Don't Be Afraid, From Now On, I'll Be With You

Chapter 26: Don't Be Afraid, From Now On, I'll Be With You

Xue Qinghe leaned against one of the pavilion pillars, one foot resting on the wooden bench in a most unladylike manner.

A wine jug and two cups sat beside him. The cup nearest him was half-empty, while the other was filled to the brim, with a third moon reflected within it.

Hearing Su Yuntian's startled voice, Xue Qinghe lifted his cup and gulped down the wine before saying unhurriedly, "You can't sleep either?"

Su Yuntian sat opposite him and nodded. "Yes. There are some things I can't figure out, so I came out to clear my head."

Xue Qinghe poured himself another cup of wine and said lazily, "If you can't figure them out, then don't think about them for now. Thinking won't help anyway."

Su Yuntian smiled. "All right, then I won't think about them for now."

Xue Qinghe seemed to have no intention of asking what Su Yuntian was thinking about. Just as well—Su Yuntian could not be bothered to make up an excuse.

Xue Qinghe slowly drank there, with no desire to chat. Su Yuntian simply sat across from him and watched quietly.

It was not until Xue Qinghe noticed that the boy opposite him had been staring at him the entire time that he could not help asking, "Why are you staring at me?"

Su Yuntian smiled. "I'm admiring the scenery."

"You brat, you're treating me as scenery? Is your skin itching?"

"Though Your Highness is rather plain-looking, your bearing is excellent, especially the spirit in your eyes. It is captivating."

Su Yuntian began evaluating Xue Qinghe's appearance right in front of Qian Renxue.

Although the current "Xue Qinghe" still wore Xue Qinghe's face, his gaze and bearing could not deceive anyone. Those things of the spirit could only belong to Qian Renxue.

The "scenery" Su Yuntian referred to was Qian Renxue's gaze and bearing.

Qian Renxue knew perfectly well that Xue Qinghe was not much to look at. Hearing Su Yuntian praise her bearing, she secretly felt pleased, though she sneered, "You think everyone is like you, boy, born with such a handsome face? With that face alone, you won't need to strive for anything for the rest of your life."

Su Yuntian hurriedly shook his head. "I don't want to be anyone's male concubine."

"If you don't want to be a male pet, then what do you want to be?"

"I want to be someone who stands tall. I don't want to bow and scrape to others, compromise myself, or chase after power. I want the strength to protect myself, the strength to protect those I love, and to live freely with my brother and the companions I will have in the future."

Su Yuntian had no desire to become the chosen son of the world, an emperor, or the leader of some sect just because he had transmigrated. But he was equally unwilling to become a destitute hermit, much less cannon fodder or a nameless grunt beneath those in authority.

He wanted to stand tall in this world where strength reigned supreme and live for himself.

After hearing Su Yuntian's words, Qian Renxue could not help but freeze.

After a long while, she smiled. "What am I supposed to say about you...? You want to stand tall, without bowing and scraping or compromising yourself. Do you know that even someone as powerful as a Titled Douluo must submit beneath Spirit Hall's scepter? Even the emperors of the two great empires must compromise in order to balance the imperial family, the nobles, and the commoners."

"You want the power to protect those you love, which means you must become a powerful soul master. Yet you also want a free life and do not wish to be bound. In other words, you only want to enjoy the rights without fulfilling the obligations or shouldering the responsibilities. How cunning of you."

Qian Renxue's words left Su Yuntian stunned as well.

Thinking it over carefully, that did seem to be the case.

But was that not human nature? If it were not to enjoy one's rights, who would willingly fulfill their obligations?

Were they all supposed to be living bodhisattvas who pitied the suffering of the world?

Su Yuntian gave an embarrassed smile and promptly changed the subject. "Then what does Your Highness want to do? Do you want to be a good emperor, or a powerful soul master?"

This time, Qian Renxue fell silent for a long time.

She drank cup after cup until the wine jug was empty. Only then did she slump against the pillar and sigh. "What do I want to do? What do I want...? Even I do not know."

Hearing Qian Renxue's sorrowful sigh, Su Yuntian's heart inexplicably ached.

Others did not know the bitterness in her heart, but Su Yuntian could understand some of it.

Her mother had assassinated her father. Since childhood, she had not been loved by her mother. If not for her grandfather, Qian Daoliu, carefully teaching her, Qian Renxue would have practically become an orphan.

Yet the education Qian Daoliu gave Qian Renxue was not what a child needed either.

From a young age, she had been taught to become a god and help Spirit Hall unify the continent. At only nine years old, she had come to the Heaven Dou Empire as a spy. Afterward, she had assumed the identity of "Xue Qinghe" for six full years.

Qian Renxue was only sixteen this year, yet she had spent seven years in the Heaven Dou Empire. In many quiet nights, she too had felt lost, wondering whether she could truly keep going, whether everything she had done was truly right.

When she cultivated Soul Power, was it truly because she wanted to become a god, or was it to fulfill her grandfather Qian Daoliu's expectations?

When she had come to the Heaven Dou Empire to infiltrate it, was it truly because she wanted to help Spirit Hall unify the continent, or merely because she wanted to please her mother, Bibi Dong?

Su Yuntian wanted to live for himself. That single goal alone was already something Qian Renxue could only long for.

Just now, she had mocked him for wanting only to enjoy rights while refusing to shoulder obligations and responsibilities. Could it be... that she herself was truly the same?

Looking at Qian Renxue's lonely eyes, Su Yuntian's heart filled with guilt and uncertainty. He could not help asking himself... Was I being too selfish?

At some point, his gaze toward Qian Renxue had gained a touch of tenderness and pity.

Qian Renxue had been about to stand when she unexpectedly caught sight of Su Yuntian's eyes and found that those crimson pupils held a gentleness as soft as water.

Why is he looking at me like that?

Qian Renxue felt puzzled, yet wary at the same time.

Why is Su Yuntian looking at me with those eyes?

With that question in mind, Qian Renxue looked back at him.

The tenderness in Su Yuntian's eyes did not change. Behind that gentleness seemed to lie the words, I understand you.

Qian Renxue found it laughable.

You understand me?

How could you possibly understand me?

There was obvious mockery in her eyes, and a faint derisive smile at the corner of her lips.

Yet Su Yuntian did not retreat because of it. Instead, he returned her gaze with eyes that were even firmer and more accepting.

...I understand your loneliness.

...Don't be afraid. From now on, I'll be with you.

That was what those crimson eyes seemed to say.

After confirming the meaning in his gaze, Qian Renxue was suddenly seized by an inexplicable panic.

She felt that Su Yuntian could not possibly understand her, yet his gaze was undeniably certain.

Why?

How could that be possible?

Could he know her true identity?

At that thought, Qian Renxue should have drawn her sword again and pressed it to Su Yuntian's throat to interrogate him. Yet for some reason, all she wanted at that moment was to flee this troublesome place, to flee from Su Yuntian's tenderness.

...It was a tenderness she—at least, the current her—could not bear.

The eastern sky had already begun to pale.