The End of the Volume: Two Old Bastards

Wood Plark: "Do you often fall asleep while traveling by car?"

Luo Ping'an: "No, I'm not sleepy."

Wood: "But you can barely keep your eyes open."

Luo Ping'an: "Because of road noise."

Wood: "Road noise? You mean car tire noise? That's very soothing?"

Luo Ping'an: "Indeed."

Wood: "That's definitely a bit hypnotic. I often drive long distances, and once the train starts moving..."

Luo Ping'an interrupted, "It's just like the pitter-patter of raindrops."

Wood: "I remember quite a few people calling this white noise, saying it helps you sleep."

Luo Ping'an: "Yes, that's exactly what I mean."

"But we're riding in a carriage," Wood said, giving the Daoist priest beside him a meaningful look. "Carriages also have tire noise?"

"Dinosaur roar, dinosaur roar." Luo Ping'an leaned against the car window. "That's the sound."

Wood: "I don't think so."

Luo Ping'an: "Why? I have no reason to lie to you."

Wood: "Because I saw it too."

Luo Ping'an: "What do you see?"

Wood: "On the right side of the motorcade just now, that was the escort chief's daughter."

Luo Ping'an: "Cough"

Wood: "A woman in her thirties, very open and sexy, wearing a dress. A fishtail skirt with flesh-colored stockings, I could see her clearly—no wonder you were squinting and tilting your head the whole time."

Luo Ping'an said solemnly, "This humble Daoist priest has no such thoughts."

Wood: "Shall we change the subject?"

Luo Ping'an: "I'm really sleepy."

Wood: "Shall we switch seats?"

Luo Ping'an: "That's not necessary."

After a while, Mr. Ping An spoke.

"Okay, let's change the subject."

Wood: "I also like looking at beautiful women. At first, my wife would pull my ear."

Luo Ping'an: "Hmm."

Wood: "Later I told her that when we go out for a walk, if I see a handsome guy, I'll pull her over too—everyone needs to have an eye for beauty."

Luo Ping'an: "Excellent."

"At first I didn't admit it either. Like the Daoist priest, I was tired and sleepy, so I used that as an excuse to peek—because I was afraid my wife would have to perform brain surgery on me." Wood asked curiously, "The Daoist priest doesn't have a wife or partner, so why did you still peek secretly?"

Luo Ping'an replied seriously, "Because of an old friend."

"Oh," Wood said, only half understanding. "I'd like to hear more."

"Here you go." Luo Ping'an first took out two pipes from his bundle, handed them to Wood, and lit them for the two of them—smoke began to billow out of the carriage window.

I used to have a good friend.

"My name is Ping An, and his name is Chang Sheng."

"I started my business in the Wuling Mountain, working hard with Fugui and a group of brothers."

"After inheriting the Taiyi Xuan Sect's Rootless Tree lineage, everything must start from scratch."

"The earliest local specialties of Wuling Mountain were glutinous rice fish balls, camellia oil, daylily, and salt—except for salt, which was a sensitive and special commodity, the other materials could be transported by water to distant places to sell. They could be stored for a long time."

"I asked Fugui to go out and look for business opportunities, but he's afraid to go alone, so he wants me to be his bodyguard."

" On the Dongdu Port, on a wine street in the Yamitlan Continent, I met Changsheng."

Wood: "Wait, does that mean this 'Chang Sheng' is a friend you made halfway through your entrepreneurial journey?"

Luo Ping'an: "That's right."

Wood: "Wasn't he the one who started this business with you in the mountain gates?"

Luo Ping'an: "Just fair-weather friends."

Wood: "What does that have to do with you peeking at pretty girls?"

Luo Ping'an: "It's very important, don't worry."

"And so," Luo Ping'an continued.

"On my first day working on the ship in Amitlan, Changsheng left me behind in a bar. There were lots of foreign girls there," Luo Ping'an described. "Fugui ran away. He said seeing foreign girls reminded him of his mother—he's a blond, blue-eyed fake foreigner who's never seen his parents and doesn't want to communicate with his own kind; he has a psychological barrier."

Wood: "Oh"

"Chang Sheng found me. The two of us leaned against the bar, drinking and watching beautiful women," Luo Ping'an described vividly. "That was the first time I'd ever seen so many."

He held his arms loosely, his eyes darting around.

"A scantily clad, curvaceous young woman."

"Back then, I was young and impetuous, full of youthful vigor, and I couldn't handle that kind of shock."

"I've got my eye on one right away! Right across from my bar, a blue-eyed girl wearing traditional Lenon Country clothing, a plaid skirt and overalls, with freckles on her face. I told Changsheng."

"Wow! This girl is gorgeous!"

Luo Ping'an's face turned sour.

"Guess what? Lord Wood?"

Wood: "Hmm?"

"Chang Sheng rushed up to the girl, immediately grabbed her local post office number, and then started flirting with this Lenon Country young lady." Luo Ping'an shrugged nonchalantly. "I said OK! OK! Okay! Anything is fine!"

"After the girl accepted the date and went back to change into something more formal, I privately told Changsheng in detail—this is the girl I've got my eye on."

"Chang Sheng immediately apologized—Oh! I didn't mean it, Brother Ping An."

"Then, I found another target. I had asked Fugui before, but he was too honest to come to bars—so I asked him directly."

"The wealthy prefer women who are more mature; they don't care about looks, they care about figure and buttocks."

"I noticed one with a really nice butt shape, and I thought to myself..."

"It's such a pity that wealth and honor can't come, but I can't let myself feel regret."

"I have to help Fugui out and let him experience the nightlife of Amitlan."

Wood: "Your brother is truly loyal."

"Hey, Mr. Wood, guess what?" Luo Ping'an said, half-laughing and half-sulking, "Before I could even ask her for her number, Brother Changsheng rushed over and invited her to see the lanterns in Chinatown that night. And the girl happily ran home to change her clothes."

"I was so angry at the time, I even started swearing in Chinese."

"I asked him, ' Li Changsheng! Why are you so eager to pick up foreign women? And why do you like to snatch food from the jaws of death?'"

Changsheng looked completely innocent, saying it was a curse he was born with.

"When I heard there was such a curse? Of course I didn't believe it."

Wood: "Where did you hear such a bizarre curse? Did you get hit by a Soul Might attack? This guy is just bullying you, thinking you're not proactive enough. You're from Xiabang, aren't you? Always going around in circles! So awkward!"

"Lord Wood, it really isn't what you think." Luo Ping'an shook his head, his expression serious. "Back then, the medical department in the sect, which is one of my good brothers from the Five Elements Sect, specifically reminded me—I have a demon in my heart."

"The more I thought about it, the more uneasy I felt, so I went back to the hotel to rest that night."

"In the middle of the night, my little right..."

At this point, Luo Ping'an rolled up his sleeves, revealing his right hand—

--This arm is Daoist Master Ping'an magic weapon, and also a woman's primordial essence.

During his journey to the Shinto City, Jiang Xueming had seen this arm before. It was fair-skinned, like a woman's, with long, slender fingers and delicate skin.

This is also Luo Ping'an's source of spiritual energy. This immortal did not originally have such strong spiritual energy. By a twist of fate, he was possessed by a demon. This demon wanted to seize Ping'an's body and used this arm to seduce Ping'an—ultimately turning it into a mutually beneficial parasitic relationship.

"When I returned to the inn, I saw Miyu had transformed back into human form and was waiting for me in the room."

Luo Ping'an described it.

"Originally, this arm often affected my mind, and a blurry figure would appear in my dreams. This female demon was initially sealed in a magical coffin made of golden nanmu wood. When I went to carry the coffin, I accidentally let her possess me—and in the end, I lost an arm, so this arm became hers."

"I never expected to run into her at the hotel while on a business trip on a ship."

"She smelled strangely of alcohol, and I lost my composure and immediately went to hug her."

Luo Ping'an's tone was terrifying and chilling.

"But in the mirror, my face isn't my own."

"That's clearly Li Changsheng's face, and what he's holding isn't a beautiful woman. It's not my Xiaoyou."

"It's a rotting corpse."

Wood: "Tsk tsk tsk, how strange."

"I was so startled that I jumped up and down. When I came to my senses, I realized there was no one else in the room. They had all disappeared in the blink of an eye," Luo Ping'an described. "It seems it was just my inner demons acting up. I quickly went to ask Fugui if he had seen Li Changsheng."

"Fugui said, 'You're having another episode? Let's just assume you are! You've been talking about this person for the past few days, and it wouldn't be good if I said you weren't. I've never seen him before, so go look for him elsewhere.'"

"It was only then that it dawned on me—it was me asking for numbers at the bar, it was me asking girls out, it was me asking people for zip codes and leaving contact information."

"The female demon inside me must be angry, so she conjured up a Li Changsheng to play tricks on me. She'll also transform into some strange, rotting corpses to scare me."

Luo Ping'an said with a grin--

"--How could I openly admit to peeping at pretty girls? What if she gets upset?"

Wood: "So, your right hand is like your empress?"

"Hey! Let's not talk about such strange things." Luo Ping'an said firmly, "My heart has always belonged only to Xiao You. She is the teacher's wife of all my students, and there is only one."

Wood asked curiously, "What size shoes does the escort chief's daughter have?"

Luo Ping'an spoke the truth with complete confidence, replying, "Size 42. She has big feet and doesn't have the habit of foot binding; I could tell at a glance."

Before he could finish speaking, Mr. Ping An involuntarily raised his right hand and slapped the Daoist priest hard across the face, almost making his nose bleed.

"I believe it," Wood exclaimed. "It's outrageous!"

Just then, a small head peeked through the carriage curtain. It was a disciple of Luo Ping'an from the Wuling Mountain lineage.

"Master! We're almost at Black Wind Ridge! The road is difficult! We'll have to get off and climb the mountain!"

Mr. Ping An still had a red mark on his face, and he couldn't explain anything to his apprentice. He couldn't very well say that Wood had slapped him, could he? That would be too much of a shock.

He glared at Wood with annoyance.

Wood whistled, knowing that Luo Ping'an was just that kind of person—he would tell the truth and never want to lie. Even if it meant getting slapped, he had to express his inner desires.

After getting off the vehicle, the two, along with their young apprentice, first thanked the caravan leader, paid the toll, and then headed towards Black Wind Ridge.

Ping An started the conversation. "Lord Wood, I've told you about my inner demons. Do you have any concerns about that?"

"It's hard to say," Wood replied casually.

Luo Ping'an: "Is it that you find it difficult to say, or that you dare not say?"

Wood: "Both."

Luo Ping'an: "That won't do. If you try to avoid it and be afraid of it, won't it just become even stronger?"

Wood: "You really want to hear this?"

Luo Ping'an: "I also want to help Lord Wood. I really enjoy helping people dispel superstitions; otherwise, I wouldn't be able to get along with the BOSS."

"Uh," Wood scratched his head, seeing that he still had several miles of mountain road to climb before reaching Black Wind Town, and then brought up the matter. "Actually, I have two inner demons that I dare not face."

Luo Ping'an: "Tell me, let's see if I can slay this extraterrestrial demon."

"When I was a child, I came from the mortal world," Wood recounted his story. "I was also a time traveler, you know that concept?"

Luo Ping'an: "I know a little bit about it. You're not from this era?"

Wood: "I came here in 1986, but through a time travel, I went back to Lennon's kingdom a long, long time ago, and traveled from the mortal world to Shambhala —with modern memories, to a wild and primitive continent."

"Your wife mentioned this, and the BOSS also said so," Luo Ping'an sighed. "It hasn't been easy for Lord Wood to live to this day so smoothly. He is now a representative of the Philosopher Foundation and an important member of the An Li Hui's department on psionic affairs."

"Hey! Let's get back to this inner demon." Wood continued, "Before I transmigrated, I was just a stupid college student, back when I was fifteen or sixteen."

"I have a Grandfather. My grandmother passed away early, and I was a left-behind child. My Grandfather raised me."

"One year, I was admitted to a key high school in the city. As the year drew to a close, I knew I would soon be studying in the city. So I discussed with a childhood friend, since I was no longer living with my Grandfather —we wanted to do something special to repay his kindness in raising Grandfather."

Luo Ping'an nodded. "That's a good thing."

Wood continued, "My childhood friend and I were only fifteen or sixteen years old at the time. We got together and decided to rent DVDs from the video store and show them to my Grandfather at home."

Luo Ping'an: "Hmm."

Wood: "Then, damn it, the two of us took over thirty erotic photos back with him. We said it was for Grandfather to improve his blood circulation and remove blood stasis."

"Huh?!" Luo Ping'an didn't understand.

Wood: "I remember my Grandfather was really happy and kept praising us for being filial. But later, when I grew up and was about to go to college, I realized that something was wrong."

Luo Ping'an: "That does seem a bit off."

Wood: "Later on, Grandfather kept asking me if we still had any of these. He was an old man and it wasn't easy for him to go to video stores; he was too embarrassed. I was in college and didn't have a chance to go back and get them for him. Even when he couldn't walk anymore, he was still thinking about these things. He was too old to be upset, and in the end, I passed away peacefully without fulfilling his wish—this is one of my inner demons."

After he finished speaking, Luo Ping'an didn't dare to reply.

Wood: "How about I find a chance to burn some?"

Luo Ping'an: "You are indeed a filial son, you can give it a try."

Wood: "You mean this spans hundreds of years of time? Will he even be able to receive it?"

Luo Ping'an: "Did you later go to the mortal world to visit your relatives?"

Wood: "I went there, but I didn't find my own family. I knew then that I must have traveled to another universe. For example, the original universe was the one where I showed my Grandfather porn. This universe doesn't have my Grandfather, porn, or even my family. From ancient times to 1986, there was no one like me in the FE33031 multiverse. I've been researching this all along."

It was precisely because Wood was particularly interested in time travel that he possessed the ability to defeat FE204863.

"Wait a minute." Luo Ping'an suddenly felt the pressure. "Could we discuss the other inner demon first?"

"Alright, I'll continue." Wood adjusted his sunglasses seriously. "Actually, it's also related to movies."

Luo Ping'an: "This time it's not for Grandfather to see?"

Wood: "I saw it myself."

Luo Ping'an: "Okay, please continue."

Wood: "You know about the movie <Alien>, Master?"

Luo Ping'an: "I've been a fangirl for ages, you think I don't know this stuff?"

Wood: "Yes, my inner demons."

"Huh?" Luo Ping'an was confused. "You're afraid of monsters? You're afraid of the alien creatures in this <Alien>?"

Wood: "No, that's not right."

Luo Ping'an: "That"

At this moment, Luo Ping'an clearly sensed that something was wrong.

Wood's expression was serious, and his attitude was upright.

"When I was thirteen, the video store happened to have a dubbed version of <Alien>."

Luo Ping'an: "So you can't avoid this video store, is that it?"

"They say inner demons are cultivated from childhood," Wood explained impatiently. "Don't interrupt me. Childhood trauma, childhood trauma, right? When you grow up and lose all sense of shame, what trauma can you possibly have? The hardest things to overcome are money, life, and power!"

"For someone like you, Daoist Master, to be unable to overcome even one 'color' is already quite good."

Luo Ping'an: "Let's talk about the video store instead."

"Actually, it's very simple," Wood said seriously. "I was thirteen years old at the time, doing crafts while watching this movie."

Luo Ping'an's brain paused for a moment.

"Are you saying what I understand? To Sigourney Weaver?"

Wood: "No."

Luo Ping'an: "Oh."

Wood: "When you grow up, you'll find these things utterly bizarre and outrageous. But when you think about it, it all seems perfectly reasonable for a child to do such things—after all, I don't have parents or manners."

Luo Ping'an: "Don't think of me as someone who doesn't need to think about it carefully, don't say that. I consider myself perfectly normal."

Wood shook his finger, looking completely innocent.

"So later I started to wonder, how could I have done such strange things when I was a child? Did I have a psychological problem? Am I really a normal person? It was my inner demon—this shadow can only remain in childhood, and it has always affected my personality."

Luo Ping'an: "That's true."

Wood: "No wonder I thought showing Grandfather porn would improve his blood circulation. No, this is too bizarre, too strange, I can't think about it anymore."

At that moment, the two saw the sign for Black Wind Town.

A handsome monk in white robes and black kasaya sensed the spiritual pressure and came out early to greet them.

"Teacher Wood." Jiang Xueming wasted no time, still tidying up some of his spoils.

Wood, with his sharp eyes, immediately asked, "What's in this winnowing basket?"

Luo Ping'an led his disciple forward for a closer look. "Oh! It contains the essence of a demon!"

Jiang Xueming retrieved the magical artifacts of the Hundred Eyes Great King. These essences were the Soul Dissolving Sword that Judas had shattered. He wanted to see if this thing was still useful, since other magical artifacts were considered as incarnation Buddhist tools, and could still be effective even after the physical body died.

After being sorted through layers of spinning nets and bamboo baskets, some fine sand and bone powder leaked out, while the magnets attracted away the copper-iron alloy portion.

"This is the Hundred Eyes Great King's magic weapon. Perhaps it can still work, revealing the deepest fears and inner demons within a person."

Before he finished speaking, Xue Ming stood up carrying a large basin.

When I turned around again, there was no one left to see.