Girl, What Do You Desire?

Once Lily's breathing had completely stabilized, Regulus put down the cup.

"Lily, Patronus, how are you?"

Lily turned her head, her eyes lit up, then she stood up, walked to the center of the arena, drew her wand, and closed her eyes.

She took a breath, relaxed, and her expression softened.

After a short while, she opened her eyes and gently pushed her wand forward.

"Patronus Charm."

The tip of the cane lit up, emitting a silvery-white light that was much brighter than last semester.

Last semester, her Patronus Charm could only summon a thin wisp of silver mist that dissipated in the air and disappeared within seconds.

Now the light has solidified and gained texture; it is no longer a scattered mist, but a truly dense Silver Light.

The light spread outwards from the tip of the cane, creating a soft halo that slowly diffused in the air, then bounced back when it hit the wall, circling around and around, making the Abandoned Classroom glow white and bright.

There were subtle patterns flowing within the Silver Light, very slowly and lightly, without shape or outline. It was far from meeting the standard of Patronus of the flesh, but it was already much stronger.

She held on, the Silver Light hovering at the tip of the staff for nearly half a minute.

Then the Silver Light began to flicker, growing thinner and thinner until it finally dissipated, the radiance fading away.

Regulus watched the whole thing, lightly tapping Baruk's carapace with his finger, one tap at a time. Baruk swung his chelicerae in rhythm, one tap at a time. This progress wasn't fast. By the standards of an ordinary Patronus, after several months of training, he was still at the Silver Light stage. Any other wizard would probably have started to doubt themselves.

However, considering the path of yearning to unite Patronus, it's not slow, and could even be considered fast, because yearning itself is not a standard path. The Patronus Charm, in essence, is about purifying, solidifying, and manifesting the strongest positive emotions within one's heart.

Most wizards are driven by happy memories. This path is direct: as long as you have been happy, that memory is in your mind. You can retrieve it, infuse it in, and your Patronus can be activated.

Happiness is the easiest fuel to obtain. As long as a person is mentally sound, they will have happy moments by their teens.

Even something as simple as a good meal, a sunny afternoon, or the laughter of a friend counts.

Voldemort must have had his happy moments at Hogwarts: the first time he was favored by the professor after achieving zeros for the first time, the first time he frightened his classmates, and the first time he created Horcruxes.

If he was happy, then others are no less fortunate.

Using happiness to drive the Patronus may have a high barrier to entry, but the success rate is high.

Therefore, most wizards who can't summon Patronus are stuck on spell techniques, not on the emotional connection to the spell.

With the right technique and a strong enough memory, the Patronus will appear.

But desire is a completely different thing; it moves forward and points to something that hasn't happened yet.

What do you yearn for? What do you truly want?

This question sounds simple, but most adult wizards never figure out what they truly desire in their entire lives.

They work at the Ministry of Magic, get paid, and go to the pub for a couple of drinks on weekends. They live a good life, but if you ask them what they want, they can't say. All they can say is a promotion, a raise, and their children getting good grades, but those are goals, not desires.

Desire is something deeper, like waking up in the middle of the night staring at the ceiling, that voice that keeps echoing in your heart but never gets a response. Desire isn't a specific craving; that's too small, so small that it seems laughable in the face of Patronus.

True desires are about what kind of person you want to be, what kind of life you want to live, and what you are ultimately pursuing in this world. Each of these questions is so vast that it may take years, decades, to gradually discern the outline of the answer. And even if you do see it clearly, it will change.

What a person desires at thirteen may not be the same as what they desire at twenty, and it will be even more different from what they desire at thirty.

It yearns to grow, to change, and to move forward together with people's experiences and understanding.

Therefore, using desire to drive the Patronus is destined to be much slower than using happiness.

Happiness is like firewood, piled up there; all you need to do is light it.

It yearns to chop wood, find timber, and figure out what kind of wood can burn, what kind burns brightly, before it can start a fire. But it is precisely because of this yearning that the Patronus, once formed, becomes even stronger.

Happiness will be consumed, memories will wear down with repeated exposure, vivid images will gradually fade, and details will slowly become blurred.

Dementor feed on happy memories; the more you search for Dementor, the more it enjoys eating them.

But desire doesn't last; if you don't get what you want, it will always remain.

The more you don't get it, the stronger it becomes.

Dementor cannot devour desire, because desire lies ahead, not in the past.

Lily is walking this path now; it's difficult, but it's bright enough.

She's just getting started, Silver Light already has texture and grain, which means she's found a direction, but it's still far from being fully formed.

It can't be rushed.

Lily put away her wand, turned to look at him, her expression serious, her eyes bright with a hint of anticipation, waiting for him to speak.

"Lily," Regulus stood up, walked over, and nodded, "You've improved. I can tell you've worked hard." Lily's face lit up with happiness; the corners of her mouth turned up, and her eyes crinkled.

"I have practiced!" she said quickly, as if afraid he wouldn't believe her. "I practice in my Dormitory almost every night, getting into the right emotions, feeling the longing, and then chanting the mantra!"

Her tone became a little excited. "I even consulted Professor McGonagall. She knew I was practicing this, and she would always tell me some techniques and help me correct my gestures."

Then Marcia saw me practicing, and she started practicing too."

Lily raised her chin slightly, her lips curving into a smug smile, "I'm progressing faster than her."

After feeling smug for a moment, she became a little embarrassed, lowered her head, and let stray hairs slip down her ears.

"However... it's been a long time, and I still haven't been able to summon the complete Patronus."

She looked up at him; her expression wasn't downcast, just a little embarrassed.

Regulus looked at her and said gently, "Patronus are a very profound form of Magic."

He patiently explained, "The vast majority of adult wizards never manage to summon Patronus are considered highly skilled wizards in the entire UK Wizarding World."

"To have achieved this level at your age, you have a lot of talent."

Lily was listening intently when a certain word suddenly triggered her. Her eyebrows rose, and her eyes became suspicious. "Are you saying I'm old?" Regulus paused, looking unusually bewildered.

What does this even mean?

How can someone your age say such a thing?

I told you your age not to imply you're highly talented, but because...

He coughed lightly, shook his head, and said earnestly, "No, I'm saying you're highly talented."

Lily stared at him for a while longer and realized that he didn't seem to be teasing her; he looked quite serious and sincere.

She remembered that Regulus was always like this whenever they were together, his words and actions exuding an adult-like air.

She had previously remarked to Marcia that this person sometimes resembled her father.

When Mr. Evans reasoned with her, he did so in the same manner: earnest, patient, and treating her like an adult.

But Lily felt this didn't make sense; he was younger than her, she should be the older sister.

Lily rolled her eyes at him, muttering, "I'm clearly older than you, I'm the older sister..."

Regulus heard it, but decided to pretend he didn't, and directly changed the subject. "What were you thinking when you summoned your Patronus?" Lily withdrew her pouting mouth, thought for a moment, and her expression softened.

"Nox, the little black cat you gave us, and Petunia, we sat on the carpet and named it. Petunia said..."

She smiled, her eyes crinkling. "Petunia said we should call it Little Monster, since it was sent by Magic. I said no, we need a proper name, so we flipped through half a dictionary."

Her voice softened. "I hope Petunia will always be my sister, that she loves me, I know that, and I don't want to..."

She paused, looking at Regulus. "Because of Magic, you know, Petunia... she's actually in a lot of pain, and I don't want to lose her." Regulus looked at her, his eyes gentle and understanding, and nodded.

Lily laughed again, and continued, "That's the image I was thinking of, very clear, where I could see Petunia's expression and hear the cat meowing." Then she pouted, "But it blurs after a few seconds, I can't hold onto it, it just falls apart if I try to hold on."

After saying that, she looked up at Regulus, her eyes bright, waiting for him to make a decision.

Regulus listened and thought for a while.

He taught her the difference between the two paths; memories drift backward, longing to move forward.

She chose Desire because she believed in him; he taught her, and she learned without hesitation.

She took the first step, not wanting to lose Petunia, but this was just the beginning.

Regulus said, "You chose desire, you found a direction, and that's good."

Lily narrowed her eyes slightly, listening intently.

His voice continued, "But it's just a starting point. That's not enough. Desire isn't something you can just have; you have to experience it." Lily's brow furrowed slightly.

"I don't want to lose Petunia; this longing is real, but not enough."

Regulus continued, "Desire needs something more fundamental, what kind of person you want to be, what kind of life you want to live, that's much bigger and much deeper."

You need to see more things, meet more people, experience things, encounter setbacks, and discover what you care about.

The process of getting to know the world is also the process of getting to know yourself. Only by knowing yourself can you see clearly what you truly desire.

Once you truly see things clearly, that desire will become concrete, clear, and firm; you can grasp it, and it won't dissipate.

This is growth in itself, which is why it's slower and more difficult.

Lily frowned slightly, lost in thought.

For a girl her age, these words were beyond the scope of Magic instruction.

Knowing yourself, knowing the world, finding your true desires—these speak of Magic, and also of life.

She didn't need to figure everything out right now; she just needed to remember the direction, and then use time to experience it, to verify it, to refute it, or to confirm it. Lily was quiet for a moment, then drew her wand. "I'll give it a try."

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and then opened them. "Patronus Charm."

Silver Light emerged, similar to before—neither better nor worse.

It lasted for five or six seconds before dissipating, even shorter than before.

normal.

She had just heard a long lecture, and her mind was still processing it. While her thoughts were active, her emotions were not as pure.

The Patronus Charm requires immersion, not contemplation. Once she truly internalizes what she heard today, her next practice will be different. Lily sighed, a little disappointed.

But she herself knew that it couldn't be accomplished with just a few words; Regulus had already said that this path was even more difficult.

She looked up at him, pouted her lips, and said softly, "I can't do it."

Regulus chuckled.

"That's great, Lily. You have a lot of talent. Keep going, you'll succeed."

Seeing her expression, he added, "She'll be even more amazing."

Lily stared at him for a while, tilted her head, and suddenly asked, "Will I be better than you?"

Regulus's lips curled upwards, his chin slightly raised, and his tone carried a hint of arrogance. "How do you think I summoned you?" Lily snorted.

This person occasionally shows this kind of expression, a bit arrogant, which is completely different from his usual composed demeanor.

She found it amusing and decided not to say anything, secretly enjoying herself while putting on an "okay, okay" expression.

It's almost 10 o'clock.

A deep blue night sky peeked through the window, with stars scattered sparsely, and the moon nowhere to be seen.

Lily took her school robe off the hanger and put it on, wrapping her scarf around her neck twice. Regulus also put on his robe and casually draped his scarf over his shoulders. Baruk poked his head out of his inner pocket, his amber eyes glancing out the window, and clicked.

The two walked out of the Abandoned Classroom. The Corridor was quiet, and the torches were burning at the lowest setting.

Lily took two steps toward the Gryffindor Tower, turned around, waved, and said with a smile, "See you next time, Professor Regulus." Regulus waved back with an air of importance, "Go ahead, Lily."

Lily smiled, her eyes crinkling, then turned and ran. Her footsteps pattered away in the Corridor, growing fainter and fainter until they disappeared around a corner. Regulus stood in the doorway, watching the direction she vanished, then turned and walked towards the Basement.