Sirius Wants to Talk

Regulus nodded. "Then let's talk."

After receiving Bellatrix's letter, which was clearly accusatory, and responding with an even more indifferent attitude, he realized that his mindset had changed.

He knew very well where this change came from: power.

He spent over a year cultivating a sense of composure, which made him start to feel indifferent to many things he used to be too lazy to bother with, and to lend a hand or say a few words about them.

He used to think that talking to Sirius was pointless; Sirius wouldn't understand, so it would be a waste of time since they couldn't see eye to eye, so he wouldn't talk to him.

I actually feel that way now too, but I just feel like we can talk about it. I can't explain why, but I'm more at ease now, so let's just talk, and see where the conversation leads.

The two walked to the end of the Corridor, went up the stairs, turned one corner, and then turned another.

The torchlight grew dimmer, and the Corridor grew quieter.

Regulus reached the seventh floor, turned into a side corridor, and stopped in front of a window.

This is a recessed Corridor sill, with an arched window opening and a stone sill covered with a thin layer of gray.

He walked over, opened the window, and a cold wind blew in. He held onto the railing and looked outside.

It was completely dark.

Across the street was the Gryffindor Tower, brightly lit with warm light streaming through its windows, and shadowy figures moving about near the windows.

The young wizards hurriedly put on their robes, buttoning them as they ran outside, rushing to get to their meal.

The Corridor was dark, and the torches were far apart, so their light didn't reach the windowsills.

The light on both sides was like two different worlds, one bright and the other dim.

Sirius followed, leaning against the railing without holding onto it, his back to the window and his face towards the Corridor.

He had his hands in his pockets, one leg slightly bent, and the other leg stretched out in front of him, his posture casual and lazy, lacking any proper standing posture.

But his expression wasn't so lazy; his brows were slightly furrowed, the corners of his mouth were downturned, and his gaze was fixed on the floor of the Corridor, not looking at anything specific.

Regulus looked at him, feeling a little unfamiliar.

Sirius was never like this at Grimmauld Place.

There, he would either remain silent, erupt in anger, or lock himself in his room and refuse to come out.

His emotions are unpredictable; one second he might be sneering, and the next he might be slamming a door.

But here, at Hogwarts, it's different for him.

He has friends, places to go, people to chat and laugh with, and people to joke and play with.

He no longer had to face Walburga's face every day, nor listen to those Portrait pointing and whispering about him in the Corridor.

He can do what he wants and go where he wants.

Regulus thought for a moment; he had never seen Sirius look like this before in Grimmauld Place.

Lazy, but not decadent; casual, but not indifferent.

He leaned there, as if in a comfortable place, where he didn't have to suppress any emotions or be wary of anyone.

This is probably the biggest change in him since leaving that home.

The two remained silent for a while.

"Regulus," Sirius said with a bit of emotion in his tone, not as casual as usual. "How long has it been since we last talked?"

Regulus remained silent, offering no direct answer.

He wasn't sure what level Sirius meant by "speak properly."

What constitutes proper conversation?

How long should a conversation last to be considered a proper conversation?

Or does not arguing mean we are communicating well?

He thought for a moment, and realized that the last time Sirius had spoken to him with a smile was probably when he was four or five years old.

Back then, Sirius wasn't involved in so many things, nor did he harbor so much hatred towards the Black family.

Back then, nothing was fully formed; he was just a child who couldn't sit still and would always drag people along.

Grimmauld Place is such a large mansion, making him stay there peacefully is more difficult than anything else.

He would disappear for a moment and then suddenly reappear, his face showing the excitement of having just gotten himself into some trouble.

Sometimes he would make a mess of food in the restaurant, Walburga would chase after him, yelling and laughing as he ran, making the whole house noisy.

Regulus remembered those things, but remembering is one thing, but Sirius is a long time ago now.

Regulus snapped out of his thoughts and asked, "What does 'speaking properly' mean?"

Sirius grinned, letting out a breath that was both irritable and helpless.

He rarely felt like expressing his feelings, but he never expected Regulus to ask him this.

What does it mean to speak properly?

He thought about it, but he still couldn't figure it out, and he wasn't even sure if they had ever really had a proper conversation.

Let's skip this topic.

After leaving Grimmauld Place, he thought about many people and many things, but the one he thought about most was Regulus.

He himself found it strange that when he was in Grimmauld Place, he wished he could be as far away from that place as possible, including Regulus.

After he left, he thought he would forget all those things, including Regulus.

But he failed; he was always thinking about Regulus.

I imagine him eating quietly in the restaurant at Grimmauld Place, I imagine the feeling of him punching me in the ribs in the Training Room, I imagine his back as he tells me to take care of myself in the Corridor and then turns away.

He thought about many things, but that one thing still lingered in his mind the most.

The day Bellatrix arrived, she brought with her that thing— Voldemort's gift, that Dark Enlightenment.

He thought about it for a long time afterward.

He thought Regulus was bewitched by Bellatrix's words—power, glory, Black —those words, spoken by Bellatrix, carried a nauseating fanaticism.

He thought Regulus had been infected by that fanaticism, bewitched, and accepted that filthy thing.

But then I realized it didn't make sense; Regulus wasn't that kind of person.

He knew from a young age that Regulus was different from others.

He is not easily swayed and will not get carried away by a few words. He is always calm, restrained, and has a reason for everything he does.

A person like that wouldn't accept that kind of thing just because Bellatrix swayed him with a few words.

Why did he accept it?

Sirius couldn't figure it out.

He thought about it all vacation, about the start of school, and about now.

Sometimes he felt the answer was right on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't say it; other times he felt the answer was so far away that he didn't even dare to think about it.

He was afraid to know the answer.

He was afraid Regulus would say, "Because I want to become stronger," and he was afraid he would say, "Because it's the right choice."

In Sirius's mind, Regulus did indeed have that side.

Regulus's pursuit of power seems endless. He's almost never home during holidays, and no one knows what he's busy with, but every time we meet, I can sense that he's become even stronger.

Even after a whole holiday of training, when he recalled the scene in the Training Room at Grimmauld Place where he faced Regulus, he couldn't imagine what trouble he could have caused Regulus.

The gap is too big.

Even though Regulus was so powerful, it was as if something was chasing him from behind, never stopping.

He knew about the situation outside— Voldemort, Death Eaters —but weren't those things supposed to be far away from them?

He's only in third grade, Regulus is only in second grade, why are they in such a hurry?

This thought had been weighing on his mind for half a year, from the holidays to the start of the school year, and from the start of the school year to today.

He couldn't hold it in any longer.

Sirius's voice was laced with resentment. "Why did you accept that thing back then?"

Regulus looked at him.

It's been half a year, and you're still thinking about it?

But the fact that he was able to ask the question shows that he wasn't just daydreaming; he was genuinely thinking about it.

Whether his thinking was correct or not is another matter, but at least he didn't treat this as simply "Regulus did something wrong".

Regulus didn't answer directly, but instead asked, "Sirius, do you know what true power is?"

Sirius exploded, his composure shattering. He sprang up from the railing, turned to look at Regulus, his eyes wide, his voice rising sharply.

"You—" he gritted his teeth, his voice filled with anger and disappointment, "You mean there's real power in there? That thing—"

Regulus turned his head, glanced at him with a hint of surprise, and then realized where Sirius's logic had gone.

He ignored it and continued, "Have you thought about the consequences of refusing?"

Sirius paused for a moment, then jumped out without thinking, "What could it be—"

He stopped mid-sentence.

He fell silent, beginning to wonder what would have happened if Regulus had refused.

How will Bellatrix react? Will she turn hostile on the spot? What will Voldemort think? Will he think the Black family is ungrateful? Will he retaliate?

Sirius had never thought about these questions before.

In his view, things that are wrong should not be accepted, regardless of the consequences.

This is a matter of right or wrong; nothing else needs to be considered.

But now, Regulus's question suddenly brought to mind a string of things he had never thought of before.

He opened his mouth, but no words came out.

Regulus saw him stuck there and knew what was going on.

Sirius's moral compass is linear: good things should be done, and bad things shouldn't be done.

He doesn't tend to think about the consequences of doing something good or refusing something bad.

For him, right and wrong are reasons in themselves.

There's nothing wrong with that.

But this idea doesn't work when facing Voldemort, and sometimes it doesn't work with Dumbledore either.

It doesn't even work very well among junior wizards.

But that's Sirius.

Sirius stopped talking. He swallowed his anger, leaned back against the railing, put his hands back in his pockets, and stared at the ground.

Regulus looked at him.

It's been half a year, and the fact that you can still ask questions shows some progress.

Although it seems like I haven't thought about what happened for so long, at least I've thought about it now, maybe.

"So," Regulus asked again, "Do you know what true power is?"

Sirius was silent for a long time, then he raised his head, frowning. "I can win, I can protect the people I want to protect."

Regulus continued, "And then?"

Sirius answered quickly, "Then you just need to make sure those people don't dare to mess with you."

Regulus nodded, neither agreeing nor disagreeing, "But we won, we protected, we deterred—is that enough?"

Sirius opened his mouth as if to say "enough," but then realized the words weren't quite right.

He raised his right hand as if to scratch his head, then lowered it again.

He turned his head directly to Regulus: "Then tell me, what is true power?"

The wildly popular novel, "Regulus of Hogwarts: Lord of the Starry Sky," by author Lord of Water-Strengthening Zhu, is available on Cola Novels.