The Black-Hearted System's Sky-High Pie

Consciousness was like a drop of ink falling into a boundless deep sea, slowly, blankly bleeding outward.

There was no light, no sound, no sensation—she had even lost the boundaries of "self."

Su Miao "woke up," yet she had not fully awakened.

She felt like a wisp of wind scattered by a gust, a drifting feather, suspended in an absolute, eternal void.

"Where... am I?"

The thought had barely formed, yet no sound came out. Only a ripple of emptiness spread outward.

"Wasn't I... in front of my computer... submitting résumés...?"

Fragments of memory drifted like beads from a snapped string, scattered and unable to piece together a complete picture.

Only the hollow feeling after utter exhaustion, along with the suffocation and fury in the final second before her heart stopped, still stubbornly bore some lingering imprint.

"So... I'm... dead?"

That realization did not bring much fear. Instead, it brought a near-numb calm.

If she was dead, did that mean... she would never have to revise her résumé again?

Never again would she have to face those bizarre HR staff and interviewers?

Never again would she have to worry about next month's rent or her family's greetings?

Fortunately, she was not an only child. With her older brother around, she did not need to worry about her parents.

This actually... wasn't too bad?

Just as that remaining wisp of consciousness was about to completely merge into the void and enjoy this rare, eternal "lying flat"—

A point of light suddenly lit up in the darkness ahead without warning.

The point of light rapidly expanded, twisted, and changed shape, eventually condensing into a... fist-sized ball of light radiating a gentle white glow?

Some indescribable runes flowed across the surface of the light ball. It looked both technological and mystical, bizarrely out of place.

It bobbed unsteadily over to the space directly before Su Miao's consciousness and stopped.

Then, a peculiar voice that blended a mechanical synthesized tone with the exaggerated delivery of a salesman rang directly through the depths of Su Miao's mind:

"Ding-dong! A high-quality unemployed... ahem, high-quality potential host soul has been detected! Assessing soul strength... Assessment complete! Soul resilience: excellent (tempered by 996 work hours and job-hunting pressure)! Desire to lie flat: exceptional (certified by dying obsession)! Meets the binding criteria of this [Salted Fish Turnaround System]!"

Su Miao: "???"

What the hell was this?

Salted fish?

A system?

Binding?

Her limited mental capacity, still reeling from the shock of sudden death, was having trouble processing information this surreal.

If she had a physical body right now, her face would definitely be wearing a huge, blankly stunned expression.

In fact, her soul instinctively condensed into a blurry Dead Fish Eyes meme face with thick dark circles beneath its eyes, floating opposite the ball of light.

The light ball—the [Salted Fish System]—seemed extremely satisfied with her confusion and continued in that lilting voice, brimming with the passion of a Pyramid Scheme Leader:

"Dear host Su Miao, hello! Congratulations! You have had the fortune to become the chosen salted fish selected by this system from among the Heavens and Myriad Worlds, through countless Tribulations!"

"Are you tired of endless competition? Have you had enough of so-called blessings? Do endless work and meager pay fill you with despair? Do you long for a life where you can truly lie flat?"

Every question was like a little hammer, striking precisely at Su Miao's...

Or rather, at the greatest pain points of her former life.

Her consciousness rippled, and a faint glimmer seemed to appear in those dead fish eyes.

The light ball struck while the iron was hot, its glow turning even more "enthusiastic."

"Then come to the Primordial World! This is paradise for those who lie flat! The gospel of wage slaves! The ultimate land of salvation for workaholics!"

"The Primordial World?"

Several question marks surfaced in Su Miao's mind.

The term sounded a little familiar. It seemed like a regular tag category in some webnovels—a high-risk world?

The last time she had read a novel was two years ago, when she had been in her sophomore year.

She racked her brain for quite a while before remembering: it was the one about Pangu's Heaven Opening, the Dragon-Phoenix War, the witches and demons tearing each other apart, the Investiture of the Gods Calamity...

The one where the heavens and earth were destroyed and body and soul annihilated at the drop of a hat?

The system had clearly blocked every dangerous keyword, its voice full of bewitching allure:

"That's right! That Primordial World, brimming with Spiritual Qi and opportunities everywhere! Here, you don't need to work overtime! There are no KPIs! No weekly reports! And you certainly won't have to deal with idiotic bosses or bizarre clients!"

"Here, breathing is cultivation, and you can grow stronger even while sleeping! Heavenly Materials and Earthly Treasures? Weeds by the roadside! Innate Spiritual Treasures? Take them if fate allows! Becoming an immortal ancestor? Basic stuff! Even the supreme Primordial Saint Seat, indestructible through ten thousand tribulations, is not beyond reach!"

Its tone grew more and more impassioned, increasingly resembling a TV shopping host selling frying pans:

"Just imagine! While your classmates and coworkers are still going bald over mortgages and car loans, you already own a sea-view Cave Abode on Kunlun Immortal Mountain! While they are packed like sardines into the subway during rush hour, you are riding a Qilin Auspicious Beast through the Nine Heavens! While they eat delivery food cooked in gutter oil, you feast on Dragon Liver and phoenix marrow, Jade Nectar and fine liquor!"

"Say goodbye to the rat race—the Prehistoric World is your cozy harbor! Embrace lying flat—the Saint Seat is waving at you! Bind to this system now and immediately begin your perfect salted-fish life in the Prehistoric World!"

After that combo of punches, even Su Miao's dead-fish-eyed soul could not help but tremble a few times.

Had to admit... the pie in the sky this busted ball of light was painting smelled damn good!

No need to work!

Get stronger by sleeping!

Eat, drink, and have fun!

And she could even become a Saint?

This was practically her pre-death dream of "I'll never work another day in my next life," complete with golden special effects and BGM, blown up ten thousandfold and slapped right in her face!

Her desperate craving for "rest" after extreme exhaustion, along with her fierce desire to escape her former life, began instinctively steering her toward believing this pitch.

"Sounds... kind of reasonable?"

A tiny bubble surfaced in her consciousness.

"Anyway, I'm already dead. Giving it a try... doesn't seem like a loss?"

Yet just as the last scraps of caution she had retained after being brutally beaten down by society were about to be utterly drowned by the temptation of lying flat, a few tiny, discordant details began bouncing around in her mind.

This system's manner of speaking...

Why did it sound so much like a mash-up of those "If you're a brother, come slash me" browser-game ads and the offline seminars of success gurus?

And then there was the "Salted Fish Turnaround System."

That name alone sounded incredibly unreliable!

It reeked of a cheap knockoff!

Most importantly—

"Um... excuse me,"

Su Miao gathered her consciousness as best she could and asked weakly.

"What do I... need to do to go to the Prehistoric World? Are there... any missions or costs?"

There was no such thing as a free lunch. That was a lesson she had paid for with over twenty years of life—especially the last two months—in blood and tears.

The ball of light seemed to lag for a moment. The frequency of its flickering quickened somewhat, but it soon resumed its "professional customer service" tone.

"A cost? Oh ho ho ho, dear Host, you really know how to joke! This system's purpose is to help you lie flat. Why would we make you pay a price? If we absolutely had to call it something, you only need to offer a tiny, insignificant bit of 'trust' and 'binding'!"

"As for missions? Of course there are! Our mission is—no missions! Our KPI is—no KPI! Our creed is: do whatever you please, and lie down your way to victory in life!"

To make itself more convincing, the light ball's surface erupted in shimmering colors, and it actually began playing a PPT-like projection!

On the left was a blurry figure labeled [Success Story One: Prehistoric World Rogue Cultivator · Daoist Lu], with the caption: "Bound to this system, Golden Immortal in three days, Daluo in five—easily surpassing the Disciples of the Three Pure Ones, who cultivated bitterly for hundreds of millions of years! (Note: Due to force majeure, this user has lost contact.)"

On the right was another figure of light, labeled [Success Story Two: Western Teachings · Joyful Buddha (Reserve)], with the caption:

"With the system's support, cultivate both Buddhism and Daoism, reap a double harvest in career and love, and build the strongest network in the Prehistoric World!

(Note: This user is currently under investigation by the Prehistoric World Office for Combating Pornography and Illegal Publications, and cannot be contacted for the time being.)"

In the center was an enormous arrow flashing with golden light, pointing at Su Miao's soul.

"The next success story is you!"

Su Miao: "..."

This PPT was... even worse than the one our school clubs used for recruitment!

Were those notes serious?

Lost contact?

Under investigation?

Those were reverse success stories, hey!

Her intuition radar—I may be dumb, but are you trying to scam me?—began beeping madly.

No matter how she looked at it, this system resembled a shady broker waving the banner of "it's for your own good"!

The kind that specifically tricked ignorant souls into going overseas to mine or join pyramid schemes!

"Um..."

Su Miao's dead-fish-eyed soul shrank back, trying to maintain a safe distance.

"I... I'll think about it some more?"

"Think about it? What's there to think about!"

The light ball's tone suddenly became urgent, and its glow grew even more blinding.

"Opportunities vanish in the blink of an eye! Slots are limited! First come, first served! Look at your current state—other than binding to this system, do you have any other choice? Do you want to drift through this void forever? Or are you hoping to become a corporate slave again in your next life?"

Its words were like icy needles, piercing through Su Miao's pitiful hesitation.

That was right. What other choice did she have?

Dead, with nowhere to go, her future was a pitch-black expanse.

The system before her, though riddled with loopholes and resembling a shoddy scam, at least... offered an option—an option that sounded too wonderful to be real.

Should she grasp this rope, which might be a straw of salvation or might be poison, or sink into oblivion and vanish completely?

Extreme longing and utter suspicion tore wildly at what remained of her consciousness.

"I..."

Su Miao's consciousness fluctuated violently, like a candle flame swaying in a gale.

The system clearly had no intention of giving her any more time to think.

It could see that its host was at her most wavering, the moment when it was easiest to slip in through a crack.

"Binding process initiated! Host, please do not resist! Relax, it'll be over soon!"

The orb's voice took on an unquestionable mechanical edge. It suddenly flared with blinding white light, transforming into a streak of radiance that shot straight toward Su Miao's soul core!

"W-Wait! I haven't agreed yet!"

Su Miao was so frightened that even her Dead Fish Eyes widened into circles. Her soul instinctively tried to retreat, but she could not move at all.

The white light carried a coercive, icy pull, as if it intended to devour her consciousness whole and brand it with some kind of mark.

"Forced binding?! You're absolutely a shady shop!"

Overwhelming panic and fury surged up within her, but at the same time, another thought of giving up and letting everything go to hell arose.

"Forget it... this rotten life of mine... it's already come to this... could it get any worse..."

At the instant before the white light touched the origin of her soul.

Su Miao's consciousness fell completely into a chaotic state of extreme struggle between the terror of something feels wrong here and the resignation of forget it, destroy everything already, hurry up.