facing this kind of situation, he was indeed quite pitiful.

Time flew by, and it was suddenly past 11 PM, which is Zi Shi.

Just as I expected, Wu Sheng came out of his house, naked and hopping.

Under the moonlight, we both looked at him. Wu Sheng had disheveled hair and gave off an eerie feeling.

I could even see faint wisps of green light spreading outwards from all over his body, clearly a sign of an external evil entering his body.

Of course, Old Gouzi couldn't see these things.

However, just this scene alone was enough to shock him, and he was already flustered and unsure of what to do.

If I weren't still standing here, this kid would have probably run away long ago.

Upon seeing us, Wu Sheng stopped in his tracks. The expression on his face changed from its usual dullness to something sinister, and he let out a strange cackling sound: "Jie jie jie."

The sound made my scalp tingle and my whole body feel uneasy.

Damn it! Is this guy trying to show off?

Laughing? Laughing at your grandma's grandson?

Seeing Wu Sheng's idiotic display, my expression sharpened, and I shouted, "How dare you! Audacious demon! Do you not recognize this poor monk and refuse to retreat?!"

"Jie jie jie, whose little brat is this? How dare you meddle in my business!"

When he heard my words, Wu Sheng cackled strangely and taunted me.

Son of a bitch, he really doesn't take me seriously at all!

I suppressed the anger in my heart and continued, "No matter who you are, I'm telling you, the human world is not a place for you to run rampant. If you leave now, there's still time! Otherwise, don't blame this poor monk for not giving you a chance!"

I don't know how others handle their business or if I've ever seen it, but when I handle things, out of compassion, I usually try to persuade them a couple of times first. If the other party is sensible and retreats, then fine. If not, hmph!

"If I don't leave, what can you do to me? You little brat who hasn't even grown all his fur, let me see how you don't give me a chance?"

Damn, this guy's mouth is really tough.

Hearing this, I stopped wasting my breath.

"Old Gouzi!"

After calling out to Old Gouzi, I charged forward myself.

"Heaven and Earth are limitless, Heaven and Earth borrow the law, Divine soldiers rush as ordered by the law! Decree!"

As I chanted the incantation, I pulled talismans from my pockets and threw them rapidly at Wu Sheng.

"Bang bang bang!"

This evil creature was not weak and was very agile. Each time, just as the talismans were about to touch his body, he would immediately dodge.

But it didn't matter; this was all within my calculations.

Just then, Old Gouzi took out two pieces of dog feces and threw them at Wu Sheng. The feces scattered in the air like a shower of heavenly flowers.

They hit Wu Sheng with a "pili-pala" sound.

"Ahhh!"

With a burst of sparks, Wu Sheng was blasted, emitting black smoke.

Seeing this, Old Gouzi's eyes lit up, and he was overjoyed.

He truly hadn't expected that the dog feces, after my processing, would have such a miraculous effect. Hitting Wu Sheng was like those snap pops we played with as kids, making Wu Sheng grimace and yelp.

Seeing the remarkable effect, Old Gouzi didn't stop. He continued to throw dog feces at Wu Sheng.

Heh heh, this dog feces is my exclusive blend, made by mixing rooster's blood, high-proof liquor, and cinnabar with the dog feces.

Rooster's blood, cinnabar, and high-proof liquor are all extremely yang substances, which inherently counteract yin and evil. Dog feces, known as Xu Fu Mi in traditional Chinese medicine, has the effect of treating indigestion and irregular menstruation. Of course, I added it not to help the yin entities regulate their bodies, but purely because of the stench of the feces.

Think about it, three extremely yang substances plus the volatile odor of feces, tsk tsk tsk, even a ghost king would be afraid.

Wu Sheng was being pushed back by Old Gouzi's attacks. Old Gouzi, unlike before, was no longer as scared; instead, he seemed a bit excited.

"Hahaha, hey! Monster, don't run! Taste my dog-爷's dog feces spell!"

"Pili-pala-pala..."

Well, those who know would think I brought Old Gouzi out to fight ghosts, but those who don't might think Old Gouzi is a disciple of some high master from the mountains. If Old Gouzi were wearing a Taoist robe right now, with his chubby little body, he would indeed look quite imposing.

Seeing Old Gouzi fighting with such excitement, I didn't rush to act. It was mainly because I wanted to give Old Gouzi a chance to train. You see, when people do something repeatedly, they will definitely improve. Especially courage, it grows with experience.

A dozen minutes later, Wu Sheng was kneeling on the ground, trembling.

"Grandpa, grandpa, grandpa, I, I, I know I was wrong. I'll leave now. Don't, don't, don't hit me anymore."

"Slap!"

Without a word, I slapped Wu Sheng across the face.

"What? You recognize me now? I gave you a chance and you're useless? Huh? I gave you a chance and you're still useless? Still pretending to be tough?"

Actually, normally, evil spirits can't win, but they can still run away. They just need to leave the human body.

But I had already anticipated this. Among the Twelve Zodiac Animals, the dog belongs to Yin. Therefore, dog feces are also Yin objects. Yin objects have an adsorptive effect on Yin objects, which is the opposite of the common saying that opposites attract. Ghosts and monsters are attracted to their own kind and repelled by the opposite. At this moment, it was clearly impossible for it to detach from Wu Sheng, who reeked of dog feces.

Seeing me question it, the thing attached to Wu Sheng timidly lowered its head, afraid to answer.

"Slap!"

"Damn it! Audacious demon! Didn't you hear Big Brother asking you a question? Are you looking for death?"

Seeing that the evil spirit didn't speak, Old Gouzi, imitating me, gave it a slap and asked fiercely.

I don't know if this thing was just scared of Old Gouzi, but when Old Gouzi asked it, it was very honest.

"No, no, no more pretending. I, I, I was wrong. I'll never dare to do it again."

Oh, for crying out loud. It would have been better if it hadn't answered. Seeing that Old Gouzi's words were more effective than mine, I became furious. I thought to myself, this guy really has no depth? He can't even tell the difference between a king and a joker.

"Slap, slap, slap!"

"Damn it! You're wrong, you damn bastard!"

"Old Gouzi, feed him some shit."