Uncle, Are You Robbing Me?

"Congratulations, dear nephew! My heartfelt congratulations!"

Lei Heng had barely left when Li Yan's old face blossomed into a chrysanthemum of a smile. He sidled up to Fang Mo with such warmth, you'd think Fang Mo was the son he'd lost years ago.

"For someone so young, you've already become a Junior Officer. You've got a bright future ahead of you, a bright future indeed! From now on, we'll have to look out for each other here in the Divine Capital, won't we?"

Before Fang Mo could even exchange pleasantries, Wang Youan beside him rolled his eyes in open disdain.

"All right, all right. Quit putting on this act of a loving father and filial son."

Wang Youan plopped back down on the bench, which let out a groan under the strain. He rolled his eyes and snapped at Li Yan, "Old Li, how many times have I told you? Stop scheming against people when there's nothing to gain. Go out and get some sun for once. You spend all day acting like some old schemer. Aren't you worried your wife will make you sleep in the woodshed when you get home?"

The smile froze on Li Yan's face, then it flushed the color of pig liver. He pointed at Wang Youan's nose and cursed, "Fatty Wang! Do you know how to talk? I'm a civil official! Civil officials are supposed to strategize from behind the scenes. What's this nonsense about wetting your pants? How vulgar!"

"You've got a lot of nerve saying that to me! Everyone in the Heavenly Prison knows you're the one who's most afraid of his wife, Fatty Wang. Didn't you get made to kneel on the washboard again last month?"

Wang Youan's old face reddened, and he stiffened his neck. "That's called treating each other with respect! What do you know?"

He turned and saw Fang Mo watching the show with an amused expression. Instantly, his temper flared, and he glared at him.

"What are you looking at? Have you no respect for your elders?"

Fang Mo looked innocent. "Uncle Wang, I didn't say anything. Why are you glaring at me?"

"Enough backtalk! You little brat, come with me!"

Muttering curses, Wang Youan rose and dragged Fang Mo toward the storeroom in the corner. As he passed Li Yan, he made sure to give a heavy snort.

The storeroom was piled high with moldy straw mats and chairs with broken legs. The air reeked of decay.

Wang Youan shoved Fang Mo against the wall, then brought his greasy, oversized face close and sniffed all over him like a dog.

"Sniff—sniff—"

Fang Mo broke out in goose bumps. He pushed the big face away, looking horrified. "Uncle, if you have something to say, just say it. Don't go putting your hands all over me. If anyone sees this, I'll never live it down!"

"Bah! You care about your reputation?" Wang Youan glared and lowered his voice to a growl. "Did you go to Yihong Pavilion again last night, you little rascal? You reek of face powder. It's only because my rhinitis is acting up that I can't smell you from three miles away!"

Fang Mo's heart skipped a beat.

Is this fat bastard a dog or something? I washed up and even changed my clothes. How can he still smell it?

"Uncle, you're accusing an innocent man." Fang Mo looked utterly wronged. "I bumped into a young lady selling rouge on the way here. Honestly."

"Cut the crap," Wang Youan interrupted. "If your aunt catches the smell, I'll be the one who suffers too. Don't you know she's allergic to the smell of places like that?"

Fang Mo rolled his eyes. Allergic? More like allergic to you spending money.

Wang Youan didn't dwell on the subject. His expression darkened, and the little eyes that were usually narrowed to slits now gleamed sharply.

"That old bastard Lei Heng is up to no good."

Fang Mo dropped his playful act and nodded. "I could tell. He's putting me on the spot."

"Good that you know it." Wang Youan snorted. "As for what happened to Gu Yichuan, I don't care whether you did it or not. Remember, bandits did it. It has nothing to do with you—not even half a copper coin's worth. Understand?"

Warmth stirred in Fang Mo's heart. The fat bastard might be greedy, lecherous, and afraid of his wife, but he'd never let down the son of an old friend.

If they weren't in the Heavenly Prison, he probably would've sold Fang Mo for drinking money long ago.

"This nephew understands." Fang Mo cupped his hands. "Soldiers come to block; water comes to earth. I'm no pushover, either."

Seeing that Fang Mo had taken his words to heart, Wang Youan's expression softened a little. He reached into his robes, pulled out a paper packet, and took out a handful of sunflower seeds. As he cracked them between his teeth, he said indistinctly:

"Life in the Punishment Department won't be as easy as it was in the Heavenly Prison. The people there are rotten to the core. Since Lei Heng promoted you, he definitely won't give you any decent subordinates. He'll either plant spies or saddle you with a few troublemakers."

Fang Mo frowned. "Then what do I do? I can't get anything done as a commander with no one under me."

"Hmph. Where there's life, there's a way!" Wang Youan spat out a sunflower-seed shell and, without a care, wiped it on the wall. "If he tells you to go find people yourself, just go along with it. I've got a few candidates in mind. You can take them with you then."

Fang Mo stared at Wang Youan in surprise, sizing up the mound of flesh.

"Uncle Wang, you have connections like that? Aren't you in the prison all day collecting money?"

Wang Youan shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. He gave a couple of dry coughs and stuck out his belly, which looked ready to burst his belt. "What kind of look is that? A man can have old students and friends, can't he? Your Uncle Wang, back in the day, was also... Ahem. I also made my way in the jianghu."

Fang Mo looked at Wang Youan, his expression turning a little strange.

Old students and friends?

In this lightless Heavenly Prison, weren't his so-called old students and friends all just prisoners?