Don't Call Me Master, Call Me Director

Snap.

Before Shinji could finish speaking, someone patted his shoulder.

"Did I hear someone say they wanted to eat Mapo Tofu?"

A middle-aged priest in black grabbed Shinji's shoulder and asked with burning eyes.

"No one said that at all!"

Shinji, who had broken out in a cold sweat, quickly denied it.

Chapter 10: Kirei Kotomine: Mapo Tofu is the Best!

Hearing Shinji's refusal, Kirei Kotomine didn't give up. He leaned his face very close to Shinji and said with a smirk.

"No, I distinctly heard someone talking about Mapo Tofu."

"No one said it!"

"Didn't you say you wanted to eat?"

"In your eyes, eating and Mapo Tofu are the same thing?!"

"They are to me."

"Then drown yourself in Mapo Tofu sauce!"

Due to the lighting, half of Kirei Kotomine's face was in shadow, making him look particularly creepy to Shinji.

"Didn't you teach me this yourself, Director?"

Kirei Kotomine, with a faint smile on his face, produced a plate of Mapo Tofu from somewhere and handed it over.

Even more bizarrely, judging by the steaming heat and the "gurgling" sound of the tofu, Master Shinji determined that this plate was absolutely fresh out of the oven.

"Come on, Director. It's time to eat."

"Thank you, I'm not hungry."

As Shinji desperately pushed it away, his eyes darted towards the others, hoping Shirou and the others would stop spectating and rescue him.

To his surprise, Shinji only saw an empty table and a half-finished artificial Jewel left on it.

"Damn it! They all ran away!!"

Only then did Shinji notice Shirou, Rin, and Illya waving at him from the doorway of the room.

"You traitors!!"

As soon as Shinji opened his mouth, Kirei Kotomine took the opportunity to shove a spoonful of Mapo Tofu into Master Shinji's mouth.

"So--spicy!!"

The prop room was filled with Master Shinji's cries as he clutched his throat.

Ten minutes later.

After drinking his fifth glass of ice water, Shinji sighed deeply.

"Hoo--I thought I was going to die."

Shinji said, fanning his mouth with his hand.

"I'm sorry, Master."

Artoria, holding a glass of water, averted her eyes shyly, her face full of guilt. "Other food is fine, but Sir Gawain's mashed potatoes and this Mapo Tofu..."

"Brother, don't you like Chinese food?"

Sakura gently patted Shinji's back while teasing her brother.

Master Shinji slammed the table in protest. "I would never admit that's authentic Chinese food! Traditional Chinese cuisine emphasizes color, aroma, and taste. This thing has nothing but spiciness!"

Knowing that he had transmigrated into the world of Fate/stay night and not a culinary world, Master Shinji never expected to eat any six-in-one Mapo Tofu, but the Mapo Tofu Kirei Kotomine gave him couldn't even be considered food.

Honestly, Master Shinji always suspected that Kirei Kotomine's taste buds were completely ruined, which was why he enjoyed such stimulating food.

"It felt like I'd eaten a mouthful of lava."

Shinji continued to fan his tongue, complaining.

Sakura let out a cold laugh. "You brought this upon yourself. If you hadn't been so clever, Uncle Kirei wouldn't have done this."

"..."

Shinji felt that his sister's words made a lot of sense, and he didn't know how to refute them for a moment.

Kirei Kotomine, who hadn't participated in the Holy Grail War and hadn't been "developed" by Mr. Golden Flash, was a complete shut-in.

Upon joining the crew, he couldn't be said to have a wide range of expressions; at best, he was a standard "three-nos" character.

Kirei, who had only entered the crew at his father Risei Kotomine's request, had a look of confusion in his eyes. He shouldn't have been cast as the big boss of FSN; he should have been cast in the opening skit of Fate/Zero.

"So, Director Matou, what exactly is 'pleasure'?"

After a certain Cut, Kirei Kotomine asked Shinji this question with a hint of distress.

"Pleasure is making yourself happy."

"Happy?"

Hearing Shinji's answer, Kirei Kotomine was even more confused.

"Father Kirei, is there anything you like?"

"...I like to eat Mapo Tofu. Are you asking me to imagine eating Mapo Tofu to perform?"

"Hmm... it feels a bit different from the 'pleasure' mentioned in the script... How about this, would you be happy if others liked Mapo Tofu after you recommended it?"

"...I don't know."

"Then shall we try it?"

As a result, trying it led to death.

The Mapo Tofu Kirei Kotomine brought out was so spicy that even Artoria, a big eater, couldn't stand it.

However, this experiment was not without results.

Seeing the cast members who were overwhelmed by the spiciness of the tofu, Kirei Kotomine's heart felt an indescribable joy and satisfaction.

Thus, the Mapo Tofu Priest of Pleasure was born.

From then on, the crew gained a priest actor who liked to force others to eat Mapo Tofu.

Congratulations... my ass! This is scarier than the Demon King!

"Ah."

Shinji snapped his fingers as the memory ended.

"So it was all my fault."

Slap.

Rin hit Shinji on the head.

Rin angrily complained to Shinji, "Don't tell me you don't understand what good deeds you've done! Now people are afraid of Kirei, terrified that he'll shove Mapo Tofu into their mouths!"

"Be content. At least it's Mapo Tofu, not the Holy Grail's black mud," Shinji pouted.

"What the hell is that!"

"Tsk, I should have followed the original script," Rin said, crossing her arms impatiently.

Shinji's earliest script did not include the character "Kirei Kotomine," nor was Kirei Kotomine himself invited by Shinji.

The reason was simple: if Shinji had truly written the Kirei Kotomine from the original work into the script, it would be equivalent to directly telling Risei Kotomine, in front of the old man himself, that his son was a murderer, a pervert, and a tax evader.

If the old man had a heart attack or high intracranial pressure from anger, Shinji would probably be dragged into the woods by Rin and Shirou and shot a hundred times.

As mentioned before, Shinji and the others grew up together, and the person who took care of them back then was the previous priest of the Fuyuki City Church, Risei Kotomine.

Shinji, with nothing better to do, would not do something so cruel to the elders who truly treated them as grandchildren.

Therefore, in the initial script plan, Shinji had written the original "Kirei Kotomine" as a supervisor belonging to the Mage's Association, completely unrelated to the church.

In addition to retaining the role of the main villain, Shinji's initial draft contained no trace of Kirei Kotomine. Even his abilities and name came from a Clock Tower Mage who had a very bad relationship with Shinji.

For this reason, Shinji had to rewrite the FSN story multiple times to ensure the logic of the entire story was coherent and self-consistent.

"I should have gone with the original script from the start. Why did we end up with that fake priest in the end?"

Looking at Kirei Kotomine in the distance, who was trying to recommend Mapo Tofu to Illya, Rin pouted unhappily.

Although their upbringing was very different, disliking the Mapo Tofu Priest seemed to be a part of Miss Rin's nature.

"You'll have to ask Grandpa Risei why he agreed," Shinji shrugged. "Or you can ask your dad."

Kirei Kotomine's joining the crew was entirely due to their suggestions.

A few days before filming began, Shinji went to the Tohsaka residence to finalize filming matters with Tokiomi when he "coincidentally" met Elder Risei Kotomine.

Tokiomi Tohsaka "happened" to mention to Risei Kotomine Shinji's plan to expand the influence of Mages through film and television.

Then, the elder "coincidentally" suggested that his son, Kirei Kotomine, had a lot of free time after taking over as the priest of the Fuyuki City Church, and hoped Shinji would give him a role out of consideration for their families' relationship.

Although Shinji, with both his lives combined, was not over 40 years old and far from being a seasoned veteran, this little fox clearly saw through the schemes of Tokiomi Tohsaka and Risei Kotomine, two old foxes.

Simply put, Elder Risei, based on his understanding of Shinji, judged that Shinji had a good chance of success. At the same time, the elder believed that once Shinji succeeded, it would bring significant benefits to Mages.

Thinking that the church could also benefit, Risei Kotomine decided to join Shinji's plan and took the initiative to ask Tokiomi Tohsaka to help him set up this situation for Shinji.

However, the elder was indeed bold. After Shinji stated that the main actors had already been cast, he actually offered to have Kirei Kotomine play the role of the supervisor from the Mage's Association.

"Shinji, you don't need to worry about your Grandpa Risei's feelings. Just write Kirei into the script according to the requirements."

Recalling Risei Kotomine's chest-thumping, hearty demeanor at the time, Shinji felt a pang in his stomach.

What was the point of him spending three days and three nights revising the script?

"Forget it, let's leave it at that," Shinji patted his butt and stood up. "Hurry up and infuse the remaining artificial jewels with magic, we still need them for filming this afternoon."

Although he was a little apprehensive about the Mapo Tofu Priest's sales pitch, Shinji had no intention of replacing the actor. Because ever since Kirei Kotomine became addicted to promoting tofu, he seemed to have unlocked some incredible switch, and his performance as the joyful priest was truly lifelike.

As for the tofu promotion, Shinji felt that if he was careful, he wouldn't fall for it... probably?

The crew was scheduled to film an action scene in the afternoon, which was the most crucial final battle at Ryuudou Temple in the entire movie.

As I said before, the most important thing in a commercial film is the "money shot." To ensure the best possible results, Shinji put a lot of effort into this part.

Before filming, Shinji even asked several actors to rehearse the action scenes and determine the fixed positions for several moves in advance.

It couldn't be helped. Although artificial jewels didn't require wiring to detonate and were cheaper than traditional explosions.

It still took a lot of effort to bury the jewels in the set's scenery. To prevent pointless NGs, Shinji decided to rehearse in advance.

However, the results of the rehearsal didn't satisfy Shinji.

The reason...

"Cut. Hey, hey, hey, you over there! Can you put a little more effort into it?! This is a very important rehearsal!"

Shinji, holding his directing megaphone, shouted at a certain golden figure.

"Huh? What did you say?"

On set, Gilgamesh picked at his ear with his little finger and responded dismissively.

Chapter 11 Gilgamesh: You're telling me what to do?

Shinji pursed his lips, tapping his fingers lightly on the armrest of his director's chair, his face full of helplessness.

Gilgamesh, standing in the center of the set, crossed his arms, glaring majestically at Shinji.

"I'm saying, Gilgamesh,"

After the two stared at each other for a while, Shinji spoke, suppressing his anger.

"Can you perform according to my script? It's difficult for me to proceed when you do whatever you please."

Gilgamesh stated matter-of-factly, "Why? By what right should this King perform according to your demands?"

"Tsk."