We Gryffindors Are Doomed

Eliana returned to the Gryffindor Common Room with Quidditch Through the Ages tucked under her arm. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were whispering about something, their three heads huddled close together.

Looking at those three unsuspecting heads, Eliana felt an itch to do something.

She tucked the book beneath her arm, crept over, curled her hands into claws, and slowly raised them.

She aimed and pounced!

"Ah!"

Someone shoved Harry's and Ron's heads down, making them bow to Hermione. They cried out in terror, startling Hermione into a scream too.

It took the three unfortunate victims a while to recover. When they did, they found Eliana beside them, clutching her stomach and laughing so hard she could barely breathe.

"Eliana!" Hermione said sternly.

Eliana looked aggrieved. "I deliberately left you out of it—I made Harry and Ron bow to you!"

Still shaken, Ron rubbed his head and said sarcastically, "You really do look out for your friends."

That made Eliana smug again. She tipped her nose into the air. "Of course! I'm loyal and thoughtful like that!"

Ron's voice rose in disbelief. "You think I was complimenting—"

Eliana raised a finger and held it just in front of Ron's mouth.

Without lowering her proudly lifted chin, she pulled out a book and slapped it against Harry's head.

Harry, who had been quietly cleaning his glasses: ???

Wait. He hadn't said a word!

Then he heard Eliana's triumphant voice. "Look what I got back!"

An unbelievable possibility dawned on Harry. He hurriedly put on his glasses. "My book!"

He cried out in delight, "Snape actually gave it to you!"

"I'm starting to think we met two different Snapes!" He sounded stunned. "He looked so angry at the time, but not only did he leave our points alone, he even agreed to give you the book. I bet Malfoy couldn't manage that! You must be his favorite student!"

"Oh, I wouldn't say that." Eliana feigned modesty, but she couldn't hold back her grin, revealing her pointed little canine teeth.

She looked like a kitten lifting its chin proudly after being praised, an invisible tail held high behind her.

That's nice. I like hearing that. Keep going.

She gazed at Harry with shining eyes, full of expectation.

Harry's next words stuck in his throat. His gaze drifted, and he suddenly forgot what he had meant to say.

"When I came back, I saw five gems missing from the Gryffindor Hourglass. I thought Snape must've got angry with you and taken them—but it looks like that was just a coincidence."

He stumbled over the words, barely knowing what he was saying.

The smile vanished from Eliana's face.

She stared at Harry blankly and said in a low voice, "That was me."

"What?" Harry didn't understand.

Eliana pressed her lips together. "I liked the last part, but, well... the part about making him angry and losing points? That was me."

She spoke very quickly.

"Ah. Well. Uh..." Harry was momentarily lost for words. Should he try to smooth things over?

Eliana didn't need him to. When her reputation was at stake, no one could explain things away faster than she could.

"But I didn't lose points because of what happened today." She stiffened her neck, determined to defend her status as his "favorite student." "Before this, I sneaked—borrowed—no, took a little of Professor Snape's rather valuable Potions ingredients. He found out today, and that's why he took the points."

She emphasized, "I think he just wanted to teach me that I shouldn't do that, so he only took a few—just five points!"

As for whether the lesson had worked... Eliana thought she would be more careful from now on.

She needed to take greater care not to get caught.

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "Only five points?"

"Oh, for Snape, that really is very few," Ron murmured, still stunned. "He took five points from Gryffindor over that ridiculous claim that Harry had taken a book out of the school."

Please don't bring me up right now, Harry thought. Thanks.

Ron looked Eliana up and down as if she were an undiscovered species, thoroughly baffled. "But why?"

"Everyone knows Snape only favors Slytherin. Gryffindor is the house he hates most!"

Eliana's little canine teeth appeared again.

She cupped her cheeks in both hands, her eyes curving into crescents. "Maybe because I'm sweet, clever, quick-witted, obedient, and help him with his work?"

Ron's face crumpled like a dried fig, as if someone had shoved a stinking, bloody pig kidney beneath his nose. "Hmm..."

Sneaking out at night like a sweet, obedient student? Being clever enough to fight a Troll? Helping him while stealing Potions ingredients?

That was how someone became Snape's favorite student?

Had potion fumes gotten into Snape's eyes?

"Besides, why does anyone need so many reasons to like or dislike someone? Maybe he just took a liking to me for no particular reason!"

"That's possible," Ron said thoughtfully, nodding. He even came up with another example. "He took a dislike to Harry for no particular reason."

Harry's face fell, and he folded his arms across his chest.

I told you! Stop bringing me up right now! Thanks!

"Have you all forgotten that we hadn't finished our discussion?" Hermione reminded them quietly.

"Right!" Harry snapped back to attention and looked at Eliana gravely. "You heard it too, didn't you? Snape said 'three heads'—that big dog bit him!"

"What?!" Eliana cried. "I knew that dog was bad news the moment I saw it! Three heads? What decent dog looks like that? Two of its brains must be crooked. What good could it possibly be thinking? And with a bite that big, who knows if he needs a rabies shot!"

Hermione replied without thinking, "Probably not. A three-headed dog is a Magical Creature. I don't think it would have rabies."

Harry looked at them in exasperation. "Is that the point? Shouldn't we be asking why Snape got hurt—"

"Because that dog bit Professor Snape with its teeth! It has three mouths full of them. How was he supposed to guard against that?" Eliana said angrily. "It shouldn't have teeth at all—and it shouldn't have those two extra heads either. They haven't made it any smarter, just better at biting people. What respectable dog acts like that?"

Harry: ...

He gave up on trying to communicate with Eliana, whose brain seemed to have been soaked in Potions, and turned to his other two friends for help. "I'd bet my broomstick that Snape was trying to take whatever that big dog is guarding. He let the Troll loose too, just to give himself a chance!"

"Shut up with your bets!" Eliana snapped. "Professor Snape isn't that kind of person!"

"Right. Professor Snape is a Hogwarts teacher, after all..." Hermione said hesitantly.

"I think Harry's right. What wouldn't Snape do?" Ron said bluntly, then met Eliana's furious gaze.

He swallowed and hooked an arm around Harry's neck as though to bolster his courage. "Right, Harry?"

Eliana narrowed her eyes at them, but Harry didn't notice. Buoyed by having Ron on his side, he grew even more certain. "Exactly. Snape... glug, glug, glug..."

"Exactly nothing! You're talking nonsense because you're worked up about tomorrow's match. Go to bed early!"

Eliana fished out the little bottle of milk she had packed for herself. She wrapped one arm around Harry to hold his head still and poured the milk down his throat with the other, cutting him off completely.

"Build up your strength and give your brain a rest!"

She put the bottle away in a huff and stomped up the stairs to the girls' dormitory.

"Would you look at her!" Ron's eyes widened. "She actually thinks she's in the right!"

When his friend didn't answer for some time, Ron turned in confusion. Harry was staring into space, a white trace of milk still at the corner of his mouth.

"Oh no, did she pour so much down his throat she made him stupid?" Ron rushed over to check on him in a panic. "You're the only Seeker Gryffindor's got! Hey, why's your face red too? Did she poison you because she didn't like you telling the truth?"

"Shut up, Ron," Harry said, embarrassed and annoyed. He could still feel where she had held his head, and a faint, pleasant scent seemed to linger on his skin. His face grew even redder. "Eliana isn't that kind of person!"

Ron: ???

Do you hear yourself? Does that sound familiar?

"We Gryffindors are doomed!" Overcome with despair, Ron beat his chest like a baboon and howled at the ceiling.

Hermione gave him a strange look. "I think so too."