True Self, Unbound

"Xue Ding, you nearly lost control just now. You still need to cultivate your state of mind. Never let demonic thoughts enter your mind. The Patriarch's situation should serve as a warning."

After the Quanzhen Sect and the Wang family left, the Sect Leader Celestial Master admonished Xue Ding.

"This disciple understands," Xue Ding replied quietly and respectfully. Under Feng Qi's provocation, he really had felt murderous intent and nearly lost control, almost drawing his sword to strike Feng Qi down. As the Senior Disciple Brother of Celestial Master Temple, doing something like that would have been disastrous.

But...

"Master, they'll be back in three days. When the time comes, this disciple..." Xue Ding hesitated, unsure what to say or do. Should he draw his sword?

"You don't need to worry about that. The most important thing for you is to suppress your demonic thoughts."

"Xue Ding, you are the Senior Disciple Brother of Celestial Master Temple, and an example to all the other disciples. If you fall prey to demonic thoughts, what a disgrace that would be."

Xue Ding looked up and said solemnly, "Don't worry, Master. I will never let Celestial Master Temple become a laughingstock."

"Good. As long as you understand."

Watching his master and the other disciples walk away, Xue Ding stood alone and looked down at the Celestial Master Sword in his hands once more, a trace of confusion appearing in his eyes.

He had promised his master that he would restrain his demonic thoughts and set himself straight. But deep down, Xue Ding was lost.

He hated himself for being unable to draw his sword.

If he could, he would have subdued Feng Qi, and Celestial Master Temple would not be in such a passive position.

The Patriarch was currently injured and recuperating after suffering cultivation deviation. Outsiders still knew nothing about it. When the Quanzhen Sect and the Wang family returned in three days, what could Celestial Master Temple use to defend itself? Would they really have to surrender their mountain gate?

Looking at the mountains all around, Xue Ding suddenly turned and headed back to Yuan Tianzong's wooden cabin instead of returning to the temple. He went alone.

Meanwhile, inside the wooden cabin.

Yuan Tianzong sat cross-legged beneath the moonlight, hundreds of pieces of gravel floating around him. Each piece was wrapped in true qi, following its own path as it circled his body.

To replicate the forty-nine thousand white streaks in the nameless scripture, he needed to improve his control over his true qi. So he immediately began training.

Genius wasn't frightening.

What was frightening was when a genius worked harder than you and was more devoted to his path.

That was Yuan Tianzong: a man wholly obsessed with pursuing the Great Dao of cultivation.

Suddenly, the suspended gravel dropped to the ground all at once.

Yuan Tianzong stopped cultivating and looked toward Celestial Master Temple, waiting quietly.

A few minutes later, Xue Ding appeared in view.

"Why have you come back?" Yuan Tianzong asked.

Xue Ding stepped forward, raised his hands, and bowed. "Senior Yuan, I lied to you earlier. I really have practiced saber techniques."

Yuan Tianzong did not respond. He guessed there was more to the matter and waited for Xue Ding to explain everything.

"There's a major problem with my saber technique—demonic thoughts."

Demonic thoughts?

Yuan Tianzong nodded. "Go on."

"Demonic thoughts are different from cultivation deviation. They..."

Yuan Tianzong interrupted him. "I know more about demonic thoughts than you do. No need to explain. Tell me about your saber technique."

Hearing this, a glimmer of hope rose in Xue Ding's heart. Since Yuan Tianzong understood demonic thoughts, perhaps he really could help him break through the mental barrier and clear away the confusion.

"Senior Yuan, whenever I hold a saber, the demonic thoughts in my heart break free. The uncontrollable urge to kill is enough to shatter my mind. That's the root of the problem."

Yuan Tianzong nodded.

Demonic thoughts and cultivation deviation were different.

Cultivation deviation usually occurred when true qi went berserk inside the body, attacking the nerves and meridians and muddling one's thoughts until one became like a madman.

When true qi went berserk and rampaged through the body, the pain was unbearable.

That pain could make someone suffering from cultivation deviation become violent and want to vent their anger.

That was why most people who suffered cultivation deviation became irritable and bloodthirsty.

Demonic thoughts were different.

When demonic thoughts took hold, the person remained clearheaded and knew exactly what they were doing.

If you wanted to know what demonic thoughts really were, someone during the Dharma-ending era had offered an explanation: demonic thoughts were a second personality—in other words, a symptom of dissociative identity disorder.

"You experienced some kind of extreme trauma in the past, didn't you?"

Xue Ding's pupils trembled slightly, as though he were recalling something. After hesitating for a while, he nodded firmly. He was just about to confess when Yuan Tianzong raised his hand and stopped him again.

"You don't need to tell me what happened."

"Your demonic thoughts came from that experience. They're part of your mind and can't be removed."

Xue Ding's heart sank. Even Yuan Tianzong said so. He felt there was no hope for him at all, and the hand gripping his sword trembled slightly.

When his demonic thoughts took hold, the moment he held a saber, his killing urge would grow without limit, and he couldn't control his desire to kill.

In that state, how could he be worthy of the righteous Celestial Master Sword? How could he serve as the Senior Disciple Brother of Celestial Master Temple...?

"Even a distorted true self is still your true self. Your demonic thoughts are part of your mind. You can't remove them, and you can't suppress them forever—not unless you die."

"Facing yourself is the right answer."

Xue Ding, who had already despaired, abruptly looked up at those words. "Senior Yuan, what do you mean?"

"Face your true self, and you can become your true self. Forget about whether you call them demonic thoughts or not. Names can make people afraid, but all that's wrong with you is your mind. You have a bit of a split personality, that's all."

"For ordinary people, a few visits to a therapist and some medication would be enough to manage it."

"But in the cultivation world, demonic thoughts might not be a bad thing."

"I once met someone else with a condition like yours. He came up with a method and created a martial art based on it, called the Demon Subduing Heart Sutra."

That man was one of the few friends Yuan Tianzong had during the Dharma-ending era. He had gone through a complicated childhood, developed a split personality, and become somewhat obsessive.

Xue Ding's face lit up with delight, and he dropped to his knees on the spot. "Senior Yuan, I... I... I..."

"If you want to learn it, just say so. I'm a wandering cultivator. I don't insist that people become my disciple before I teach them."

Xue Ding replied emphatically, "Senior Yuan, I want to learn!"

"Good. The idea behind this sutra is simple. First, you have to accept your distorted true self. Don't burden yourself with any misgivings. You need to be at peace with your thoughts."

"In a word, even if everyone calls you a pervert, you must believe that you're normal and they're the strange ones."

Xue Ding was confused. "What should I do?"

"What's bothering you most right now?"

Xue Ding immediately thought of Feng Qi's face. A flash of murderous intent passed through his eyes. "I want to kill someone."

"Then go kill him," Yuan Tianzong answered calmly.

The teachings Xue Ding had received since childhood at Celestial Master Temple made him instinctively resist the idea. "As the Senior Disciple Brother of Celestial Master Temple, how can I kill someone without any reason?"

"There's no reason? Then why do you want to kill him?"

Xue Ding thought it over and said, "The reason isn't good enough. It's not worth a life."

"He's distracting you, muddling your thoughts, obstructing your cultivation, and throwing you off your path. Isn't that reason enough?" Yuan Tianzong couldn't understand. "Do you know the first step in cultivating the Demon Subduing Heart Sutra?"

"What is it?"

"Let your true self out. You have to understand that it's on your side, not your enemy. You're the one who pushed it into opposition."

Xue Ding was still hesitating.

Yuan Tianzong sighed helplessly. "Xue Ding, the path of cultivation is full of hardships. It's like walking through pitch darkness, unable to see your hand in front of your face. If you can't even trust yourself, if you're constantly at war with yourself and afraid you've chosen the wrong direction and will step into the abyss, how can you stride forward?"

"You're afraid that once you start killing, you'll become a demon who slaughters everyone."

"When you're no longer afraid of that, you'll discover another world."

"If you're devoted to doing good and steadfast in your resolve, then whether you save someone or kill them, you're still doing good. Understand?"

"True self, unbound; thoughts flowing freely. Understand?"