Chapter 256

It's about being true to yourself, without pretense. "..." "You're unhappy." Hua Xin stopped fiddling with her straw hat and turned to look at Xia Yan seriously. If she had been wondering if her perception was wrong, Xia Yan's reaction now proved that something was definitely wrong. Xia Yan didn't speak, but simply took off his sunglasses and gently put them in his pocket. He had always been confident in himself. He unconditionally believed that the girl would be by his side, no matter what, as long as there were no irreconcilable conflicts between them, as long as they were together, that was enough. Nothing else could interfere with their relationship. But this morning, seeing the girl emerge from the bathroom, so exceptionally beautiful, Xia Yan inexplicably lost his usual confidence and sense of security. If it was all just wishful thinking on his part before, and the girl only accepted his confession because of his persistent pursuit, not because she was truly moved by him as a person, what should he do? From the internet to reality, Xia Yan only knew everything about her from her words. He had a very vague idea of who she knew, what friends she had, her social life, and her family. Their lives and schedules were completely out of sync; even living in the same city, meeting was difficult. They'd only managed a few meetings since the Lunar New Year, spending the rest of their time communicating only through phones and the internet. Xia Yan knew he wasn't a good boyfriend. Even when they were Online Relationship, he'd only agreed to be with her out of curiosity, just to see what it was like. Even on their first date, Xia Yan had countless other girls' contact information on his phone, and he'd politely replied to each one, thinking he wasn't being particularly nice. In a sense, wasn't he the one who treated relationships so casually? They were already in a relationship, so why keep those ridiculous "friends"? Xia Yan felt guilty that he'd only realized this after Hua Xin's reminder—that this social system he'd created to please everyone was no longer necessary. Seeing how incredibly attractive the girl was with just a little makeup, the sense of security and confidence he felt from Hua Xin's words, "I only wear this for you," diminished somewhat. He wasn't a perfect choice, nor a perfect person. What would happen to the girl if a more outstanding boy came along? Xia Yan was conflicted. He was conflicted about his own actions and began to doubt his relationship with the girl. He could wait, or he could stop seeking confirmation, but if things continued like this, would the girl one day meet someone even more outstanding? Xia Yan was worried. He had thought he could continue to spend his time happily with the girl, but his anxiety and confusion were growing stronger. After thinking so much... Xia Yan felt he had lost his usual composure. "I'm not unhappy." "I'm just..." "Afraid that you won't be by my side anymore." Xia Yan replied softly, his voice tinged with a hint of sadness. There were things he couldn't ask right now. Hua Xin was clearly taken aback, not expecting him to be thinking about this. She opened her mouth, but hesitated, unable to speak immediately. Hearing Xia Yan's words, the first thing that came to her mind was, "I won't." But wouldn't saying that only further deceive Xia Yan? She wasn't Hua Xin anymore, just Gu Xin Hua. From a brotherly perspective, she could indeed stand by Xia Yan as a friend. But Gu Xin Hua couldn't. Their identities would eventually be exposed, and they couldn't maintain this fragile, deceptive relationship indefinitely. That's why the girl hesitated, unsure how to respond to Xia Yan's question. Her original plan was to maintain the status quo until the truth could no longer be concealed, at which point a cruel farewell would ensue between her and Xia Yan. "Xin Hua," Xia Yan softly called her name, interrupting Hua Xin's thoughts. Seemingly sensing the girl's hesitation, he spoke softly, the sound of the waves and the seagulls circling overhead easily drowning out his voice. But they were close enough. "I... I don't know what kind of person I am." "There are many things I haven't fulfilled as a boyfriend." There were things he had only told Hua Xin. Sometimes, the distance between him and the girl was perhaps mostly due to guilt and not knowing how to express himself. But on this trip, Xia Yan wanted to talk to the girl properly. Hua Xin's eyelids lowered slightly; she didn't utter a word of denial. At this moment, the girl didn't want to offer any more false comfort, or rather, she didn't know how to answer Xia Yan's question. "I've told you about things at home." "But that might also be..." Xia Yan paused, a hint of conflicted helplessness in his voice, "... an excuse." The simpler the thing you want to say, the more difficult it becomes to phrase and express it. He let out a soft breath, seemingly adjusting his mental state: "My unhappy childhood is probably the culprit behind my life for the next ten years or so." "I don't know how to become someone everyone considers excellent, someone everyone likes, instead of ostracizing and isolating me." "When I was dating you, I still had many girls' contact information on my phone, and I politely replied to their messages." This sounded like the words of a scumbag. If Hua Xin wasn't Gu Xin Hua, Gu Xin Hua wasn't Hua Xin, they would probably be very angry when they said this. But she was. She knew everything. "I told you about this on New Year's Eve." "My social life is a bit distorted." "Later, Hua Xin reminded me and made me realize that I didn't need to continue living this kind of life." "It's tiring, and there's no need for it anymore." "I should have told you immediately, and I should have deleted those people immediately." The girl gripped her straw hat tightly, feeling a tightness in her chest for some reason. Xia Yan didn't explain or excuse himself. Hua Xin could sense that Xia Yan was genuinely ashamed of the situation. After all, he was just a high school boy. Hua Xin knew that. Xia Yan disliked deception and concealment in matters of the heart; he said what he meant and valued fidelity. This was evident from the fact that Xia Yan hadn't spoken to Liu Ruoyun and Lin Qingyu since "they" got together. He hadn't been seen with any other girls for a very long time. She remembered when they first met, Hua Xin had gone to class with Xia Yan. When she tried to escape after class, she coincidentally encountered several girls trying to flirt with him, seemingly vying for attention. At that time, the young girl was still afraid of the outside world and strangers. In a panic, she sheepishly went to the restroom...